Friday, September 29th, 2000

Kendra Jade's back in town. She's dancing at the Spearmint Rhino in the City of Industry through Saturday night. And she's fallen in love with another rock star.

Rumdar writes: Luke, I always thought you two made a cute couple. Do you play guitar or sing? How about an a cappella Celtic sea chantey or two for Ms. Jade.

Tabetha writes: Tonight XXXeZone.com will be hosting "PORN Night Out", the first ever dot CUM party, at the Rainbow located at 9015 W. Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, from 10 PM till closing. XXXeZone will be celebrating with many of the stars from its stable of dot CUM websites. Some of these sites include XXXZoe.com, TiffanyMynx.com, JasminStClaire.com, just to name a few. Its expected that the club will be filled with industry people from many of the leading companies like Vivid, Wicked, VCA, Anabolic, Nitro, Pagan, and many others, as well as rap entertainers, rockers, and a slew of your favorite Porn Stars!

Jenna vs Brandy

Jenna Jameson writes: Hi Luke…. How funny is this situation? I just wanted to tell Brandy that I didn’t mean to make fun of her looks, I am just so sick and tired of everyone jumping all over me every time I have something to say. When I said someone was trying to hack my clubjenna files I was right, and I didn’t need her to offer up her nasty two cents worth. I have been very active on the net as of the last couple of months, and I consistently get my feet taken out from underneath me… I just thought that people in this industry and formerly of this industry should stick together, not spew needless remarks because of jealousy. I can’t even tell you the panic I went through thinking someone may have stolen all the layouts I’ve worked so hard for the last six months to accumulate for clubjenna.com. The to have Brandy jmp on my case about the one liner I told Luke was a little much for me to handle. I’m sure she understands where I’m coming from. But if she still want to hot mud wrestle, I’m up for it!

Meni writes: Luke, who gives a f--- what Brandy has to say about things Jenna writes to YOU? Jenna is still the most popular pornstar in the world. Check out the lines at the conventions. By shooting exclusive content for her own site, it's guaranteed to be successful. My friends aren't really familiar with porn. They don't know the names of any pornstars, except one. Who do you think they know? Jenna Jameson Who the f--- is Brandy?

Brandy Alexandre replies to her critics: I'd like you to present your evidence that I'm trying to resurrect a porn career. I haven't contributed to Luke's site for quite a while until recently even though I have seen plenty that I had strong opinions about. You need to take a step back, buddy, and where where Jenna's hard-on for me started. I pointed out a major inconsistency in one of her "poor me" stories. You might widen your focus to note how frequently she writes to Luke more obviously for all the reasons you claim I do. What do I gain since my life and livelihood has nothing to do with porn or Luke or keeping my name in your face. And what's with you bringing up looks? That has always been an indicator of a weak argument. You're just making noise and want to say something that will get Luke to print it. So in effect you are also the target of your own invective about needing attention. And finally, Luke asks me for specific contributions from time to time, and even though I know it attracts limp dicks like you who have nothing better to do, he's a friend of mine and I like to write. Deal with it.

BrandyAlx1: Interesting discussion on your site. No one has pointed out that out of all the pictures on my site and floating around the net she had to take the polaroid passport photo put up as a joke to use in her "I'm prettier" comparison. The only fair comparison is a similar picture of herself, without a makeup artist, in polaroid form, when she's 36. All I ask is that people flip back a few weeks to the contradictory statements made by Jenna that I the "nerve" to point out, without personal attacks, and you can see where all this started and why she's so pissed off. The emperor has no clothes... where is counts--in her brain. Pardon be for noticing.

BrandyAlx1: It's just all so stupid, trying to pit looks against intelligence. I'm not in competition with Jenna, but she keeps trying to make it look that way. I guess because it's the only way in which she can win over me. That's lame. She must have gone to the Bianca Trump School of Flamewars.

BrandyAlx1: I hate the way people focus on the tiffs and spats people like to generate with me rather than my amazingly clever shorts. I got a big long email all about the Jenna thing, dissecting it from here to there, followed by, "Oh yeah, that letter for Luke was cute."

BrandyAlx1: You know, my need to respond isn't psychological, it's astrological. I have a Leo planet in a communication house. What I say is ALWAYS more important than anything anyone else has to say.

Curious writes: Brandy, conserve your precious venom. The more energy you expend on sparring with Jenna means less energy to focus on the evil ... Bianca Trump!

