Thursday, November 2nd, 2000
RJB Update
Rich Botto of RJB posted on Netpond Thursday afternoon: In my personal opinion, RJB is not guilty of the allegations in the FTC complaint filed last week either in regard to credit card cramming or the dialer. It looks forward to vindicating its right in court. RJB, like Microsoft and other top internet retailers, has been victimized by fraud. The FTC's complaint against the company only highlights the losses which fraudulent webmasters cause by defrauding unwitting consumers, banks and credit card companies. RJB uses state-of-the-art techniques to discover and prevent fraud. It has worked closely with its credit card processors to detect fraud. RJB in every instance it has discovered or has been made aware of that fraud might have occured has fully refunded its customers. From August of 1999 through September of 2000, RJB has refunded millions of dollars to customers it felt might have been defrauded by deceptive webmasters. It hopes to assist federal investigators in a cooperative effort to eradicate this fraud. RJB expects to be completely vindicated of all charges. The company's operations, in cooperation with federal regulators, are continuing and no interruption in operations is expected at any time.
Luke says: Most of RJB's competitors are keeping quiet about the FTC bust. Why? Because they're also getting monitored by the FTC. And all the big internet porn companies are also in Visa's Merchant Chargeback Monitoring program (only about 70 merchants total, about ten percent of them are porners).
Porners can learn from Cybererotica.com's program which has a huge inhouse customer complaints department that answers the phone 24/7. RJB outsourced complaints to Jettis.com (also owned by RJB?). Putting things on a third party will serve as no excuse in the eyes of the FTC. You're held responsible. And third party customer complaint operations are rarely as efficient and accurate as a smoothly operating in-house deal.
RJB complainers would get the runaround from Jettis, according to the FTC complaint.
All the big porn paysites are getting fined regularly by Visa for excessive chargebacks. The fines range from zero to over a million dollars a month. Visa levies fines if chargebacks exceed one percent and customer disputed complaints exceed 2.5%. Fines range from $25 to $100 a chargeback.
Third party processing of consumer complaints can be a nightmare. If they're doing it for a number of people, and if they don't have great reporting and great statistics... Jettis just started processing after DMR collapsed and probably have not had the technical ability to handle it.
Babenet is moving increasingly into non-adult work.
It's difficult to believe that RJB has not known for weeks that they were under intense FTC scrutiny.
XXX says: Their problems are probably a lack of technical expertise, rather than deliberate fraud. Here's how it works. You sign up for an RJB site. Then you cancel with your credit card, and not by calling RJB's customer service. Eventually Jettis gets the notice but they don't get back to RJB in time to stop them from billing you again. The consumer has already received a charge and a credit on their statement, and now they're getting charged again. Unless you have all your ducks in a row, and getting all that information as it comes in, every day that goes by, you're billing another group of cancellees. And the FTC can call that fraud.
If you go to a 404 error page on any of Voice Media's site, you'll pop an RJB console. So a few weeks ago, JoeE's servers probably went down and kicked in a 404 situation, where he started sending traffic to Karas (RJB) and Vivid. And the biggest problem was that JoeE did not come on to the boards and defend himself. If you're an industry leader, you have to be accountable. Sometimes you're going to come out looking guilty when you're only defending yourself, but that's the price you pay as a leader who must stand accountable.
The FTC is on a rampage now. They have more power than ever. The FTC is hurting American porn far more than the Department of Justice (DOJ). The FTC and the DOJ are in a competition to see who can get more headlines. That determines their funding.
RJB is not going to hire lawyers to fight this. You can't fight the FTC. RJB will just sign a consent decree. You agree not to do certain things again and pay a fine.
There were a lot more drugs and whores at the phonesex tradeshows before the web came along.
John@Jettis.com writes on Netpond: Luke F-rd, I'm afraid your information regarding credit card processing and customer service, not to mention the Jettis.com background, is a bit off-base. Jettis.com was processing well before the demise of DMR; technical capability is not, and never has been an issue. Additionally, we handle customer service requests for many of our clients; also working closely on disclosure and availability of support links. Processing the transactions positions us to provide the highest level of support, as we have everything which is needed, at our fingertips. Luke, do not worry about us, we know what we're doing.
Can't Read LF.com At Work?
