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Friday, October 27th, 2000

Beastie Vids

A world famous XXX movie director tells me that a former Cream Entertainment salesman is running around Porn Valley trying to recruit women to do doggie videos.

XXX: He asked me if I could get him girls for f---ing animal videos. He shoots that stuff and sells it to Germany. He came up to me and said, 'Could I talk to you? I do this stuff with dogs.' He tells me how he trains the f---ing dogs. Which dogs are the best dogs. 'So do you know some girls? I pay pretty good.'

"He pays less money than an anal scene. He pays about $500 per scene."

Luke says: Just after I finished filing this story, I got a fundraising call from the Santa Monica Police Canine department. Something about writing on this industry just warps your enjoyment of life.

Hunt's On

From The Courier Mail in Brisbane, Australia:

We imagine it will only be a matter of time before the new American chief of Greg Lasrado's Insane Media, Al Hunt Jr, joins his boss behind the wheel of his very own Lamborghini Diablo.

Hunt has just taken the job as CEO of all of Lasrado's Internet companies, formally slipping into the role as soon as his visa arrangements are finalised.

Hunt has worked for Spring PCS and more recently senior vice-president of a mob called IBill, allegedly one of the larger internet billing organizations in the US.

We wait with bated breath for news of the float of the empire.

Does David Sturman Know?

Lynne writes: Re your Sin City update, does David Sturman know that his very own highly paid publicist is setting him up for a major pedophilia bust? How young are these young girls in Sin City videos? Young, very young. Young, young girls. Young European girls. Girls from countries where the age of consent is often under 18 and the passports (often in some indecipherable Slavic language) can be bought for a blow job? We used to call this sort of publicity "asking for it."

Sin City Update

Lief Rock writes from SinCityFilms.com: Hey everyone, Sorry I'm a little late getting this one out to you, but I caught that cold that everyone in Pornoland is getting. Don't worry, I'm back and have some new releases and dirt to dish.

First of all, as everyone knows, fall is drawing nigh and it's time to stock up on all the heat-generating material you can get your hands on, and that means scorching hot porn from Sin City. We've got the latest installment in that all-time favorite, the young girl vid, as we release Sweet Lil 18, Volume 11. It's chocked full of young, young girls doing all those dirty things they read about in biology class. We follow that with another tape of Rocco Cocktales, the 10th volume. Once again, Rocco demonstrates why he is the leading man in adult. A must have. Then we have three four hour comps featuring blowjobs, assf---ing and boning in the wild. A perfect mix with a roaring fire and a couple of willing sluts. So read it over and then place your orders with James Melendy.

Now for everyone's favorite stuff, the dirt. Alex Ladd, our resident perv, is back from Europe where he shot three gangbangs, a Sweet Lil 18 vid, and a double bj vid, 2-fers, all with, naturally, an extra dimension of filth as Alex coaxed the raunchiest performances he could from some of eastern Europe's more depraved divas, and that's saying something! Next week, he returns behind the camera to shoot Teen Spirit, a young girl vid as two teams of cheerleaders vie for some crown. Or something. Then he shoots a feature during the middle of the month, and another Sweet Lil 18 at the end. You don't think Alex has any kind of sexual dysfunction, especially when it comes to young girls, do you?

Speaking of young girls, our very own Kamiko will be dancing in San Francisco at the New Century Theater 10-26 through 11-1, then she'll be at the Sexpo2000 at our San Francisco facility to meet and greet distributors. Then she returns to El Lay for her role in Teen Spirit. Go, Kamiko! For those in the bay area, the number of the New Century is (415)776-0212. Stop by and say hi, and then run out and buy all of her Sin City releases like Shanghai Poon, Whoriental Sex Academy, Erotica, and Sweet Lil 18 #10.

Speaking of dancing, Jessica Drake will be at Bob's Classy Lady in Van Nuys starting tomorrow night, 10-26 through 28. Their number is (818)787-2627. Check her out. She's awesome.

Zoe, another of our contract girls, just returned from last weekend's Erotica Ball in S.F. and had...an interesting time. For the details, written by Zoe herself, go to our website, www.sincityvideo.com, and read all about it. It's hilarious. This weekend she'll be in Toronto for the Everything To Do With Sex convention. Sounds like our kind of show. When she returns, she prepares for her next video project entitled Smoker, directed by Michael Raven. I'll tell you more about it next week, but I do know it's set in the 60s in San Francisco during the Summer of Love.

