Thursday, February 8th, 2001

RJB Telcom Responds To Epoch

Bob Botto writes: Let me start by saying this will be brief as we are in negotiations with Epoch.

Daniel Steinberg's accusations of the comments coming from the RJB camp is senile dementia setting in. Nice try Daniel.

Daniel Steinberg's remark "Also, Bob Botto knows that we were very sympathetic to their problems" could not be further from the truth. In my opinion, Epoch was never sympathetic. Deep inside Daniel may have felt sympathetic towards us but as we found out he has no say at Epoch. Nothing personal as Daniel means well.

Oh, and Daniel was so sympathetic that he lied to us about turning ACH [check processing] back on! If bulls--- were electricity Daniel, then ...well...let's say California wouldn't have any power problems till the end of time.

"We suspended RJB's checking, accordingly. To this day, our ACH bank is glad that we did." (shut them off). But Daniel, they were also OK with turning us back on for several weeks after that. So which was it? Were they happy or sad? And how did you protect the other clients by shutting us down?

"RJB also implied in that post that we had not paid them on their ACH business for a month prior to their FTC injunction". Last payout we received before the FTC was for the first week of October. Let me correct that, last payout we received was for the first week of October.

"Jettis principals also owned a company that was RJB's biggest reseller" Inaccurate.

Now as for Fred....he is close to on the money on the amount of $$, on the money with us getting a letter from the FTC giving Epoch clearance to process checks and them refusing, on the money with the statement about "holding the gun to their heads" and the legal terms described. As for everything else I have no idea and therefore cannot comment on it.

If Daniel would send the money he rightfully owes us, I wouldn't have to be summoned here to respond to the book that you wrote.

XXX says: If RJBT has been a victim of rogue webmasters, as alleged in the FTC case against RJBT, wouldn't RJBT go after some of these rogue webmasters? Has RJBT sued any of them?

Yanky writes: Luke I make 10 sales every day, have done so for over 4 years now. After 4 months to allow the recurring to level out, Epoch pays me a consistent $2,500 per week on 10 sales per day, with a 1% chargeback rate. After 4 months to allow the recurring to level out, CCBill pays me a consistent $950 per week on the same 10 sales per day, with a near zero chargeback rate.

Clearly, Epoch is playing much closer to the fire than CCBill is, but the payback is very good. They pay me twice what CCBill does. Will I take the risk that Epoch will f--- up and go down? Absolutely. Even if I knew they'd go under at the end of the year, I'd still rather process with Epoch for a year than process with CCBill for 2 years. But I don't think they're going anywhere. They're smart. Smart enough to play close to the fire, pay me twice as much, and still keep chargebacks down to acceptable levels.

Another Epoch story: One of my affiliates told me that he still has 30 members on Epoch even though he hasn't processed with them for 12 months. He also has 30 CCBill members, but that's after sending all his traffic to them for the past 12 months! Give me Epoch any day.

Frank writes: Luke, keep this anon, but my understanding is that CEN was suing the f--- out of epoch as well. Ask Steinberg to explain in simple english why every other billing processor can get checks out on time and pay back all reserves but epoch can't. The new contracts they're trying to force you to sign are simple robbery, and I would be happy to fax you a copy. They want to give you back a portion of your reserves spread over a period of three months in exchange for signing this piece of s---, which is basically just a giant indemnification for Epoch about paying the rest of your reserve. You have to give up the right to sue for your money in order to get ANY of the money they owe you. I told them to stick it up their ass and pay me. I suspect that the reason they're so far behind in getting out their regular payments is so that webmasters will be hard up enough for cash that they HAVE to sign the contract.

I'm going to sue the s--- out of epoch as soon as I find an attorney to take the case. Every time I talk to any well known web savvy attorney they've already done work for epoch and it would be a conflict of interest. I hear they're all driving Ferraris with webmaster money...

James Avalon - Mormon Missionary

A former Mormon missionary with a degree in film from Brigham Young university, Kent Smith now makes movies for Metro under the name James Avalon. He's worked in the industry for over 20 years in various capacities.

Avalon is an accomplished rock climber and writes bizarre science fiction.

Luke F-rd And His Friends

Lynne L-patin writes Quasarman: My friend Goddess, knowing of my interest in all furry animals, directed me to your site this a.m. Thanks for the picture of the little guy...cute. But why isn't MY site, l-keford.com, listed under links? Are you having disagreements with my less-than-better half? Regards, Lynne L-patin

Quasarman replies: I have no disagreements with Luke F-rd. We have a love hate relationship. He loves me and I hate him. Actually, I don't "hate"him at all, it's just that his staggering degree of mental illness drudges up fears within my own psyche that there but for the grace of God go I. Having read of your almost stalker-like obsession with Dave Hardman on l-keford.com it comes as no surprsise to me that l-keford.com is YOUR site. I have sometimes wondered if you and Luke share the same pharmacist. At any rate I suggest tempering the akathisia produced by the anti-depressants you both use with one or more of the potent benzodiazapene tranquilzers such as Klonopin or Ativan. These help reduce the desire to kill as well as reducing the potential for suicide. Sadly they do nothing to protect against the desire to ramble incoherently about judaism as it relates to pornography. I've provided no link to l-keford.com because quite frankly the moderate amount of traffic I receive would be of little interest to him and also because I know that one day without warning some scandalous allegation about me will appear there.

Why So Many Retractions?

Devoto writes: Luke, Can you please explain to me why it is that so much of your site does NOT contain gossip (as the flesh-peddlers would have you believe) but rather, it contains MANY, MANY demands for retractions. For every one line of "gossip" your site contains, there are five lines of "proof" offered by the so-called VICTIM of the gossip to prove otherwise. Take, for example, this Epoch situation. Someone states they believe they are "going under" and WHAM, your site is inundated with arguments "proving" otherwise. There are COUNTLESS other examples that appear on your site under this category. Could it be the case that they are PROTESTING too MUCH? If the rumors are so outlandish and preposterous, why would one need to DIGNIFY them with a response? Perhaps, as flesh peddlers they feel the need to CLING to the last bastion of self-worth that they have? OR is it simply that YOUR SITE, Luke, is VERY influential in the adult industry?

Epoch's Daniel Steinberg

XXX writes: Who knows who owns Epoch... But there's a Daniel Steinberg there. What's his role? Read this:

From the Los Angeles Times, Wednesday, June 30, 1993:

6,000 Lost Millions With Fiberline Deal

By: DON LEE

Brokers Investment Corp. was terrific at raising money. What the Securities and Exchange Commission would like to know is what happened to it all.

From 1989 to mid-1992, the Woodland Hills company's high-pressure salesmen raised $109 million by reading scripts on cold calls made to thousands of investors from coast to coast, the SEC said. Investors were lured with talk of potential profits of up to 32% a year from deals in telecommunications, fiber optics and automated teller machines.

Some 6,000 people put up their money. It was supposed to go into deals set up by an obscure telecommunications outfit in San Diego called U.S. Fiberline Communications that was linked with Brokers Investment. But if the SEC's allegations are right, at least $40 million was either pocketed for personal use by top officers of Brokers Investment and Fiberline, diverted for unrelated businesses or used as part of a fraudulent Ponzi scheme--in which money raised from new investors is used to pay off previous investors.

According to the SEC, this happened after a hefty 30% of the $109 million was taken out for commissions and fees to Brokers Investment and its principal executives, some of it illegally. In April, the commission filed a civil complaint in federal court in Los Angeles against Brokers Investment and Fiberline.

"It was one of the state's biggest boiler room operations in recent years," said Stan Maekawa, an assistant SEC regional administrator in Los Angeles.

The complaint forced Brokers Investment to shut down. Its co-owners, Norman Shubert and Daniel Steinberg, signed a consent order in May, without admitting or denying guilt, that prohibits them from selling unregistered securities and committing securities fraud. Meanwhile, three principal officers of Fiberline--William Grant, Scott Nauert and L. Scott Noreuil--resigned from the company, and each signed a similar consent order. They, Shubert and Steinberg declined to comment for this story. But their attorneys said they will be vindicated once a thorough investigation is completed.

