Wednesday, October 4th, 2000

East Coast Video Show

Photos by Domonique Lille.

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Tabitha Stevens, Tera Patrick
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Tera Patrick
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Tabitha Stevens
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Tabitha
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Tricia Devereaux, John Stagliano
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Tricia Devereaux
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Rebecca Lord
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Rebecca Lord
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Lexi
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Lexi
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Lexi
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Vanessa Del Rio
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Menage
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Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong
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Bunny Luv
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Dayton

Stop Bagging On Kendra Jade

The Only Guy In Hollywood Who Hasn't f---ed Kendra Jade writes on Mondofamilyfilms.com: Dear Mr. Long, I am curious as to whether you have sampled the carnal delights of Ms. Kendra Jade? I heard you tag teamed her with Jerry Springer. True?

Mondo Family members who have f---ed Kendra Jade: Thrill Kill (2); James A.Beck (sort of); Brother Terry, Francis Lurid & Fritz the Cat (once, all at the same time); Capt. Art (173); PD Savage (once - she never knew); The World's Most Delusional Three's Company Fan (once - HE never knew!); James Long (?); RED BARKER (lost count); Margo (once - she experimented in college)

Mondo Family members who have NOT f---ed Kendra Jade: Rocketboy (Duh!); Fag Randy (yet); Monte (also Duh!!); Odd, Turd, Queer, Stevie Butthunter and all the other Mwarfits (not for lack of trying, either)

Monte writes on the Vortex at www.Mondofamilyfilms.com: Why must we continually objectify women like this? You so called "Men" that make jokes at the expense of Miss Kendra Jade seem to crying out for help. Well, I have a suggestion for you: Why don't you all try yoga as way to control your errant sexual urges. You can accomplish so much in life when you are finally able to rid yourself of those constant sexual cravings. I know, for I speak from experience. I used to be in a constant state of arousal, always in a turgid state as I rode my recumbent bicycle over to Mondo Video on Vermont to rent a pornographic tape or two which I would later masturbate to at home. I would always feel so guilty afterward, like my time had been wasted. I could have been accomplishing good things, planting trees, making musical intruments or cooking a healthy vegan meal. Instead, I had nothing to show for my wasted efforts but a gooey mess. Then I discovered yoga, and my life changed seemingly overnight. Now, instead of praying at the altar of Onan, I can derive inner strength from quiet meditation. This is so much more satisfying than the short lived orgasm. You men out there should really give a try, instead of bothering that poor Miss Jade. She is human being just like you are, and she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Come on fellows, it's worth a try. Self respect is just a Lotus position away!

Brandy Alexandre writes: Luke, get this that was posted in my guestbook: "hey brandy looks like even that skank kendra jade can get her name mentioned in a new tv show and nobody knows who you are or or cares..... " Well, first of all, I have no idea what point he was trying to make. Is it the goal of porn stars to get their names mentioned in TV shows? Indeed, knowing that the X-Files gang are porn fans made the character name of Amber Lynn in one of last season's episode sort of obvious, but so what? I assume this loser is talking about "Kendra" (no "Jade") being the name of the roommate in "Dark Angel." Unfortunately, that Kendra was fat and dumpy looking, and a quick trip to the IMDb showed 13 entries of the character name of Kendra dating back to 1973. I'm sure it's a coincidence, but if not, who really cares? Can you say desperate to flame about ANYTHING? I'm having lunch with a "celebrity" of some note next week, and it's neither a rock star nor Charlie Sheen, nor is he paying for my company :::winkwink::: That's better than having some fat character named "Brandy" turn up in any show any day.

Jenna Jameson Furious With Wicked's JennaVision

XXX writes: "There is kaos at Wicked. With Jenna now gone from Wicked, Joy King is heavily pushing Alexa. It's no secret to those around the industry that Joy has been trying to have Serenity ousted from Wicked. With Serenity signed for 2 more years at Wicked, Alexa is now spreading rumors about Serenity. This is all being lead by Joy. Heard all weekend, was Alexa telling people that Rodman's people and Wicked didn't want Serenity involved in RodmanTV. Alexa is quickly getting a prima donna attitude. This is also no secret in the industry. She is insanely jealous of Serenity and Tera Patrick, who will most likely take AVN's starlet over Alexa. Looks like Jenna may have left at the right time."