Remember, for more gossip, reviews, updates and all kinds of good stuff, check out our website, www.sincityvideo.com and www.sincityfilms.com. Till next week, see ya!

SWEET LIL 18 #11 Directed by Alex Ladd. Cast: Kitty Marie, Jamie Lynn, Bailey, Cheyanne, Molly Rome, Pat Myne, Jay Ashley, Cheyne Collins, Chris Cannon, Tyce Bune. 89 minutes. Yum, yum, yum, here they cum, young, sweet, firm, innocent, hormone-happy young sluts, just dying to nibble their first weenie, and we give it to them. Once again, we lead the market in young, pubescent snatch, and the others wish they could catch up. Master Pervert Alex Ladd has found another mother lode of teen twat, and he delivers the kind of entertainment only Sin City can deliver. So check it out. The only thing standing between your stiff meat and some fresh panty is your fantasy.

ROCCO'S COCKTALES VOLUME 10 Rocco is back in the tenth, and possibly the best, volume of archival footage we’ve ever released on one tape. This is The Meat at his most magnificent, paired up with more of the awesomely gorgeous, disgustingly depraved Eurocunts you can only dream of fondling. He hauls out his equipment and buries it in all the boiling booty he can find before he bastes their asses, tits and faces with ball butter. Rocco has never been raunchier, and the consumer has never been happier. Get a copy along with a box of tissues, preferably quilted. They’re more absorbent.

ASS ANGELS 3 What is more appetizing than a female ass? Nothing! So we've given you what you really crave, and four hours of it. Four hours of girls getting it up the s---ter in every position known to man. European sluts, American tramps, asian whores, black booty babes and latina jezebels, all getting it long and hard from some of the biggest studs in the biz. You're gonna love it.

COCK CRAZY 6 These are the kind of girls you'd give your right testicle to meet, the kind who love to suck cock. All kinds of cock. They gnaw, they bite, they lick, they drool, they swallow, they gobble, they gag and they choke, then they take a blast all over their face. In other words, Sin City girls. Four hours of raw choad-chomping and jizz guzzling, just they way you like it. So haul it out and get to it.

OUTDOOR HOOKERS 5 Anybody can have sex inside, in a bed or on the floor. In fact, most people do. But to really punch up your sex life, there's nothing like an outdoor bonk to generate a mind-boggling orgasm, and these couples f--- like stallions in heat. This tape was awarded the prestigious Ecof--- Award by Greenpeace for its accurate and sensitive depiction of sex in the wild. We at Sin City are proud to accept the award on behalf of our talent, and urge you to f--- responsibly.

Michael Jackson and Kosher Sex

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach writes: My family and I were guests of Michael Jackson at his Neverland Valley ranch in California... Michael and I met a year and a half ago through Uri Geller, a mutual friend, who saw a commonality in Michael’s and my own concern for the well-being of the human soul. Read On

Luke Eats Ants

My best friend from gradeschool writes me today: The girl that thinks you're dangerous...Well, you just get her in touch with me, and I'll let her know all the details, including eating ants.

Rumdar writes: Let's hear the eating ants story on your site. More insight to your personality.

Luke replies: Unlike today, when I was a child, I was extremely insecure and needy for attention. So I'd pull these bizarre stunts such as farting loudly in class, seeing how many bananas I could stuff into my mouth at once, and eating ants. It's wonderful how much I've been able to mature since then.

Submit To Luke

Greg writes: I just visited the site amihotornot.com, where people from across America submit their own personal pictures to have their attractiveness judged by others (scale 1-10).

There is a porn application for you Luke. Have women who are considering entering the jizz biz submit their own photos to your site (for a fee , of course) and have loyal lf.com readers judge their potential in porn valley! The way I see it, the women get an honest assessment (unlike the bogus "agents") of their potential from your readers - probably the biggest collection of porno "experts" out there.

For a woman considering this career, this independent viewpoint is critical. Am I the next Jenna? Or the next "2 gonzo flicks and out" chick? If you don't have a long-term future in the business, why make a "mistake" and carry this humiliation with you the rest of your life for a couple $500 lays? lf.com could save a few from a lifetime of regret. If we determine you have "star" potential, you'd make back Luke's assessment fee with the very first money shot! I say this lf.com reader viewpoint of potential starlets is worth at least a few hundred bucks. Who knows, maybe we could have saved the world from Heather Baron!