Big Black Bro writes: Now lookie here. I looked at the pictures Jenna pointed out about who is more attractive, her or Brandy. The answer is obivous. It am no contest. As a black man, no, make that blackity black, it is my obligation to go for the fat ugly filthy looking white wimmens. Brandy wins malt liquor bottles down. Now let me make this plea. Brandy, I got some Magnum and some cornbread. Let's have ourselves a little party. You could invite that cracker Gordon Elliot and we can have ourselves a little gangbang maybe play a lil' play dice. By the way know why I celebrate Christmas on December 26th? Cuz I'm busy stealing all your presents on December 25th.

Johnny Denim writes: Wassup Luke? I just have this to say about the situation with Jenna. She must be channeling Jim Rome or Howard or something because she seems to have gained a massive taste for running smack. I find it a bit sureal to see the former undisputed queen of the industry (the crown has been vacant in Jenna's extended absences,) a) giving you the time of day and b) getting into a pissing contest with Brandy. Jenna, I have always liked you and am a longtime fan but isn't doing this a bit of a step down for you? You so called online adversary is not worth it at all. You should concentrate more on getting your new site off the ground and less time running smack, that's for posers! Late!

Spadge writes: I am quite enjoying the banter, or more precisely, the war of words on your site between Jenna & Brandy. It all seems a alittle childish really. Why does Brandy have to stick her big nose in with a viewpoint or comment everytime there is something said or wriiten about Jenna. It's like she's on red alert to come forth with some diatribe & denunciation about Jenna as soon as JJ gets a mention. I saw the posted pics of Brandy. She still looks OK. I remember her porn days. She had energy & did demonstrate the capapcity to admirably take a dick deep up the ass, a bold frontier that still remains virgin to our younger champion starlet, Jenna. Brandy was no glamour doll like Jenna but she has her place in history. But, on the basis of what I am reading here, I favour Jenna. Still, I would suggest to JJ that it's about time she showed us that she can take a dick up the butt, perhaps even that of Mr Marcus 9after a few warm-up runs). JJ's ass remains one of porn's true Holy Grail's.

Sergio writes: Spadge said that Jenna never did an anal scene. That's incorrect. In her very first movie, one of the Up & Cumming volumes, she's sodomized by Randy West. So there.

Kid Ace writes: All this bickering between Jenna and Brandy Alexandre should once and for all be settled...How about a cat fight..I'll set it up..i can see it now "Battle for the Ages"...old veteran porn star Brandy vs. young and fiery Jenna...I can see the pay per view sales ringing up...Brandy looking for one more shot at the limelight (she needs it, have you seen her lately, she looks like she swallowed dynamite) and Jenna, porn queen who will be destitute in a few years when her implants pop and the cellulite starts to drip as though she is a melting candle....hurry before its too late.

Adult XXX Brasil Service

Marc Medoff writes: Luke--thanks for posting info about the Adult XXX Brazil Service, if anyone is interested in shooting videos in South America, or using the girls we bring back each month, they can contact us at: 800-647-6864 E Mail: ALLXBrazil@aol.com

Michael writes: Who the hell want to see a bunch of cheap imported latino broads anyway. This will only make the white female porn stars money power go down. Ed powers, Randy West and Tom Stone are over the hill anyway. Who the hell want to f--- them but some uneducated non english speaking latinos from south america and mexico looking to get to america. That Melina chick is flat assed and look like a coffee bean. The truth is that this is threatening to white and black female porn stars who will find it harder to make good money over some cheap imports. Other words the Latinos or south american are taking over the porn business in co-hoots with over the hill producers . This is a conspiracy to drive down the prices to pay white female porn stars and eventually drive them from the business or work for beans. No pun intended.

Kid Vegas

Sam writes: I follow Kid Vegas Movies, am a friend of, & I can assure you this man is very straight, & yes a very talented person when it comes to marketing. As far as these nonsense about dildos, ass f---ing him, this f--- face moron XXX, or is it Devon Sapphire again making accusations about him. Come out & use your real name loser. Only a piece of s--- dirty dishrag, would insult someone like the King of Gen-X like that. I hear rumors, also, Kid Vegas may be in the works with some very rich $$$$$$$ people starting a Internet Live Feed / Distribution Center / Production Company. I would be nice to possible future work, allies, & whom you speak of. A new generation may already be infesting, breeding, & taking over this scene soon. Just like when it is too late to fumigate your house of termites. People do not stay quiet for long when money is thrown around. Keep up the talk you dumb asses, Kid Vegas I am sure is just sitting at home laughing at all the talk about him, & all the press you jackasses give him. Kid Vegas I like the new magazine you are in the new Amateur Porn, good spread G....My finger in the air for all you dumb doped out idiots, f--- off!!!!