Matt writes: Luke, I am a longtime reader and visit your site often here at work, in Silicon Valley. A lot of the people I work with are real uptight and now that you are putting these adds all over your site with pictures, I cant go to your site. I have people traffic walking by my cube constantly and I can't exactly explain to everybody that , "well it is not a porn site, it just has these pictures, etc." It won't fly. At least Gene Ross had them on the side of the site, and you could scroll down and eventually they would no longer be there. By the way, what happened with the Pornoween on Howard Stern? Did some lucky dude bang Leanna Hart?
Luke: To avoid the ads, type into your browser: http://www.l-keford.com/text.htm
Pornoween's Controversial Ending
Pete writes: Luke, here's the info on the Pornoween aftermath. As I previously emailed you, the 1st listener that found Leeanna in the CT/NY/NJ tri-state area by following clues Howard would give out on Halloween morning would get to have sex with Leeanna (A few ground rules: No anal, No facials, No choking & No kissing, No filming by the winner doing the deed). One of the main rules was that when you found Leeanna, you had to grab her on the shoulder, say "Woochie, woochie, give me the coochie". The buzz I was hearing from members of my club was to list famous NYC landmarks that would be open from 6 AM to 10 AM. Scores WAS NOT one of them & that's where they hid Leeanna. Seth, the guy who found her first, had to be coached after flubbing the line & saying "hoochie".
Here's were the fallout begins. JoeyBoots, another listener, saw Leeanna in the green room @ the studio & said the phrase correctly in FRONT OF WITNESSES. He argues that he got the phrase right & thus is preparing to sue the show (I am not making this up, he even talked to a lawyer friend of Howard's who recused himself from playing arbitrator). Seth was interviewed on the air before his rendezvous but sounded like a guy on Prozac who couldn't figure out what he was going to do to Leeanna. The lamest line he said was he was going to see if sex with a porn star was better than with the other girls he's been with. Howard received several complaints about how quickly the contest ended (Gee, guys actually wanting foreplay. Here's something new.) BTW, it sounds like Howard's next porn star promotion "Hands on A Porn Star" is a lame rip-off of this lame show USA Network aired where people had to stand around with one hand non-stop on a tractor & the last one touching the tractor wins it
Kid Vegas Doesn't Pay Off
From Quasarmanrants.com: What do you get when you combine a naive firearms dealer, a degenerate drug addict with a God complex and the threats of both bodily harm and litigation? A story with a plot so convoluted it makes Magnolia look like a thigh-master informercial by comparison.
Pat Riley On Porn
Pat Riley writes on RAME: Normally I avoid Rocco movies like the plague (or like I avoid both Vivid and Anabolic) but I picked up Animal Trainer #2 the other day and the first thing I noticed was how ugly the girls were: fatsos comparable to the guests on Jenny Jones or a younger Rosie O'Donnell. The last scene even has a plumper! Rodney Moore gets prettier women.
The GIA - Porn's Illuminatti
Rich Botto of RJBT finally commented last night on the FTC crackdown on his company.
RB wrote on Netpond: "Firstly let me say that I appreciate the support and it has been duly noted...May I also add that the silence from certain cirlces has been deafening. RJB operations ARE continuing. We will continue to keep you aprised of all developments. Calm, people, calm..."
Respected webmistress Melody Tanner Clark picked up on the "deafening silence" note in her posts on Netpond. Some of net porn's biggest names have stayed silent on the RJBT situation - Ron Levi at Cybererotica.com, Greg Dumas at IGallery and the folks at Vivid. JoeE at CENCash has spoken up on behalf of RJB.
All the big net porners are under intense FTC scrutiny. I suspect Vivid is in this category which is why the place has been so frenzied the past few weeks. They're doing everything they can to show the FTC that they Vivid operate responsibly and ethically. Any FTC complaints against Vivid could sink the company.
If I'm right, then it shows how superficial all the recent reportage on Vivid has been. This reportage has never mentioned the company's fraudulent credit card billing schemes from last summer.
CyberErotica Club Pix Asian Frenzy FF5 Homegrown Video DancerDorm Mr Skin XXXPassword BlowMeLive
RB (Rich Botto) was a key player in the GIA, an elite group of internet porn's leaders (Cybererotica, CEN, RJB, IGallery). "Think of it as the Porn Mafia or the Porn Illimunatti," says a source. "They're very secretive."