[I]n the mid-1980s Steinberg, of Brokers Investment, and Grant, of Fiberline, were censured for selling unregistered oil and gas securities in separate cases. Steinberg was disciplined by regulators in Wisconsin and California, while Grant was censured in Wisconsin and Alabama.

Heather Barron's Titty Drive

Don writes: Luke, I wanted to let you know about something that may be worthy of your attention. It seems that one of my favorite escorts and XXX internet pinup girls, Heather Barron, is hosting what she calls a TittyDrive to raise money for breast augmentation. The best part about what she's doing is that those who support her efforts, get free tittyf--- pics with her on her site. This girl is too much.

Missouri Child Porn Decision

Chris writes: There was a startling judicial decision today in a child porn case that I think you should look in to. The judge dismissed child porn possession charges against a wheelchair bound young white male defendant because the judge held that Missouri's law only refers to possession not TRANSMISSION of the illegal images. Apparently they didn't catch him with the images, they only found people that he had sent them to. It seems to me that this decision has enormous implications analagous to the Napster and Gnutella file sharing schemes in the music industry, where the legal defense is that your company just maintains a server and does not possess illicit files.

Internet Gossip

Frank says: "I've never seen so much division among webmasters as the last few weeks. MikeAI calling JoeE a cockholster on Netpond. It's new school vs old school (the phone sex guys). People going in different directions. Lots of new cliques spawning. Certain people will only deal with certain people. The climate's gotten so you don't know who's watching who, so everybody is staying with who they're comfortable with. Like the credit card processing BS. Some processor takes on a client he doesn't know who starts spamming bestiality and child porn sites. It's hard to monitor that stuff. People like Mitch at Netbilling do not deserve a bad rap. That's the best credit card processing company there is. But you have to have your own merchant account before you can sign up with them. They won't set you up with your own merchant account like CCBill or IBill does. So that eliminates most of the fly-by-nighters.

"IBill has many scammers using them. And they process most of those guys out of Brisbane, Australia. IBill has always had a cloud of uncertainty over them. Everybody, as much they hate Epoch, still deals with Epoch. CCBill is the credit card company that took the ball and ran with it this year. They've got a lot of big customers and many new people on board and that has skyrocketed their business.

"JennaClub.com looks like it's designed by a bunch of art students who don't know porno.

"You should listen to Evan Horowitz's show from last week on Adultgossip.com. It's the best webmaster radio. He's a natural.

"Luke, I can get you in to this deal. This Mafia brothel in the Caribbean. Many webmasters are going. Talk it over with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. You can cover the event and critique it from a Torah perspective. They have 55 whores working at this hotel and they come to your room every hour and service you. Save up your testosterone dude and we'll go.

"If you're wondering about why you haven't heard from Kevin Blatt, his higher ups [Vivid, Goalie, Xpays] have told him not to talk to you. And they monitor your site every day. Their legal counsels download your site every day. And they hate to see Kevin's name there. Or their name there."

KBDumbPhuck writes: Luke, Why do you put information out on Kevin Blatt? Are you under the impression he is some kind of player in this industry? He is a stooge.

Between him and D$ sending you updates, and you printing them, you would think these guys had money, but they just manipulate you to post info on them like they matter to anyone. Any company that idiot goes to, immediately, regrets their decision to go with that guy. See all these morons run around together and think if they call each other players, people will believe it.

Lets see, Kevin, D-no$ and the other dumbs---s they run with couldn't muster up $5,000. But they do know how to go to companies like Cybererotica and blow smoke up their asses for the stupid Players Ball. I do respect Jonathan Silverstein. He has actually managed to do something.

Players Ball is always a crack up. Lets find the oldest out of work rapper we can find and drag them out like they are still working. I mean they had DougE Fresh. I was just impressed they were able to clean that guy up, sober him up, and pretend he could still rap. s--- it may not even have been DougE Fresh, who even knows what that guy looks like. So now these morons will start with, "Yeah, we are lining up Snoop Dogg, Puff Daddy, Limp Bizkit, etc..".. then reality hits about 1 month from the time of the show and the sponsors have all paid. Then it becomes.. "Yeah, we scored an old member of the Fat Boys..".

I dont know why the sponsors don't see what these guys are doing. They are taking half the money collected and pocketing it. Want to know why the last Players Ball was a disaster? Because they didn't want to book the whole club, although they acted like they did, see they had to guarantee a certain $$ amount up front and a certain $$ amount in drinks. Well give props to D$ cause he just pocketed the sponsor money and made a s---load off of them. D$ and KB, they should change their sales pitch to "You got money? We take it!" And no KB this is not Andy Edmond you douchebag.

Secret Story Of Houston & Kevin Blatt

Houston is the gangbang queen of Houston 500 and Howard Stern fame. Kevin Blatt is a connected net porner.

XXX: "About mid-December, 2000, Houston calls Kevin. She's going to New York. She says, 'I miss you. I love you. I can't wait to see you. I've got you a Christmas present.' They're just friends. They don't see each other for three weeks. Then Kevin's at the trade show for half an hour, and Houston comes over and gives him a big hug and a kiss.

"Houston tells Kevin, 'Ohmigod, I've missed you so much. I've got so much to tell you. I've got you a Christmas present. You've got to come over to my room. What are you doing Tuesday? Kevin says, 'I don't know. Can I take you to dinner?' Houston says, 'No, I am getting married. I want you to be there.'

"Kevin was stunned. And there's a clip of all this on the D-moneyshow.com." Kevin did not go to the wedding. Instead he hung out at a bar with Houston's highschool boyfriend who took her to his prom. Kevin and Houston have not spoken since."

Samantha Sterlyng On Luke F-rd Live

Samantha: "Circumsized vs uncircumsized really doesn't matter to me. It's just how big the cock is and how they use it.

"I've done interracial. I did Jack Napier, Mandingo and Byron Long. They're nice guys but the next day, I was so sore. That I can't do it. I can't take their dicks. They're too thick and there's too much of them. I like big cocks but not giant cocks."

Jim: "You like a penis within reason."

Sam: "Somebody asked if I had ever slept with a Jewish man and felt good about it afterwards. I don't remember sleeping with a Jewish man. I don't ask people, 'Hey, are you Jewish?' I don't care what people are so long as they are clean and they're not trying to f--- me in a way I don't want to be f---ed..."

Jim: "Samantha, ask Luke why he didn't ask Jenna these questions. He was doing 'Meet The Press' with her. All the politically correct questions with Jenna Jameson. Now he's asking you if you're a hooker, if you take it up the butt, if you do drugs... But now he feels very comfortable asking you these things."

Sam: "No, I don't escort. I had a case where somebody used my picture on an escort site. It was my picture and somebody else's name. And so I had them pull the picture them down."

Luke: "Do you swing with your husband?"

Sam: "My husband doesn't really get involved in the business. I've brought girls here a couple of times to have fun. But we don't go out to swing clubs but if I bring a girl home, we'll both f--- her.

"The only thing that concerns me about the Bunny Ranch is that we're [porn stars] all AIDS tested. But when you go to the Bunny Ranch and do those types of things, you are not exclusive [with tested people]... I don't know if everything is protected there."

Jim: "At the Bunny Ranch, the girls make this chemical concoction out of rubbing alcohol and mouthwash and they spray it on the guy's dick. And if he flinches, that means there is an open sore on his penis and they won't have sex with him."

Sam: "I've been in this business for over a year and the worst thing I have ever gotten is a yeast infection."

Jim: "Jenna put me in my place. Made me feel like I was six years old. She chastised me for using the J [Jew] word. She made me feel like my mom did the first time she caught me masturbating. You know that first time when your mom walks in your bedroom while you're jerking it? This was worse than that.

