Sunday, January 21st, 2001

The Incredible Lightness Of Being Gene Ross

Alan Miles, who's wife works for AVN, reports: There is a sickness pervading the industry in the form of an emotionally challenged individual named Gene Ross. The entire industry is watching him destroy himself, and it's really a shame. He began by attacking Paul Fishbein and other associates at Adult Video News magazine, and he continues his attacks on anyone and everyone who appears to support AVN even remotely. Ross is completely out of control and now is a huge albatross around the neck of the adult entertainment industry. There is much, much more to come on this topic -- mostly from Ross himself. Everyone involved in the adult industry needs to come together cohesively to face the new arch-conservative leadership, soon to be in power in our nation's capitol -- and Ross simply will not allow himself to play well with others. In short, he's more of a problem for the adult industry now than a part of the solution.

It was announced today by AVN that [Screw publisher] Al Goldstein will begin writing for AVN online later this week. According to Goldstein, "I'm going to do the same thing (Gene) Ross did, only I'm going to do it better." Personally, I think the addition of Goldstein to the AVN stable of writers is a great idea.

The Scoop On The General Internet Alliance (GIA)

FCI president Andrew Edmond writes on YNOTmasters.com posting board:

As I promised... let's stir the political pot a little, shall we? :)

Here is the INSIDE STORY of the GIA and the "players" effort to form a protective association to protect their (and your) business, and the total lack of success thereof. Here goes...

I was one of the original folks at the GIA pre-meeting and first open meeting in January of 2000. Folks from the ITA (International Telecommunications Association, a fancy title for the largest phone sex business association in the world) took initiative and pro-actively approached the big players in the adult internet business.

At the meeting where Dave from Python, Ron from CE, Joe from CEN, Jack from BabeNet, myself (Andrew Edmond from YNOT/SexTracker), Bob from RJB, Kaiser from NetPond, Greg Dumas from IGallery. Quite a roomful of people, egos and fortunes!

The ITA guys were perfectly reasonable, they wanted to help us create an adult internet trade association by mirroring the successes they've had with the phone sex business... they knew how to neutralize politics and ego to get business done between enemies for a common good. They had even flown out some chief prosecuter from the FTC with their own money to explain to the embryonic GIA that a s---storm was coming. I was convinced that these guys were offering to our industry an awesome advantage for getting this done quicky, correctly, and with folks that have already hit all the bumps in the road. I was convinced we couldn't lose if we went with what these guys were proposing... experience, proven track record... they had it all.

However, it was clear from the beginning that Ron Levi had control of the room, and was the central figure that would decide if the rest would participate. Everyone in the room, though intelligent and successful, was going to go with where Ron was going to go. Most of them were still looking at me wondering how I got in the room, but as usual I had a lot to say about protecting our business. It was also very clear Ron and Jack didn't like me interrupting them :) I *did not* make a good first impression on those guys - LOL!

In the end, Ron and the rest of the guys decided to throw their money - quite a bit of it - at Mark Tiarra to run the GIA, not these guys with a proven record from the ITA - who had a dossier of lobbying success the size of the yellow pages. I like Mark and all, but vocally told them I thought they were crazy to put a guy with a stellar design business into the lobbying business. Ron was pissed at Visa, as was Dave from Python that was in the middle of billing nightmares. Jack and Bob were on the sidelines, but dropped their money down as well. Mark accepted as a favor to Ron.

Over the next year, the GIA spent a lot of money on lawyers doing research for how to sue Visa effectively, but in the end nothing happened. The GIA is still in existance, but really is being used as community lawyer muscle for all the big players to protect their business interests, and not to that successful of a degree from what I gather.

Where was the GIA when RJB got sued by the FTC? Where was the GIA when JoeE got shut off from UUNet? Where was the GIA when JoeE got sued by AOL?

Now here we are a year later. Dubya just got elected to office, Ashcroft is days away from being named attorney general, and ANYBODY with a half a head knows that online pornography is going to get the s--- KICKED OUT OF IT.

BEFORE Bush become president, AOL sued CEN for $150,000,000 and not only is CEN going to spend hundreds of thousands fighting it, they are going to be dragged through the public media like criminals before they are even found guilty soon as Ashcroft's PR team starts up. RJB lost untold millions and has had to stipulate to agreements at gunpoint by the federal government. I can tell you right now there is not one company cleaner than RJB and they got trashed this year with a friendly administration in place.

2001 is going to be worse.

Much worse.

MUCH MUCH worse.

If you aren't scared, you have your head in the sand!

Pull it out and look around you. This industry is heading for some serious rapids, and unless your raft is bulletproof, you have an equal chance of going down as anybody else.

So, why am I writing this? Well, because it's not a bad thing. I think it will be GOOD for this industry to have to fight for it's life. I think we'll see a lot of assholes get chased out of the business.

I think we'll see most of the con men shut up shop, and even though many of the innocent will hurt insufferably through the next few years (most people at YNOT I include on this list), the whole industry will come out so that the next time Ron Levi and partners are in a room being held an olive branch for protection from the government they won't f--- it up like they did last time.

In the meantime, YNOT is dedicated to helping webmasters survive through the coming storm. Much of what is going on at YNOT in the background is preparing for the likelihood of this type of nightmare happening to our industry. This is why I get involved with stuff like the COPA Commission, or the National Research Council. YNOT will be there to do that and more, now and in the future.

Oh yeah, if I'm wrong about my predictions for the next administration, then I'll be glad to have you all say I told you so. However, I think most people can see the truth and the likelihoods I propose as happening.

Okay... if I offended anyone, I apologize ahead of time. These are my opinions only, don't roast me for having them, but I would love to hear yours in turn.