Ex-Wicked girl Jenna Jameson writes Luke: "I am so upset, it’s hard for me to even address this… I never thought I was going to get screwed by Wicked, but for me, this was the final straw. The worst part about it, was that I had a meeting with Steve Orenstein about obtaining all of his “Jenna content” and he told me NO. So, I understood… But, I told him if he was going to sell my content, to please come to me first. Needless to say, I heard about this betrayal by opening up AVN online magazine at IA2000. I in turn, haven’t spoken to Wicked since. I guess The only thing I was good for was making them money… The funny thing is, I was in New Orleans to shop a distribution deal for my movies I am making for clubjenna.com. My first offer was naturally going to be Wicked… Not any more! I am closing a deal with Vivid as we speak. I think Wicked made a very bad choice. Needless to say, I am very saddened by what has happened, it’s hard to tell who are my friends these days."

Luke says: I'd emailed Jenna about this recent AVN article. AVN failed to ask Jenna for her reaction. Here at l-keford.com, the paragon of journalistic excellence, we believe in getting all sides to an important story. Here's an excerpt from the AVN piece:

JennaVision is ready for adult Websites thanks to a new deal between a pair of AVN award winners, Videosecrets and Wicked Pictures.

JennaVision, of course, is a wholly comprehensive collection of content featuring the Wicked Pictures contract star, including exclusive still and video imagery. And it’s available to adult Webmasters 24/7, thanks to Wicked making its first such deal for continuous available content involving one of its major stars. The material has not yet been for sale anywhere in the world, Videosecrets says. “Webmasters and their members will be happy with the high quality product in JennaVision that they’ve come to expect from Videosecrets and Wicked Pictures,” the companies said in a joint statement. And for more information, including a free demonstration or arranging to bring it to your Web site, contact (805) 557-1500 x3 or e-mail marketing@videosecrets.com.

Chad writes: Luke, This is in response to Jenna J's most recent posting, Jenna you say that all you were good for is making them money, well what did you think they hired you for? The only reason any of you women are hired is to make them money, WAKE UP and stop trying to sound like a victim. I hate to sound so down on you but come on, I know you're not stupid.

Brandy Alexandre writes: "Tell Jenna she might have a legal right to stop the use of her name for profit from Wicked. I have always had faith in a celebrity's right to publicity, that they control how their name and likeness is used in spite of model releases. Just a couple of days ago the courts refused to throw out the case filed by John Ratzenberger and George Wendt (Cliff and Norn from cheers) when Paramount pictures allowed Host International to use the likenesses of the two "Cheers" characters. If Wicked valued Jenna they would have kept her. This JennaVision show their regret, but that's tough. She has the right to her name and image. I hope she exercises that right and makes them get rid of it."

Concerned writes: Looks like with Wicked pimping out Jenna's greatest hits on JennaVision that Wicked President, Steve Orenstein, has the honor of giving Jenna her first ass f---ing.

Fred writes: Ya know, I emphasize with Jenna completely. Those SOBs at Wicked appear to be only interested in making money off the contract girls. What's really outrageous is that I'm beginning to suspect that they don't really love the video renting public. The only reason they make those videos is to make money. I just realized that today. Boy, you don't know how much that makes me feel used and abused. Oh well--at least PG&E and Pac Bell still love me.

Jenna writes: "Hi Luke, I just read the posts about my situation with Wicked... First off, thanks Brandy for the advise! Second, I never thought Steve would screw me like he did, He always told me I was his friend and would never do anything to hurt me. I understand I was there to make money for him... And that's exactly what I did... I'm the reason he was even able to sign all those contract girls... Lastly, if that is what ass-f---ing feels like, I'll never do my first anal! LOL My thoughts on Alexa? Well, I am under the impression she wants to be just like me (that's what she says in every interview). Maybe she should take time out from being a "Rodman Groupie", and concentrate on her movies..."

Hardcore Magazines - Millenial Gift?

