Thursday,
November 16th, 2000
What Is Your Relationship To Mr Ford?
Donald writes Rumdar and Luke: Dear Sir / Madame I have not made myself clear, the question should have been the reasons why there are no Asian male performers within the American industry. Can you tell me what your relationship with Mr. Ford is and why you answered and not Mr. Ford. Regards Donald Bodeker
Rumdar replies:
Dear Mr. Bodeker..
My relationship to Mr. Ford has nothing to do with the minuscule appendages that male Asian porno performers seem to be packing inside their kimonos. I answered for Mr. Ford because he is extremely preoccupied with questions concerning the Torah, relationships and of course porno. If you are a frequent reader of Luke F-rd.com you may have noticed that very few questions directed to Mr. Ford are ever answered by Mr. Ford. It is up to other readers to supply information to the curious (if we know the answer). Perhaps if we both asked Mr. Ford "Why there are no Asian male performers within the American industry" he might take notice. However, if he ignores your request (again) and you are not satisfied with my answer I suggest you re-E and this time direct your missive to Chaim Amalek, Curious, Putative Mark, Kendra Jade, Fred the Lawyer, Helpful, Nice Jewish Girl or any other denizen of Luke.com. Again, I thought my reply to you was a valid one. Most male Asian porn performers I have seen are hung like field mice. You know the old adage Mr. Bodeker, "you can't churn butter with a matchstick"...
Chaim writes: Japanese men are not the only ones missing from the palate of porn. One seldom sees any palestinian, afgan, Han, or !kung men either. Why? Only the jews and italians who control porn can answer this one, and they already have much else to answer for.
Tera Patrick For President
Kelly writes Luke: "Tera got into the business about 15 months ago after being evicted from her apartment in Canoga Park. She originally had some guy from Hungary footing the bill and then he took off. An attorney named Linda Acevedo handled the eviction."
Luke's Deep Throat at Tera Patrick's company Digital Playground writes: "Luke: I’ve never heard that story before. I know Tera had a Hungarian boyfriend. BTW, is Tera up for PRESIDENT? Why all the inquiries about her ethical, moral and financial behavior? She’s a beautiful porn star who adores you, so let’s get a fun, crazy story out and LET IT GO!!!! Bottom line Luke, Who Cares? Does it make her a bad person? I don’t know if it’s true or not but I certainly wouldn’t find her LESS sexy or LESS qualified if it was!"
Luke replies: I feel bad to be picking on Tera just as we've started this professional relationship...but because of the dynamics of th site...i run with what i get...and i am getting lots of email on this...people are fascinated by Tera...what can I say... Yes, i feel embarrassed a tad to snoop around like this. I think we need a recount by my hand.
DT says: Dear Luke: What’s not to be fascinated with? Tera Patrick aka Linda Hopkins is incredible. I’ve represented a lot of people, she’s by far the BEST. I’m not here to make up lies about her. I also do not have ANY desire to dig into her past to unbury her skeletons.
If saying negative things about Tera Patrick makes some of the less fortunate people in the world feel better, then terrific. She’s young, I’m sure she’s made mistakes, but I think everyone is entitled to some privacy.
Bottom line, she’s kind. She’s smart and she’s a pleasure to work with. I stand behind her 150%. Anything that happened yesterday or yesteryear is of no concern to me. Today, Tera Patrick is on top of the world because she’s earned it. And yes, that’s my final answer.
Digital Playground writes: Alisha Klass raked in the e-mails last night on Digital Playground’s, Tera Show. The vast majority of the correspondents congratulated Alisha on her new single status while they simultaneously pleaded for advice and lessons on fisting, squirting and anal sex practices. Alisha obliged them all, using Tera as her ‘pussy’ and ‘ass’ model in the cable friendly demonstrations.
Tera, happy to be home from Berlin’s Venus Fairre, raved about Alisha’s new dolphin tattoo. The dolphin reminded Tera to plug her upcoming feature, Island Fever. The movie was shot in Maui, Hawaii, home of many dolphins. Digital Playground will release Island Fever in January 2001. The Tera Show revealed that both Tera and Alisha share an affection and admiration for Shane and Emilio Estevez and they’ve both enjoyed Ron Jeremy’s large penis.
