Thursday, December 14th, 2000

Luke Gets Mail

Bernie Oakley writes: Hi Luke, I haven't talked to you in a while, but I keep up with all of your postings. It's all been pretty interesting stuff about Gene Ross & AVN. I'll have to admit that nothing he has said has been a complete surprise. I've been hearing these rumors for years. Sounds as little different when it comes out of Gene's mouth though.

I did notice that my place in the adult world is so insignificant that I don't even rate a "ethics ranking." I'm hurt. Maybe I'll write some bad checks. That way I wouldn't be ignored anymore. Oh well...I guess I just can't run with the Big Dogs.

I hope your spiritual quest is going well. I read your ramblings about religion with great interest since my college degree was in Religion. You didn't know we had even more in common, did you? Looking forward to seeing you in Vegas!

Pimpline.com - Name Your Own Price For A Hooker

Goddess writes: you're missing the boat, luke. gene just came up with an ingenious way to get hookers. stop with the religion crap and offer to 'rate a hooker' on your site pronto!

Luke says: Dear hookers. Outcall is an industry rife with corruption and dishonesty. Do you give an honest bang for the buck? Would you like to rate highly in Luke's ethics rankings? Then stop by the casa de ford and give me a freebie to evaluate you on.

From Gene Ross: Incensed that Luke F-rd is trying to capitalize on his hooker idea to solicit freebies from prostitutes, Gene Ross this afternoon issued the following statement: "I categorically denounce Luke F-rd as a cheap piece of s--- jumping on my hooker bandwagon," says Ross. "Girls, what's the better deal, cash money from a worldly tan- man with a cannon for a cock in exchange for a nice write up, or doing a freebie with a pretty boy in exchange for a nice 'write up'? You be the judge. Ford's nothing but a common whores thief."

Traci Lords Moans On First Wave TV Show

AJB writes: Just watching some of the boob tube, seeing a science fiction show called "First Wave". In this episode, Traci (playing the recurring role of Jordan Radcliffe) is strapped naked to the surgical table of some hideous alien creatures. They start experimenting on her and --- THERE IT WAS --- the classic wailing banshee erotic moaning of Traci Lords, the wailing the launch 100,000 loads in the 1980s. She was somewhat more subdued than her marvellous 1980s acting style but it was a pleasant little trip down mammary lane for me. Of course I know most RAMErs were never into her screeching but it was my fond introduction to one of the greatest clichés of porn.

Director James DiGiorgio writes: Lukey--Tell AJB I had an even better Traci Lords auditory experience. A number of years ago, a friend of mind asked me if I'd supervise an ADR session for the "Highlander" TV show. This means going to a sound stage and re-recording some dialogue for the show. Anyway, I get down there and guess who the 'talent' is? Yep, Traci Lords. And get this, most of the audio that needed replacing was of Traci moaning for a scene where she goes into some kind of trance of something. I stood there, remembering fondly her videos, with a huge hardon (well, huge for me at least). I admit I had Traci perform many more takes than was actually necessary, but hey, it was like music to my ears.

Fast Burn Out

Headlover writes on RAME: 1) You can be sure the $200 is 'entry level', if a [BJ] scene has a name like Bobbi Bliss, Monique, Kurious, T. Mynx, etc etc, you can be sure they make more. Their name alone will sell the tape.

2) If you are making much more all afternoon in a gang bang movie, the extra bucks, even if just $200, is not bad for maybe a half hour's work before or after the main feature.

3) No matter how screwed up some in the industry, there is much more risk turning tricks with complete total strangers.

4) A BJ movie can sometimes be something of an audition to insure the girl is comfortable before the camera, the f---ing/anals/etc come next, and pay much more.

5) More and more escort business are run day to day by Women, with the money men behind the scenes. To audition for these businesses if you can't blow the guy in charge, you have a reasonably professional audition tape.

6) And there are the sad desparate drug addicts, girls forced by abusive boyfriends, etc. Unfortunately there seem to be too many of these girls filling out some collections, such as Extreme Video, with mediocre scenes.

Finally my fantasy is the rare chick who really does love giving head as much as she claims in the film, knows she's great doing so, and gets a kick out of showing off. Never heard this to be true, but surely it's concievable.

David Aaron Clark writes on RAME: Fairly astute thoughts from what I assume is a non-industry source, but let me disagree on a couple of points...