Zwergim writes on RAME: I asked about Hustler's Erotic Video Guide about a month or two ago and some very helpful posters let me know that it was still around and showing insertions and money shots. I found that Penthouse, Hustler, and Oui all had a hardcore layout per issue. What happened and when did this start? Is it a millenial gift? Competition from the internet? The overturning of the Communications Decency Act?

Vivid Gossip

Vivid and its publicist Brian Gross have parted ways. Vivid publicity will now be handled by Jackie Markham at Resource Media, 212-338-0050.

XXX says: Jackie Markham is the publicist for such upstanding persons as O.J. Simpson ["Ask OJ"] and Paula Jones.

Luke says: Vivid lawyer Paul Cambria represents murderers and such scumbags as shock rocker Marilyn Manson.

Rob replies: Paul Cambria represents ALLEGED murderers who have as much right to representation as people who allegedly defame young women by claiming they engage in bestiality.

Luke replies: Baloney. Paul Cambria is a huge opponent of the death penalty for CONVICTED murderers. He exemplifies the Talmudic statement - "Those who would be kind to those who deserve cruelty will be cruel to those who deserve kindness."

Rob replies: Luke, you (and those who support the death penalty) assign to imperfect humans, god's perfect knowledge of all events. While I consider murderers more or less loathsome, the problem of error exists. Surely the Talmud must be reasonably opposed to the children of god acting as if they are god.

The decision to take a life must, by definition, be god's alone. Therefore, if even one person is wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to death, and the execution is carried out, then those people acted as though they were god (and did so in error). Being an opponent of the death penalty is not, in and of itself, indicative of immorality.

While I support punishment for wrong doing, I also support the ability to reverse an incorrect verdict. Beyond anything else, the death penalty closes the door on making a wrongful conviction right. Paul Cambria may (or may not) be an immoral person. But, the fact that he actively opposes the death penalty is not an indictment of his ethics and morality. It is possible to be in opposition without being immoral.

Luke replies: As always, your thinking is sharp and I am honored that you read me. And you are right that opposition to the death penalty does not make one immoral (even though I view that opposition as immoral).

You have put your finger on the one moral argument against the death penalty (the possibility of wrongly executing an innocent). But that a punishment is not always handed out fairly does not mean that you should stop punishing. It means that we should do everything we can to insure fairness. The possibility that someone might be wrongly executed is horrible but does not argue convincingly against the death penalty, because we know that by allowing murderers to live, many more innocent people will die (murderers murdering again, in prison for example).

I suspect that you do not believe in God. So you're raising of that is dishonest. The book that brought God into the world, the Bible, repeatedly says that God demands capital punishment for murder.

You argue that we can never take life? So you must've opposed the war on Nazism then. All wars require the taking of life. You must be a pacifist then, which lies down in front of evil and allows it to triumph.

Mr Marcus Needs Your Help

Mr Marcus (2on1@mrmarcus.com ) writes Luke: I want some sexual quotes for the site, you got any?? your readers got any? If homosexuality was normal there would have been Adam and Bruce. s--- like that.

Luke F-rd Live's Special Yom Kippur Edition

My first guest was MSNBC reporter Mike Brunker talking about his coverage of the recent IA2000 convention. Next up was Flying Crocodile CEO Andy Edmond, then Evan from Xpays and his enemy Brad Shaw.

Listen to Luke F-rd Live

I hear that Flying Crocodile spent $225,000 flying in 32 employees to the recent IA2000 show and putting them up for a few days.

Considine's Grammar

Michael Gabriel writes: Dear Luke, I have to disagree with J.D. about grammar being the work of God (or Goddess). In truth it is with the development of the written word (and subsequently the birth of the first anal retentive)that man gave up the ability to communicate. Witness the truth of the unspoken *I love you* in the wag of a dogs tail versus the spoken *I love you*, which can mean anything from, *Lets f---*, to *Gee mom thanks for the car*. Of course Chicks still full of s---zska, as the truly enlightened know that Jesus was actually Yahoshua ben Joseph, a Qumranian revolutionary and Yahweh was and will always be a god of war and vengeance. Of course what do I know....Im a Taoist:-)

Does Luke Act Straight?