Some porners considered RB the leader of GIA. No more.
GIA was formed as a counterpart to Andy Edmond's YNOT (because of dissatisfaction with allowing Edmond to represent the industry). The GIA intended to become the lobbying group for adult webmasters.
"You don't know who your lover is until you get a divorce," a porner tells Luke. "This RJBT complaint by the FTC will have such huge ramifications that it will make Xpics look like nothing. This topples Xpics by ten.
"We'll have to see how everything shakes out with the receivership [of RJBT]."
Receivership means that the FTC has won the authority to take over RJBT.
Dali Porn Llama comments: "There's a reason most of the big players are keeping very low profiles right now. Even JoeE has not been on the boards that much. These guys are scared to death of the FTC. Because the FTC can just walk in and take over your business like they did to RJBT.
"The big players are all the ones involved with the GIA. And I think these big guys brought it on themselves. Here you start a group to go after the major credit card companies and you can't f--- with these people. They can turn around and bite you in the ass. This whole RJB situation is crazy and goes far deeper than you know. This threatens the viability of internet porn.
"Almost all the big webmasters use RJB's program. Now we'll find out if RJB keeps paying. RJB has the biggest program [of paying webmasters for traffic]. And now everybody's worried they won't get their check.
"I don't think you will find one webmaster who'll go on the boards and say 'Good for the FTC. f--- RB.'
"Diallers are a horrible idea. Everybody saw this FTC crackdown coming. But certain webmasters like RB got greedy. They foresaw that any panacea to get around the Visa and MasterCard issue was worth trying. If you explicitly tell surfers how much they are going to be billed, then they are not going to buy. An educated consumer should read the Terms of Service to find out how much they will be charged. But you and I know that porn is an impulse buy. It's about instant gratification as soon as possible. It's like drugs.
"You put a bag of drugs in front of a junkie and they're going to take it. They want porn right then and right now. So if a dialer is the only way they will get approved, then they will use the dialer. But then they will bitch when they get the bill the next month. To find out that they got charged $300 to call Madascagar.
"You covered a few months ago about a guy who submitted a dialler link to Adultbuffet.com. And it also got covered on ZDnet and other magazines. At AdultBuffet, somebody submits a link. You go to a site. If you join, you get money. Diallers are illegal in the US and are a crazy crazy world.
"You're going to see the major players get far more tight lipped about what is going on. Because they're scared of the FTC. They want no attention.
"I don't know what RJB is going to do. This is not a situation where you can pay a fine and walk away.
"Ian K. Eisenberg is a piece of work. He came from the audiotext business. He gave Seth Warshavsky his start. Andy Edmond started his operation out of Ian's garage."
Don't Panic About RJB's MaxCash
RJB's MaxCash program has probably paid out more money to webmasters this year for their traffic than any other program.
Globiz writes on Netpond: "...the FTC problem combined with some late checks is causing some people to panic. MaxCash isn't really my main source of $$ right now, but I've never had a problem personally with a late check. Which is no guarantee that it doesn't happen. But what people need to remember is that they have thousands of checks to send out and that there will probably be some that end up being late."
Ian writes: Hi Luke, When I read in your column about the FTC's descent on RJB, I regarded it as the kind of news I'd expect to read in mainstream newspapers, in which it is not unusual to read about the activities of regulators, and incidentally about the wrongdoings of individuals and companies. Subsequently I see that you have been assailed by a series of individuals, each expressing shock that you have dared to report anything to the disadvantage of the industry with which your column is associated. (I wonder if they see the irony of complaining about free speech in an industry whose only real defence against being made illegal is that freedom of speech is a constitutional right). It made me realize what an important function you have undertaken, and why your column must be compulsory reading for anyone connected with the porn industry. How else can they find out about things happening in the industry which the industry would regard as bad publicity for itself? Then I thought about the film "The Sweet Smell of Success", with Burt Lancaster playing a Walter Winchell-type character through whom all gossip is filtered, and who becomes rich, powerful and corrupt as a result. You're on your way, but watch out for the moral pitfalls (among which I do NOT include masturbation and getting laid!)
Lee Noga writes on Netpond: I would do anything for RB and company, but at the same time, I want to slap him for taking un-necessary risks knowing what was on the line, but he placed the bet. Even if he wins, there are intangible losses. This process to get out of the jaws is gonna come at a price. RB knew the risks, he had counsel, he made a decision and now he is being held accountable.