"How many times did that happen to me? Only once. I never let it happen to me again. She told me I was disgusting. She probably made me the man I am today. She's responsible for my lot in life as a pornographer because I felt so bad about myself and lost so much dignity there...

"I'm going to get in trouble tonight when I get home to my girlfriend... [Sam said she gave Jimmy D blow jobs.]"

Devoto writes: Luke, I thought you were trying to get people to LISTEN to your radio show, so why are you using the transcripts to fill your site? WOW, not only did I "waste" my time by LISTENING to your show the FIRST time, BUT now you are POSTING it all over your site, so whenever I have spare time to "waste" I can simply read the transcripts, THANKS! Expand, broaden your horizons, don't live in the past, embrace the present and the FUTURE! Write about something that is NEWS (implying that it is NEW), don't start copying and pasting YOURSELF!! Or is it that being involved with PORN so long, that you are becoming more comfortable with MILKING it?

Are Luke's Legal Problems Due To His Poor Use Of HTML Or Are There Deeper Issues?

Michael writes: Hey Luke, have you ever considered a setup like slashdot.org? They allow members to post comments and then below a post individuals can post comments, opinions or whatever. I mention this because it seems to me that most of your legal trouble is in fact due to the fact the you don't really use HTML well on your site. If you used fonts and colors and indenting to clearly mark your opinions and stories from things that were just sent in by some putz you might get a few less letters from lawyers. Of course if you are really have some sort of lawsuit fetish then never mind.

Lynne writes: Michael, how did you guess that Luke DOES have a fetish for lawyers in suits? Luke dreams of tall Jewish women lawyers, dressed professionally in expensive designer suits, who offer to defend him at half their usual going rate if only he will play with their breasts and allow them to suck his cock...

Vivid Video Accused Of Racism

I received this email earlier today. It's purportedly from black male performer Mandingo. I sent it to Vivid Video for a response but received none. I asked the author of the email to phone me so I could ascertain that it really comes from Mandingo. I've recieved no call as yet.

For background on this stuff, read my interview with Vivid attorney Paul Cambria.

Anyway, the email reads:

Mr. Ford, I am very upset and would like to bring something very disturbing to the attention of your readers. I would appreciate it if you could post the following on your site: I am a fool. I am a fool because I believed racial unity could be achieved in the adult industry even in the face of political and puritanical adversity. But, I was wrong. Vivid Video has opened my eyes. Vivid Video's latest release, Deviant, features a disclaimer sticker on the back of its box stating that Vivid experts have deemed the tape non-offensive and educational. Non-offensive? Hardly. Educational? Indeed! Peel the sticker off and you will find that it has been strategically placed over my Negro brother, performer, Mr. Marcus. I thought this to be an unfortunate coincidence, but, upon further research, I discovered it to be true of all the Deviant boxes! Of course, you can still see the white girl he's f---ing. It is only Mr. Marcus, a BLACK MAN (shudder), that needs to be covered. How does this educate us? It tells us Vivid Video and its white-devil owner Steve Hirsh are cowardly, hateful racists. Perhaps, Steve Hirsh would do well to place a new disclaimer on Vivid Tapes. One that reads: No Niggers Allowed or--one using his colorful pet name for African American performers--No Spearchucker-f---ers Inside.

It's never been a secret to my black brothers and sisters that Vivid Video has made the Negro performer function in a subterranean manner, never allowing the Negro performer to assert his individuality. But, to act so cowardly in attempting to cover up the BLACK MAN on their boxes is beyond deplorable. It's obscene. Evil. Vivid is the worst kind of racist, a smiling devil that masks its bigoted hatred while dealing with the encumbrance of White Man's Burden, the subjugation of the Black Man. Well, this isn't the antebellum South, Mr. Hirsh. We will not lie down. We will not be bamboozled by your white-devil antics. We know what you are, and we shall overcome!

I call on my brothers and sisters to come together and file a class action lawsuit against Vivid Video owner Steve Hirsh. I am also calling a march on Vivid Video on February 12th, Lincoln's birthday, starting at 9am. Please, join us. Let yourselves be heard. There is no room for the KKK in the triple X industry. MARCH WITH US!!!

The address is: Vivid Video 15127 Califa St. Van Nuys, CA 91411

Epoch Responds

Fred writes: Luke - fascinating story is developing with one well-known but not very well-liked online credit card and check processor. Seems that Paycom/Epoch owes RJB Telcom over 2.5 million dollars in reserves and actual sales. These are sales as recently as Oct, Nov and Dec of 2000. Reserves go back until 1999 I am told. As you may or may not remember, Paycom/Epoch is the company that shut RJB's check processing off at their time of greatest need, in Novemeber 2000 when the FTC had come in. Even though there were no accusations of check fraud, Paycom/Epoch decided to shut them down. Rumor has it that they made RJB sign a "hold harmless" agreement in order to turn their check processing back on. Literally held a gun to their head a second time when RJB's backs were against the wall. And I have been told by more than one source that they KNEW about the FTC action weeks before it came down. Not hard to believe.

Since that time RJB has moved their check processing to CCBill. Others would be wise to follow the leader.

Back in January of 2000, Paycom/Epoch let their webmasters know that they were passing on Visa fines and fees that they incurred during 1999. This caused webmasters to pay Paycom/Epoch in excess of 10 million dollars. Up until this time they have provided little proof as to how those fines were calculated. Many seriously doubt that the fines were of that amount and not many webmasters questioned it. In fact, many believe that it was Paycom/Epoch's f---ed up customer service that led to these problems. Looks like the FTC should be looking in that direction. Maybe they will be next?

Well Luke, it is about to happen again...

Paycom/Epoch is behind in payments to webmasters for the third or fourth time in the past 2 years. They are losing new banking relationships every day. They have been shut down by Lloyds of London and more recently Amtrade Bank to name a few.

The company is being run by an egomaniac that is raping his own company and heading them down the path of disaster at the expense of the webmasters. Every webmaster on board with Paycom/Epoch is about to go down shortly. I advise these people to get their databases and get out. Time is growing short.

I also understand that a class action lawsuit by a certain group of webmasters is about to be unleashed on them. Hard to believe that there will be anything to attach to other than the principle's personal assets. I will know more in a few days.

Rich Botto from RJB Telcom tells to Luke: "It's no secret that Epoch owes us a ton of cash...Also no secret that they weren't exactly a "friend" during the FTC situation."

Clay Andrews at Epoch, one of the porn web's leading credit card processors, writes: Luke, Although we intend to respond more fully to the false comments posted in your article, you promised a retraction of anything that you posted which was not true. Therefore, in response to your request for details, and setting aside the irrelevant personal comments made in the "Epoch Owes RJB 'A Ton of Cash'" article, we demand a retraction regarding the following:

1) "Epoch owes RJB Telcom over 2.5 million dollars" -- while we will NOT discuss the amount which may be due to/from RJB Telcom (or any other webmaster at any other time) because such issues are private matters which do not belong in such a public forum, suffice it to say that we do not believe the number at issue as to RJB to be anywhere near that much.

2) Regarding Epoch's response to the action taken by the FTC -- the source of RJB's financial problems was their inability to process credit cards, not checks; Epoch took the prudent steps necessary to protect its other check processing clients in light of the substantial risks created by RJB's situation.

3) Epoch had absolutely no indication that the FTC was planning to or even considering taking any action against RJB until after the Federal Receiver was appointed.

4) Epoch did pass through a PORTION of the fines assessed by Visa in the first half of 1999, predominantly caused by reseller fraud and has long since been corrected. The portion passed through was nowhere near the $10 million figure cited in the article and was only passed through to webmasters who exceeded Visa's chargeback guidelines.

5) Epoch is not subject to any new fines, is not even subject to any chargeback monitoring program, and there are no new fines or fees to be passed through to Epoch's clients.

6) Epoch was not "shut down" by Amtrade; Amtrade lost the ability to accept the volume of business coming from Epoch -- the problem was Amtrade's, not Epoch's.