1. Bobbi Bliss, Monique and Kurious are not "A" girls. "A" girls can "command" maybe $300 or so for a BJ scene -- Tiffany could, being an "A" girl. This rating has nothing to do with how hot the girl is -- it's just a question of where she has ended up, thanks to industry perception, on the foodchain.

2. Yes, sometimes producers will "piggyback" a bj scene onto a girl's larger scene ... in this case, however, they almost inevitably try to pay even less than the $200 standard, since after all, "you're already here," etc. etc.

3. true

4. sometimes true.

5. huh?

6. yes, sadly so. They are the grease on the wheels of the industry we all adore so much .... Your fantasy is not ridiculous -- there are plenty of girls in the biz (as in life!) who are fabulous at giving head and love to show it off ... as I said, however, even the wildest exhibitionist can be daunted by the work situations behind most (not all!) bj tapes.

Ass Kissing Black Men

Lynne writes: What is the official AVN position regarding the dignity of the black man (and woman)? Bruce always wanted to treat black people with dignity, but AVN didn't seem to approve.

YYY: "The dignity of the black man is in direct proportion to the dignity of the company putting out the black man video. If a high status company like Video Team is doing something...while a lower status one is Sterling Pictures [Heatwave]."

Christian Mann has better taste than Gabor Szabo, and Gabor buys movies based on price, whereas Christian wants as wide a market as possible for his movies, hence keeps them clean. But this does not answer my question, which comes down to: why do black movies which feature black stereotypes like "Mac Daddy" and "Ho" get good ratings in AVN? For that matter, why do black men denigrate themselves and their fellow African-Americans to get good ratings in AVN?

Lexington Steele should be proud of himself, that he is enough of a man to make his own decisions, despite the opinions of AVN, and that he is willing to follow his own path regardless of how a bad porn video review magazine feels about it.

Perhaps the editors at AVN feel the same way about their copy that Gabor Szabo feels about buying movies for Sterling/Heatwave: why bother looking at it? Perhaps the editors at AVN don't realize how obviously bad they are...

XXX: I've heard that if you give AVN ten copies of your movie, you're more likely to get a good review than if you give them one copy. I wonder where those extra copies go? Paul's stores in Philadelphia?

YYY replies: "Sure. You figure the street value on ten brand new movies is $400-$600."

Lynne: We used to trade them for advertising, and figured they went into Paul's stores, and were happy to make the trade, being that ads in AVN never translated into sales...and the reviews were printed so long after the product actually shipped that they were irrelevant to the sales.

The reviews are only essential if you are trying to get jobs making the movies themselves...the owners read AVN for their own gratification, just as you, Luke enjoy watching yourself on TV. Ass-kissing is a team sport -- performers and producers of whom AVN approves get good reviews, and those who don't play the game are either ridiculed or ignored.

Samantha Sterlyng Strikes Back

Rob writes: I posted on RAME how I thought that Samantha Sterlyng's claim that she no longer did black performers was rooted in racism instead of her claims that they were "too big." Well, much to my surprise she responded to me personally. The emails follow.

Samantha writes: Can you give me the name of one black actor in this business that is not hung like a horse? I have done inter racial scenes before and the next day I couldn't work, why would I put my self in that situation to not be able to work the next day?

Rob replies: If you don't want to have scene sex with blacks that is your right, but be honest, will you not have sex with well-hung white actors for the same reason? If so your career will be short lived.

Samantha writes: actually there are well hung white actors that I do not work with as well. what you don't realize is that some of these are thicker than others, so of the people that it is attached to is rough with it, or when your being f---ed with this thing for an hour it is too much to bear. I only work with 2 guys that are really hung and they do not get all the way hard. That really makes a difference too. I am friends in my personal life and I like them I just cant f--- them.

Rob replies: That's fine. I guess I had a problem with the generalization. What if you had a chance to do a scene with a good looking, black guy with a medium sized cock? Would you do it?

Sam: yes I would probably do it unless the guy had a s--- attitude. I like to have sex and I like to like the person that I am f---ing. If we had good chemistry I don't care what color or race or what.

Rob: That's cool. I didn't mean to piss you off. Have a happy holiday.

GVA vs Psycho Retards

XXX: This is such a small business. And it's not because there's a mafia, a few powerbrokers like Fishbein and Hirsch and Hampshire. They don't have s--- to say about anything. Especially on the production side. They've got nothing to say except for the people who work directly for them. They're whores. They'll do anything to make a buck. They could hate your guts but still buy your product as long as they can make money on it.