Chaim writes: "Tera currently hosts her own live, interactive web-chat, appropriately titled, The Tera Show. It's gossipy format and intriguing guests have made this show a 'must see' for industry professionals and consumers everywhere. It airs every other Tuesday at http://www.terashow.com and on over 30 affiliate websites."
Luke, is she on in your time slot? If she is, it is no wonder you do not have more than a few dozen fans tuning in to your show. All I can say after looking at the photographs of her is that people are really shallow.
Hocky writes: Come on people. Don't we all know by now that EVERY porn star is in fact highly intelligent and gifted, and could have been in any profession they wanted, but decided to give it up for the higher calling of taking facials and doing anal on camera? I mean, they all grew up in stable, non-disfunctional families who totally support everything they do in the industry. And they also stay away from ALL drugs as well, I mean, maybe brain surgeons can snort coke all day, but surely you can't do that while doing an all day gang bang filming, right?
Donedone writes: Luke... It doesnt shock me that you are s---ting on Tera Patrick...that is your job afterall. But really quickly, lets highlight Tera Patricks best point...she never has pimples on her ass. Luke, Tera is a clean looking porn star, and Im all for that. Back off of Tera as she might be the cleanest porn star there is. More clean looking porn girls in 2001! Thats your new slogan. Vote Luke F-rd for President.
Adultdex
I hear that Richard and Robert Botto, owners of RJB Telcom, did not make it to the Las Vegas Adultdex Expo this week.
Porners have returned home now, many sick from lack of sleep and excessive drinking and partying.
Net porner Alex says: "It was the worst show ever. It was content oriented. Not much foot traffic. The show floor, if you blinked your eye, you'd miss it. A weird vibe. Ron Levi and Johnathan Silverstein came to talk to RB and RB never showed.
"I hear you got your ass handed to you the other night by Dokk. Someone told me that on Webmaster Live the other night, Dokk called in and reamed your ass. That he was yelling and screaming at you."
Luke: "I don't remember that. Dokk is the most mellow guy."
Luscious Heather says: "Many companies are scrambling to get offshore because of the FTC crackdown on RJBTelcom, credit card processing issues, and the elections.
"MaxCash reps like Snoops did come to the show. They weren't hiding from anybody.
"Because there were no parties and no organized get togethers, it was hard to see everybody.
"Yishai was there. Vivid, Xpays. Silverstein is blowing up. He's famous. Many people want to do deals with him.
"People are getting financially desperate. You could feel the slowdown. People feel that they need to go elsewhere to make more money and to maximize their traffic.
"The Tropicana is the worst hotel you could imagine. The big players stayed at the Venetian. There was a CEN/MaxCash suite. I saw JoeE. JoeE said, 'Dude, I don't give a s---. That don't put money in my pocket. If it don't put money in my pocket, I don't care."
"JoeE looked good. He looked rested and well.
"There were no porn stars.
"I'm looking forward to IA2000 because AVN knows how to do a show right.
"About eight webmasters went to the Crazy Horse Sunday night and spent $13,000 on dances. These young kids don't appreciate their money. Many of these guys will be broke in a few years. They'll spend a thousand dollars on dinner.
"I've never been in an industry where it is such a status thing, to show how big your dick is. How much money can you throw out? Some guys charter helicopters for the afternoon and fly all over Las Vegas.
"Lee Noga won a lot of money on the slot machines. Everytime she goes to Vegas, she wins.
"Luke.. Are you still soliciting ideas for the perfect Christm...Errrrr! Holiday gifts for yourself? How about lots of garish gold chains so you will be more appealing to Persian Kitty?"
Bill writes: "I think most folks think the money will continue to flow freely. It WILL NOT. All the low hanging fruit is picked. Maybe I'm an asshole but I'll take great pleasure in seeing many of these idiots hit the wall and wonder where all their money went. The ones who understand the business and keep their egos in check will be around 5 years from now and possibly longer. But for most folks it's HERE TODAY GONE LATER TODAY. Enjoy the ride because it never lasts."
Why Do We Laugh?
I talk to some friends who find the events in Florida hilarious. I've had many strong emotions about the elections but laughter is not one of them.
On the other hand, there are many things that I find hilarious that would appall my friends who find Florida hilarious.
So why do we laugh?
