Friday, December 15th, 2000

Where Are You Jade Marcella? Our Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You

Jade Marcella's baggage arrived in Miami (therefore her $1000 ticket was spent) but not the 21-year old porn star of 250 movies.

Her call phone is temporarily disconnected.

Amia More was on the 12:45 AM flight. She called Flashman scared to death. She forgot to bring ID and could not get on the plane.

Flashman Calls Part One Part Two

Flashman says: "It looks like Solveig or Chante will win Miss Porn Star 2001 (about 15 girls competing) in North Miami Beach. Felecia won in 1999. Flashman brought [the winner] Alexandra Quinn last year.

"Everybody is scared s---less. I put Jade Marcella to the LA airport to fly to Miami Beach two nights ago. All of her luggage came on the plane and she was nowhere to be found. Her cell phone is suddenly temporarily disconnected. When I dropped Jade, she said, I am going to Miss Porn Star 2001 to represent you, Flash. I'm on my way. Her luggage was on the flight. Therefore her $1000 was spent. But she did not get off the plane. And everybody is very worried.

"Jade Marcella, 21 years old, Indonesian, takes it up the ass. Beautiful girl. Natural tits. Wonderful superstar. Two hundred and fifty movies. She's no longer around. She disappeared. And all of her luggage is at the porn star convention in Miami Beach. She did not get off the plane.

"Amia Amore. I sent her. She was on the 12:45 [AM?] flight. She called me up scared s---less. She's afraid to fly and didn't have an ID. On her way to the LA airport to go to the Porn Star finals pageant, no identification to get on the plane. Called me up to say, "I'm really scared Flash. I haven't been on a plane for years. And I'm really worried about flying."

"Mia Smiles had a shoot to do and Phyllisha Anne had to watch her baby, so they couldn't compete.

"Alicia Rio is the honorary girl on the stage. She won the latin crown last year. She told me to tell you that she's clean and sober. Remember that fiasco in New York City?

"A couple of the girls could not go to the porn star convention because they're not allowed to leave California because they have felony probation charges still pending. They have to take piss tests on Monday and Thursday.

"I hear you're losing your suntan [Luke] but I hear that you've got some really great looking sport coats from Rodeo Drive and Melrose that you will be showing off at the convention in Las Vegas. You'll be a big star at the AVN Awards. I know at least 25 porno stars that can't wait to take a slap at you, I mean shake your hand, at the AVN Awards. The after party is going to be at the Warner Brothers restaurant at the Venetian."

Is a penchant for porn so wrong?

Hollywood Goes Porno

Slain Wayne tells Gene Ross: "People [from Hollywood] are going to go in this industry because, and it's almost out of necessity because they have no other place to go. Adult production is like double the independent side, and what's going on is that there's a kind of revolution that's going on. There's a lot of opportunities, but it's like a love-hate relationship I have with it. If it wasn't for adult, I wouldn't have learned all the technical stuff. I have to hand it to that. On the other hand, it's such a stigmata. I've known people in the unions in the other industry who are coming here. It's almost a dual personality. They do everything really nice and you see a lot of adult videos nowadays that are really stylized. It's more competitive, unfortunately, because of that. People from that industry are giving their talents, and you see a lot of great product coming out. Soon there's so much coming out, I almost give it another four years. It's going to get so saturated which it is right now with so many companies popping up from the independent side and the Hollywood side investing in it. They're competing with the other established companies, so what you're seeing is people just dividing and starting their own companies; then someone gets out of that one and starts its own."

Lynne L-patin writes Gene Ross: Dear Gene: Even now, during my long awaited winter term break, I don't really have the time to read your site....there's too much stuff to pick through and the small type doesn't help....

Luke used to hypothesize as to what was wrong over at AVN, and I would deter him, tell him that yes, something was squirrelly over there but that he was barking up the wrong tree...

Now that you are cutting down the right tree, I find I no longer care beyond the satisfaction of having confirmation of what I believed all along... AVN is nothing more than a tea party conducted by a Mad Hatter...

I do hope you don't find yourself trapped in a swamp of "he said, he said," taking the next fifteen years to recover from the last fifteen. Go through the refrigerator, find whatever is making the bad smell, throw it out, and move on.