And you know what a bunch of retards shoot this stuff. The owners are scared of us. They think we're psychotic. They think we're all loose cannons.

You don't think Rob Spallone gets his way a lot because people are afraid of him. Because he's unpredictable. You don't know what he will do. He will sincerely say, I don't give a f---, and go after somebody. That's just the way Rob is. That's his instinctive reaction. So the owners are careful how they exert their control and influence. If you piss off a Metro, GVA or IVD, and they don't take your product, they can really hurt you. But I've never seen them not taking anyone's product.

Luke: I do remember them making Jon Dough redo a boxcover because he used the word Jew on the boxcover and GVA wouldn't take it.

Lynne L-patin writes: Over the years I've seen GVA not take plenty of people's product. "Can you get it into GVA?" was a matter of great import at one time, because as the number of weekly releases multiplied, they couldn't take EVERYTHING...all one hundred twenty-five releases a week. Unless GVA is selling more porn than ever before, I can't imagined the situation has changed. No one distributor can funnel that amount of product week after week, can they? As to owners being afraid of directors because they come across as loose cannon, unpredictable, dangerous psycho retards? No, owners laugh at directors for being retards, period, all the way to the bank.

Luke says: I find it interesting how amoral porners tend to be. If something doesn't affect them personally, they don't care. I keep hearing this, often from people who like me. 'You've never hurt me so [I don't care how much you hurt others].' Pornography tends to morally confuse and desensensitize people.

Ian writes: You could say the same of virtually any group. You're talking about human nature. Altruism exists, but selfishness is more common. That's true whether you're talking about porners (whoever THEY are), web columnists, orthodox Jews or politicians. How often do YOU worry that Moslems are killing Christians in Indonesia, street children are being murdered by policemen in Brazil, or that coastal dwellers in Mozambique are struggling to recover from the devastation of recent flooding?

Lynne says: I DO care about how you hurt others. I discourage you from doing stupid things, even things I might do myself. But I care even more about the truth, and exposing the truth, even when it does hurt others. If it hurts, maybe there's cause to use the pain as a warning sign, to cease denying there's something altogether wrong going on. When people want to hurt you, there might be a reason. So sometimes, telling the truth, you will have to hurt people. And sometimes the innate brat in you can't avoid gratuitous hurt for the sake of personal glee. And a challenge to your audience to distinguish the difference.

But as long as you don't hurt me, I will consider you my friend. Not that I want you to compromise the truth on my behalf -- if I get dangerous, let people know.

The entire world desensitizes and morally confuses all thoughtful people, not excluding those who see it through an Orthodox Jewish filter. Why should those of us who like porn be any different?

Porner calls Luke to say: You were admonishing me for my double standard of morality.

Renting My Sphincter

Rumdar writes: I hate to ask the obvious but what was Lynne's reason for renting out her sphincter all those years?

Lynne replies: Unless we count any and all employment experience under a capitalistic system "renting out one's sphincter," I only did four anal scenes in a twenty plus year career, almost all of which was spent behind either a desk or a camera. During the few months I did scenes, my husband was impotent (and had been, due to his cancer treatment, for over a year). We agreed that making porn would be a good, clean, aboveboard way for me to satisfy my sexual needs, as well as supplement his disability payments.

Devon Fights With Raylene

Devon writes 12/4 on her web site www.devonxxx.com: "Well I’m OK, kind of depressed actually. I had a dance booking in Van Nuys CA. Over the weekend and some s--- went down that I just couldn’t believe. I’ve been having some problems with a certain photographer whose name I will not mention. And anyway I had the house packed that Friday night, and who shows up but my great friend Raylene, her brother and of course the photobitch that I’m not getting along with. So when I hear whom she brought with her to my show I have her summoned so I can speak to her. She came into my room already apologizing to me for bringing the photobitch to my show she said"I’m so sorry, I’m so f---ed up right now" I asked her why she brought him and she said she didn’t even know I was dancing tonight! She was obviously back to her drug of choice seed. So I asked her to get rid of him for me out of respect and if not I would have him escorted out. She said ok. I told her that she and her brother didn’t have to leave. Fifteen minutes later right before I was to go onstage I sent some one to double check that he had left, but of course he was still there. I had security ask him to leave but he refused so they dragged him out. Raylene and her brother started to argue with the manager this is after Raylene already said that she would get him to go. Raylene then stormed backstage to talk to me about it and talking is what she didn’t do she screamed at me that I wasn’t a good friend yet she brought my enemy into the club I was dancing at how f---ed up is that. I finally got her to leave yet in the parking lot she was still throwing a fit she tried to f--- with my car and she attacked a security guard leaving him with a four inch gash in his neck. Needless to say raylene and me will never be friends again!"