Romance Advice From Gene Ross
Gene Ross writes on his website Gene RossExtreme.com: "Women want security, but men in order to provide it have to work. Then women complain that men are not spending enough quality time with them. My advice? Stay single and patronize hookers, guys. It's the only way you can ever possibly come out ahead."
David Aaron Clark writes to Gene Ross about Jasmin St Claire: "[S]he wouldn't let a guy put his dick in her pussy because she was "only contracted for an anal scene," and loudly told him while the camera was rolling, "You can go ahead and try, but you might come out with some dead baby on it because I just had an abortion two days ago.""
Alisha Klass tells Gene about her ex Seymore Butts: "We got into one fist fight. I came home from a Grammy Award party and had been drinking. Basically it would get to me that he would masturbate and not f--- me. And I just didn't understand that. I came home, and I knew that he had masturbated. I asked him to go upstairs and f--- me, and he acted like he was tired. So I kind of stormed through the doors and woke him up. I grabbed his face and he stood up and threw me to the ground and almost broke my arm after I had punched him in the jaw.
"He wants to say oh, like Shane was a crack whore when he met her, stripping in a club and living in some crack hotel, supposedly.
"He has a baby with nightmare Taylor Hayes and I say that because I think she's one of the ugliest girls on the inside that I ever met. I gave my world to her son because his father was in the office working all the time.
"Taylor started telling people that I was molesting her child."
Alisha Klass on Halle Ashton: "I only wanted to do great work. But she had never been with a girl. She never had a cock up her ass. She was coming over our house basically on speed all the time and three hours late for work." (Gene RossExtreme)
Luke Takes Kendra Jade, Rob Spallone To Jewish Singles Event
I met Kendra Jade and Rob Spallone at Bruno's Italian restaurant in Santa Monica Wednesday night. While it was great to see my buddies again after four months apart, I bemoaned that I was missing a Jewish singles get together at the XXX Coffee House.
Then I solved my problem. I decided to take Kendra and Rob with me to the event.
They promised to be on the best behavior.
Normally I don't mix my two worlds of porno and Judaism. The religion of the Torah holds that all sex, including porn, outside of marriage is sinful.
But tonight I decided to risk it, figuring that the crowd was going to be overwhelmingly secular.
As I walk into the coffee house, a woman comes up to me and says, "I saw you on TV last night. The Linda Lovelace story."
I was already outed.
Rob responded: "Who's Linda Lovelace?"
Kendra, wearing jeans and a sweater (with newly blond streaks in her hair), looked similarly mystified.
I whisked them past the name tag givers and we wandered to the back of the coffee house. I introduced them on the way to several of my friends (many of whom knew who they were).
We passed Arnold Schwartzpecker, a muscular Jewish male performer who wore his real name on his tag - Mike....
We settled at the back and a couple of guys recognize Kendra and start talking to her. She became the belle of the ball.
Rob gets antsy.
"This is the biggest collection of nerds I've ever seen," he tells me before goofing on a nerdy Jewish guy next to us who's trying to make polite conversation.
I introduce Yankel to Rob and Kendra, who I've known for five years from various orthodox syngagogues in my neighborhood. He's a lawyer and a big porn fan.
Yankel starts talking about his favorite kinds of porno - the gonzo and amateur types, particularly Ed Powers.
Yankel repeats, while looking at Kendra: "Too cool man."
Rob starts talking loudly about The Sopornos until I shush him.
An organizer approaches us and asks us if we'd like to submit our business cards to win a free shabbat dinner. I give Rob and Kendra the look and they smile back. Kendra's only business card features a naked picture of her.
Forty minutes after we arrive, Rob's antsy to leave. We walk out. Yankel asks Kendra for a hug and gets a big one.
Rob and Kendra leave. I return to the coffee house.
A man yells at me, "I saw you on TV last night. You wrote that book on porno."
A Jewish woman next to us looks disgusted at me.
Afterwards Yankel tells me: "Kendra is so hot. I like the way she was modestly dressed. I'm going to rent all her movies over the next two weeks.
"The cool thing is that they [Rob and Kendra] were friendlier than everyone else here."
Yankel says he just rented an Ed Powers tape the night before. Ed gave a promo for his radio show on the tape and mentioned that he'd had Luke F-rd on as a guest.