You are finding out who your friends are. I realize it is traumatic to learn that Luke F-rd is one of them, but I can assure you from personal experience that one does recover from this particular embarrassment.

There is a whole wide world out there of gyms full of well-built blondes for you to explore...and a horde of readers voracious for the vicarious details...so get thy whipcord thighs to the leg press, buddy, and work out your angst in a healthy fashion...Regards, Lynne

Gene sez: I wholeheartedly agree with you since the Mad Hatter's tea party is now including the March Hairmaster. If people are not convinced by now that there are sick bunch of f---s lurking in the bushes, they haven't learned the lessons of what just went down in Florida. We're all f---ing doomed because we just sit on our asses and do nothing.

Seymore Butts - See No More Butts?

XXX writes: He's been grabbed today on obsenity charges. I don't know specifics (federal or local indictments). Its based on his video productions, not his website.

YYY writes: ....yes, the cops showed up today for a trumped up complaint by sunshine video. no one was arrested, they had all the releases and it does involve fisting which is legal now. the cops apologized when they left and said that they were fans and just doing their job.

Mark "Legal Expert" Kernes reports for AVN.com

Joe writes Luke: First let me start by saying my wife is still in love with your face,and she loves the picture. On a different note do you have any information on ALISHA KLASS has she left the industry alltogether.Speaking of seymore butts exes ,iheard SHANEis coming back to perform again is that just a rumor or do you have any info about that.I rented the newest tape from seymore yesterday,it was o.k. but it was missing that little something that we love in a seymore tape ,its easy to say that alisha will be missed in that series.MCKAYLA was good in the tape cant take anything away from her.The tape just missed that nastinest.

Rebecca Bardoux Writes

Luke, Do you think talent can sue AVN for pain and suffering, and sexual harassment? Just a thought.

On a real note, funny I never thought Gene Ross liked me. But I guess if you're unhappy in your position and ashamed anyone would be like that. I think it is great what Gene is doing, cleaning up his karma.

Canada Leaves Restrictions On Porn Imports

OTTAWA, Dec 15 (Reuters) - The Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Friday that restrictions on importing hard-core pornography, including homosexual erotica, were constitutionally legitimate infringements on freedom of expression. But it also declared Canada Customs officials had unfairly targeted homosexual pornography as opposed to heterosexual material, and it struck down one section of the Customs Act to put the onus of proof on the government, not the importer.

Sublime Paradigmatic Shift - QuasarmanRants.com Interviews Luke

Read the interview here. Listen to the interview here. Part two

Compare and contrast the written and oral versions and write an essay on a topic of general interest.

Q writes: "Though Luke is an interesting personality, wagering on a chess game is perhaps more exciting. Still, I was curious to find out what makes this Australian immigrant, former actor, orthodox jewish convert, pornography hating hypocritical journalist tick... but I feel my watch may have stopped immediately after the first question."

This Conversation May Be Recorded

QuasarmanRants.com writes: It is my understanding that if you tape record a conversation without informing the person with whom you are speaking that you are breaking the law. On Monday I interviewed Luke F-rd for this web site. I tape recorded the call. He knew that. What I didn't know was that he was ALSO taping the call. Why does this bother me? Number one because it reveals just how disingenious he was in consenting to my interview and number two, because it also proves just how untrustworthy this back stabbing prick can be. I know better than to tell Luke anything of a personal nature as it will surely end up as fodder for his cut and paste facility located at l-keford.com but after the close of the interview portion of our conservation I did switch gears and begin speaking to him as simply one human to another in a casual manner. Not that Luke and I could ever be friends but I've never harbored any personal animosity towards him until now. Had he informed me that he was also tape recording the conversation I wouldn't have cared but the fact that he did not speaks volumes about his undiagnosed bi-polar disorder.

So heed this warning: If Luke F-rd calls you HE IS RECORDING THE CONVERSATION. If you call Luke F-rd HE IS RECORDING THE CONVERSATION. If Luke F-rd calls you and tells you that he's not recording the conversation HE IS RECORDING THE CONVERSATION. Click on over to l-keford.com to read transcripts of recorded conversations.

btw- The recorded without my consent interview is of course available in Real Audio format at l-keford.com. Makes me wonder why I bothered transcribing it at all. I think Luke just enjoys the sound of his own voice.