The Wisdom Of Heather Barron

Jack writes: Luke, In a fit of total boredom I was cruising Heather Barron's site. Somewhere buried in all of that tripe is a gem of wisdom which I have to share. Ms. Barron ends her appeal for a drug free life by saying "Don't f--- yourself. Or you'll be permanently screwed". Makes sense to me...

Ribald Poet Rocks The Porn World

Ribald Poet writes: Hunkered down in his foxhole in NY, and with the kind of pinpoint precision that only a deranged serial killer could truly admire, the Ribald Poet launched an "email scud missile" that sailed effortlessly across the contiguous U S of A skies and struck its intended target so dead-on perfectly... that Saddam Hussien himself has fired off a congratulatory letter along with an impassioned plea for the Poet to immediately defect to his country.

Ahhhh, 'tis so very nice to be so WANTED and to possess the ability to wield such immense POWER by dint of keyboard --- hell, forget the likes of Inari Vachs, Cherry Mirage, Lori Michaels & Gina Ryder... pecking out incendiary *words* is what gets Ribald Poet's dick hard!

Deriving at the obvious conclusion that the Poet's email to l-keford.com is the sole reason that Ms. Lee Noga abruptly "killfiled" the world-renowned Luke F-rd Show --- thereby instantaneously improving the show by an amazing 50%!!! --- the Poet quickly crafted "Lee Noga-like scud emails" and hurriedly fired them off to other porn insiders that desperately need to be immediately REMOVED from their current porn occupations: Ed Powers, Randy West, Nina Hartley, Bill Margold, Ron Jeremy, Max Hardcore, Rob Black, Gene Ross, Rocco, Steve Hirsch, Herschel Savage, Luis Cypher, Mark Davis, Vince Voyeur, Jenna Jameson, Jessica Darlin, Luciano, Paul Thomas and some others.... YOU'VE GOT MAIL !!!

As Nathan's little brother "Skeeter" Hale once remarked: "Give me the Internet, or give me death!" (or something like that)

p.s.--- The Poet's vote goes to Jimmy D to replace Ms. Lee "I have the thinnest skin in the world such that I can't even accept a little constructive criticism but then again if anyone in their right mind believes that a simple email would make me resign is crazy it's really that I was just burnt out on the show and I was looking for any easy excuse to bail out on it 'cause I've got far, far bigger problems in my life then Ribald Poet's or anybody else's innocuous emails" Noga.

If Jimmy D doesn't want the job, The Ribald Poet could be convinced to fill the opening... provided he was GAURANTEED a 5-figure weekly salary just as Kevin Blatt was!

Rog Interviews Robert Madison

At www.RogReviews.com, Roger Pipe interviews Elegant Angel director Robert Madison. Here's an excerpt:

RM: I like the sex to get rough. I would say that for the general public, in their private lives, there probably is not a ton of rough sex. Most people have a boring sex life so if they’re going to watch something, it should be something more intense than what they get at home.

I’ve got Sky doing a masturbation scene around the five vignettes in the movie [Smut 17]. She’ll start out slow and sexy then get hotter as she goes. In the final sequence, she’s masturbating in the sink with the water running, soapy water pouring over the edges and she’s masturbating with a butcher knife.

RP: I guess that’s not mean spirited as long as it’s with the handle end of the knife.

RM: It’s with the blade actually, the dull edge, but it’s great. I had her tied to the bed with a belt around her neck masturbating.

What about incest?

I probably wouldn’t do anything on that theme. I have two kids and that just wouldn’t work for me. I’m really an oxymoron. I’m a super-dad pornographer. It’s a weird life.

Have you had any bad experiences on a set?

Once there was a girl who basically said she would work with anybody. She named a few names, including a black male performer. So I booked a white guy and a black guy to work with her. When she showed up to the location, the black guy was not there yet, and I had to run to the store to get some flowers for the scene. Anyway, when I left the grocery store, my car wouldn't start. The alarm was messed up and it wouldn't allow me to start the car. Of course, it was hot as hell and the stupid alarm kept going off. Anyway, after a dozen calls on my cell phone, and about an hour later I finally found someone who knew how to bypass the alarm. By now, everyone had been waiting around forever. When I finally got back to the location, the black guy was there along with everyone else. So, the girl wanted to talk to me in private. She said that she wouldn't work with the black performer. The whole thing really sucked! Needless to say, he wasn't happy and neither was I.