Webmaster Brad Shaw replies: The GIA was and is a joke. It was set-up by a few self-serving guys and failed and continues to fail. That about sums it up.

XXX responds: The reason that Andy attacked the GIA is that his chatboard is dead and he's trying to liven it up. The guys from the GIA threw Andy out. They didn't even want to talk to him. They laughed at him.

At the first GIA meeting a year ago, Edmond went in there professing that he was going to save the adult internet. Guys like Ron Levi and Jack Gallagher (Babenet) and all the power players laughed at him. Andy wouldn't let anybody else talk and get a word in edgewise and they told him to get out.

Oz is Andy's number one supporter because he gets traffic out of the deal with AdultWebmaster.com, which he owns. Oz will go to his grave supporting Andy as a hero.

Luke: The video industry's panicking over the new administration.

XXX: They're nuts. It's paranoia. Next I expect to see consultants spring up who say, pay me $5000 a day and I will make your product y2k compliant. Out of desperate situations breed con men.

Luke: I will now offer my services. I know what is good for the industry. I know what is obscene. Consult with Luke, for just $100 an hour. And I will throw in an outcall massage and some script consulting.

Flying Crocodile Statistics

JT Edmond from Flying Crocodile Inc writes: Luke, In reference your story " Is Porno A $10 Billion A Year Industry?", please allow me clarify that FCI has never said that the adult online industry makes 10 billion a year. Our projected earnings for the online segment of adult entertainment is 1.1 billion for the year 2000. May I also add that all of the statistics that come from FCI are completely accurate within +/- 3% depending on the statistic and the methodology used in the calculation. We couple our methodology with Nielsen Net-Ratings to provide the most accurate statistics available on the adult online industry. We stand behind our numbers 100%.

Based upon your article, am I to understand that you have done independent research that contradicts FCI's ( or even AVN's) statistical findings? Do you have any evidence, what so ever, that backs up your claim that our information lacks accuracy? If you don't have any other evidence, how can you call this information BS?

Sometime the bias in your commentary baffles me. You manipulate words and opinions to fit your own agenda and them post them on your site as if it were fact. I find this very unfair. As a company, Flying Crocodile has always treated you with respect and fairness. Is it too much to ask for the same in return?

Rob Black's Sacred Python

XXX writes: Dear Luke, Here is a further little known fact concerning porn director Rob Black.At the Extreme Associates headquarters building, there is a room with strictly limited access,its contents are kept secret to all ecexpt Rob Black and a few other trusted lieutenants.The room, I can reveal, has in fact been onverted into a specialised snake-tank,and its occupant is Rob Black's pet Burmese python "Monty". The magnificent beast is at least 20ft long, and of proportionate thickness-the phallic paralells are obvious.It is said that Rob Black's jaded palates supreme enjoyment is his hand feeding of the serpent.Apparently he loves feeding Monty live rats, watching with fascination the strangulation and slow swallowing of the wretched rodent. Black has been known to sit for hours in stunned silence watching the spectacle.

There is, however, a further twist to this tail.Black is under the the firm conviction that his snake is possessed of a god.A devotee of the voudoon cults Black believes that his sacred python is able to divine the future.Using a form of divination used in the oracles of darkest Africa, Black observes the serpent's movements for answers in the affirmative or negative posed to it. It can be said, therefore, that Extreme Associates is being literally run by a snake.

Luke replies: I lived with a woman once for four months who had a pet python named Buddy. This woman frequently mentioned my own lack of size in the vital department and compared me negatively to her previous boyfriend.

Concerned writes: Farting on porn star's catered food? Divining the future from a python? Hiring Gene Ross? I am seriously starting to question Rob Black's capabilities as a potential mayor of Los Angeles.

Can Porn Films Be Great Films?

Joanne writes Luke: I think you should reconsider your statement concerning your belief that no porno can qualify amoung the top 10 000 films ever made. There are a number of great films that should be considered for at least the top 100 films ever made. Some of the 70's and early 80's classics are indeed of very high overall quality. Sure, none of them are are going to rival any mainstream studio in terms of production values or acting, but in terms of content and theme, there are some great films that couldn't have been made in any other way. It is only because of snobbery that these films are not considered "real films". The content and artistic statement should be judged, and pornos shouldn't be written off as second class films just because they contain graphic sex. Take a look at a few of the classics again and look for the art instead of the sex. Sometimes even the acting is good.

I would argue with anybody that Richard Pacheo's performance in Talk Dirty to Me is far far far better than Tom Hanks Forest Gump. And Hanks won the Oscar for that! John Leslie has more and talent than just about any of the top billed stars today. I'd like to see Brad Pitt try his hand at Jack in Talk Dirty. He might pull off the acting, but the sex in those classics is every bit an essential part of the character and performance. Let's see Brad pull that off. Jessie St. James never turned out a bad performance. Look at her in Easy, and again, Talk Dirty to Me (sorry, but that's just such an easy example of a great film). Georgina Spelvin was great. Leslie Bovee was always great. Damn, look at Jerry Butler. He is a very good actor. And even with all the faults of classic pornos, taken for what they are, they are every bit as good and artistic and meaningful as any Hollywood film. Nobody says, "Oh if only Wells had colour film, Citizen Kane could have been a good film". You look at the film, you forget about the limits of how it was made and you judge it for what it is and how well the director is able to present his vision. Spinelli, de Renzy (Femmes de Sade, let's see a mainstream film make as poignent a statement as that about sexual deviance), McCallum, Metzger, Damiano, these guys are not just hacks. It's too bad that snobbery and repression will probably never let these guys get the credit as serious artists that these guys deserve.