7) Epoch was not "shut down" by Lloyd's of London -- Epoch has never had a bank account at Lloyd's. The truth is, although a syndicate which purportedly somehow includes Lloyd's has refused to pay for millions and millions of dollars of transactions sent to them, Epoch long ago absorbed the more than $15 million loss and has, nonetheless, paid its webmasters for those transactions.

8) Epoch is NOT "about to go down."

Although some people may think it "cool" or "funny" to post falsehoods about Epoch or others involved in the on-line industry, the truth is that such inaccurate reporting is simply irresponsible. We renew our demand that the falsehoods in the "Epoch Owes RJB 'A Ton of Cash'" article be retracted immediately."

Luke responds: I retract all falsehoods in the original posting. I take it that Epoch says it had no foreknowledge of the FTC's bust of RJBT. I now understand that Epoch says it did not pass on ten million dollars in Visa fines to webmasters, and only passed on fines to those webmasters who exceeded Visa's chargeback guidelines. I now understand accept that Epoch believes that it is not subject to any new fines. That Epoch was not "shut down" by Amtrade or Lloyds of London.

Luke sincerely regrets all errors and hopes that this retraction undoes any damage my publishing of the initial article might have done to Epoch/Paycom and its leaders.

Fred, the guy who got me in trouble yesterday, replies to Luke about Epoch's points: "Epoch's failure to process checks during a period of credit card fraud investigation indicated only one thing. A chance to use leverage against RJB so that they would not get sued for millions. It's common knowledge that the FTC gave Epoch it's blessing to process checks, yet the scumbags would not do so until weeks later and not without a free pass on potential damages. Deny that Mr. Andrews. And while you are at it, explain in your own words how shutting RJB down protects your other clients?"

Luke also received this statement from Daniel Steinberg, the founder of Epoch:

To Luke F-rd From Epoch Transaction Services:

We don't normally respond to rumors on the boards. But you've stepped way over the line on this one, and publishing "Fred's" statements without contacting us first, was very irresponsible on your part. Thus, we will address some of "Fred's" remarks and/or your personal comments that we believe simply came out of RJB's camp.

We are in negotiations with the Botto's on payouts for ACH and reserves. We are within our contractual rights with the approach we have taken to their account, and we feel strongly that when it is concluded all parties will be satisfied with the result. We have always been a fair and responsible player in the industry and this is one reason why so many of the major companies have remained loyal to Epoch. We have built up a lot of trust over the last five years with people we know well and care about. Thousands of sites use our services and our clients know how hard we work for them.

The comment that we knew about the FTC coming in to take over RJB's business well beforehand is preposterous and totally untrue. Also, Bob Botto knows that we were very sympathetic to their problems. However, under advice of counsel, and after carefully reviewing our agreement with our ACH bank, it was clear that our ability to maintain our account standing with our ACH bank could be in jeopardy because of RJB's problem. We were NOT going to risk our ability to take care of all of our other client's check business. We suspended RJB's checking, accordingly. To this day, our ACH bank is glad that we did. This is a fact. And privately, most of our big clients applauded the fact that we took steps to protect them. ACH was a very small part of RJB's business and to this day, is not the source of their problems. A few weeks ago, through another "friendly" post, RJB implied that Epoch's suspension of their check processing had the biggest impact on their inability to pay their webmasters. It's pretty obvious that was not the case. Epoch was only their check processor at the time; the majority of any webmaster's business comes from credit cards and Epoch has not been their credit card processor for well over a year now - long before their FTC problem arose. RJB also implied in that post that we had not paid them on their ACH business for a month prior to their FTC injunction. That was a completely false statement. We had in fact, been paying them current on their check business right up until the FTC action against them. This fact was pointed out to the Botto's and they have yet to publicly correct that misstatement.

We are sorry that they have had so many problems, and hope they pull out of them. We know that a lot of webmasters around the industry have made a lot of money with RJB. We were clearly not responsible for putting their "backs against the wall." Our job was to do the most responsible thing for all of our clients. That's what we did.

Your post also implied that Epoch had major problems on the horizon. Epoch has no chargeback problems in its credit card processing accounts and we are extremely upset that you falsely implied that we do. There are NO fines to pass on to any of our clients. Our accounts are NOT in any monitoring program. These are the facts. Epoch has already gone through the learning curve that a lot of the newer processors are painfully experiencing right now. Epoch has strong financial relationships in place and continues to be a major contributor to this industry. We have an excellent relationship with VISA and NO regulatory involvement whatsoever. RJB's status with VISA and the FTC is their business. We don't speculate publicly and you shouldn't either. Again, all we did was act to protect our business and our webmasters' businesses, which is what good business is all about.

As stated above, we have acted within our contractual rights to protect our company from trailing returns, refunds, chargebacks, and fines. We acknowledge money is owed to RJB and are responsibly resolving this with them in a way that protects our business. That's the way it has to be. The rumor mill isn't going to change that. And irresponsible posting is dangerous. Be advised that we will chalk this one up to inexperience, but the next time you think you have some important information to share about Epoch, you better talk to us first. Posting such inaccurate statements without first seeking to verify their truth is simply irresponsible. One factual point that you did make was that the FTC did not focus on RJB's check processing through Epoch. That should tell you something about Epoch. We have a solid product that thousands of sites have used successfully for years, including many of the major sites and companies in the industry. One final comment: although some may think making unsupported public statements will intimidate others, we know that posting wars that take disputes to the public forum do not help anyone in this industry, one of the most watched-over on the internet. Therefore, we won't respond further to this subject on any board, but we urge any Epoch client who may have a question on any of this to contact us directly.

Paycom.net, Inc. Secure Real-Time Credit Card & Check Processing http://www.paycom.net http://www.epochsystems.com 4215 Glencoe Ave, 1st Floor Marina del Rey, CA 90292 888.627.3888 (TOLL FREE) 310.827.5880 (LOCAL) 310.827.5519 (FAX)

Luke received this from Jason: The problems are more with the porn sites not the processor... epoch got in problems because they went from medium business to high volume business in almost no time. Now alot of business have moved to other processors who will have more problems in the future than Epoch. Epoch are getting their act together, and they will survive. Alot of sites who have moved to other processors from Epoch are having problems with signups ratio etc. because those processors are facing the same problems Epoch did 1-2 years ago, if these "new" processors are strong enough to survive in the processing business, well.... time will tell. Epoch are getting their act together and these rumours have been startet by some frustrated small time people, but I guess thats how rumours start in most industries.

Luke received this from D. Steinberg at Epoch: He [Clay Andrews] is the founder and President. My name is not David and I've never been convicted of wire fraud. Geez, you are really amazing with this rumor stuff!

CEN has always been with Epoch. You should drop JB an email and ask him about us. We have always done VM's scrubbing and continue to this day. Drop Paul Lesser an email and ask him (Ron's partner). Ask Python, ask IGallery, ask Rhino, ask Oz, ask Mike Price. They have all been with us for years and know how hard we work for everyone. RJB left to go to Jettis a year and a half ago with their cc processing. Jettis principals also owned a company that was RJB's biggest reseller. It was a good fit for RJB when Jettis opened their doors. There were no hard feelings when they made that decision. Yes, Epoch has had some late payments The only problem we've had in the last year and a half is as a result of the "Lloyds" merchant banking deal. We have recovered from that almost completely, and have very solid banking again going forward.

Oz writes Luke: I've been with Epoch since 1997 and I still support them 100%, despite the painful events of the past. Epoch has made good on their promises to my company (TrueCash.com), and they've done a satisfactory job in making on-time payouts since the "Black Winter" of last year. I believe Epoch has weathered the storm. More importantly, they are preparing for the future. They have structured excellent banking arrangements and relationships. Much of what really goes on in the processing world is kept behind closed doors and will never see the light of day at l-keford.com. Therefore, take what you hear about Epoch with a grain of salt. Most of the negative publicity I've read has been utter fabrication.