Female Orgasms

Rob writes on RAME: Brandy feel free to chime in here, but I think the only orgasms that occur with the women on porn sets is when they hear that Ron Jeremy's car broke down so they'll just pay her "kill fee" and she can go home.

Linda Thoren writes on RAME: Check out Private Tripple X #10. I had four (4) orgasm during one single scene.

Luke Gets Mail

Brad Shaw writes: Xpays used our images from freshphotos.com in several print ads in AVN Online and Klixxx magazine which is in direct violation of our licenses. They claimed they owned an "unlimited license" which they do not. NOBODY owns an unlimited license that enables them to use the images in print. We are working on selling all the print license to a MAJOR publication. Our images in causing a bidding war between print companies as they are the best on the market, period.

When contacted about this infringement, Evan stated that he had a license. Of course he never faxed it over to me as he said he was going to. These guys are thieves in my opinion and their program is simply a front for spamming in my opinion.

Notice I have to use "in my opinion". Unfortunately, Evan loves to threaten lawsuits since he has nothing better to do each day in between smoking joints. I hear people saying they are back to trying to sell XPays due to a "cash" problem with an asking price of about 14 pintos.

Jason Kraft writes on ZDNet about the Flying Crocodile layoffs: "I say Flying Crock. That is because they are hurting big time. I was one of the 30 employees that got canned in the recent days. I guess dedication and loyalship doesn't go anywhere with this company. Hopefully others will see that this company is in a endless tailspin, and they better get out while they still can."

Lester Hays writes on ZDNet: Ok,this article was pretty interesting. I almost started believing that not everyone in the smut business is rotten to the core. Andy Edmond seems to have potetial as a leader. I think the mainstreaming of porn is a sad commentary on or society though.

Then I read this guy Luke F-rds web site and it reaffirmed that the porn world is a bunch of losers with their head's up their butts. The world would be a much better place without the Luke F-rds of the world. It's a shame Mr.Barrett's semi-objective article got sucked into that hidious site. Yuck! What a bunch of loosers!

Luke says: Be careful about replying to ZDNet.com articles or you will find out the sad way like I did. They censor your comments and twist your words. Then when you protest, they neither post your comments nor reply to your criticisms. What a crumby operation.

Trisha writes: Luke, How in the hell can you let Lee walk away? Do you realize how great the two of you are on your little ole radio show!! The two of you have a special chemistry. Get down on your knees and ask Ms. Noga to return. If you continue to act like an immature brat, my friends and I will be forced to picket your home......and raise hell on the internet. Be a man. Tell Lee you are sorry and get back to doing your radio show.

Goddess writes: Dear Concerned--I'll be glad to take Lee Noga's place on the Luke F-rd show.....now I just have to figure out a way to get rid of that Luke F-rd guy....

BTW, I do *not* have to kiss up to you or Meni, as Concerned suggests. I'm STILL kissing up to Mike South....cut me some slack, will ya? How many asses can one person kiss at a time?!

To set the record straight, I have NEVER "sucked up" to Gene, Concerned. It's not my fault the Tragically Hip God of Gossip (heretofore known as the "Tragically Hip Commish") is the sexiest, smartest, handsomest guy in porn (followed extremely closely by Mike South), I'm just calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Kevin Moore from Stunningcurves.com writes: I can understand some people kissing up to those that have been doing this for a long time, like Gene etc. But Meni? I don't understand that one at all Luke.

Meni replies: I'm www.thewholef---inshow.com hellooooooooo, hee hee, we are not here for a LONG TIME, we are here for a GOOD TIME.

CyberErotica Club Pix Asian Frenzy FF5 Homegrown Video

Rumdar writes: Professor Jay Gertzman Luke........ There is a name I had completely forgotten. What a keen mind the professor has. May I suggest you and the professor do a show together? I think it would fly. And have Jimmy D on for comic relief. A winner all around.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Another great candidate for your new partner. He and professor Jay will be a winning combination at Luke F-rd.com.

Kevin Moore writes: I'm happy to know that Ribald enjoyed that section of your show Luke. I was really confused when that music came on. Hence why I suddenly stopped talking. I thought something else was going on. I'm surprised though that Lee has left the show over this email.