Yet Another Retraction

Lynne writes: It has been brought to my attention that your readers, moronic or not, believed that the IM chat you put up about a week ago and attributed to me was really me, and that it appears to make me out to be a whiny bitch. NOT being an overly sensitive, whiny bitch, I didn't bother to complain to you at the time, figuring it was stupid and just thought I would let it go. Unfortunately, the feedback I've gotten hasn't been pleasant, and I'm tired of making excuses for your bad behavior. I doubt you can articulate why you chose to portray me in such a negative light so needlessly, but I would like to hear your excuse should you be able to come up with one. Hey, Luke -- if I'm gonna be portrayed as an asshole, let me do it myself, okay? You don't need to make stuff up just to make me look stupid, as I am quite capable of doing that myself. Oh, yes -- while we're on the subject of retractions, I thought about what Kendra had to say the other day and I'm just glad I'm not a performer, because I would have to sue the two of you for implying that I had "warts" which, in context, would mean "venereal warts," which would impact my ability to get scenes if I were a performer...causing loss of income...necessitating a lawsuit. I love you, and I know you love me -- I would just as soon you not be telling me because I have known you long enough to know better than to believe anything you say anyway...

Luke Gets Mail

John writes: Luke, Sean Michaels promised us he would retire in 2000, I hope be keeps his words. His latest video releases suck. I just watched or tried to watch "Rocks that Ass 13 & 14" and they were horrible, that gals were ugly, the anlges, lighting were bad and Sean has turned into a weak performer. I really wanted to see him with Chennin Blanc and was dissappointed in what was the worst scene of the movie, no oral, she looked bad for the first time ever, poor videos. Sean please retire, you promised us, save us from this trash.

Victor writes: What do GONZO and PRO-AM mean??

Luke replies: Gonzo means cinema verite porno, where the sex performers acknowledge the presence of the camera. Pro-Am means a mixture of newcomers and industry veterans working together.

Teal writes: Dear Luke, I recently saw a photo of April Flowers, well anyway, it appears her tongue no longer has that piercing. Can you find out if that is true and email me back. She was always a favourtive of mine but I don't particularly like piercing anywhere besides the ears. That's just my preference which I'm allowed to have. Do you know her email? Have you ever met her? Why not ask Tera to bring her along onto the Tera Show and maybe clear up the pierced tongue confusion!

Meni69: good morning handsome, have a great Sunday, read the torah, don't masturbate, vote for me as journalist of the year for PST

Rumdar writes: Hey Fellas..I am in Vegas for a long weekend. What a town!! A monument to overkill. It was H.L. Menken who once said: "No one ever lost any money overestimating the bad taste of the American people" He must have had Vegas in mind (although I think he made that remark long before Vegas was Vegas) On the other hand there is everything here from hot looking sluts of all makes to people being wheeled around the casinos on a gurney with their own oxygen masks. I shall join the group again next Tues. In the meantime remember that the above mis values of Luke were pluses in the hippie sixties. All except bad health. Let's make a list of Luke's good points. I'll start it out. He has a great sense of humor.

Gilles writes: The day Lori Michaels posted on your site that she didn't know Marcus was on the 17.On the 16, at your site and at generossextreme there was a report and pictures of Mr.Marcus from the Tera Show. I understand she don't read AVN but I also understand she takes a lot of time reading your and geneross site. How could she miss it???

Chaim Amalek Heals The Sick

Chaim Amalek writes Vancouver Kendra: Kendra, that you continue to write to me and Luke betokens a sickness of the spirit within you. You need God in your life. Just consider some of your disturbing/inconsistent statements:

"I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP! ...I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Who cares...I certainly don't... Immediate family will be sad, yes, but in the end, it doesn't matter that I was ever on the earth."

How very sad this is! "....I am atheist....look at Luke. Seventh day adventist to Orthodox Jew. What has organized religion given him? It has made him narcissistic, paranoid, and weak. It has him doubting himself at every turn."

To be fair, I suspect Luke was narcissistic and the rest (but paranoid? I do not see that) long before he went jew.

"I do not doubt myself!!!!! I do not see myself as any better or any less then all of the other life on this planet."

Do you mean to say that you are no better than a paramecium? How about a rat? A nematode? If someone burst into your home to do you harm, where would you find the psychological strength with which to resist?

Kendra, follow my advice and be happier. Get rid of the cats. Know that you are a superior life form, superior to every non-human form of life known to man, including cats. Carry yourself as the sentient being made in God's image that you are, and look down upon the rest of God's creatures with haughty disdain. Find yourself a man. Surrender yourself to God and obey your man. Raise your children right.

Please spread this word (in your own words, please) to all of your women friends. They need to hear the truth too.

Is Judaism Racist?

"Luke says: My religion is more important to me than my love life. God's will is more important to me than anything. God wants the Jews to be a holy and separate people"

JRob writes: So, if Vishnu, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Zeus, David Duke, Paul Cambria, or the American Atheists say black men should not have intercourse with white women, that IS racism. But, if the God of Israel says Jews are a "separate" and "chosen" people who should not inter-breed with non-Jews, that IS NOT racism. Oh. Thanks for clearing that up.

Luke replies: That is not racism because Judaism is not a race. Anybody can become a Jew. But a black man can't become a white man.

Chaim replies: Who is this NAZI, this ANTISEMITE, this REPUBLICAN? Look, it is not about religion, but about preserving a superior set of genes. Mix them up with the shvartze genes, and god knows what you will end up with. The only certainty is that it will be left wing.

JRob replies: "That is not racism because Judaism is not a race."

Good point. I stand corrected. A lack of clarity detracts from my observations. I should have used the word "bias" or (if I wanted to be combative) "bigotry."

