Sunday, October 15th, 2000

Luke Gets Mail

Mr Marcus from MrMarcus.com writes: Ok my s--- is trippin so I'll post this on your site. It's an feud about whose the SEXIST in our business. Reply at will. Reply-->I've always believed Obession was the sexiest, Dee, Lexus, Azlea, Alexa Rae, Julia Ann, Chasey Lain, Asia Carrea, Chocolate, India, Heather, Jenna, Kobe Tai, and my girl Silvia those are some sexy women. I would like AVN to do an issue and call it the "Sexy Ones". If this is all about sex, then being sexy should be included. Not just nasty s---, like anals and dp's who can choke on a dick, but just some very sexual muthaf---as. Paul Fishbein you listening?????? Mr.Marcus P.S. go to www.avn.com and let them know...do the f---in issue. I'll buy it, would you??

Vivid girl Lori Michaels writes: Luke, Regarding the Jewish/Palestinian conflict that I have been watching on the news lately. I see one thing that disturbs me greatly, but yet it is never addressed on the news shows. Answer me this quesiton? I see video of Palestinian youths throwing rocks at police, destroying public property, etc. This seems to happen during the middle of the day. Why aren't these kids in school? Do their parents not care where their children are? I keep hearing Palestinians saying "They're killing our children", but for the life of me I can't understand why they are sending their childern out in the middle of a school day to rake havoic. Please explain this to me. I am neither pro Jewish or pro Palestinian, but I'd sure like an answer to my question. I'd also like to know how you feel about the presidental election coming up? I haven't said to much about it in your column since you seem to always be in trouble and figured that you didn't need me stiring things up for you.

Fred writes: Luke, Have you ever logged onto Ms. Chong's web site? It's a half-finished web site that hasn't been finished or updated in about 8 months. What's she doing with her life nowadays? Is she still on the road stripping? Is she still promoting the Lewis Gough movie? Is she back in school?

Swami Sri Sri Haute Sex writes: Mr. Ford, Maja Domol, an 6'8'', 290 lb. African native with a 17-inch penis is in southern California doing adult film work. I can't say who he is working for or with, but let's just say if I told you, you wouldn't be too shocked. The Djado, Niger (that's one "g", bucko!) native is really enjoying America, especially the food. I sat in on a test shoot last week in Chatsworth, and when this guy gives a facial, it looks like he just hit the chick with a cream pie! It's a f---ing mess! He beats his chest and spits and screams like an animal. If this guy doesn't kill somebody, I think he's gonna be a big star. There are rumours on the set that he came from a tribe of cannibals. I haven't been able to find out who brought him over or how he was found, etc. I'm going back tomorrow morning (Sunday) to find out more and see this monster in action again. I just hope it's not an anal shoot! Maybe Jenna should save her interracial debut for Maja. The only thing is, this guy really stinks! I know they were having problems with it. I think his body isn't used to all the complex ingedients and preservatives found in American food or something, but he really smells foul.

Ari writes: Luke, I rented Barely Legal 6 because there is an adorable girl named Erica Saxton (aka Vanessa Sexton in Shut Up And Blow Me!; aka Juniper in Ed Powers' MDD) in it and I wanted to see her scene. I was watching the opening credits and to my surprise her partner in her scene was Kid Vegas! I had never seen the Kid before but since I read about him often on l-keford.com I was now going to watch the whole scene rather than fast-forward through the dialogue. Anyway, Erica's vignette is called "Hippie Chick". She takes her parent's Volkswagen Van to a secluded area, where she can "take a piss whenever she wants" (and she does!) She is sitting on a lounge chair masturbating, when Kid Vegas sneaks up from behind! For those of you who have never seen Kid Vegas, he looks kind of like a pasty, slightly overweight Eminem. The Kid mumbles through his 2 lines of dialogue, and then has difficulty getting an erection. In fact, after he plays with himself for several moments, he looks directly into the camera as if to say, "Just one more minute and I'll have it!" Kid Vegas also has difficulty keeping his erection while eating Erica's sweet young pussy. One thing I will say positive about Kid Vegas, is Erica definitely had a better time f---ing him than she did Ed Powers. While she seemed repulsed by Ed's every move, she was deep-kissing Kid Vegas constantly. The sex was average, nothing to write home about, but the Kid did deliver a lovely facial with strong trajectory force across Erica's face. In conclusion, I was happy with the Erica Saxton/Kid Vegas scene, but I wouldn't go out of my way to rent anything with Kid Vegas.