Heather Barron's Ideal Mate Checklist

Amused writes: Luke, laugh if you must, but I think this wacky Heather Barron is perfect for you. So she's a 32 year old, single mother of four who escorts and writes bad poetry. Nobody's perfect. Let's go through her checklist and see if she's a possible shiksa mate for you ...

From heatherbarronxxx.com "What qualities do you find most attractive in a man, both physically and mentally?" "Dark hair (YES). Dark eyes (YES). But I like all types of men. Kindhearted (???), good to all people but also driven with passion (NO), stability (HELL NO!) and sticktuitiveness (GOD NO!). I am turned off by people that lie (UH, OH!), don't keep their words (s---!) or have malicious intent (DAMMIT!)." Never mind, Luke. Sorry. :-( Click here: Fans Ask Questions

Goddess writes: It might just be my imagination, Luke, but I don't think "Amused" is really trying to find a woman for *you*. I think he's trying to clear the field so he has Heather all to himself, but just to be sure, I want to know what "Concerned" and "Helpful" think about this matter.

Luke Gets Mail

Porn star Brandon Irons recommends Luke's character thusly: "Hi Luke, You are a fine human being with too many outstanding qualities to list. I admire your honesty, character, and intestinal fortitude."

Shaggy writes: On Tuesday, September 27, actor Richard Mulligan died following a long battle with cancer. Mulligan was best known for his roles in the television series "Soap" and "Empty Nest." Porn fans may remember him better as the one time husband of anal queen Rachel Ryan.

Jon writes: Luke, According to the website, Monday's (10/2) 11P (P/EDT) Howard Stern's E! show lists the topic as "Bianca Trump Cries." I think we know what goes on here - and it should make for some good TV.

Drac writes: Dear Luke. I have been intermittently dating a Chinese lady for about a year now. When I met her she had recently been divorced and was somewhat of a pushover. Plenty of sex and not much of a financial outlay. A miser's delight as it were. As the months went by and familiarity became somewhat boring I saw less and less of her. I'd say we are down to once a week or less now. But every time we get together we fornicate. She is somewhat of a hot package. Her English is not the best so when she yells at me for not paying more attention to her I just ignore the gook-speak and nod my head.

However recently I was able to decipher that she was seeing another guy. Let's call him Mr. Gee Gee. Last night I picked up a 12-pack of Coke and some Texas barbecue and settled in for the evening. After dinner we hit the sack and I noticed that she had a hickey on her left upper breast. Hmmmm! When I asked her about it she mumbled something I couldn't understand. I can only surmise that Mr. Gee Gee has left his mark as a taunt to me. (much to my chagrin she told him all about yours truly)...Not to be outdone (perhaps as an immature counter punch) I did a lip lock on her right upper breast and now she has two hickeys. I can see this foolishness escalating until the poor dear looks like the tattooed hickey woman in the circus. A mass of bruises. Yet, I can't let Mr. Gee Gee get away with this obvious insult. Can you offer any advice Luke? Are there any long term medical repercussions from acute hickyism?

JL writes: so i was looking at the FSC night of the stars photo set on your site, and GEEZUZ....what happened to Seka?? the two photos you have there show her tying on a hell of a feedbag in one....that explains what has happened to her body...or lack of it now, but the best (worst) was yet to come in the next photo...THE CLOSEUP!!! HOLY s---!! Luke, the woman looks 70!! while you never can halt the onslaught of age, witness porners like Nina Hartley, Keisha, even Vanessa Del Rio.....these ladies have done what they can to stay with the pack..particularly Keisha. for years there were rumours of drugs and alcohol....they now seem to have credibility when you see what time has done here. You would think that someone who owes everything she has in life to her body would care a bit more about what has happened to it.......

Dan Ram writes: I have some info on the porn star Dallas D'Amour. She just graduated from UCLA with a psych degree 6/2000, got married six weeks ago, works at XXX in the psych dept. and her real name is Kahni Clements. She looks good, lost weight, no more dyed blonde hair, and still has those big fake tits.

Id like to say that your site offers much insight into the world of porn very few of us see. I too share an interest in the behind the scene aspects (who's feuding, whos's jacked up on drugs, who's ho'in, who's dead, etc). Im a 24 yr old sociology student at Ucla and hope to one day write my masters thesis on some aspect of the adult entertainment industry. Your site has much more info on the Bio's of different stars. I used to refer to Mimi Miyagi's site or excalibur films.com for star bio's but from checking out l-keford.com I think they get there info from you. Do you have any info on a porner named Nina DePonca(aka Vera Butler,Jane Deville) She was a mid 80's nasty mullatto chick who was giving drooling blowjobs and performing anal and analingus long before these became common place. My friends and I used to watch her and Angel Kelly's movies on the old satillite station AmericanXXXctacy when we were 12 or 13. I always wondered what happened to her, she'd only be ! 32 yrs old today but seemed to fall off in 1990 or 1991 when she was still young and hot. Her performances were done with the kind of filthiness and energy that only a person who enjoyed their work could do. She disapeared. Was it drugs? prostitution? death? I have always wondered.