PsT offers it's sincere condolensces to our friend Randi Storm on the passing of her father.

AVN To Drop Bomb?

XXX writes: AVN gonna drop a bomb. I honestly dont know but my bet is when avn strikes they will do so in a very public and high profile place and manner. Be careful dude. I would look for something at ces .....when the gorilla swings it wont be on the tera patrick show.

Jack writes: AVN gonna drop a bomb Id bet I honestly dont know but my bet is when avn strikes they will do so in a very public and high profile place and manner I would look for something at ces .....when the gorilla swings it wont be on the tera patrick show and is Robs daddy gonna cover you like he will Gene and Rob? its easy to spend daddys money dude and porners shouold be careful where it is percieved they are coming down on all of this face the facts

fact #1 what can Gene do for you in this biz?

fact #2 what can AVN do for you in this biz so what does that say where will Gene be if Rob turns on him or leaves him who will wield the power one year from today...

gene just went from one dirty house to another is all gene is as much of an attack dog journalist for AVN right now as Mike Wallace would be dont you think? nothing you said has been as damaging as gene has been the bottom line is gonna end up being money and what has Rob bought himself here in terms of real dollars?

l-keford> publicity

ya but thats not real dollars...has it helped Robs sales? will it end up costing him sales? what about the legal bills he stands to rack up theoretically AVN could sue and make a lot of noise and cost robs daddy a lot of money then everyone settles quietly after slamming thier dicks on the table for a while via lawyers in the long run only the lawyers end up winning but who loses the most Genes closet aint exactly free of skeletons

l-keford> i don't think avn wants the scrutiny that lawsuit would bring, discovery etc

Luke get real with a well crafted lawsuit thats easy to deal with...AVN does not have to say dick they have to be PROVEN guilty and much of what they dont want out can be suppressed the court battle could last a long time as you said then be settled quietly and who ends up winning?

l-keford> with any lawsuit, you get to depose all relevant persons, avn would not want that

it all depends on who has better lawyers bro...besides it would likely never go to trial...that aint the idea the idea is to make em pay....and discredit them in the process I think Fish is being smart here the longer he says nothing the more people are starting to turn on Gene as being just a bully and a disgruntled employee. I suspect a court trial would just end up being a wash anyone it seems nobody in it is clean anyway

l-keford> i would love a big fight because i would get lots of dish ya but at what price?

you wanna take somebody down theres plenty of much easier targets for ya course Gene aint gonna hand em to ya like he is here, that elegant angel sale reeks and you wont touch it. did you call the sec of state and find out if a sale has been registered? yer sellin yer soul to Gene dude....all in the name of laziness. get yer own dish stop taking what you are being spoon fed it seems obvious to me that gene is using the hell outta you and what are you getting in return? how many hits have you sent to gene you prolly made gene in a sense but everyone seems to be saying that you are just his lackey. genes site is interesting as long as he is dishing on avn and as long as that show doesnt get old then where will he be...pusing rasslin and Jewel and Extreme same thing he used then.

well think long term on this one...actually this may be a good thing for AVN it was due for a good house cleaning You know fish has always said anyone can see the ballots for the avn awards why dont you take him up on it

Mike writes: Luke, I hope you don't go to AVN. Todd Hunter their gossip writer is such a tool for the industry he issues press releases of porn companies and tries to pass it off as gossip. Posting his food diary where we learned he lives off 49 cent burgers was prime example of a man with little to say with pages to say it on. As for the Flynt article the movie not being an accurate representation of what happened, this has to be expected movies like Casino, Goodfellas which portray the mafia also veer from the truth in order to enhance the story.

Luke Meets Moral Giant

Porner: "I don't mind a confrontation when it comes from people who are in no position to defend themselves. If I insult some stupid broad who showed up drunk on my set or didn't show up at all or a suitcase pimp. These are the people who don't have too much to defend themselves. But as far as getting into a personal battle with you or Gene or AVN, no thanks."

Claudia Prado - AVN Accountant By Day

Gene Ross wrote: "As far as Ted Leibowitz is concerned my last contact with the gentleman was a couple of years ago at dinner when he asked me if 'Fishbein was still banging the Mexican broad.' I understand Paul was very upset that that cat got let out of the bag."