My very minor point was just that Jews rightly complain about being singled out and suffering discrimination. Yet, could the argument be advanced that the philosophical, cultural, and theological exclusivity you would proclaim might contribute, to a lesser or greater degree, to the problem?

I am, of course, not saying something stupid like it led logically and rightly to the concentration camps (relax, Chaim). I have just wondered from time to time about the position that a group (ethnic or otherwise) may advance wanting nothing more than to be treated fairly and like everyone else with no differences, but only so long as everyone remains cognizant of the fact that the group is separate, apart, different, and exclusive. The two goals seem somewhat contradictory.

If I proudly bring forth the fact that I am a Northwestern European American with a Protestant Theological Background (I prefer that to "white" or "pink"), and that we should remain only with our own kind, I shouldn't be too whiny about the possible result that non-NWEAPTB's occasionally or often tell me to f--- off if I want to mix with them, but only on my terms. Hence, and back to what began this little discussion, you might be inclined to not immediately dismiss a non-Jewish woman as a possible partner.

If you are seeking a reasonable level of happiness, your soul-baring on this site would, so far, indicate that adherence to strict Judaism has not helped you achieve that goal. This doesn't preclude the possibility that it some day may, it only seems that the practice has failed to date. So, call up Kendra Jade, tell her you don't care if she's not Jewish, and ask her to start up the whoopy machine.

Luke replies: In the matter of not marrying non-Jews, Jews do not discriminate as much as we restrict ourselves. And we frequently hire non-Jews to work for us, serving food, carrying out the trash, sweeping floors, performing in pornographic films and the like.

As for myself, the most important part of my life is my Judaism. That is where the most emotionally important, and seeminlgy morally important interactions seems to occur for me. That is where my most valued friends are. That is where I spend my most valued time. That is my real life. Therefore, I need to marry someone who will share that. And JRob, I want to be your moral leader.

JRob replies: Don't need one, but thanks for the offer. It is sort of like when christians ask me if I've been born again. I've always felt I was sufficiently born the first time.

Luke: "And we frequently hire non-Jews to work for us."

Sounds familiar. Sort of like, "Some of my best friends are negroes. The funny one who rakes my lawn, for example. Always singing and dancing. Of course, he's not actually allowed in the house, and if he even looks at my daughter he has a date with a lamp post."

Luke wrote: "That is not racism because Judaism is not a race. Anybody can become a Jew. But a black man can't become a white man."

JRob replies: However, try telling that to the Somali Jews who tried to emigrate to Israel about a decade ago. They had to fight like hell to become Israeli citizens under their law allowing immigration to any Jew. The right-wing Conservative Jewish Israelis did not like black Africans claiming to be Jews at all, and fought their permanent entry like hell. Israel has been a state long enough that if even YOU emigrated to Israel, it is unlikely you would be easily accepted as a true Jew. You would be viewed as a convert and an immigrant, and you would have problems integrating into Israeli Jewish society.

Luke replies: I've been Jewish for eight years, and I've been to Israel for three weeks, and I've had no problem gaining acceptance as a fellow Jew. As for the black Somali Jews, there were serious questions about whether they were truly Jewish. If they were Jewish, they'd been separated from the Jewish people for 2500 years. But Israel flew them in from Ethiopia to save them from starvation nonetheless. Nobody raises questions in Israel or North America over the Jewish status of black Jews. I've met numerous black Jews in Los Angeles who are fully accepted by the Jewish community as Jews.

Make Your Own Jewess

Chaim writes Luke: If you can't get a jewess you want to want you, find a gentile girl who likes you and make her a jew!

Can One Be Saved Without Advertising Bestiality Sites?

Devoto writes: "God wants the Jews to be a holy and separate people who marry each other and nurture each other to higher levels of morality. "

The above statement appeared on your site during a discussion about relationships. In addition, you went on to state that "It's not just the theology. Judaism is far more than a religion, it is a culture and a way of life."

This got me thinking about my quest for a moral life. Although I am not Jewish (I am however, cicumsized--BONUS MORALITY POINTS??) I still want to be a MORAL person and do the RIGHT thing. I do not run a site that reviews pornography HOEWEVER, I long to sleep comfortable at night knowing I spent my day performing tasks that benefit the "collective" GOOD. I do not host advertisements ranging from beastiality sites to various other forms of "entertainment" YET, I still desire to be of a high moral standing. I do not post offers by porn-stars to prostitute themselves on the internet, BUT, I still want to be a GOOD person. Is there HOPE for me Luke?? Can I be SAVED?? Or is it too late?

Chaim writes Luke: Boy, you attract the antisemites like a magnet attracts iron filings.

click here for hot action

X P A Y S

Jungle Girls and Girl Ranch contain no bestiality. They're parody sites. They're psuedo-bestiality sites. They each contain this: "Disclaimer: Girl Ranch Contains No Beastiality! If you are under 21 years of age, or if it is illegal to view adult material in your community, please leave now. We can't be held responsible for your actions. We are not acting in any way to send you this information; you are choosing to receive it! Continuing further means that you understand and accept responsibility for your own actions, thus releasing the creators of this Web page and our service provider from all liability."

These sites, like most adult sites, offer a sublime paradigmatic shift between what the consumer seeks and wants, and what the site actually offers.

Devoto writes: Luke, Will the benefits and wonders of Judaism ever cease?? Yesterday on your site I realized that Jews are the "chosen ones" and that God has the desire for them to achieve a HIGHER LEVEL OF MORALITY. I was amazed, and inquired immediately as to whether or not it was too late for me to be ENLIGHTENED. Then, today, I find out from Chaim that Jews are FURTHER blessed by the good Lord who saw fit for them to grip the testicles of the black man ("if we Jews ever lost our grip on the black man's testicles"). Once again, I beg of you, AM I TOO LATE?? PS I also LOVE a good kosher deli, does your synagogue serve pastrami?