We stated years ago, even if charges were alleged the cost to get out from under neath would be catastrophic, and back in the old days we preached as a community "Porcupine" effect and to hunker down as evidence was released June 1998 the DOJ was coming alive. It was common knowledge, the FTC would get the first bite of the apple, it was common knowledge the FTC was feeding the DOJ....RB knew this, and so do all the players US based. RB did not have to be the one to go down, he had a choice years ago on how to posture his company, and he made it.
As for free sites and paysites do NOT let this erode your morale, DOJ is hot on the CP issue and not as HOT on obscenity and other issues. There will be some indictments coming down for sites that deal in real off color content [violent in nature and beastility]. I welcome this.
For those making a living, reduce your risk, Gov't has limited funds and cannot go after anyone that has a chance to defend. This is the porcupine effect, and the crow will fly over your house and go to the next webmaster who is a slam dunk win. Risk does not make for a millionaire. Do responsible webmastering and you will be fine.
RJB is the poster child in these times, I was the poster child in 1993 on another medium....RB is not going to leave....he has to work thru this, and the best thing you could do is support RB and learn from this and hunker down and don't raise any flags. These are the issues:
a) Protect children from harmful matter [text and graphics]
b) 18 USC 2257
C) No depiction of talent to appear younger than 18 even if older.
d) Limit distribution of content into hostile zones
e) Retain an attorney, and add this to cost of doing business.
Lower your risk, no site will be immune, it has been said as early as 1998 when evidence collecting started, that "hits" will be made to small, medium and large sites so nobody feels immune. They are banking on the scare and ripple effect, this costs them nothing.
Today I know of people pulling the MaxCash banners down. A little bit premature I think. Nothing is hoyle until MaxCash releases a press release to all affliates....there is no doubt in my mind RB has 75 million hidden in his mattress....RB is not going to string people along just to rake em, keep the banners up, give RJB some time to go on "contingency"....there has been no official word from their camp...until then, business as usual... Max Cash conducted a seminar last night, none of the staff have been putting out feelers for new jobs....so tie a knot and hold on....FTC may take a bite, but for cripes sake, don't let the FTC take your faith in RJB...there is no news, so ignore the boards....
Porn Stars On Sally Jesse Raphael
Noah writes: Luke, I was flipping through the channels and saw that Sally Jesse Raphael had a show on called "I Want To Meet My Husband's Fantasy Woman." Wicked girls Stephanie Swift and Alexa were there and so was Spontaneous Ecstasy (who looked horrible). It was a very anti-porn show with that bitch Sally Jesse at the helm. Most of the guys had large porn collections and their wives wanted them to stop buying tapes. Sally Jesse thought she was better than the husbands and the porn stars. She even laughed at the girls a little when they were introduced. Sally Jesse is just a jealous bitch like the wives on the show because they don't look like Stephanie or Alexa who BTW both looked really great. Also, can you give me some information on Alexa. I haven't watched many of Wicked's tapes in awhile. Alexa's f---ing hot!
Honeydip writes: Anyone who watched the Sally Jesse Show could have seen Stephanie Swift's 18 year old boyfriend in the audience. He was the young kid with dark hair and blue eyes. The camera kept on showing him throughout the entire show.
Advertise On l-keford.com
You can buy links on my front page for $25 per word per week. (I average 6500 unique IP addresses hitting my site a day.) For instance, the following ad costs $175 per week:
Mr Gorbachev, Tear Down That Wall!
Chaim writes: Just when you spiff up your web site you take it down a notch by covering every crotch in sight. We need MORE adornment, not less. Mr. Ford, remove those patches of white!
I like that cutey on the right hand margin of your site, but others feel your kisser added some class, and still others want to see more of that girl. I propose you delete the white bars (PK knows what's up anyway) and superimpose your head onto hers. That will make everyone happy.
PS to Marc: You are now an authentic hero to many.
Marc writes: i accidentally smashed into the side of a van carrying police horses meant to scare off protestors at a G-7 summit (toronto, 1988) and drove away. do i have any less of a moral character?
look at your site now, with the surrounding links--i know it's necessary--but does an exposed shaved beaver suggest any less of a moral character? seems like you'd need this woman to nurse you back to health and normalcy. don't blow it.