Luke says: I've noticed that AVN has a surfeit of beautiful women working there - among them Jennifer Rosenblatt, head of sales, Lisa Love, Paul's secretary, Nikki Fritz of AVNLive.com and Claudia Prado, the Mexican stunner in accounting.

Lynne asks: Are you prejudiced against women in the creative end of the business, or are there now or have there ever been any there no beautiful female writers, editors, artists and so forth at AVN?

A casual glimpse at a Fishbein profit statement

A casual glimpse at a profit statement from Bush, Levin & Tecosky, certified public accountants, indicates that Fishbein's Philadelphia company FBF Video paid Paul in 1995 $48,400. For advertising and promotion, the company spent $233,582. The company grossed $1.7 million.

YYY, AVN porn insider says that for the AVN Awards show, Paul Fishbein rakes in $125,000 profit.

Luke says: Paul told me that any profit from the shows goes to charity.

YYY: He tells everybody every year that he never makes a dime. If he doesn't make a dime, why does he do it? Charity. The charity is his right pocket. The Paul Fishbein Foundation.

Sex.com's Gary Kremen

Gary Kremen (GKremen@aol.com) is currently traveling across the nation with his attorney Charles Carreon, meeting with adult industry leaders in a search for the right organization to produce and manage the new sex.com site.

Lets Him And You Fight

Chaim Amalek writes Luke: I have noticed that your true M.O. is to instigate fights among others, just so you can step back and profit from it by having something to write about. What sort of a jew are you? I am applying for a job with the incoming Bush 2 administration, as anti-porn Tsar. This will require me to spend enormous amounts of time watching dirty movies, a task that is pregnant with the risk of desensitizing me to the erotic. However, thanks to your scintillating web site, this has already occured, so there is little for this old short fat jewish man to lose. For ammo, I need some really rank, commercially available videos to send along with my C.V. What do you suggest? Again, the focus will be on what is available in dirty book stores.

So how about it, all you porners, which of your enemies' vids is the most likely to bring the wrath of the Department of Justice down upon you enemies' heads? I promise not to go after you, so you have nothing to fear by cooperating with me.

Luke says: This is great, do you think i could get a job as a porn czar with Bush?

Chaim replies: Over my short fat body.

Rob Black Businessman

Rob's becoming more of a businessman and less of a lunatic.

XXX, who knows Rob, says: "He's a smart guy. Every time I turn around, he's starting some new project. Extreme Pro Wrestling will be big news again soon. Look for Gene Ross."

Why Does AVN Corruption Matter?

XXX says: "But this controversy has no effect on sales. It has no effect on production. It has no effect on anybody's livelihood. The moment it does there will be a big reaction. As long as it doesn't, nobody cares. Though it is interesting."

YYY, AVN porn insider replies: "They're wrong. AVN corruption does take break off their tables because certain companies [Vivid, Video Team, etc] get the push over others. For instance, Ben Dover. The whole Ben Dover phenomenon was personally created by Paul Fishbein. Howie Klein, Ben Dover's lead salesman in the US, used to room with Fishbein. Fishbein had some sort of sweetheart deal with Odyssey. Paul pushed Ben Dover to the limit, writing reviews under different names and giving his videos the big push. Even to the extent of creating the Breakthrough Award and giving it to Ben. Everybody in the industry was up in arms over that one.

"Fishbein created the Breakthrough Award to give it to Ben Dover. What the hell is a Breakthrough Award? All Ben Dover was doing was immitating Stagliano."

Lynne writes: Dear Luke: Thanks for making my life twice as easy by reprinting the important Gene Ross news from his site, so I only have to visit you to find out the good stuff.

Please put this question to your sources: What is the official AVN position regarding the dignity of the black man (and woman)? Bruce always wanted to treat black people with dignity, but AVN didn't seem to approve.

YYY replies: "Sure. You figure the street value on ten brand new movies is $400-$600."

Quasarman On Luke F-rd Live

QuasarmanRants.com appeared on the last 40 minutes of my radio show Tuesday.

Q: "Daily updates are horrible. I hate it. And I don't want to do it anymore. But I will continue just because I have nothing else to do. You have your site - very exciting. You have inside details on things. Nobody understands what you're talking about but they go there frequently. Gene Ross has his site with all his meanderings about his days at AVN and the hyperbole about Extreme product. And you've got your Tod Hunter who's doing the best he can...