Fred writes: Well, last night's post about the Jewish single's event was pretty interesting to me. I've attended a number of Jewish single's events, but I don't think any of them have ever been attended by a stripper/porn star (at least to the best of my knowledge).
I am curious about the topic of conversations that Kendra had. Were any of the conversations related to her profession?
[LF: Almost all the conversations were related to her work.]
Did anyone get her phone number?
[LF: I believe that a couple of guys got her email address.]
How did she like hobnobbing with a bunch of Jewish singles?
[LF: She enjoyed it.]
Finally, was anyone able to discern that she was not really a nice Yiddishe maidel? Inquiring minds want to know.
[LF: I think most were able to tell quickly. Many of the guys recognized her.]
I was also interested by the fact that there is was a Jewish male porn star at this event. Do people know what he does for a living, or does he succeed in keeping it under wraps.
[LF: He keeps it under wraps usually but he felt like coming out of the closet last night when he saw all the attention Kendra was getting. I told him that was a very bad idea. It's bitten me in the ass many times. Which raises the question, why did I bring Kendra and Rob to such an event? More seeking attention for Luke? Attention that will bite him in the ass.]
Fred writes: You ask why you brought Kendra to the event. Here are some possible theories.
1. You were getting attention for yourself. (I don't believe this.)
2. You enjoyed the pleasure of her charming company, and thought she might enjoy going to the event. (This is the obviously correct answer.)
3. You wanted two observe two sets of friends socialize who do not normally get together. I speculate that 90% of the Jewish singles are a) MBAs, lawyers, accountants and MDs, b) are highly nerdy, c) don't normally get to meet a porn star or stripper in a social situation; and d) would greatly prefer to meet a porn star or stripper in a social situation rather than meeting gold-digging ball-busting female MBAs/lawyers/accountants/MDs.
I speculate that Ms. Jade does not socialize very much with nerdy Jewish lawyers/MBAs/accountants/MDs, and it was kind of a trip for her as well. Further, she probably found it a nice ego boost having all these guys asking her questions about her life. Everyone likes attention. (Or maybe after knowing you all these years, she's thinking of converting, and scoping the place out for future mates.)
What do you think of these theories.
[LF: I think #3 is the primary answer.]
4. On another note, I don't think it would behoove your friend Mike/Schwartzenpecker to out himself. I have a feeling that perhaps about 5% of the females at a Jewish singles event might find it interesting to talk with or date a porn star, but most would consider him inappropriate mating/dating material because of financial reasons or because they're not interested in someone who will doubtless be screwing other women. He would have done well to not out himself. (Men, on the other hand, are not so preoccupied with financial status when deciding who to date or mate.)
I do know of a couple of exceptions to this. A former law partner of mine, female, about 40, has a long history of dating blue collar studly looking fellows who are clearly below her social class. She's one of the few female professionals I know of who are like that.
Luke replies: I got a kick out of bringing Rob and Kendra because it was just so interesting and amusing and incongruous and rebellious.
Chaim writes: Brilliant. Outstanding. This will HELP you with the younger set of jewesses worth having, and to hell with all the old crones who cannot take the invidious comparisons to their better-looking, in-shape gentile distant cousins. You made it sound like all the jewesh nebishes were in on it and drooling over Kendra, which makes me wonder about the gathered jewesses - were the gathered liberal jewish yingels paying THEM any attention, or were they tightly focussed on KJ?
Bet you made a whole bunch of enemies among the spinster class, but then why should you care? What is important is that you live your life as a jew, even if you are not (yet) rich or do not even pretend to know any of the Hollywood Gedolim.
Luke F-rd Social Director
Fred writes: Sort of reminds me of a Thanksgiving dinner party I threw about 18 years ago. I invited my friends (mostly engineers and MBA types from Silicon Valley high tech companies) and my housemate, who was a bit of a low-life, invited his friends (bikers, druggies, a couple of ex-cons).
It was a very interesting dinner. After it was over, my house-mate pulled me aside, and said that his friends thought that my friends were quite wierd. I didn't know what to say, so I simply nodded.
Anyway, it was a good choice to bring Ms. Jade to the party. Sounds like everyone walked away happy. You have a career ahead of you as a social director.
Luke says: Next I want to introduce some members of William Pierce's National Alliance to my liberal Jewish friends.