Luke replies: At times. But more importantly, my new friend, you need to learn about the blessed modesty of Jewish women. Listen here. For further enlightenment, please click over to 613.org, but do not say that Luke F-rd sent you. Shhh! It will not help your journey into Orthodox Judaism to ever mention my name or Chaim Amalek's. Devoto, I want to be your moral leader.

Devoto replies: My moral leader?? Are you implying that there is an OBJECTIVE moral code? Or do you simply wish for me to adhere to YOUR own subjective code? If there is an objective code, PLEASE inform me of it, otherwise I would simply prefer to cling to my OWN ideology. I have NEVER been disappointed by my own personal belief system, and it is quite simple: NEVER urinate on anyone who is bigger than you (I call it the GOLDEN rule).

Luke replies: The objective transcendent moral code is found in the Torah and the Talmud.

Is John Ashcroft Good For The Jews?

An Orthodox Jew describes his experience working for John Ashcroft:

Critics imply that Ashcroft, because of his strong Christian beliefs, is intolerant of Jews. Actually, he's more than tolerant; he's downright philo-Semitic. Ashcroft was born to a gentile family in a predominantly Jewish Chicago neighborhood. His mother served as a Shabbos goy, turning ovens on and off as needed (a practice many Jews found charming when practiced by a young Colin Powell--but then Powell is African American and pro-choice). Ashcroft's father even took a mezuzah with the family when they moved from Chicago to Springfield, Missouri, where he kept it affixed to his doorpost until his death, in 1995. Ashcroft, I'd wager, knows more about Judaism than half the Jewish members of the Senate.

Radio Free Luke

Most times I (Luke F-rd) do a radio interview, I think that I could do a far better job than the host with creating a fast paced, controversial and intelligent show. So I'm thinking about buying an hour or two a week on Los Angeles radio to show what I can do. I spent four years at KAHI/KHYL radio in Sacramento. Email Luke any suggestions for appropriate stations and show formats. I think a successful show would be a terrific lurching pad for my run for Congress. Email Luke any suggestions for a political platform (aside from low marginal tax rates). Together we can make America great.

Chaim Amalek writes Luke: I think that this is a fantastic (uh, wrong word) idea for you to follow up on. Among the obvious topics are:

1. Porn

2. Porn and

3. Judaism. And its role in promulgating porn. Talk about stuff that the other people on the radio do not touch. Just comb the archives of your own web site and you will find lots of potential topics for discussion.

But here is one that comes to mind that has not been discussed. Are the clergy of religions that deny their priesthood any outlet for heterosexual sex becoming the play-club of homosexuals and pederasts? No, do not do this - way, way, way, way, way too f---ing inflamatory. Only a catholic can touch this one.

So, how about the role of jews in Hollywood? Invite some arabs, a negro or two and perhaps a white supremacist to debate the issue with some small jew with a high-pitched voice from the ACLU or ADA.

Or - is inbreeding bad for the jews and, conversely, is exogamy healthy for jews?

This one cannot miss - how to start your own porno web site with less than $1,000. (Your next book!)

A panel discussion of current and former porn performers (ain't no "stars" among them) re anal v. vaginal sex, money shots, sex with black people, pet care tips etc. And find a rabbi to utter a prayer at the start of the show just to get the mainstream press all riled up to the point where they shower you with free PR.

Are Mexicans replacing African Americans in the economic structure of California?

Why are there so few black faces on "hispanic" television? I mean, it isn't as though the average hispanic was of Icelandic descent.

Closeted Jews (e.g., Ralph Lifs---s) - good for the jews?

"So you want to be a pornstar/porn mogul/fluffer" type shows.

Weird sex cults (if there are any, let me know).

Porno Intervention! You out some 18 year old pornet to her family back in Iowa, and the family shows up to "intervene" in her life. Seriously, any of these shows would be dynamite for the Luke F-rd Hour(s). No reason why you cannot be the Oprah for us regular american joes in the new millenium. -Luke F-rd

Marc Putative of RadioDigest.com writes: luke--are you familiar with michael medved? as a precocious kid, i practically memorized his book, "the golden turkey awards," which chronicled the worst b-movies of all time in assorted categories ... including plenty of skin flicks. a decade later, he was tearing apart the entire system he had been snickering at in the book "hollywood vs. america," only his tone was much more embittered. but the guy is a ba'al teshuva and does his own daily radio show--which i can't pick up 'round these parts, even though he's also filled in for r. limbaugh. when it comes to radio, you've got the best of both worlds: the jewish moralistic side (works for medved, prager, dr. laura) and the australian accent that screams sleaze (i.e. steve dunleavy and gordon elliott--did you know the latter used to fill-in for casey kasem?) you could pull this off on canadian radio, no problem. and then chaim amalek would be able to appreciate this country beyond just sctv ... p.s. personally, i'd like to hear you and j.d. considine do a rock 'n' roll news show, where you'd rail against the moral turpitude of the music industry. myself, i've always wanted to score a gig as a right wing rock critic, where i could expose the hypocricy in that business.

Luke: I love Michael Medved, Dennis Prager and Dr. Laura.