"When I started my site, I had so many things to say and I had no place to say them. I feel that I have run out of things to say now. And yet now the site is getting popular. The two are coinciding. My complete emptiness of creativity and my site's popularity have hit a crucial crossroads."

Luke: "Speaking of a complete lack of creativity, you interviewed me last night."

Q: "Yes, in a final act of desperation..."

Luke: "And how was the experience for you?"

Q: "Traumatizing... I only did one other interview on the site and that was with Skeeter Kerkove, the husband of porn queen Bridgett Kerkove."

Luke: "He's very proud that she does over 200 sex scenes a year."

Q: "Yes he is. And the strange thing about him is that he really is the nicest guy in the world but he's also the creepiest human being God ever created. So it's a strange relationship I have with him. On the one hand, he's my friend and on the other hand, he horrifies me. But being the enigmatic person that he is, I thought the interview would be very funny. And asking him humorous questions like 'Should Bridgett retire from porn, would you buy her a gold watch or would you beat her to death with a tire iron?' He didn't think anything of it. It was almost like we were on Entertainment Tonight.

"But with you, on the other hand, no matter how witty my question, you gave me some solemn drawn out philosophical discussion."

Luke: "You told me last night, halfway through the interview, that I am much more intelligent than I come across on my website."

Q: "True. Keep in mind that there are many things I can't possibly agree with you on, I certainly respect your command of the facts. I read your site. Everybody reads your site. Granted, most of the people read it to find out if there's anything bad about them on it. Yet, none of your personality comes out.

"It was a moralizing uplifting yet depressing experience last night talking to you on the phone. And I get none of those emotions by just clicking on your site. Usually I just skip over all the stuff that has to do with the internet and the domain names changing hands. I just scroll down to find something interesting like that Chaim guy."

Luke: "Have you considered that I might be Chaim Amalek?"

Q: "If that's true, then that's where your personality's going."

Luke: "My personality does not come through on the website?"

Q: "No. How can it? You're too clinical in your description of events. And even though your whole goal in life is to expose the hideous underbelly of the porno industry, you don't even get a sense of outrage reading your web site. You just report wryly on the facts as you possess them. While if you read Gene Ross on the other hand, there's a significant amount of outrage. By clicking on that page, you're getting an angry vibe. Your page is very sterile."

Luke: "I probably don't communicate a lot about myself by posting 20 paragraphs on credit card processing."

Q: "I think if you're stupid enough to give your credit card number out online to people who promise you this wonderful erotic experience, then you deserve to get ripped off."

Luke: "I would write more moral philosophy on my site but I fear that my hits would go down."

Q: "Yes they will. You've got to make a choice - hits or respect. If you devote yourself to moral philosophy, I'll have a lot of respect for you but I won't visit your web site anymore. If your hits on your site are paying your rent, I suggest you ease off on the moralizing."

Luke: "My readers overwhelmingly don't give a rats ass about my moral stands on the matters I report on. What they want to know about is porn star gossip. And they want human drama."

Q: "And they want porn star gossip so much they're willing to wade through paragraphs of nonsensical religious ramblings to get to it. That shows a lot of loyalty on the part of your readers. Think about it. Someone says, 'You've got to go click on l-keford.com because he has all the dirt on all the porn stars. But there's one thing - you're going to have to wade through paragraph after paragraph of moralizing religous dogma.'"

Luke: "I do have a second site where I get to expound on my moral philosophy - www.dennisprager.net. Dennis Prager's a Jewish theologian who hosts a nationally syndicated three hour a day radio show."

Q: "I wouldn't go to that site by accident. Why the Dennis Prager worship? I like Dennis Prager but I can't be fanatical about a bland radio host, regardless of how smart he is. It just doesn't have that rock star attraction. I wouldn't throw my panties on stage if he was giving a lecture."

Luke: "My DennisPrager.net site is not affiliated with Dennis. In fact he's even threatened to sue me."

Q: "With good reason. Because he said, wait a minute. Isn't that site about me linked to the one that said the broad had sex with a dog. He's no fool. That's like Charley Manson becoming a member of the 700 Club. They'll be sending back his membership fee pretty quick. We'll pray for you but we'd rather not have your tainted filthy murderous money.

"Halle Berry [actress] is the best example of what white people and black people can do when they really get together because that is one beautiful woman. She had a white parent and a black parent."