Helpful writes: Concerning your recent romantic troubles, is it possible that your behavior is causing you love targets to get the "wrong idea" idea about you? I mean that book jacket photo, your close relationship with a 350 lb man in Manhattan and your many other "bitchy" personality traits could cause a woman to wonder. Take this quiz and check your score.Click here: Take Straight Acting Quiz Click here: http://www.l-keford.com/images/luke/luke2.jpg

Luke: I took the quiz and scored 65 - LEVEL 4 -- SOMEWHAT STRAIGHT ACTING A few people might suspect that you might not be a heterosexual. No one knows for sure, but there are rumors about what you're doing on the weekends. Most of your traits are straight acting but a few traits you have are causing people to wonder, but nothing is so apparent that anyone is sure enough to bring it up.

Chaim replies: Luke, it pains me to learn that some question your manliness merely for being my friend and for offering this 375 pound man a shoulder to cry on (OK, so I need to stand on a stool in order to do that). I want to set the record straight. Luke is all man, and I should know. Ours is more a "dads 'n lads" sort of relationship anyway. Just ask Kendra Jade - she has been in the correct position(s) to know both of our sexualities.

Helpful admits: I took the Straight Acting quiz and scored (48 pts.) Level 3 - Mostly Straight Acting. I'm sure I would have scored more "butch" if it wasn't for the fact I love Broadway musicals. So sue me. As for Chaim's claim of a "Dads and Lads" relationship I say BULL !! "Bear and Cub" is more like it.

Peppy writes: Helpful (defensively) Luke DOES NOT have romantic problems, and the only disturbing thing about any Luke photo is the apparent hugeness of his hands like on the LF.com home page pic. Jesus Christ Lukey, no wonder U got into porn:-)

Big Sassy Woman writes: I know what being objectified is like, Luke, from the other side. Too many little boys pretending to be men objectify the total woman in her natural state as the threatening "other" who must be taunted. Likely to hide their own sexual insecurities, I think. The truth is that they fear the power of the real, meaty female in the flesh, exerting her powerful allures on the fragile male psyche.

Are You Worthy Of His Present?

Every porner wants to get into the Playboy mansion. It seems to be the ultimate validation of worthiness in your wicked world. Fools! The Heavenly Father's mansion has splendor and luxury that would boggle your depraved minds! You may never make it into the Mr. Hefner's mansion, but you can make it into God's. Porners, won't you accept God's present? Read the wisdom of Jack T. Chick. Click here: The Present

Curious writes: Does Jesus in today's Chick tract look like a young Gene Ross sans red baseball hat? Amazing.

J.D. Considine writes: Luke -- Notice anything about today's Chick comic? Look who crucified Jesus -- it wasn't the Romans, but the Pharisees. The Jews. Not a Roman to be seen, in fact. Doesn't that constitute blood libel, the lie that the Jews killed Christ? As a member of the tribe yourself, aren't you outraged? Or did you even notice?? your gentile pal, --jd

Luke replies: To tell the truth, I never even look at the links to the chick comics. Somebody else writes the intros for me.

Heather Barron - Clothing Designer

Amused writes: Heather Barron is on an artistic / commercial tear. Not only is she marketing her vagina on her site, but now she is also selling her own t-shirt. It's what all the best dressed "Tricks" will be wearing this fall. Can the "Florescent Pussy" feminine hygiene spray be far behind? Click here: T-Shirt

Heterosexual Men Want Bush

From Camille Paglia's column at Salon.com: "Gore isn't gay, but his hothouse upbringing by his dominating parents probably produced his prissy, lisping Little Lord Fauntleroy persona, which borders on epicene. Like Hillary Clinton, Gore appears to have a slightly amorphous and wavering gender identity that draws gay admirers, who platonically worship in elite coteries of Byzantine secrecy. It's well established that Gore has a problem relating to average, heterosexual guys, who are leaning toward Bush."

Couples Vids

Goddess writes: Luke, who in your opinion is the biggest (most sought after)male porn actor right now?

Two days later, Goddess writes: Luke, I'd like to know if you would be willing to give me a quote on my upcoming article about couples vids. I'm looking for the name of the actor---thanks for answering my email the other day (NOT!!)---that you think was the BEST LOVED/MOST FAMOUS/MOST SOUGHT AFTER (whatever) adult actor of all time. MY guess is John Leslie HANDS DOWN, baby...