Goddess Gets Column On MikeSouth.com

Goddess writes: Guess what, Luke F-rd?! I officially have a column on www.mikesouth.com and you better link to that or else! Not only that, but just this afternoon, I received a warm email welcome from Mike's mom! [Bet YOU never got an email from Mike's mom, Luke F-rd!] She told me she was thrilled that I was part of the "Mike South family," and she's hoping I can settle his ass down. I said, "hey, I'm a writer, Mike South's mom, not a miracle worker!"

Luke Gets Mail

Scott writes: Janet Jacme. Luke, you should try to interview her or something. She's returned to the porn business, with little fanfare. But this little woman is and was the sexiest around.

Rebecca Bardoux writes: Luke, Who is this Kid Vegas, I know the name. I don't think he will ever be king of anything that involves communications, his writing is s---. He can't be that intelligent his writing is very juvenile and angry. He may have good point but its all in the presentation.

Luke, So sad to hear about Teri, She was a greatperson, I was just an acquaintances.. She seem to care about the product she was making. God Bless Her!

Gene Ross writes: Though she passed away on January 2, performer/director Teri Diver's husband Ren Savant, who has close personal ties with AVN to begin with, only reports the fact this week, according to Avn.com... The story at this point is not so much Diver's tragic death but the fact that it's only coming to light now. It begs the obvious question. Apparently the news hawks at AVN didn't bother to ask it.

Brandy Alexandre writes: Who says anyone has to let AVN know anything? In Hollywood they have press release to have control of the story. Porn is another animal and if someone dies it's really not the industry's or anybody's business unless it was from a previously undisclosed sexually transmitted disease. Fans are informed out of courtesy, not obligation. It's a privilege, not a right.

Adult Industry Research

Mark writes: I am studying the cable and PPV industry, especially adult content on those media. I am looking specifically at the hard core end of the spectrum and trying to gain some insight on certain things. Among them, I am chiefly trying to assess whether or not a brand is viable in the hardcore area (much like Playboy in the soft). If so, can that brand be used as leverage in negotiating TV deals or is the content largely substitutable. I am also looking for any first-hand knowledge on customer buying behavior. What are the demographics of people buying hard core. Then, does this translate into the online market. With the advent of technology, what is the impact of Video-on-Demand over the web as well as other technologies?

Farrell Timlake from HomegrownVideo.com writes: In the field of hardcore video adult entertainment, there are really only two brand names with any true significance in terms of the world marketplace. Homegrown Video and Vivid Video represent two ends of the spectrum of hardcore adult content. Significantly, both companies have established a very successful media presence that has helped define adult entertainment to the mass media culture. Naturally, Vivid represents the higher end, made for cable, stable of stars approach that is imitated by Wicked, VCA, Metro and others. While Homegrown, the longest running series in the history of adult video and the biggest library of xxx amateurs in the world, defines the other side of the market which is based on reality or re-creating the fantasy of reality. All the reality/quasi reality stuff like Buttman and Ed followed the Homegrown example of make-it-yourself porn.

These two companies each set the most examples of diversification through all media outlets and marketing outlets, and these two companies have had major success crossing into the internet. The sheer volume of video content that each of these companies sit on is another measure of their unique success in the industry. However, the most telling fact is that if you say a video is Vivid or it is Homegrown, the average adult movie consumer is going to know what you are talking about.

This is the opinion of Farrell from homegrownvideo.com, where a fact is still a fact. The fact being Homegrown has amateur xxx like mountain has rocks, like the ocean has water, like the sky has stars.

Just Shoot Me

Curious George writes: Luke Duke! Just Wondering if you happened to catch the 2-1 airing of the NBC comedy "Just Shoot Me" The plot was about renting out the office of their fashion magazine for a porno shoot. It stared two porn veterans, Hershel Savage and Ron Jeremy. It also starred long time porn supporter Pen Gillette of Pen and Teller. It was pretty funny and an unexpected surprise.

By the way I have been following all of the racial stuff on your site. I have been a fan of porn for about 15 years and it seems like all the legends did IR. Jeanna Fine, Nina Hartley, Sharon Mitchell, Krysti Lynn, Selena Steele, matter of fact the only one I can think of that didn't was Raven, or the ones who only worked with there mate. I think today's women show far less class than the above. I can't think of a race or nationality I wouldn't sleep with. People are people, Besides we're all the same color when the lights go out. I won't watch any video with stars who oppose IR. They are racists and that is very unattractive to me.

Nasty Napster

Roger Williams writes: La Mesa, CA - January 22 2001- FTL Communications announces the launch of its new high tech image sharing web site. The peer-to-peer network is designed to allow the distribution of photos (jpg, bmp, png) and movies (avi, mpg) over the Internet.

Pictures On Request Network (P.O.R.N.) www.picturesonrequestnetwork.com is entirely decentralized. Simply meaning that there is no person, computer, company or organization in control. P.O.R.N. makes use of intelligent routing and caching, routing requests more efficiently and gets the high-speed data moved via the users command. The software was designed to the highest standards of web technology. In addition to meeting these standards P.O.R.N. has state of the art secure servers for all transactions. 100% of all the files are kept on peer servers, so there is a real potential to have the World's largest database of adult movies and images at Internet speed.

With every conceivable category probable. Roger Williams V.P. of P.O.R.N. said, "From watching events at Napster and Gnutella we know that there will be misuse and abuse of our soft ware. We will not tolerate any criminal content being traded with our knowledge. We have taken a proactive posture and have a reporting link on our network and will give complete cooperation to law enforcement and child rights organizations".

For additional information on FTL Communications, PICTURES ON REQUEST NETWORK, or www.nastynapster.com call 619-667-7954.

Mark writes: Luke, This nastynapster or pornondemand crap is just that CRAP. There are plenty of file sharing systems out there which handle MP3s, Jpeg and even Movie files. If you know where to look you can even find complete movies that arent even released on video yet. Why on earth would I pay some idiot adult company 99 cents on my credit card so they can do a Vivid Video and charge me $10 for the next 6 months. People the software used to find and share files is completely free. Here are the three biggest. http://www.hotlinesw.com http://www.carracho.com http://www.gnutella.com

Pat Riley Fights The Old Biddies In Porn

Patrick Riley writes on RAME: Take a movie like "Surrender in Paradise" which has Jerry Butler shipwrecked on a desert island with Ginger, Stacey Donovan, Rene Tiffany, and a couple of others. All young and good looking, no old biddies suddenly appear. The girls refuse sex with him but after a night with no food and no fire while he has found both for himself, they accept the overwhelming superiority of the male and trade sex for comfort. One of them even stays behind with him when the others are rescued. Now THAT's a great plot line. No feminist b/s. AND directed by a woman (for those who think that women only produce pro-female porn)!

Show me the movie today, or something similar. Nah. What you have are old biddies or whores (sometimes both) in pretentious anti-male diatribes constructed by people who are locked back in the worst aspects of the feminist and sexual revolutions of the sixties and seventies. And we all know who I'm talking about here.

I can only fight one battle at a time and here it's old biddies in porn. Some other day when the opportunity presents itself, I'll deal with anti-male sentiments. Or the lousy acting, or the hopeless screenplays...

Luke Gets Mail

Lynne writes: It is not that getting along with OLDER women denotes maturity; it's accepting women for their personhood, rather than judging them solely on externals, that marks one as mature, and capable of rewarding relationships.

LT writes: Luke, this whole Teri Diver thing begs a couple of questions. What was this "medication"?, why did Tom Elliot wait so long to tell AVN when the norm is to let them know in no more than a week or two?. Didn't Tom, err, I mean Ren, dump her last year and take up with Racquel Moore (who, I believe he bought boobs for)? AVN isn't going to question a single thing any porner says, no matter how glaring. Luke, I know you're lazy, but you've got her real name, so do a records check and find out what really happened and when. Find out what the medication was. Ask Tom, err, Ren.