Luke asks: What is the legality of tape recording phone conversations in Los Angeles?

Late breaking Quasarman Interview

Dudley Moore writes Luke: Don't pub this...

Let me be real with you for a minute. What is the most COURAGEOUS thing you could possibly do at this juncture of your net career?

I have the answer, but YOU WON'T LIKE IT. You are free to disagree, of course. It will seem like you have much to lose in what I am suggesting now, but in fact you will lose nothing.

I get the impression you're back to your old, very disingenuous ways. Your comments about therapy are transparently sarcastic and bitter. Your core fear is that without your website YOU WILL CEASE TO EXIST.

Just think about the possibility, maybe ask your therapist if that's possible. You need the sexy attention to continue as LF.

Here's what I am asking you to do, THE MOST COURAGEOUS THING YOU WILL EVER DO IN YOUR CAREER. It is an incredibly bold move, with no guarantees, but I think you will win all around if you will take a sincere chance.

Admit you are racist and homophobic, and that you would be KKK if you weren't Jewish. Admit your Judaism is really a conscious or unconscious farce, or both. Admit, only if you can allow yourself to do so sincerely and from your personal depths, only reason you are Jewish instead is that it allows you to take a MORALLY SUPERIOR stance to promote both your own personal racism and homophobia.

The common element to both KKK and Judaism is SUPERIORITY. Ask yourself, Luke: AM I GUILTY OF AN OVERRIDING SENSE OF SUPERIORITY.

Admit these realities only when you are personally ready to do so. And either LEAVE Judaism completely as a personal lie, or use this opportunity to delve more deeply than ever before into your personal depths.

I'm not a Jew, so I don't give a s--- about Judaism one way or the other. I have no vested interest in your coming out as a phoney. And, no, I'm not a homo either.

What will you gain from this, the most extraordinary action you could possibly take up to this point in your life and career? A chance to be real, a chance for you to get to know the real Luke F-rd inside instead of the phoney you have always presented.

Give up the pretense, buddy, but ONLY WHEN AND IF you're ready and can do it with complete sincerity.

Will you lose your porn buddies????? The answer is no, not a single one. Do you know why? Because they're all racists and homophobes too.

Also, COME OUT AS A GAY MAN IF IN FACT YOU ARE. No one in the sex industry will give even a small damn...they're only in it for themselves, they don't give a s--- about your f---ing orientation.

Talk to your family first, then come out of the closet IF YOU ARE GAY. (Only you know this, I have no way of knowing and I really don't care to.)

My best impression is that much of your behavior is strongly driven by your homophobia, am I right?

(You're really fascinated by Quasarman because he's racist and homophobic like you...think about it.)

Also, no need to reply. In fact, I don't want a reply.

Talk to your therapist, not to me. Doing what I have advised above, if it is your personal truth, would be the most dramatic and liberating thing you could ever do, so JUST DO IT and reap the benefits of an abiding peace of mind and knowing who you really are. Good luck, Luke.

I have decided for myself that you are a total racist and homophobic phoney, and I will never have any respect for you unless you come out to the world as the real Luke. Do whatever is in your heart to do. The stupid web pretense is totally silly and irrelevant to your life, if you will only decide to be who you really are. Bye now.

Luke, You Can Be Somebody, You Too White Man

Chaim Amalek writes: Why should you "admit" to being racist or homophobic? Since the vast majority of well adjusted white gentile men are both, can't we just assume that a man is one or both unless he proves himself otherwise, as by romancing the negress or by voting for Barney Frank - type democrats?

You know Luke, there is a real opportunity here for you to set up a chapter of the National Alliance just for people in porn. Or maybe of the Church of the Creator. White Man, your world is being taken away from you even as you stupidly masturbate to images of black men copulating your women! Fight this Luke, and you would finally win the recognition as the moral leader you have always wanted to have. Your father would take notice.

PS Since you are big on transcribing conversations and would ours, if I actually existed, I urge you to read "Hitler's Table Talk" by Hugh Trevor-Roper. It can be obtained through Barnes and Noble, Amazon etc. My copy is on the shelf right next "A History of X" and "The Turner Diaries".