Tuehy writes: i been readin your page for years and am shocked you allow java traps! they make me sick...you appear like a perv in need of a free subscription to their page...please dump these cheap net hustlers, it doesn't become you.

Luke asks: Where do I have java traps?

Tuehy replies: wow i'm impressed luke, you do read your mail. well today it crashed me so i got a tad upset. http://www.l-keford.com/main.html, it's the blowme live tag on the second line.

Louis writes: Lukey! Your recent posting of yet another article about Luke F-rd (Porners Must Live) continues the impression that above all else, you're only interested in furthering other people's interest and knowledge in the most fascinating subject you know of,... yourself! Not that there's anything wrong with this from a literature perspective, it makes for entertaining reading, but from a psychological one it's quite damaging, as you well know. I believe Narcissism was your diagnosis, so obviously your treatment is not going well, since you continue to find every means, method and approach available to keep the focus on... Luke F-rd! The picture of yourself, unscrollable, permanently afixed to the right part of your site, the articles about yourself, the references to yourself in the third person... hmm... as entertaining as it is, perhaps it hides that fact that from an intellectual standpoint you have nothing to say? No matter. I've met you and like you and know you're a good person who wants to find truth, and for that a lot can be forgiven. However a strong step in the right direction would be to force yourself to continue to take firm intellectual positions about your observations. No ironic backtracking. No self-defeating sarcasm. Just genuine, sincere opinions and observations. That is what Philip Roth did. That is what great writers are able to do with their experiences. It's scary -- you'll be putting yourself up for more ridicule than currently in your position as detached, self-involved narcissist who only cares to discuss himself. But it'll be a step in the right direction. You can do it, Lukey!

Farrell Gets Mail

Farrel Timlake at Homegrown Video received this from Christine Maggiore: Hey Farrell, I'm glad to know that you are still mixing it up with those porn folks. Last I heard, John The-Butt-Man Stagliano had one of the many miraculous seroconversions from positive to negative that occur with astounding frequency in the industry. It's so weird how no one is wondering about this rather common phenomenon, or the lack of an epidemic amongst all you all.

I would think that having to fork over $195 bucks for a PCR every couple weeks would be enough to make adult stars ask a few questions. I just taped a segment for ABC's 20/20 that will air sometime in November. As part of the show, I took HIV tests on camera--some AIDS activists actually insist I'm HIV negative so we thought we'd shut them up once and for all. I went to this testing clinic near my house and since ABC was paying, I asked for an HIV antibody test, a qualitative PCR and a PCR viral load (off their test "menu"--they actually call it that!)

The doctor there wouldn't let me take the PCR viral load unless I could prove I was HIV positive because--get this--the test is so sensitive it can give a viral load reading in people who are negative. I was told on camera that the test that is supposed to specfically indicate and quantify the presence of HIV will indicate and quantify HIV in people who don't "have" HIV.

Infidels vs Jack Chick

Jack T. Chick blows the lid off of the world's fastest growing FALSE religion. To get to heaven one need not pray to Allah three times a day, make a pilgrimage to Mecca, or commit a suicide attack on a US Naval vessel in the Persian Gulf. All one must do is read the Bible and surrender unto the one TRUE God! Read on infidels and see the error of your ways! Click here: The Storyteller

Luke Endorses Bush

Rumdar writes: Luke.. The election hour is growing near. I agree with my informed fellow Americans that this will be an important one. There are three or four possible Supreme Court Justices ready to die or retire. We are looking at changes that could affect our great country for 20-25 years to come. With this in mind media all over this vast land are endorsing candidates. The New York Times, The Houston Chronicle, Time, Rolling Stone, etc., all have, or will, grant their approval of one candidate or another. So, it is time for you Luke, to stop straddling the fence and give the Luke F-rd. Com nod to either Al and Joe or Dubya and Dick. It must be confusing for you. On the one hand your Torah enlightenment should easily point to the Democrats. However, you always claim to be conservative. So you could be leaning towards the Republicans. Nevertheless, it is time to choose. Lukers everywhere deserve to know. Which Presidential hopeful will receive the coveted Luke endorsement?

Luke says: I'd vote for the Republican even if they nominated a red dog. I hate the Democrats. So yes, I endorse George W. Bush, but without great enthusiasm.