Luke: maybe you can call me and abuse me while i wack my carrot.

Goddess writes: uh.....i think you're confusing me with ms. L-patin:) wrong gossip columnist, honey!! word up....if you'da said "big hard cock" ya probably woulda HAD me on that one:)

Luke: "Couples videos" are largely a myth that the porn industry likes to trot out to feel better about itself. Pornography is overwhelmingly used by alone men. Women count for nothing as far as dollars spent on porn. John Leslie is the most admired and respected and awarded performer of all time. Marilyn Chambers is his female counterpart.

Goddess writes: ARE YOU NUTS?! I'm writing a column about couple's vids and you want me to run a quote about how women mean nada in the bizness.....thanks a heap, Luke. that'll really endear my readers to me

Luke replies: Women commenting on porn is like women commenting on the NFL, or men commenting on interior design.

Goddess writes: What? women aren't able to discern what is hot and sexy? they aren't able to discern what they like sexually? you better hope this isn't true or you are gonna have one boring sex life should you ever get married:)

Chud writes: Um... our idea of a couple's vid, is porn that features: (a) Parcipants who enjoy what they are doing (b) Attractive Men & Women (c) Good hard, passionate sex. Plot be damned. We just want to see people enjoying having sex. Why would we watch/buy porn if we didn't?

Goddess replies: Guess what, Chud? That happens to be MY idea of what's hot in porn, too. Unfortunately, per Luke, that pesky vagina between my legs makes me unable to discern those things when I see them.

Amused writes: Is it a vegetarian thing to refer to your erection as a "carrot"?

Lynne writes: I think John Holmes is probably the most recognized and renowned male performer of all times, though not for any particular talent other than the obvious. "Couples videos" were called "features" before "loops" became self-referent gonzo -- when video technology brought porn out of the theatre and into the home, women felt a lot better about watching it, and did. Most so-called "couples videos" are shot not to please couples but to meet cable television standards, so please don't blame female viewers for their insipidness.

Women commenting on porn is perfectly acceptable, Luke -- far more acceptable then you commenting on relationships, which you do constantly despite your inability to maintain them. If you think pornography is something on which women should not have opinions because it does not concern them, you are wrong -- even if they never watched it, porn concerns women, for it colors their menfolks' perceptions of sexuality. And Goddess, Luke already has a boring sex life -- should he ever get married, one would OF COURSE expect it to so continue. He dedicates himself to ensuring it by continuing to seek out modest, humble women who can't stand him!

Luke Gets Mail

Vegas Vic writes: "This blonde bombshell does the promotion for sincityvideo.com at the beginning of their videos. She's sitting nude in front of a computer terminal during the ad. I don't know who she is (she bares a faint resemblance to Julia Ann). Does anyone know who this beauty is, and if she has ever done any softcore or hardcore work?"

Chaim Amalek writes: 1. I think that what we are seeing in the mideast now is the shape of things to come, in which an increasingly separatist arab minority in Israel, growing at an enourmous clip (thanks both the the fecundity of its women and western medical science) participates more and more in anti-Israel military actions. Sure, there will be periods of equilibria ("peace"), but these will be punctuated by ever increasing bouts of violence. The end will be something like what happened to the whites in South Africa or Rhodesia. The jewish state will cease to be jewish (if it even exists), save for those Satmar-like redoubts where anti-zionism has prevailed all along anyway. The lesson here is that a state that is truely multicultural/racial/linguistic in a demographically significant sense is far less stable than one that is not (e.g., Iceland, Japan). The only way Israel can remain a jewish, democratic state is by radically reducing the diversity of its population, ie., expelling its arab citizens. There is a lesson in all this for the nations of Europe and their offspring states from America to Australia, but nobody wants to talk about that.

Assman writes: Luke, why is it that I have heard nothing about Whack Attack 8? Yesterday was the release date, and here's my critique; Surprisingly, I enjoyed the scene with Bridgett. I have never been a fan of hers, but I was impressed with her ability to accept Tom's tool. As far as the cover goes, I didn't see anything that looked that much different than what they were selling previously. On the whole, the movie was not the best I've ever seen and I'm a big extreme fan.