Stile writes: I enjoy your page. I consider you the Drudge of the adult world, but in the last week you have made some major errors. Sure, we all want to cash in, but you are going about it too fast. Your website is starting to look more like a picpost than journalism. I liked the picture of you on the right hand side. Added class.
Goddess writes: What the hell is in those lemon protein bars you're eating, Luke? You've never looked better! And I don't care what anybody says, you look GOOD with loafers and white bobby socks...
Playboy's Naughty Home Videos
Dear Luke, Farrell Timlake suggested I contact you. I produce Naughty Amateur Home Videos for Playboy TV and we needed some talent for our next shoot November 16 and 17. If you have any suggestions we would really appreciate it. Our hosts are Taylor Hayes and Julia Ann. Nudity and simulated sex only. COUPLE: A sexy couple to appear on the show as swingers. They get naked and fool around w/ our hosts. BELLYDANCER: To dance and get naked with our hosts. BLACK GUY: For a fantasy sex scene w/ our female host. "FRENCH" GUY: For a fantasy sex scene w/ our female host. You can contact me via return e-mail (JDStanford@aol.com) or call me @ (323) 650-4622.
In Days Of Whore
Philip writes: Hey, Luke. I thought I should send you a message to help your readers not waste their time with Thomas Zupko's crap-fest, "In Days Of Whore." I watched the "director's cut" (which means the version with all the pissing) last night, and I haven't had my time so thoroughly wasted since the Presidential debates. (VOTE NADER)
The movie is two and a half hours long, for one thing. About 90 minutes of that is taken up with inane shifts in film stock (you're not Oliver Stone, Zupko, you're a porn director? you make jack-off tapes) and some sort of ridiculous attempt at a story. I really wish companies would stop funding movies with more than five pages of screenplay, PARTICULARLY period pieces. The girls can't act, and the tattoos, piercings, boob jobs, Brazilian bikini waxes, bleached hair and capped teeth don't add all that much to the historical verisimilitude, if you see what I mean.
The sex scenes are uniformly tedious. They're filmed with quick-cut MTV-style editing which does exactly NOTHING to give the viewer even a half-chub. Two separate scenes feature lepers' cocks falling off in the heat of passion?I thought MY cock was gonna fall off from boredom.
The "highlight," for Zupko apparently (he dwells on it at length), is the big finale, where Kristi Myst gets gang-banged and then pissed on for about fifteen minutes, while the gentle strains of a lute fill the air. Maybe this is a big deal for Tommy Zupko, but I don't know...the thrill of incontinence started waning for me when I was old enough to sleep through the night without changing the sheets. Maybe Tommy's getting old, and is entering the Depends stage of his life...I've long suspected that was behind Bob Guccione's insertion of piss-shots into every issue of Penthouse?he figured if he couldn't control his bladder, he'd showcase chicks who couldn't keep it in, either.
Anyway, this vid is a total waste of time, and Zupko's lucky I haven't been assigned to review this turd for a magazine. By the way, this may be too obscure a reference for your readers, but is Zupko deliberately trying to look like classical composer LaMonte Young, with that Grampa-the-Biker look of his? Just wondering. Later.
Bunny Ranch Offers Midget Porn Star Bridget Powerz
The Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel continues to provide horny, cash flushed porn fans with XXX starlets to fulfill their every carnal desire. November's posted schedule includes appearances by:
Mila - Does she ever leave there?
Ruby -
Tiger J -
Randi Rushmore -
Annie Ander Sinn -
Felecia Ryder -
and ... Bridget Powerz a/k/a "Bridget the Midget"
That's right porn fans you can finally live out the ultimate porn star fantasy with XXX's midget super star. So head on up to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch and get your hot midget lovin'! Tell 'em Luke sent ya. Click here: NV Brothels
Curious writes: Be honest, Luke. Have you ever fantasized about being with a midget sexually (Jewish, of course)? Your 5.5 inches would make you a regular John Holmes. Think about it.