Gay John Bobbitt Footage

John Bobbitt's manager Robert Yates writes: "I HAVE SOME GAY FOOTAGE OF JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT. THIS IS STUFF JOHN WANTED TO HIDE. I HAVE ENOUGH TO PIECE TOGETHER A MOVIE, OR JUST INDIVIDUAL SCENES. PRETTY WILD STUFF. VERY GAY, FOR INSTANCE JOHN GETTING HIS BALLS TICKLED BY A PINK FEATHER DUSTER THEN PUT IN HIS...OTHER BOBBITT FOOTAGE AVAILABLE AS WELL AS A 2 HOUR NEVER SEEN BEFORE FILM. I HAVE BOBBITT WITH HIM SELF, BOBBITT ON MEN, MEN ON BOBBITT, AND BOBBITT WITH WOMAN IF INTERESTED IN BUYING THE FOOTAGE TO DISTRIBUTE OR PUT SCENES IN ONE OF YOUR MOVIES CONTACT ME AT BOBBITSREP@AOL.COM."

FearZeus writes: Luke, wasn't John Bobbitts 15 minutes of fame..... over 16 minutes ago?

MrHollywoodJew writes: Please ask people not to write in All caps. IT IS VERY IRRITATING TO THE REST OF US!!! Thank you.

Jenna Jameson Live On Luke F-rd Live

Listen to Tuesday night's Luke F-rd Live show. With special guests Samantha Sterlyng and Jenna Jameson. Also Kevin Korey aka Mr Nakita Kash, and Brandy Alexandre.

Read the chat here.

Our first guest was Samantha Sterlyng who was a terrific interview. She's getting a breast job.

Sam: "I'm going to doctor Garth Fisher [the same doctor who did Jenna Jameson]. I'm only going to fill out my boobs. I'm not going all porno'd out. I'll be a full 34C."

Jim: "Luke, you've never met Samantha. What an ass on this girl."

Luke: "I'm more interested in her mind and personality."

Jim: "I've shot Samantha several times. I know her as well as her OBGYN [gynecologist]."

Sam: "I've seen some of these amateur videos that these people send me. And it is crazy s---."

Jim: "They think that's what they've got to do."

Sam: "I have one member who, that every time he comes into my chat room and I do a sex show, he sends me the afterthought pictures, to show me how much fun he really had."

Jim: "Samantha is very mellow on a set. Of course she's stoned the whole time..."

Sam: "I've always been a stoner. Ever since I was 16. I get up every morning at nine or ten o'clock... And the first thing I do after getting out of bed is smoke a bong."

Jim: "It makes breakfast taste that much better."

Sam: "It makes me want breakfast.

"I only smoke pot."

Jim: "I'm cutting my ponytail off and donating it to sick kids so they can wear it as a rug. To Locks of Love. But there's going to be some kid with cancer in chemotherapy walking around with a pornographer's hair on his head."

LT writes: "Luke, tell Samantha and any other women out there, that despite his high profile and mantra of "I do all the porn stars, Playmates and Pets"...Dr. Garth Fisher is disreputable. More than once he has put larger implants than requested by women and has also continues to use silicon implants long after their ban. He circumvents the rules on siilicon implants, but he's still using them illegally. He's about ready for a fall at any moment. So, Samantha, keep in mind that you might wind up all "porno'd out" and you also might wind up with silicon implants as well."

Devoto writes: "Luke, Just a quick question: If porn stars get boob jobs or labia reductions, is that tax deductible, as a "business expense"? Also, what about dildos, condoms, and Crisco (or any other lube)?"

The Luke F-rd Live show hit a new low when my cohost James DiGiorgio tried to get Jenna Jameson to fake an orgasm on the air.

Jenna: "I did that last time I was on... And right now, I'm getting so much bad press about being a 'Porn Bot.' What were they calling me Luke?"

Luke: "I don't know. I don't think it was on my site because I don't print negative comments about porn stars."

Jenna: "...That I was all fake everything. So I was thinking it might be a bad thing if I faked an orgasm.

"ClubJenna.com finally launched last week."

Jenna: "The movies will be uploaded this week and my cat will be up tomorrow. I'm busting my ass trying to juggle dancing, doing my web site, and fending off all the stalkers."

Jim: "What was it like to meet Ben Stein?"

Jenna: "He was a little uptight.

"We went to Mortons for lunch...where all the producers go for lunch. You could cut the air with a knife. He didn't even bring a recorder or a notepad. He just remembered everything I said. And it wasn't very accurate."

It's hard to hear many of Jenna's comments because my cohost keeps talking over her the whole time and Jenna get barely get a word in edgewise.

Jim: "What did you order Jenna for lunch with Ben Stein?"

Jenna: "Raviolis."

Jim: "You went to a Jew place and ordered ravioli?"

Jenna: "What are you talking about?"

Jim: "It's Mortons. It's a Jew place."

Jenna: "That's not very nice."

Jim: "I don't mean it derogatory. I feel bad."

Luke returns: "Jim, I went to check on my sewage. I come back and found that you've alienated my guest."

We talk about my sewage backup flooding problems.

Jenna: "Poor Luke. Now I know why there are so many painful things in your column."

Luke: "Jenna, how come it took you so long to get your web site up?"

Jenna: "It's been nine months. I wanted to do something different from what everyone else did. And we went with people who had never built an adult site before. And I'm new to it too. But now it's built and I am happy."

Jimmy related a story about me getting punched at a trade show.

Jenna: "Luke, I would've protected you. I would've whupped somebody's ass for you."

Jim: "Aren't you signing with Vivid?"

Jenna: "I'm doing a deal with Vivid to distribute the movies I'm producing."

Jim: "Who's directing? Have you seen any of the movies I've made?"

Jenna: "What movies have you made?"

Jim: "They're better than anything Brad Armstrong did."

Jenna: "That's not saying much. He should just stick to art direction."

Jim: "That's what he is. I'm an actor's director. I like to get inside my actors and mold them into their role, so you can blossom into your character.

"You've been in a little glass bubble that Steve Orenstein [Wicked owner] blew and you've been shettled from the rest of us. But now you've got to take a look around."

Jenna: "I've shot three movies so far. Justin Sterling directed them.

"When Wicked's Brad Armstrong directed me in movies, he had this weird thing about directing the sex scenes. And that's my job. I know how to f---. I'm not yelling 'cut' and 'action.'

"I couldn't put up with that on Dreamquest. I said, 'That is enough. I'm not putting up with this.'

"The good thing about Justin is that he lets me go and that's how he gets a good hot sex scene out of me."

Jim: "When I first started directing, Justin worked for me a couple of times [as cameraman]. He's a good cameraman and very funny to have on a set."

Jenna: "Once people have seen all these new scenes they won't be able to say, 'Oh yeah, I'm a dead f---.' I cannot imagine people saying that about me. I guess they haven't seen my movies.

"Have you ever seen my movies, Luke?"

Luke: "No."

Jenna: "So you won't let people talk anymore s--- about me."

Luke: "I can't believe that would happen on my site. Maybe you're confusing me with Gene Ross?"

Jim: "Luke doesn't watch porno. He just does social commentary on its existence."

Jenna: "Gene Ross hasn't talked about me since saying that the AVN Awards were rigged. And oh, he ate that one. I didn't win one award."

From http://www.generossextreme.com/113000.html

Paul Fishbein: "f--- Jenna Jameson!"

Ordinarily the above quote wouldn't mean much unless taken in its current context. Jenna Jameson is scheduled to be this year's hostess/M.C. at the AVN Awards. Hostess, yes. However, AVN publisher Paul Fishbein seemed to have a differing opinion about Jameson's value on the cover of AVN's January, 2000 CES issue earlier this year and the headlined quote was his response to its possibilities. Thus is the recollection of former AVN managing editor Ken Wood who sat down with Gene Ross over lunch yesterday at the Airtel Hotel in Van Nuys, scene of many, er, interesting afternoon delights, courtesy of the adult industry.