AT&T Criticized For Porn Channel

DENVER (AP) - Eight institutional investors with religious ties have asked AT&T Corp. to review a decision to carry the Hot Network's adult films on its television cable system. The group filed a proxy resolution, made public Wednesday, asking AT&T to put the issue to a vote during the company's annual meeting next year.

``Our concern as shareholders with this situation is that it draws AT&T into a growing effort to mainstream pornography, to bring it into our everyday thinking,'' said Mark Regier, social research and advisory coordinator for Mennonite Mutual Aid Praxis Mutual Funds, one of the group members. ``We all know that soft porn has been available, but not only is this bringing it further into the fray but it is moving us into a race to the bottom to see who can provide the most graphic material.''

Massive Lawsuit Awaits Extreme, Gene Ross, Ken Wood

Esad writes: dear luke, my sources within the pristine walls of that sacred vessel of integrity, AVN, have informed me that some very unpleasant legal action awaits Mr. Ross in the very near future. I believe that Gene will have a great opportunity to write about his "hometown" hookers. It seems that a certain brilliant Pa. lawyer will soon request the company of Mr. Ross and possibly Mr. Black for some romantic quality time, Philadelphia style! Who says you can't go home! From what i have been told Fishidiot will spare no expense in order to have Gene's "real scalp" mounted on his office wall! I have this vision of Fishbein banging porno chicks on his desk gazing up at Gene Ross stuffed and mounted on his wall! I believe the Extreme boys realize they have some serious exposure because they are certainly "tap dancing" now about who said what. I believe Extreme will be having a slight product price increase to cover the costs of their inpending massive legal expense. Fishidiot up to now has hesitated to send in the troops because deep down inside he really likes Rob Black, and he feels sorry for Gene Ross. What an idiot! esad (formerly Bryn, Paul, Kernes, some other fat guy, and now the infamous, "Hairmaster", according to Gene!)

there is a definite fear of your relationship with gene that prohibits contact at this time from other people within or formerly of Extreme. In due time I will "unmask" myself but I assure you that I am not a pro Avn insider. I believe this is the fifth indentity of mine that Gene has succesfully unmasked!. If he ever accuses me of being Steve Hirsch I will have to kill myself.....I can't imagine counting that much money all the time and spending countless hours writing all of those fascinating AVN Award acceptance speechs every January! I don't really like to drink so I can't be Russ Hampshire. I dress to good to be Paul Fishidiot and I really don't like redheads .....Maybe I am Rob Black and ESAD is one of my "funfilled" Extreme publicity stunts?.....Could I be Luke F-rd using ESAD to gain favor with the new powerbroker in porn, Gene Ross? I couldn't be Mark Kernes because I email Luke way to early in the morning, generally before breakfast, which for Kernes isn't over past Lunch! Maybe I am one of the Stone brothers, its not like they have anything real important going on......Chris Mann is a possibility, I like hanging around pretty, loose black chicks, and Chris certainly has the extra brain that fishbein is missing! I think i am that guy Chaim, i don't know who he is but I enjoy his material. Ok gene i am Chaim!

luke, How about contacting all the video companies, including Avn and Extreme, and asking them how much they are giving their employees in the form of a christmas bonuses? Considering the fact that Extreme is 60-90 days behind with most of their vendors I am just wondering how much of "other peoples" money they are giving away? Can Gene Ross provide proof that he was paid a year in advance for climbing into the sewer at Extreme? Is Paul Fishidiot giving Christmas bonuses to his staff or is he spending it all on lawyers?

Luke replies: Gene Ross says he will no longer respond to the anonymous attacks of Esad and company. If you want a response, put your name on the attack and Gene will respond.

Mank writes: dear luke, I have never written to you before but I must tell you how much I am enjoying your site since the Gene Ross/AVN divorce. I always thought you had to be dysfunctional to work within the adult entertainment community! I love that last posting from esad! AVN should hire esad to replace Gene Ross. Do you feel that all of this adult infighting will affect the AVN awards show this year? I was thinking about attending? Is Avn still going to have their normal show? Keep up the good work!