Tabetha writes: Hi Luke, I just wanted to let you know that Sunday is the day that Zoë walks for AIDS down in front of Paramount Pictures. It looks to be a great day and I think those people that couldn't donate could come and support her on the side lines! It will be at 5555 Melrose Ave. and you can't miss her in her tight pink T-shirt with www.xxxzoe.com on the back in black velvet letters. The whole idea is to show the world that we - the industry - DO care about our health and well being. That some of us do believe in Karma and doing some good will before meeting the maker, and frankly I think there are many out there that do. So we look forward to seeing you there, Zoë will even be happy to sign autographs and take pictures with those that show up!

Goddess writes: Luke, I heard from a *very reliable source* that AVN gave Gene's job to Mr. Hanky from South Park, but they fired him after just one day for doing a s---ty job....

Game writes: Hey I today saw the most disturbing site that you should read its kind a big conspiracy theory but im sending it to you cause I read you a lot and its about the jewish defense league and some other stuff youd be interested in i gauranteee if you started reading be sure to read the about the author part first i think youll be shocked at what you end up reading there! here it is; Dossiers and Secret Files

Solution To Israel's Troubles

Chaim Amalek writes: I have the solution to all the troubles in Israel/palestine. Simply amend Israel's basic Law of Return, by which all jews are guaranteed the right to settle in Israel, so that it includes the Palestinian people - those arabs who lived in what became Israeli controlled territory and their descendants.

Israel - now including all of the West Bank (just as the zionist settlers want) would continue to serve as a refuge for jews, but now the Palestinians would join them and fully share in the bounty of multicultural life. Problem solved!

And don't tell me that there has been too much bad blood between these groups. There was even more bad blood between Negroes and whites in this country, yet nowadays we all get along just fine.

Let's pressure Israel so that it can become the sort of multicultural paradise that only diversity can make it!

PS Luke, be sure to run this by all your fancy-pants jewish "friends" in LA. If there are flaws in this plan, I am sure that they will point them out. Marc, do you agree with me that I have hit upon the solution to all problems between Israelis and Palestinians?

Pledge of loyalty to Luke F-rd made

Jechu Prospect writes: Pyongyang, October 13 -- A ceremony was held at the Kumsusan Memorial Palace on Thursday to pay deep respects to the great pornographer Luke F-rd and make a pledge of loyalty to the respected Supreme Pornographer on the occasion of his impending assumption of duties from Gene Ross.

Attending the ceremony were vice marshals, commanders of services and condom engineers of the 5th Peoples Anti-Venereal Brigade, and members of the worker-peasant red guards and the young red guards.

A twenty-one gun salute was boomed amid the playing of the immortal revolutionary paean "Song of Luke F-rd and "Song of Levy".

All the participants saluted Luke F-rd. Kim Long Wang, chief of the Third Secretariate for Sexual Affairs, made an address at the ceremony. The participants, in hearty response to his address carrying the rockfirm faith of the revolutionary mission of Mr. Ford, solemnly pledged that they would remain loyal to his revolutionary leadership and reliably defend and accomplish the sacred, revolutionary cause of Porno-Juche thought.

They chanted in chorus the slogans "Let us hold the great leader comrade Luke F-rd in high esteem forever " and "Let us devotedly defend the headquarters of revolution headed by the great comrade Luke F-rd" and loudly sang the song "We will defend the headquarters of revolution at Pico and Robertson with our lives". Then followed a march-past.