Luke: "What percentage of white women in the industry do not want to have sex with blacks?"

Q: "It is small. We used to hire Jack Steed on every single production. I know that some would argue out there that he's not really black because he's very light skinned but one look at his genitals and you know he's African American. We had him on every shoot for two years and I never had a problem finding anyone to work with him. Sean Michaels has been in the industry for a long time and we can't afford to hire him..."

Luke: "Bob Jones writes in the chat room. From the pictures on Luke's website, incredibly ugly fat sweaty men dominate the production and dissemination of heterosexual pornography."

Q: "It's starting to change. When I first started, predominantly I worked for men who were your stereotypical pornographer - bad hygiene, a general unkempt appearance and a lot of chain smoking and a general bitterness towards the fact that they were just aging pornographers. But now with the advent of the camcorder and everyone with a line of credit at a department store becoming a video director, subsequently you have younger people who are just as creepy but are not nearly as fat, disgusting and old, who are making this now. Of course, in 15-20 years, they'll be just like the previous people I mentioned."

Luke: "What is the role of viagra in pornography? Do the old sweaty geazers take it to compete?"

Q: "No. A lot of the younger guys just nervous about being naked in front of strangers take it because you can be standing in four feet of freezing water and still achieve an erection if you have enough viagra in your system, though it has saved the careers of a few people who've made a comeback."

Luke: "Like who?"

Q: "I'm pretty sure that a guy like Herschel Savage came out of retirement after many years because he was now pharmaceutically able to. I don't have any facts to back that up. But I can suggest..."

Luke: "How were you and the Hersch in Mexico together?"

Q: "He's an asshole. A big asshole. And we didn't get along because he's a big dopey prima donna who for some reason believes that his role in pornography as a legend is akin to him being as important as Tom Hanks and basically he's just another erection, though unfortunately he's also attached to a really big mouth."

Luke: "Come on. Herschel Savage. He's a legend."

Q: "For chrissake. I don't even want to talk about Herschel Savage. It just gets me angry. All I know that in Mexico I was frequently dressed down by Herschel Savage for my failure to deliver the appropriate amount of scenes for him on this trip. When I never promised him a certain amount of scenes."

Luke: "He had gambling debts to pay."

Q: "I'm told that he's kicked his gambling habit though he did owe Mark Spiegler a ton of money for a long time. Mark Spiegler sued him for it and he [Herschel] never showed up to court."

Luke: "If you were inducted into the Hustler Hollywood Hall of Fame, would you bring your kid and your mom?"

Q: "Acch. No I wouldn't. Yeah, I'd bring my mother along and show her the imprint where I dropped the head of my penis into the wet cement."

Chaim writes: Is this Quasarman a crypto-jew? I checked out his pic on his web site. He sure looks like a jew to me - swarthy, shifty, semitic.

PS Who, among your competitors, do you suppose will cut me the best deal?

Luke: He's no Jew, but he was married to a neurotic one for two-and-a-half years. And he is circumsized.

Cooksey's Law Of No Gain

Director James DiGiorgio writes: Lukey-- I just read this in Elite Video's monthly newsletter. Elite Video is mail-order house for video production gear, especially DVcam accessories. Anyway, I think this pretty much sums much of the current state of porn production, i.e., as it applies to more than a few of our noveau porn directors.

Cooksey's Law of No Gain

"Any advantages to the lowering cost of technology that allows you to put out a better product cheaper, faster and easier will be equally offset by people with lack of talent who now enter the business because of those changes!"

This might explain the current flood of s--- being flushed out to porn consumers. But then, what do I know.

Mondo Christmas Eve Titus Moody Fundraiser

Colonel Rob writes: Hey Luke how ya' doin'. Rocketboy and I were just discussing morality. I believe that Prescriptivism is a recommendation of what a right action would be, taking into consideration what the effects on others would be, and agreeing to the outcome as though one were on the short end of the stick (so to speak). Rocketboy says "No, It means you listen to the orderly and take your medication." We tried to get Pie Dog involved but he just started screaming about Ayer, and Mondo Chrissy is bored with the whole discussion. Could you please set the record straight?