Marc: luke--since i'd just went through this horror story last shabbes, i was initially compelled to tell you the tale of two young girls who, after being granted the mitzvah of a place to stay while they wandered the streets, proceeded to abuse every good grace that was given them. but i'll plead the 5th (or whatever number commandment lashon hara [evil speech] is), no matter how much fun it is to write the term "crack whores".

it does bring to mind are two recurring themes on your site: (a) what you should be doing with your life and (b) how do young women get mixed up in a lifestyle where their addictions takes precedence over everything, especially basic courtesy ... no matter how much their parents might have exposed them to positive cultural and religious influences (especially judaism, non-repressive as it's meant to be). if not a radio show, all your notoriety can certainly be applied to writing a second book that analyzes this phenomenon through the prism of the pornography business. and if you're a suave character spreading the hard truth about what happens to wayward teens--whether they end up in porn or not--with the cold, hard facts about the degenerate side of society before you (rather than the abstract sense of amorality wielded by hypocritical flynt-hater dr. laura), it'd certainly influence the course of parenting for the future. it might not be enough to trade in prager-esque homilies. (granted, i've never heard the man, but i've read one of his books.) you've been there, done that ... now it's time to get away, and undo the damage. plus, you'd be doing a mitzvah (almost) as profound as having children of your own.

Luke: How do we eroticize goodness? Most of the stuff that gives me wood is decidedly not good. If degradation is inherent to erotic attraction, how do we use porno to morally educate people?

Are You Trying To Cheat Us Out Of Our Royalties?

Chaim writes: Luke, we have a problem. All this while I have been giving you free material in the hope that you would repay the favor by pimping for me. Yes, I wanted some porno chick who has f---ed 1,245,624 men to be mine. But now I learn that these chicks are diseased whores, and no longer desire them. (It was that damn Talk magazine article. Damn you, Tina Brown!)So what is in this for me, what is in it for Chaim Amalek?

It has come to our attention that you are recycling previous work without paying any residuals. This must stop until a suitable method of payment can be worked out. Sadly, in view of that Talk article, payment must be in another form.

Marc writes: it's come to this? you're recycling comments i sent you almost a year ago? well, at least point this out to the LF.com readership ... and everything i said back then still stands. but i haven't had many run-ins with crack whores since.

The Gathering Clouds Of Anti-Semitism

Chaim Amalek writes: From the toilet-mouths of America's porn shiksas (and isn't every shiksa a porn shiksa, at heart?), to the events of today in Washington, the clouds of antisemitism are gathering all over American. Consider President Bush's inaugural address. In addition to mentioning the word "Jesus", (which every jew knows to be a code word for "let's burn the jews who killed Jesus"), Bush uttered the following words: "When we see that weary traveler on the road to Jericho, we won't pass to the other side". Well, what sort of person is presently on the road to Jericho? Why, the Palestinian, of course. This was Bush's way of signaling a pro-Palestinian foreign policy.

Then consider Bush's conciliatory words to the Negro. Trust me, Luke, if we Jews ever lost our grip on the black man's testicles, we jews would be done for in this country. Any attempt by a republican to reach out to the black man must be viewed as an expression of homophobic antisemitism, and must be countered by every means at hand. THE SCHVARTZE IS OURS AND MUST REMAIN OURS.

Barbara Streisand had it right - this is no less a threat to the jews than the anti-communist crusade of the 1950's. Now please shut the f--- up about Wichita.

Devoto writes: I find out from Chaim that Jews are FURTHER blessed by the good Lord who saw fit for them to grip the testicles of the black man ("if we Jews ever lost our grip on the black man's testicles").

Chaim replies: Friend, it is never too late to grab ahold of the black man's testicles. We jews know that there is more to grab than we can ever get our hands on. Just so long as our enemies the republicans/christians/nazis never get THEIR hands on their share. Remember, the shvartze belongs to us!

PS Finding it difficult to get yours? Offer the schvartze a world in which white wombs are his, some dope, and lots of affirmative action (except in places like Harvard, which also are OURS), and you will have him eating out of the palm of your hand. Then, while he is in this contented state, you reach into his pants and grab him by the balls. Tell him that this is for his own good, and that were he to break free he would lose all the white women and affirmative action and democrats that make life worth living.

PPS Do not think of me as a racist. I marched in Selma to give the Schvartze the vote, and I donate lots of money to the NAACP and all manner of liberal causes.

PPPS Wanna join the jews? Sure, no problem. JUST BE WILLING TO HAVE THE TIP OF YOUR PECKER HACKED OFF. Then you can be one of us.

Devoto replies: Chaim, the tip of my pecker has already been hacked, PERHAPS a SIGN from the good lord to join your tribe? Now that you and your tribe are aware of the status of my genitals (circumcised) what is next?? Is there an Entrance Fee, or Exam? If so, could I forego those, as I have already seen Fiddler On the Roof several times and feel that has given ALL the necessary knowledge for my conversion.

Luke replies: To start your conversion process, you should read Pointnoy's Complaint by Phillip Roth. And yes, conversion costs $1200.

Devoto writes: Luke, I listened to the suggested audio file, and found that it seems as if Judaism, at least in regard to the subjects addressed is a version of existentialism. I believe perhaps you would benefit from reading some Soren Kirkegaard as he addressed quite well the problems of humanity. Kirkegaard puts forth the proposition that angst and conflict exist simply because we have freewill and forced to CHOSE between human/physical desires and spiritual/mental needs. I HIGHLY recommend www.thecry.com for further reading, as I have found that philosophy based in LOGIC has helped me in my times of NEED more than religion based in FAITH.

Luke replies: Ok, is there a community wherever you go in the world of believers in this logic, that will help you, and help you raise kids, and celebrate your joyous occasions with? People need people. People need community. Spirituality, theology, religion, sacred text and logic are not enough.