Frank writes: The standard feminist psychobabble explanation for this sort of thing is "low self esteem." I always had a tough time accepting that explanation, but there is some sort of quirk at work. What do you think--does Ms. Jade have low self esteem? I don't think that's the explanation.
I have no doubt that Ms. Jade could attract any of a large number of males, including fairly well to do males. I also have no doubt that many of the males Ms. Jade could attract would treat her quite well. I also have no doubt that she would be inclined to dismiss them as nerds or otherwise as uninteresting to her. (Of course, a young lady simply has not lived until she's done it with a patent attorney.)
I think that she's attracted to Luke F-rd because he's "dangerous" and is a "bad boy". There's a real attraction there--perhaps a rush of excitement.
Putative Marc writes: heard it mentioned on the stern show that they couldn't find kendra to fulfill her latest sodomy responsibilities. (indeed, i'd imagine howard's approbation as kendra has been as good as a shochet's stamp far as her gawkers were concerned.)
luke--why don't you pitch one of the men's mags (esquire, even!) on a story about taking kendra jade on dates to various establishment places in l.a. and chronicling how people react. (heck, rob spallone can come, too.) i'd be happy to help you shape the story based on anecdotes like your jew meet market experience. get pitching! (this part i can't help with.)
Rumdar writes: I wonder too if Luke is ready for something bigger....I was watching the story of Napoleon on PBS. A Corsican peasant who rose so high from humble beginnings, only too loose his judgment and wind up stranded on St. Helena. If he could do it perhaps you could.(rise that is)
"However: guess that is not a fair criticism. I just know that you could do something amazing!"
Does she have any idea what that amazing thing is? Are you the next Larry King? There is a big difference between Bob Berko who is dull and boring and a Larry King who asks all the right questions and is at ease talking to Putin, Barak, Yasser, Ricky Martin, Madonna, Dubya whoever. Is Luke ready for Prime Time? What is that something amazing? Napoleon said. "I saw the crown of France lying in the gutter. I picked it up and put it on my head?" Gertrude Stein said "Sometimes when you get from here to there, there is no there there." How'd the date go with Persian K.?..Is she on the "Long March" to the sack?
Chaim writes: I was going to snidely suggest that you take her on the Grand Tour of the Holocaust memorials/museums of LA, but then I remembered that as a Persian, she likely will not be as moved (to let you penetrate her) by the suffering of the Ashkenazim as she must be by tales of sephardic fortunes lost with the fall of the Shah. And in truth, as I have never, to the best of my knowledge, met a persian jewess, I honestly don't have a clue. But I too, have heard that they only put out for greasy, gold-chain-wearing Persian sephardic men. (In general, I have had even less luck with sephardic women - here, Iraqi and Syrian - here in New York than I have had with their more whiney and better educated european cousins. These are the most clannish jews I have ever met. And yes, some of them are pretty damn dazzling to the eye.)
Rabbi Luke, is it ethical for a jew to pray that neither Bush nor Gore "wins" this election? Gore is a whore of the trial lawyers and a tool of our termite classes; Bush, on the other hand, is simply not up to the job. Is not this what Lord of Hosts, speaking through The People, is trying to tell us? If only you were one year older, Luke, and had not been born in Australia . . . .
This is looking more and more like a perfect world. Miss Hillary representing me in the Senate, Mr. Gore as my president, and best of all Joe Lieberman providing superior jewish teachings for us all to follow. Soon the only Bush the average American will have cause to think about is the great big Chanukah bush soon to be dedicated in Washington. Take THAT, Jesus!
Chaim Amalek Visits Las Vegas
Chaim writes: 1. What are you going to get me for Christmas?
2. I will be in Las Vegas in a few days (after all the COMDEX nerds have left), and wish to make optimal use of my time. Which should I focus on, Cheetas or Crazy Horse II? And is the Palomino Club worth the drive into North Las Vegas? Most importantly, what is the best place to daven while in Las Vegas?
Luke replies: Last Christmas, Chaim, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I will save it for someone special.
There are two excellent Chabad synagogues in Vegas.
Luke Gets Mail
JMT writes: Luke - Could you put all of the banner ads in a separate subdirectory on your server that you don't use for anything else? That way, I could set my ad-blocking program to nuke all of them. It's more than likely that I am the only person on earth who (a) bothers to use this kind of software, and (b) reads your site, and I never, ever click on banner ads anyway, so it shouldn't have any affect on anything if you were to do this.