The Collapse Of Evolution
It is a sad day as this will be the last in the teachings of Jack T. Chick presented to l-keford.com readers. Over the past weeks Brother Chick has been the sole beacon of truth in the darkness of the Porn Valley. Doubtless he has changed many lives during this run, but as with all good things it too must end. Today is a brand new Chick tract titled "In the Beginning" and proves that Adam and Eve were the progenitors of man and not some monkey man. Jack T. Chick we thank you. Amen. Click here: In The Beginning
Luke Dates Persian Kitty
I drove her in my van for the first time, she didn't squeal... we went to dinner at the souplantation - an all you can eat buffet...set me back $17 for the two of us...forgot to bring my coupons.
She asked me lots of questions about my work. I explained that I wrote on entertainment. Then we called my friend Fred and chatted with him on my cell phone... She looked totally hot and professional looking, like a clinical dietician in this grey suit... We laugh lots. She went back for seconds, thirds, fourths... Said that it was a dangerous place, the souplantation makes you lose control. You see something that you like and you take it.
[Chaim adds: She wants to f--- you.]
I started laughing. She insisted she only meant her words on a literal level. She thinks I have a wicked mind. PK likes bad boys.
[Chaim: She REALLY wants to f--- you.]
She insisted on borrowing my book. I told her it was on a history of sex in film and was not suitable for female viewing. But she insisted.
So we drove back to my place and I invited her in. She paused at the door, afraid to come in, it looked like such a disheveled mess...
[Chaim: This gal has a very high degree of tolerance. Good good good. So unlike your typical jew spinster (see, I told you to get 'em young!]
She eventually came in. I showed her some articles on me. She was shocked.
I showed her the first 15 mins of the Canadian documentary. She was shocked.
I lent her my book. I took some pictures of her with my digital camera and was going to send them to you but she insisted on taking the disc. She's totally hot looking and very funny.
But I'm concerned about her moral character. I told her how I had pulled out of the parking lot at the Beverly Connection and scraped the car next to me, severely. So i left a note with my phone number and insurance info. She seemed surprise. I asked her if she would do that if she scraped someone. She said no. She said she'd scraped someone once and left without leaving a note. I said that was immoral. She asked if the work I did was moral? What do I say?
[Chaim: OK, now I know you are being facetious. The fact is that she has more reason to be concerned with your moral character than you have to be with hers.]
Chaim writes: To Luke's Persian Kitty (don't ask me how he thought of that name): He is a great guy who will make some lucky woman a star of legitimate media. Luke is merely using his current DEEP involvement in porn as a means of getting into legitimate media, much like Dennis Praeger or Gheraldo Rivera. All he needs is a woman to give him a bit more spine, and there is no telling how far he will rise up from the muck in which he appears to be in. Stick by him, and someday you will thank me. Trust in AMALEK! (By the way, what do you think of William Pierce's commentary on the National Alliance web site? Luke and I think it is our favorite source of real pornography.)
Rumdar writes: Luke, I can't believe you didn't have the digs in some sort of semi acceptable shape for the Kitten. You always have to figure there is an outside possibility Kitty will go against what Mom told her and her own instincts to accept your invitation for coffee and roofinals.
Next time do this: Make a quick inspection. First is the bathroom. Very important. No decent lady likes to pee when there is a rain forest growing in the bowl. Do the best you can with Ajax and a brush. If it still looks disgusting pick up some of that blue bowl cleaner. Hopefully she won't be able to see the other stains too well when the water is blue.
Then replace the 60 watt bulb with a 25 watt. Or better yet a small candle.
Living room: Immediately change all bulbs to 15 watts. Gather smut material and throw it in a closet. Borrow acceptable literature (National Geographic, New England Journal of Medicine, Field and Stream) from a neighbor and spread it around the room. You want to project that "well traveled sportsman" image. Low lighting will help conceal deceased roaches in the corners.
Kitchen...Keep her out of the kitchen. Do not under any circumstances allow her in the kitchen. Find two Vita Herring jars that match for romantic sips of wine. Have chilled Carlo Rossi ready for her arrival.
Bedroom. I know, it seems unlikely. But just in case. Fill trashbag with Power Bar and Subway Sandwich wrappers, crusty jizz tissues, diet Coke cans and other garbage. Kick dirty clothes under the bed. If you are sleeping on an air mattress throw the putrid garments in the closet. If you have any clean clothes stick them in the closet on top of the dirty ones.
If you have clean sheets use them. If not, replace all 60 watts bulbs with 5 watt bulbs (if they make them) if not, a very small candle will do. A scented one.