Bill Margold & LA Xpress

What's Bill Margold's role with the hooker weekly LA Xpress? I know he writes regularly for them. Does he provide the publication the numerous photos of porn stars? I know that according to the Harris Gaffin book, Hollywood Blue, Bill regularly arranges meetings with porn stars with rich fans.

Ben Dover

Ben Dover aka Steve Perry writes Gene Ross: "I was very excited about being nominated in the first year the series was put out, and of course I would have loved to have won something. I didn't. I continued to spend time with both Paul and Howie, and was very flattered when Paul asked me to come and re-direct the AVN movie Smells Like Sex. He told me that he was going out on a limb by asking a 'limey' to come and do the job, knowing that a lot of the 'LA clique' of directors would feel their noses had been put way out of joint. I'd say that was hardly the action of a man who needs to keep 'in' with certain big shots on the LA adult scene. He must have known companies that spend thousands on advertising would be pissed at not having one of their top directors do the job. Incidentally, some people on set were really pissed I can tell you!! They didn't like the idea of me being there one bit!!"

Luke: As I understand it, Ben Dover was asked to come in on the "Smells Like Sex" movie because the original director, Steve Austin, had screwed it up. Austin's no topline director, rather a Fishbein crony.

Steve Austin came from Philadelphia to Los Angeles in 1991 with Gene Ross, Paul Fishbein and Mark Kernes. Austin still freelances (at the highest rates) for the magazines.

From my December 1998 outburst against AVN:

Paul Fishbein’s comments about a vanity project Smells Like Sex during Luke’s recent interview with him prompted response from a crew member who worked on Smells Like Sex. "Smells is a good word for it," says the person, "the script was bad and the shoot was botched from the very beginning. It actually had to be done twice. Fishbein handed the project to a crony of his the first time around and the scenes were shot so badly that the whole feature had to be scrapped and started over. Nothing was salvageable. Probably in an effort to bring Ben Dover more into the Fishbein loop, the British director was tabbed to do the remake. It obviously didn’t fair any better. Outside critics gave the feature a thumbs down. So much for Paul Fishbein’s attempt to produce porn movies."

Luke then asked Paul: "Is Gene Ross's job in danger because of a youth movement at AVN? And were the editorial staff moved into the warehouse as punishment for Rob Black's wins at the 1998 awards?"

Paul Fishbein replied: "On the record, Gene Ross can work for me until the day one of us dies or until he decides to hang it up. He'll always have a job for as long as I'm in business. Gene was there for me when nobody believed in AVN, worked for practically nothing. We moved Gene's position around for his strengths. People who don't like Gene don't understand him. He's shy, defensive and hard to get to know. That's why people say, "oh, Gene Ross hates me." They just don't know him. It's his personality. He's aloof. But when you get to know him he's a warm, funny, generous, nice person. Many people who thought Gene didn't like them today think differently.

"The "banishment" to the warehouse is hilarious. We ran out of space. We are growing so much that we needed to build new offices and people volunteered to go back there or wanted their own office. For the record, we even took new office space because we have an additional four employees who we don't have room for. So much for AVN's financial troubles or me wanting to leave."

Luke Gets Mail

Chaim Amalek writes: By the way, quite often you encounter problems with women that leave you asking yourself "what do women want? What is the solution to the problem of women?" I am not sure who said this, Freud, I think (although it might have been Hitler): "Whatever they may be, the answer to a woman's psychological problems is pregnancy." Think about it. Having a baby to care for resolves a great deal in a woman's life.

Give Luke what he needs, and he will give you what you really want and need in return. You will find that they are most complementary. PS Be sure to forward this to all the women in your life.

Arch writes: Hey Luke. Just read on Gene Ross site that John T. (t for trustworthy) Bone will be writing checks again. Like the robot in Lost In Space would say, (arms flailing) " DANGER, DANGER, bad checks bouncing like basketballs."

Luke Interviewed

I did this email interview with Cindi Loftus of Xcitement magazine:

> 1. When and Where were you born? Rich or poor neighborhood?

I grew up in Cooranbong, New South Wales, Australia. I grew up near a Seventh Day Adventist college campus. The neighborhood was of average income.

> 2. Tell me one good thing and one bad thing you remember about your childhood.