Devoto writes: The ideas expressed by Immanuel Kant in his writings are similar to my SPIRITUAL beliefs. Kant argues that there is a Universal Consciousness that exists, and we are ALL part of it. One can look at individuals as SPOKES in a wheel, and the Universal Consciousness would be the HUB of that wheel. SO, in essence, the people that I celebrate my joyous occasions with, the people that I turn to for advice, the people that support me in my time of need are the PEOPLE of the HUMAN RACE. I find this is less limiting than ANY religion (YOU and your search for a Jewess are a PERFECT example) and, thus, MORE tolerant than any religion.

Luke replies: Yeah, sounds nice, but it doesn't work in real life. It's all very well and good to love humanity. But in your system, you have no specific community to align with.

Devoto writes: FUNNY we should be discussing community. A family member of mine just dropped by and was quite interested in what I was doing, as she CARES for me (much like a community?). She WARNED me to be careful corresponding with members of YOUR community (not your synagogue brethren, but the members of the Adult "Entertainment" industry). Furthermore, I believe that my "community" is larger and more DIVERSE than yours, and perhaps more satisfying?? On a lighter note, though, I was curious, if I DID convert to Judaism and was to engage in cunnilingus with a gentile, would a rabbi need to "bless" her labia for them to be KOSHER?

Sad But True

Chaim writes Luke: There is no other site on the web that so seamlessly combines pornography and racism and antisemitism as yours does. Luke, you are doing the devil's work.

Luke F-rd - Jew-nabee

Jane writes: Luke, Just curious, you say it costs $1,200 to convert. Why? What is the money for? How is it spent by whomever is demanding it? Seems rather cultish to me. When I became a member of a Buddhist Temple they never asked me for money, instead they invited me to join them for lunch! I find any religion/culture/lifestyle/community that asks for cash up front to become a member somewhat suspect. Do the ethnic Jewish parents of Jewish children have to pay their entrance fee into Jewland, too? Or does your religion have special considerations for those who have blood lineage? Seems like if you have to pay to play they aren't that keen to have you.

By the way, if you really want to see religion and community come together, drive on up the coast and pay a visit to the Glide Methodist Church in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco. (www.glide.org) - (go there Luke and take a look at this man's living legacy, post the url too) Hear the Reverend Cecil Williams give his sermon about putting your beliefs (love of GOD?) into action: feed the hungry, help the addicted, respect all people as your brothers and sisters, take care of each other! This is a man who went out to crack houses with a bullhorn calling out addicts and dealers to recovery! His church feeds over a million meals a year, 3 times a day 365 days to the needy, houses, educates, and rehabilitates thousands of people WHETHER THEY BELIEVE IN HIS GOD OR NOT! No sign up fees, no demands that you know the bible backwards and forwards. Reverend Williams shows the kind of moral leadership I want. AND, if that weren't enough, they have a kick-ass funky soul gospel choir to boot, in a word these folks are SASSY! (Yes I am a member of his church, as well, guess that makes me a Buddhist-Methodist)

Excuse my ignorance but what has YOUR synagogue done lately? The Jewish community perhaps more than any other should be on the forefront of protecting other oppressed peoples in the world whatever their skin color or religion. Chaim talks about the Jews "grip on the black man's testicles" He claims he's no racist ( "I marched in Selma").

I guess then he's just secretly wishing he had a handful of that chocolate - come out of the closet, Chaim! You Jews need to support peace in the world through cultural and religious freedom and diversity. Stop whining about the plight of the poor Jews and get on with things! Be part of a solution! That's community, Luke. What kind of good jew are you? You lie to your synagogue about your work (there's that great supporting community you brag about, they are so supportive that you can't BE YOURSELF AROUND THEM or they'd kick your ass out, didn't that happen already?) Plus you have to get a gentile (Kendra) to convert because you know that no really sincere, serious practicing Jewish woman would have you. Who are you kidding? Let's face it Luke, you are a JEW-NABEE!

Chaim replies: We jews charge a pretty penny to the would-be convert for the same reason we charge vast sums of money to the jew who would pray to God on the High-Holy days: to keep the poor out.

Luke replies: Judaism is a step by step detailed system of how to make a better world. These individual heroics by Reverend Williams are wonderful but we Jews have the Torah - both written and oral - and it contained the detailed instructions on how to go about the task in a systematic manner. And I study this morning and night, when I lie down and when I walk by the way. And when I'm sitting at the table. I teach it to my readers. I meditate on it day and night. I want to be your moral leader.

Jane replies: Luke, You didn't answer my questions: Where does the $1,200 go? Who takes it, how is it spent? Scapels for circumcisons? Maybe you could follow Houston's lead and encase the pesky foreskins in resin and auction them off for even MORE money for your community, seeing as how they are so hard up for cash they have to charge people to get in. And what does your community (synagogue)do for the community as a whole, ie: anyone NOT a Jew?

You said: "These individual heroics by Reverend Williams are wonderful but we Jews have the Torah - both written and oral - and it contained the detailed instructions on how to go about the task in a systematic manner." I don't know the Torah, Luke, what kind of answer is that? What "task" are we talking about? Rev. Williams goes out an actively changes his environment, he uses his brain and creative powers and has the chutzpah to go out with a bullhorn and take on a specific problem. He's not sitting around on his butt reading the Bible thinking "when i get all the steps down I will know how to dance." He just dances! Reverend Williams is no hero, he is just practicing what he preaches. What he does is admirable, and I personally think he is a good man, but he is no more a hero than those who take part in Glide's programs - a crack addict who stops doing drugs in my books is a hero. A prostitute who stops selling her body is a hero. I bet he would agree with me on those points. We all have the ability to be heroic, to have God inside us, to face our s--- and go forward.