That's it buddy. Don't be caught with your pants down again when there is a possibility you might be able to take your pants down with the Kitten.
Rob responds: Good advice but be advised that at Casa Ford there is no kitchen or bedroom. To call it an apartment is a gross exaggeration.
Go Ahead, Make My Day
Rumdar writes: Luke.. Clint Eastwood you are not. You wield a firearm to protect yourself by shooting the other guy. Not to blow a booger out of your nostril.
So
go ahead, make Luke's day.
Feel
like paying Luke a surprise visit? He's got a greeting for you.
Chaim writes: I say next time you unscrew all the lightbulbs and make do with night vision goggles like they used in "Silence of the Lambs." Chicks really dig 'em.
Fred writes: Great advice. I guess in my case, I need to go out and find 1 Watt light bulbs. Any idea where to find them?
Luke: I showed her the photos of me brandishing the gun. She asked me if I owned a gun. I said yes. Chicks love guys who owns guns and wave them for the camera.
Kendra writes: Dear Mr. Ford,
This past Sunday I tuned into a program entitled "The Passionate Eye" on CBC Newsworld (Canadian program). It is a program that airs provocative documentaries. "Give Me Your Soul" was this weeks documentary. Seeing as my knowledge surrounding the pornography industry is pretty much non-existent, I was quite absorbed. It was interesting to learn that not everyone in the industry fits into my stereotype of "unintelligent and uneducated." Of course, having said this, there were a number of people in the documentary who were not exactly "rocket scientists." That aside, it was very interesting to see you within the documentary. I was unaware that there were people who actually wrote about the industry on a regular basis. The dichotomy of your role in the industry is fascinating to say the least. You explained your reasons, and I can't say that I understand them, but they are of course your reasons and nobody else's business.
With my curiosity piqued, I decided to check out your web site. I appreciate the fact that you include material that contains negative criticism of yourself. What I didn't understand, is why you included or even took pictures of yourself with a handgun. I know that the US as a society is more immersed in gun culture than Canada. In addition, I am aware that it is not uncommon to own a handgun in the US. What I don't understand, is why someone who considers himself to be a serious journalist would include such photos. It seems to undermine any journalistic integrity. If you would be willing to respond to me, I would greatly appreciate it. If not, I certainly understand. It is really none of my business, and you are certainly not obligated to defend yourself.
Luke replies: Dear Kendra:
I always reply to politely worded correctly spelled grammatical emails. Yours is a delight. Most of the email I get is a mess.
I do some serious journalism but I also do a lot of goofy things. l-keford.com should not be looked at as a website totally devoted to serious journalism. It is a melange of approaches and psychoses.
Why do I wave a gun around? This will seem primitive. But porn is a primitive environment, and often in this industry, a gun is the langugage that porners understand best. Unfortunately.
Kendra replies: I certainly understand your reasons. I admit that I have led a somewhat sheltered life. I often forget that elsewhere things are different. I can only imagine the dangers of that business. I guess the majority of people you deal with are not exactly Rhodes scholars....alas! I suppose a visual message is the only kind they comprehend.
Curious writes Luke: Putting those obnoxious little blue and red hyperlinks to porn sites was one thing. I mean we could all use extra bucks, but I almost fainted when I saw your trademark "I gotta migraine" photo was replaced by full color banner ad. Dude, if you're that strapped for cash to impress this Iranian Jewess (oxymoron?) why not autograph some of your old underpants and sell them on eBay?
Have you considered a web cam in your bathroom for your gay fans to subscribe too?
Chaim suggests: Have you ever thought of looking to the examples set by your adopted religion and becoming a middle man? Not of porn gossip, but of porn DNA. You could set up the world's first sperm/egg bank in which all the DNA has been harvested from porn stars. All it would take is an extra minifridge for your kitchen, and you are in business. And think of the free publicity this would get you, publicity with which you could do many a mitzva.
Proof you are not a MOT [member of the Jewish tribe]: I. "When you hear a shagetz [Gentile] use words or phrases like kike, hebe, christ killer, blood sucker, defiler of young women, do you generally FEEL (not think!) that he is talking to or about you?" LF: No
II. You prefer Cheney over the wise and kindly jew Joe Lieberman.
III. You use words like "teledex" that are not known to real jews.
IV. You live in LA, but you drive a van.