The Entire World Holds Its Breath

Jechu Prospect writes from North Korea: Dear Mr. Luke F-rd!

An inaugural meeting of the Luke F-rd Society for the Study of Self-reliance was held on September 20 in Westwood City.

The chairman of the district no. 15 council of Westwood City was elected chairman of the society at the meeting. The speakers noted that this youth organization for the study of the Juche idea inaugurated for the first time in Westwood on the occasion of the 55th birthday of the Worker's Party of Korea shows the aspirations and will of the Luke F-rd affiliated youth to learn after the immortal Juche idea created by the President Kim Il Sung and developed and enriched by the great leader Kim Jong Il.

They expressed the determination to actively contribute to the independent development and prosperity of Westwood by widely disseminating the truth of the Juche idea among the broad young people. A letter to Kim Jong Il was adopted at the meeting.

Taekwon-do tournament held in Madagascar

A Madagascan Taekwon-do tournament was held in Antananarivo province on September 17 to herald the impending arrival of Luke F-rd to found the Peoples School of Pornographic Arts.

The vice-chairman of the National Assembly addressed the tournament. He noted the many pornographic films made by the President Kim Il Sung and guided by the great leader Kim Jong Il who is an invincible revolutionary party leader. The adult cinema, headed by Kim Jong Il has strengthened and developed into a cinema with bright future under his wise leadership, he said.

Then followed the Taekwon-do competitions.

Frank writes: You can pick up the lingo of North Korea via the North Korea news service which the Drudge Report links. Recently a guy atwork went to Russia on a junket to find the dream babe (he failed). At work we set up a homestead.com website on this with all contributors using North Korean jargon. It was hilarious. Try it after following the North Korean News Service for a week or so.

As for the Saint Paul Minnesota police prostitution page, this is representative of St. Paul. It's the street system layout of St. Paul that our esteemed Governor Ventura tried to warn the world about on Jay Leno's TV show. Here in Minneapolis, "the other side of the Mississippi" is akin to the "other side of the tracks". Here in Minneapolis, the "professionals" are far more professional and a lot cheaper. Knowing the ropes, a shared 12 pack and "borrowing" money for a carton of cigarettes (damned tobacco litigation) will get you "companionship" on the /west side of the Missisippi. Gives new dimension to "A tale of two cities".

Luke, it was a juno mail link but one of the big three networks was doing a story on online hooking that was actually fairly good and ongoing. It was the $500 per hour shtick and an LA Vice cop showed webpages and the woman (looked like St. Paul's worst). Good report, I wish I could remember who did it. (Stone Phillips??)

Bob Blec On Jack Chick

PornStarTrading.com operator Bob Blec writes: Luke, I can't figure out why anyone with half a brain seems to think that Jack Chick's ridiculous spew is actually worth taking seriously. For anyone who has an IQ above room temperature, the only use for Chick comics is for a good laugh, which they provide in abundance.

The problem with shilling them on *your* site, though, is that this is (supposedly) a place for news about the porn biz. For quite a few months, we've been constantly subjected to all sorts of self-indulgent tangents that have absolutely nothing to do with porn, and it really kinda dilutes the effectiveness of the site.

Thus, I'm taking it upon my humble self to bring this tangent back by anouncing that I'm going to start publishing PornChick(tm) Comics, utilizing the same basic format as Jack Chick's amusing little ditties, but from a porno-centric viewpoint, with lots of hot sex, since Porn Is The One True Salvation!

Aghast writes: We must save the unborn Mr. Ford for they are the l-keford.com readers of tomorrow! Click here: Who Murdered Clarice?

Fred writes: Mr. Chick is nuts. Did you see the cartoon frame that says that the abortionist sold the little baby ears for $75? What a crackpot. By the way--when Mr. Chick was running down the list of all the big killers in history, he forgot to mention the church, with its crusades, inquisitions, pograms and religious wars. Seems that Mr. Chick's notion of history is highly selective. For an interesting short story about the church, and what it has been up to over the centuries, I recommend Edgar Allen Poe's "The Pit and the Pendulum." Is Jack Chick for real, or does he do this to pull someone's leg?

You now what Chaim reminds me of? He's sort of like the alter-ego character played by Brad Pitt in Fight Club, egging on the main character to do all these wierd things. Eh?