God doesn't just live inside us, he IS us, we are him. I am not merely a Buddhist I am THE Buddha. So whilst you study the Torah and run your porn website and try to pick up chicks from the synagogue, I am going to keep contributing, in whatever small way I can, to a better world.

So answer those questions above - and answer this: how do you contribute ACTIVELY to the betterment of the world through your practice of Judaism? Point form answers to all questions (the ones here plus previous e-mail) would be nice so you cannot weasel your way out of answering.

Luke replies:

Question One - What do Jews do for non-Jews?

Luke says: Number one, we take care of our own so that you don't have to. I bet there are fewer Jews on welfare than other groups. Two. Almost all Jewish charities give extensively to non-Jews. It was Jews, for instance, who founded the NAACP. Three. We make most of the world's pornography.

Question Two - What is the task?

Luke says: The task is to make the world a better place.

Question Three - Is God me?

Luke says: If God is you, than anything you do must be right. So if you steal, rape or pillage, you are acting divine in your view. Judaism says God is outside of you and judges you. Important moral difference.

Jane replies: So Luke, how does your rabbi feel about your porn website? How does God feel about it? The only important moral difference between you and I is that you claim to live a moral life just by virtue of your Jewishnesss and I actually try to live one just because it's the right thing to do. I don't lie to my community. Isn't lying a sin? This Jewish stuff is so tricky, I must be missing something...

Chaim Amalek Is 100X The Liberal Any Of You Are

Chaim Amalek writes: Listen Jane you Nazi Republican antiwhite miscegenistic lesbian-sympathizing hateful shiksa who hates jews because we are so smart and more moral than you, you hater you, listen up!

Judaism teaches jews to take special care of the poor. In fact, to be poor is a shame on the entire jewish community, so we go the extra mile to help out the poor among us. Unfortunately, this is quite a financial drain on our resources, so our communal institutions are set up more or less to keep poor people out. Hence the high tarrifs on those who would join us. ($1,200 is just the start. If you were a man, what would someone have to PAY you to cut off the tip of your willie?)

As for the rest of your critique, don't you read Dr. Pierce's work every week? We jews are deeply involved in advancing the status of the blackman by making white shiksas like you available to him. We jews also founded the NAACP, the ACLU, the Communist Party USA, the Soviet Union, the NKVD and many other charitable, humanitarian organizations this century.

More recently, we teach by example. Our racism, such as it is, represents the only hope that the white man has if he is to survive until the next millenium. Without jewish-style segregation, the world's races are doomed to merge into an indistinct muddy soup, which would mean the death of racial diversity. If you value diversity, emulate us!

Jane writes: Chaim, Thanks for the mud-slinging name-calling. It's so morally superior of you.

Okay, let me get this straight, you collect $1,200 to cover the costs of all your philanthropic ventures. Good on ya! But two words come to mind: tax deductable. Second you only want the wealthy to apply: what are you? A religion based on God's word or a country club? You write "Judaism teaches jews to take special care of the poor. In fact, to be poor is a shame on the entire jewish community, so we go the extra mile to help out the poor among us. Unfortunately, this is quite a financial drain on our resources, so our communal institutions are set up more or less to keep poor people out." So your beliefs teach you to take care of the poor and downtrodden yet it is a shame to the community to be one. hmmmm. So shame drives your philanthropy, not compassion. Sick.

I have never met a Jew who gave a hoot about anything other than his business and bank account balance. It's a stereotype, true, but it exists for a reason. As for your world's races turning into a indestinct muddy soup theory, I laugh at the idea that the Jews are going to be the last hope for the white race. Black haired, olive complexion, you have more in common with a black person than you do with whitey! You are the Nazi here. I don't really care what skin color we all end up having as long as we do it in peace.

Let's face it Chaim, the world is fast becoming a very tiny place. The notion that you and I can argue back and forth at lightening speed over some box and have it posted for anyone with a similar box to see should boggle the mind really but it is a commonplace thing. With jet travel and immigration to the "new world" the seeds of mixed race have already been sown. So if you want to keep your priceless heritage pure you'd better stop letting guys like Luke pay the money to wear the beanie and forget about Vancouver Kendra's conversion. Hate to tell you but all these cash rich converts are pissing in your gene pool. I live in a city where it appears, at first glance, to be a city in Asia with some white people walking around. Some call it "Hongcouver". Vancouver had a huge flux of rich chinese (Hong Kong) about 12 years ago, and these people bought up everything around. A great deal of rental housing is owned by the Chinese. For the most part, they are slumlords. Housing costs are so high we are grateful if we get some little dodgy house or apartment to live in that doesn't suck up half of our income. We have a second official language here in Canada, maybe some of us know it, it is called French. There are parts of town and one suburb, Richmond (it's no accident they all live there, they like the Rich Man thing) that the first official language appears to be chinese, then english. The Chinese stick together, they run businesses where they hire other chinese. They barely speak english and some never bother to try. They often appear to be frightened by us and keep to themselves. It is most unpleasant to live here with this. My point is, the Chinese want to remain separate , distinct, pure. Like the Jews. They want special treatment. Like the Jews.They only want us to connect with them when we patronize their shops and restaraunts, the jingle of cash in the register. Like the Jews! I once saw a Scout group, mixed boys and girls, about a hundred of them, EVERY LAST ONE CHINESE, their quasi -militaristic uniformed troupe leaders barking out commands in mandarin or what have you like they were marching in Tianneman Square. It scared the heck out of me. It offended me. I thought, how did they solicit membership for this troop that there are only chinese kids there? It was so racist and yet oh so acceptable here for the chinese to be doing their own thing. Kind of like the Jews!

If I am a "hater" (oooh, love that term, it's so Jenny Jones, good work Chaim!) then so be it.