One good thing was that we traveled a lot. I lived in England, Australia, New Zealand and the US in my first 11 years. One bad thing was that we traveled a lot.

>3. What were/are your parents like? Their occupations? What do they think of > your job?

My dad chaired the Religion Department at the Avondale College. He's a Christian evangelist/theologian. My mother died of cancer when I was age four. My stepmother was my dad's secretary. My family is horrified by my porn journalism.

> 4. What do you think guided you to your current career? Where you the > neighborhood "gossip monger", the kid who always knew everything going on about > everybody?

No, I don't think I've ever been thought of as a gossip monger. I've always been an outsider, just outside of the popular group. What guided me to my present position is a rebellious instinct, an interest in the salacious, and various life circumstances. This is certainly not the life I envisioned for myself. It's not where I want to be.

> 5. I am sure your father being a evangelist/ born-again Christian/preacher must > have had an impact on your life, especially considering that you've converted > to Judaism. Tell me how this situation has affected you.

Yes, i am the typically rebellious preacher's kid. PK. But I also have a great longing for acceptance within the warm bosom of a caring religious community.

> 6. Your religious convictions seem to growing in strength according to what you > say on the site lately; your praying 4 times a day, your visit to Israel, your > possible move to Israel, your shul visits. Luke, is this the real thing, or are > you just creating interesting fodder by making your own experiences into a > parody?

I am becoming more religious. But I also retain the ability to parody my stumbling attempts here. I frequently am not sure of what on my site is real and genuine and what is parody and satire. These things blend in my mind and writing. There is no easy way to understand me or my site because there are many forces operating inside of me that I am only dimly aware of.

> 7. Before you became a reporter on the net what was your profession? What jobs > did you hold? Did you graduate from college? Which one, when and in what?

I dropped out of UCLA in 1989. I was a struggling mainstream actor before I started writing on porno. I also did temp work for years as an administrative assistant (glorified secretary). I've worked for various newspapers and radio stations.

> 8. What were you like in your high school days? How would your classmates > remember you?

They'd remember me as Joe Journalist. An outspoken controversy seeking smart alec who edited the high school newspaper, wrote sports for the local daily, and did a weekly commentary for the local radio station. I was very mouthy and verbal, quick thinking and teasing and frequently antagonizing and hostile in speech.

> 9. How did you end up being l-keford.com? What day, month, year did your site > get up and running? Did you just end up here? Was it by some lucky default? or > was it a planned course of action?

I arrived on the net in December of 1996. Within a few months, I saw that once I saved up enough money for a real computer (I was using friends' computers till July 1997) I could put up a website with my research on the porno industry, put up banner ads, and make a living. I put up an AOL site in July of 1997, and l-keford.com started in September of 1997.

> 10. Was porn always an interest of yours?

Yes, unfortunately.

>11. How did you end up in Cali?

My parents moved here in 1977.

> 12. Most of my readers would love to have a job like yours. What are the best > and worst things about it?

The best thing about it is that I can get away with a lazy slipshod approach. The material is freqeuntly interesting and occasionally arousing. Writing on porn is like eating candy. Instantly pleasurable but does not wear well. Porn is junk food for the soul.

> 13. With your job, you have free access to all of the porno world; all the > stars, all the movies, all the great parties, all the behind the scenes stuff, > and who is fighting with who. What is the hottest story you ever broke on your > site?

Yeah, and I can no longer give a hoot about any of the above. My biggest story was outing marc Wallice as HIV positive.

> 14. How many Adult film stars have you slept with? Can you name any names?

Two-and-a-half. Half equals just a blowjob.

I get up at 5:30 AM most days and go to synagogue. I put on t'fillin and pray until 7AM. Then I study a page of Talmud until 8AM. Then come home, check my email and update my site. I make calls through the day and sometimes i go out and interview people. I update my site throughout the day. Then in the evening, I go back to synagogue and pray the afternoon and evening service. Then I go to a Bible Study class every night. Then check my email, make a final update to my site and get to bed before 11PM.

Cindi asks me what I want for Christmas.

I reply: I'm Jewish and don't celebrate Chrsitmas. But I am a freeloader and am willing to accept any and all gifts. Send money!

Cindi replies: Only if you promise to use it to continue your psycho-therapy, Luke, darling.