The reason I opened this letter with a moral question, Luke, is because of our up-cumming Christmas Eve party. Things get very wicked at our parties, and normally we believe all our guest are headed strait to hell. But Luke this time the party isn't pure anarchy it's for a good cause- Titus Moody (Adult film legend). I believe that attending our party, and enjoying oneself, for a good cause is redemption itself. So what if one has to suffer the company of such temptation as Adajja, Anita Cannibal, Kim Chambers, Brook Hunter, Salena Del Ray, Alicia Rio, and Miss Catalina (as well as other surprise guest) salvation my brother shall be found.

Rocketboy has a question Luke.

ahh luuk da gnew spydurmaan curtuin peetur parqur iz onn conter urth marri jaan iz olone duz u kgot hur fone nummer huh

I won't let him use spell-check this time. Make sure you make it Luke. And Don't forget to listen to Ed Powers this Friday and Saturday on 97.1 KLSX. Luke Chrissy says send her love to you, Ed, and Bill Margold.

Kendra Jade's Ass Clowns

One of the movies Kendra Jade's selling on the road is Ass Clowns, where she stuffs pages of the Bible up her ass. Kendra's finding many people bringing the movie back to her, asking for a refund. They can't get past the first scene. They want to puke. In Ohio and the midwest, they find that sort of transgressive material repulsive. You can make porno for the asses or you can make porno for the masses, says XXX.

Concerned writes: Here's a question for Kendra "Ass Clown" Jade. Stuffed any good books up your ass lately?

Luke Gets Mail

Mike writes: Luke, if you ever want to have furniture in your apartment you should seek more mainstream attention. Ass Klown Kendra Jade was on Stern for butt billionaire yesterday you two seem to be on friendly terms why not ask her to mention your name on the show. Jenna J was on your show awhile back she didn't seem to hate you like other pornstars why not see if you can get a link from her on her site[a long shot but worth a try]. I think that your site combines the humour of Quasarman along with National Enquirer content. But it's difficult to find I only found out about it through a friend.

Cindy Loftus (mediaint@bellsouth.net) from Xcitement magazine writes: "I just want to know what people in the industry think of the election and the new president. If they could e-mail me their answers that would be great. And they must include their real name and phone number so I can be sure I am getting real answers from real people. I don't want any "Hairless" issues!"

Rumdar writes: I had lunch with Faybian Pierre, Jesse Canselmo, James Owens and his nephew Donnell. Three black guys and an Italian. After that I had my hair cut and flirted with the Vietnamese honey doing my nails. Then I came home and turned on WDNA Jazz from Miami Beach. Melody Mel Lipton is the DJ on Thursdays and a close friend. If you haven't guessed, he is a Jew who punched his chads all the way through the card when he voted. No Buchanon f--- up for him. Then I took a nap. I'm sure I dreamt about pussy. I wonder how the other guys enjoyed their afternoon?

Michael Raven vs Nic Andrews

XXX: "I was on a set with directors Michael Raven and Nic Andrews. And they were talking about who got the most AVN Awards nominations. Raven said, 'I got 40 awards...'

Nic: 'How many movies did you do?'

Michael: '40.'

Nic: 'Well, I did two movies and got 40 awards.'

XXX: "Big deal. Michael Raven, you got a nice deal at Sin City. Keep your f---ing mouth shut and do your job and get your pay check.

"This isn't Hollywood. This isn't an Academy Award [as though those aren't corrupt]. You go to Hollywood and win an Academy award, that's worth millions of dollars to you. Because you'll get a lot of work. Not in this business."

Sin City director Michael Raven replies to XXX: "Who are you so angry at and why? Although you got close, your quotes are inaccurate. It might help if you would post the entire conversation in context or at least remove your cloak of anonymity and stop hiding behind handles like "XXX" and let us know who you really are. Until then, you can keep "your f---ing mouth shut..."

"Why do you feel it neccessary to comment on a conversation that wasn't any of your business? Sure, I would agree that the AVN's don't respresent a fraction of what the Oscars would, but if you look at the titles that were nominated it is still fair to say they are the top shows of the year and I count it as an honor to be recognized among them. You sound like an angry and bitter individual that can't stand to see anyone enjoy the fruits of their labor. And by the way, I can assure you that you know nothing about my deal."

XXX replies: Oh man, Michael Raven got mad at me. I can't believe he even responded. The conversation I relayed, I heard told to me by three different people. Because they all thought it was stupid, asinine and egotistical of the two of them. They've got nice jobs and sweet deals.

Michael replies: Once again XXX takes things out of context. I would agree that it was stupid, asinine and egotistical of us if we were at all serious. Our conversation was in fun and jest. Why do you insist on continuing to take it out of context?