Luke says: Just go to www.l-keford.com/text.htm and you will skip the ads.
Rumdar writes: Dear Aussie.. Why no Asian men porn stars? It appears you have been out in the bush too long. Allow me to answer that question for Luke. Have you ever rented any Japanese porn? The women are by and large (actually they are small) extremely tasty. The guys however are for the most part skinny, nerdy and go into battle with one inch dicks. Ah! Sooooo! Not a Yokio Holmes among them.
John writes: What ever happened to John tbone? Last I read he got sued and lost to Frey. Is there a cream company anymore?
Luke says: He did lose the rights to that name to Charley Frey. Now John operates the John T Bone company.
Frank writes: I love your website. It takes guts to be as even-handed as you are and celebrate both your good qualities and bad qualities -- or at least the porn paradox. However, why don't you have a profile of Sydnee Steele? I thought she's fairly popular but I don't see anything on her except that she's married to a guy in the industry. What gives?
Excited, jewish, single parent, premature ejaculator guy writes Quasarmanrants.com:
Dear Q-Man, I am a very excited porn fan. Why? Because on Saturday I will be participating in Metro's Circus of Anal Gang Bang. This is my first time at a porn shoot so maybe you can help me out by answering a few questions:
1) Will child care for gang bang participants be provided? I have custody that weekend and it would be irresponsible of me to leave my infant son in the car for the entire gang bang.
2) Will the catering provide for my strict kosher diet. It's bad enough that I am breaking the Sabbath tradition, but to eat dairy and meat together too! No way!
3) Will I be granted a preferential line position if I can produce a note from my urologist that I am a premature ejaculator? I do not wish to soil the backsides of my line mates.
4) Where can I purchase the traditional Fritz the Cat thigh high leather boots and silver lame jock strap. I do not wish to appear too informal at such a high profile event.
5) And finally, can my son and I crash on your couch afterwards? It is a long drive back to Barstow. Thanking you in advance. The Excited, Jewish, Single Parent, Premature Ejaculator Guy
Visual Socialization
Dudley Moore writes: Yes, everyone is here for the women. But I believe the sex industry and all related behaviors are best explained as the result of parents who were experienced as emotionally unavailable, leading to dramatic failures of psychosexual development (documented exhaustively as pre-oedipal female homosexuality in the case of porn actresses, dancers, and prostitutes women in Elaine Siegel's book Female Homosexuality), and by impulsive, compulsive and addictive behaviors in the male sex consumers.
The talk show circuit is the best example of what I call "visual socialization", a socialization based, not on normal emotional development in relation to loving parents, but instead only on what "looks right" to fit in socially. This is a blatant, as yet unrecognized form of sociopathy. This is also equally true for rebellious adolescents and addicts in particular, which is why they turn to drugs, peers, and sexual acting out to fill the void of parents who were emotionally unavailable, or who were intrusively, pathologically overinvolved(in some cases sexually) with their children, failing to allow the distance needed for healthy emotional development.
Thus, talk show guests exhibit a purely visual socialization. The best they can muster is to try to look normal on the outside, but emotionally, they are undeveloped and even regressed. The talk show format is their best sense of what a "family" is and can be, since emotionally, they never experienced a real family with appropriate distance between family members. That's what the rest of us are laughing at when we watch or listen to a talk show: the guests don't realize they have no emotional clothing on--their social appearances are a merely an attempt at a facade of what they think they're supposed to look like, since they never developed emotionally inside. The talk show is a model of their own dysfunctional family dynamics. The most extreme expression of a purely visual socialization is the exhibitionism of the sex industry, acting out sexually on film, stage, or on the streets.
The Perfect Porner Christmas Gift
Tired of storing your special toys in the nightstand or in that old shoe box under the bed? Tired of throwing things into that shopping bag or old tote bag when you want to take your favorites with you on a trip or to a party? We were, too. Our solution? Hard-sided cases with custom cut high quality foam to securely hold all of your toys. We have a variety of case sizes and all of our cases can be cut to accommodate all sorts of items. From dildos and vibrators to whips and restraints, we can find a case solution that works for you. Click here: IQcases - Sex Toy Cases