Ken tells Gene: "I found out because there were some Hot Video reporters on the set that Jenna was going to be on their Millennium front cover. I suggested that it would be a good idea for her to be on AVN's January 2000 cover. I thought in my wild editorial imagination, if you're going to have a Millennium cover, you should have the biggest adult star of all time on it. Jenna said she would love to do it but wasn't sure that Paul would go for it. I asked her why. She said, 'Paul's been kinda pissed at me for a couple of years.' I said what for? She said, 'Well, one time he picked myself and a friend up In New York to drive us down to ECVS. We were all going to drive down together. Paul was apparently insulted because we didn't talk to him enough on the drive down.' I looked at her, you got to be kidding me. She said, no, 'he hasn't talked to me for a long time because he felt slighted by myself and my friends because we didn't talk to him.' I said, look, I'll try and lobby for you to get on the cover because I think that would make a good cover. When it came time to talk to Paul, about it, I brought it up. He said, no, absolutely not. I put forward my case like I did to Jenna and he said, no, absolutely not. 'She treated me like s--- a couple of years back.' I said, ECVS? He said, ah-hah. I said, look, let's be professionals about this. Considering who can be on that cover, who better than, blah.blah.blah. He said, 'f--- Jenna Jameson!' And that was the final word on the subject. I walked out. I remember his facial expression. That was one of the five golden, platinum, diamond moments with Paul that I remember clearly. He was quite vehement, quite angry about it.""

Insider writes: "Regarding Ken Wood's account of Paul Fishbein saying, 'f--- Jenna Jameson' and how it's going to stack up to Jameson's emceeing the AVN Show - here's how it's going down. The fix is in. This being Jameson's last movie, Fishbein and AVN are going to let her go out with a blaze of glory by letting her win the Best Actress award and letting Dream Quest snag a couple of statues. Is Fishbein going to put Jameson in front of thousands of people where she can be potentially embarrassed by losing? I don't think so. Even Fishbein ain't that dumb. This is by way of saying you won't hear comments from Jameson. Even she knows enough to keep her big yap shut." (From Gene Ross)

Jenna: "DecadentD owes Justin $300,000."

Luke: "I'm surprised that DecadentD is still alive."

Jim: "DecadentD's got the money. He has a red Ferrari and a Corvette... I tell Justin to go get a Louisville Slugger."

Luke: "Jenna, where is Paul Fishbein sending you on vacation [for hosting the AVN Awards]?"

Jenna: "He's been calling me this week and I haven't gotten back to him. He tells me that he will send me whereever I want to go."

Jim: "Does he have to go with you?"

Jenna: "No. I don't think so."

Luke: "Jenna, do you think the AVN Awards are on the up and up or do you think they're fixed?"

Jenna: "I think there's a little bit of funny stuff going on there. But truthfully, it means absolutely nothing to me. I could give a s---. In the beginning of my career, it was awesome to win all those awards. But now, it doesn't really matter. And now that everything has come out about the fixing stuff, no. Even if they aren't fixed, everybody thinks they are anyway, so it doesn't matter.

"Taylor and Raylene tied for Best Actress over me. I mean, really, I don't think they're actresses.

"I shot these movies for ClubJenna.com. When we started, that's all we were going to do - release them through ClubJenna.com. Vivid and Wicked and everybody came knocking for the distribution deal. So we might be starting a partnership company with Vivid to distribute the movies. They're not going to be like the normal Vivid movie."

Luke: "And you're not going to be like the normal Vivid girl."

Jim: "You mean you're going to have really hot sex, unlike a normal Vivid movie?"

Jenna: "Exactly. We had a meeting with Steven and we were like, well, they're going to be a lot different than the movies they put out.

"I don't want to bag Vivid because Vivid movies are awesome. They're a little tame for my taste because I like hardcore sex. But if you look at the quality of the movies and the girls, they're cool. They're a good company. They're a publicity machine."

Luke: "What's going on with the JennaVision that Wicked's selling [as an addition to paysites]?"

Jenna: "I'm still pretty sore after that ass f---ing. You know what they gave me for that? They gave me JennaVision for free [for ClubJenna.com]. That was their way of saying they're sorry. And I'm still upset about it because that doesn't make up for all the money that I've lost. With all my movies, I get royalties. And for him to sell all my content, all my scenes, you would've thought he would've been cool enough to give me a cut of that. He did it out from underneath me and I'm still not happy about that."

Jim: "Jenna, some people say that they made you but then other people say that you made them."

Jenna: "Yeah, you know, it goes back and forth. The fact of the matter is that I'm made. That's all that matters."

Luke: "Jenna, what's your relationship been like with AVN?"

Jenna: "The only reason I got any covers to begin with was because of his [Paul Fishbein's] relationship with Stevie [Orenstein]. You get a cover if you advertise. It's as simple as that. I guess he [Paul] didn't think that I was worthy of having the cover at that time. Which is ridiculous because Dreamquest was the biggest movie put out that year. And I thought I deserved the cover... I didn't even hear about this story until it was printed on Gene Ross. I was blown away by it. And Paul Fishbein called me up right away apologizing for it. It's all water under the bridge. I could care less. I don't think it is going to make a huge difference to my career if I am on the cover of AVN."

Jim: "Jenna, you didn't have sex with Howard Stern?"

Jenna: "No."

Jim: "He didn't come on to you?"

Jenna: "Well. When I was doing his movie, I went to his trailor and we were hanging out in his trailor. And there was a lot of sexual tension. I think he was too shy to make a pass at me. But you could tell he wanted to. It got weird. So I got up and left. I don't even know if he ever cheated on his wife.

"We all went to [the strip club] Scores and we had a good time but he was very faithful to her when he was there."

Jim: "I know a lot of girls who've been on his show and I get mixed reports. He definitely has a soft spot for porn stars."

Luke: "Jenna, how would you compare your treatment on the set of Private Parts to your treatment on the set of a porn movie?"

Jenna: "It [Private Parts] was definitely a lot better on the Howard Stern set. I primarily worked with Brad Armstrong, who, I think, hates me to the core. So it was a constant battle on the set for me. He constantly made derogatory remarks, embarrasing remarks and made it a living hell to do a seven day movie with him.

"All anyone hears is the nightmare stories about me. They never hear stories about everybody else. I get to a point where, you know what, f--- off. I can't take anymore. And I leave...

"Luke is always very respectful and sweet to me. Luke, you're a straight man.

"I was on the set of Private Parts for ten days. It was fun. I was naked the whole time. I was the naked girl on his radio show who got him kicked off the air."

Marc writes: best line in the show from jimmy d. (i'm paraphrasing): "i saw a show on A&E called sex and the bible. let me tell you, you jews were a randy lot."

i'm more impressed with jenna J's claim that she's been looking into torah insight. can we look forward to a DVD called "the oral law"?

Devoto writes Luke: CONGRATULATIONS on your show!! You hit the "mainstream" you actually had a FLOODER in the chat room!!

Thirty second ad spots on the Luke F-rd Live show cost $250 per month (ads will be aired three times per show). Email Luke for more details.

Rumdar writes: Luke, I believe you are on to something. For a mere $250 some lucky advertiser can have a spot on your popular show. However I think you should inform the prospective client in advance just what they will be getting for their cash. Are these commercials going to be professional? Will you have lead in music and speak with a commanding voice like those guys on Letterman and Leno? Will you write the scripts yourself? Will the product be hyped to it's full advantage? Or, can the advertiser expect to have the advert errrrr! sandwiched in between conversations with porn harlots pontificating on ass to mouth blowjobs and double penetrations? I personally wouldn't feel the desire to run out and purchase a box of chocolate cream cookies after listening to Jimmy D discuss messy anals with a porner. But, that may be the right time to lead into a spiel for a popular brand of handy wipes. There is a lot at stake Luke. Clarification is in order...

Amalek's Plan To Guide Jews Back To Torah

Chaim Amalek writes: Exactly as I foretold some months back. Once again, "Chaim is right".

From the Forward.com: Thanks to President Bush, Jews and blacks may be headed for yet another nasty chapter in their decades-long love-hate relationship. Peter Beinart, editor of The New Republic, writes in the magazine's February 5 on-line edition that Jews and blacks, deeply divided over the role of religion in public life, may find themselves at odds over Mr. Bush's faith-based charitable initiatives and support for school vouchers.

Polls show that black Democrats, "the most religious" group in the country, are increasingly inclined to support voucher plans and that black congregations "are more than twice as likely as white ones to say they would apply for federal funds." Jews, by contrast, oppose vouchers "by close to two to one," and are "off the charts" in their suspicion of religion in public life. "Black politicians, under pressure from the black clergy and their constituents, will gradually push the party not to respond to every voucher and faith-based funding proposal by screaming about the separation of church and state. Jewish politicians, under pressure from their constituents and interest groups, will continue to scream."

"And once the disagreement spills into the open," continues Mr. Beinart, "it will become nasty for the same reason almost every Jewish-black argument turns nasty: class.... Jews and blacks may soon look back wistfully to the day when all they disagreed about was race."

Chaim writes: To recapitulate my earlier argument, if the republicans are to have any hope of winning some national elections in the future with a majority of the popular vote, they are going to have to chip away at the awesome vote tallies that people of color deliver to the democrats (about 92 - 95% of the black vote went for Gore).

One way to do this is to use the BlackMan's natural religiosity (to say nothing of his aversion to being told by the Juden what to do and how to think) to divide the two groups from each other and the former from the Democratic party. Sure such tactics might cost them among the jews, but with jews a declining 2.5% of the population, and 85% of them voting for the democrats anyway, why should smart Christian Republicans care? There are many more black people than jews, and almost all blacks believe in a personal God. The shvartze is the most potent tool that the white man has to throttle jewish political power in America.

Luke, I have many more ideas for using the BlackMan (and other minorities!) to fight the Jews, and I would be honored to hold a symposium on your web site to discuss this further if you would agree to sponsor it. I also expect the abused Christian girls who labor on the sheets of pornography for the jews to pay extra careful attention to what I have to say.

When I am done, the Cambria rules will be in tatters, and the jews will have nowhere to go except the Torah. The world will then be healed (Tikun Olam), and the Messia will at long last reveal himself in Brooklyn.

PPS Is MrHollywoodJew on board with me, or will he revert to his rootless cosmopolitan ways?

MrHollywoodJew writes: Tell Chaim, sure. Mr. Hollywood Jew is with him all the way. Anything to save the world and restore Tikkun Olam.

Since your friend Jenna is interested in oral torah ask her if she needs a study partner.

Putative Marc writes from Toronto: see, it's different up here in the polar regions--even though there's no homogenous black vote to speak of, the alliance party (an upstart reconstituted right-wing opposition to the wishy-washy liberal party in charge) tried to woo the orthodox jewish vote in toronto with the promise of funding for all private religious schools. they recongized that if they could win over the ornery black hat crowd--who, naturally, could never imagine sending their kids through the public system, even if it costs $12Gs a year (which gets pretty prohibitive when you got 12 kids ... although, naturally, private subsidies kick in at some point) it might spill over to other minorities who figured the alliance were still tained by william pierce-like leanings. well, some good PR and fundraisers came out of it, but no dice at the ballot box. but weirdly enough, the funding issue never seems to get raised on a day-to-day basis.

i enjoy the teachings of mrhollywoodjew and, in the name of sprucing up the content on LF.com, would like to ask him for an opinion on the following subjects (incidentally, both of which i heard discussed on dennis prager's program today): (a) why is it an issue that tom cruise and nicole kidman adopted their two children? (b) do you admire hugh hefner's propensity for having multiple (7) female consorts?

MrHollywoodJew replies: In reply to the questions asked of me: 1) Who the hell cares if Tom and Nicole adopted! Aren't they Scientologists or some whacko something or other sort of pseudo religion anyway? Let 'em adopt.

2) Hell, yes. Hef is like 70-some years old and he's doing seven (at least) chicks who are young enough to be his grand-daughters! I love it. Hef's the man. That's who I want to be when I grow up (though by then Chaim and I will have brought about Tikkun Olam so I'll be Rebbe Hollywood Jew with seven shiksa barbies to screw -- that will repair MY world!)

A Jew Must Love His Own Kind

Chaim writes: Mr. Hollywood Jew writes of some idyllic time in the future when "I'll be Rebbe Hollywood Jew with seven shiksa barbies to screw" and closes with "that will repair MY world!" This is racial self-hatred, pure and simple. Why aren't seven nice jewish women good enough for you? You are a disgrace to the oral law.

On the other hand, AMALEK can foresee the day when Luke F-rd (and by the way, folks - THAT'S NOT HIS REAL NAME!) becomes the Disnetscher Rebbi.

PS Why won't you fix me up with Heather Graham?

I love POPEYES chicken even more than sex. In fact, for me, eating Popeyes chicken is a lot like sex, with all sorts of weird sauces and crumbs flying all over the place. Why do so many jewish men, even converts like Luke (wink wink), prefer shiksa women to jewish women? What will you eat if Mad Cow Disease strikes us here in the Americas? There is, after all, only so much of me to go around.

Marc writes: Dear MrHollywoodJew: why does elliot gould act like a homosexual when he's playing ross and monica's father on "friends"?

MrHollywoodJew replies: While I have been out at dinner several new questions and comments have been directed to (at?) me. Okay.

1) Chaim asks why I want to schtup 7 shiksa barbies, aren't 7 Jewesses good enough for me? Answer: Jewesses are TOO good for me. Ideally I'd rather have 7 (or more) of each.

2) If I were a self-hating Jew I'd have become a Baptist like my last ex-wife. I LIKE being a Jew. I want to find a nice Jewish girl to marry. I'd still like to schtup a few shiksas on the side, though. What's wrong with that? My first wife was Jewish and she was the best one so far.

3) Why do people ask me strange questions about things like my opinion on Nicole Kidman and Tom Hanks' adopting kids or Hugh Hefner's concubines? Now someone asks me about Elliot Gould on "Friends." Mr. Hollywood Jew has never seen a single episode of "Friends." Sorry. Ask me about strip clubs or the rootless cosmolpolitanism; I don't know anything from "Friends" or nutty Scientologist mainstream actors.

I agree with Chaim that Popeyes rocks (a fine Big Easy establishment), but is it kosher? Chaim, are you letting your love of greasy chicken compromise your observing of the laws of kashrut? Gevalt in Himmel!

Letter to the Editor

Chaim Amalek writes: Luke, please respect my line and paragraph breaks. The way you cobble together my commentary makes it appear that I am rambling from one topic to another.

PS You know, you really ought to put all of my commentary up on top, and for a full 36 hours, if you really want to build more traffic to your site.

Lynne Visits DennisPrager.net

Lynne writes: Being up-to-date on our site for a change, I stopped over at your other site [DennisPrager.net] for a few minutes, and read the disclaimer, about your obnoxious behavior in 1998, the year before we met (and of which I had a taste when I took you to that first Skeptics meeting to see Paul Kurtz). Do you protect me from that side of you by prohibiting all actual contact between us? Or do you protect yourself from my disapproval of you by such prohibition? Both?

In the past few years, have you grown and matured a little bit? Please say my hard work of setting you a good example has paid off, just a little! Luke, was your recent shul switch of your own free will or where you asked to leave because of "bad behavior?" Again... Not that it matters...you won't learn anything valuable in any synagogue that you weren't exposed to a zillion times already by your parents and the Seventh Day Adventists, and if it didn't sink in then, why would it now? (Stupid question -- perhaps because you are growing and changing and maturing? One would hope!)

From me you can learn, though...what it is like to keep going in the face of all adversity, with no one but myself to provide my every need, bereft of love and affection and financial security, caught out in the open with no delusions to hide behind, and you, Luke F-rd, as my emotional lifeline. Pretty as you are, Lukey, that's not a very pretty picture, is it?