Thursday, September 7th, 2000
Kira Eggers Appears On Danni's Hard Drive - Click here: Kira
Flashman's Update On Gentlemen's Club Expo
Listen to Flashman's calls here. They're incredible.
Flashman calls Luke about the Gentlemen's Club Expo this past weekend: They had 150 adult stars at Caesars Palace last weekend. Ron Jeremy was grabbing everybody and had a great time. Chuck from Sin City was the MC at the big party - with Rocki Rhodes, Kristina St James... XXX walked up to Flashman and said, "How would you like people to say that you have sex with animals?" I said, "I had sex with a sheep once. It said bah.' I told everybody that you and Gene Ross are the superstars and only XXX cringed. She's upset that I befriended you.
"Yes, to continue Luke, Cumisha showed up and showed everybody her new tits. Minka was there, the biggest [breasted] girl in porno. The asian gorgeous girl but her husband Hank was hobbling. He was very sick and he couldn't make it. At Caesars Palace that same week, Shaquille O'Neal had his birthday party and a lot of the NBA stars were at the porn convention.
"Robin Leach [from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous] was there. He was having a big party. He invited all of the adult stars. We saw the HBO casting director for Shock Video running around. Ruby and Asia Mirage were jumping around like crazy as well as Rocky Rhodes. Some of the celebrities at the porn event were Penn & Teller, Rocco in from Europe casting new talent, looking for LA Vegas honeys. Kayla Kleavage kept telling everybody, 'Show me the money!' Stephanie Swift gave us a little buzz. She said, 'All right, Luke was right. My boyfriend was barely 18 and our car broke down. So what if I am dating teenagers?' Ron Miller from Erotica LA was with his girlfriend [Brooke Hunter] at the party.
"We saw celebrity DJ Dr Rock. Beetlejuice, the little black midget from Howard Stern. We had a super time. Much better than CES because all the girls were topless and everybody was having a super time. And everybody said good stuff about Luke F-rd except for XXX and her boyfriend YYY who said, "His columns were just horrible against her. How can you be his friend Slash?" And I said, "I'm still his friend and I still like you, Christi."
"Luke, Kristina St. James just called me. She couldn't complete the adult superstars fanfare because she had an emergency appendicitis. She's in bed ill but feeling a lot better. They did all the surgery through her navel so there will be no scars...
"HBO was on hand to cast porn stars to do the Saturday night boxing 'Round Girls'... Hank, Minka's husband, is resting in bed. Minka just got the new implants. She's an 84JJJ. You're doing a great job Luke, and we all like you. And the only complaint at the whole convention came from XXX. "I'm not sleeping with farm animals, Flash. How could he write that about me?""
Chaim writes: Not to give XXX a hard time, but are dogs considered farm animals? And what is so terrible about curling up with Old Yeller on a bitterly cold winter's night? Don't eskimos do this to keep warm?
Ed Powers Radio
Screaming writes on RAME: Yesterday afternoon I was listening to the always entertaining Jonhnny B. 'Radio Showgram' on the Los Angeles FM talk station which also happens to carry Ed Powers' show on the weekends. During a commercial break a promo came on for Ed's show, during which the announcer in the spot is looking for the words to describe Ed. With some extremely cheesy background music, the announcer claims Ed is "Sexy" (?), "Talented" (??) and "Umm, well ..." and then a bit from Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" chimes-in where Terri Garr says (in a german accent) .. "He's got to have an enormous schvansen [cock]!" (???) Let's be realistic here!!! I'll give Ed credit for helping to create a new genre in the porn industry, but does he honestly think that fans are that ignorant?!! A few may consider him to be talented, but Sexy? and having a large cock? C'mon!!! And his radio show is twice as LAME as his recent releases. (OK I've only listened to it once, but that was enough to tell me that he SUCKS as a radio personality) Ed needs to stay BEHIND the camera and away from the microphone.
Asia Carrera Under Contract
Porn star Asia Carrera writes on her bulletins page at AsiaCarrera.com: I'm also - *gasp!* - going under contract this month as well! So I'll only be making 8-10 high-quality movies a year (with all the creative control I want, so I'll be writing my own scripts, directing, producing, etc, etc! Hm, "A is for Asia 2"? "Appassionata 2"? Who knows...?) And the rest of my time will be spent working on computer-related tasks, like expanding my website, editing my movies on a Media 100 system, and designing interactive menus and wraparounds for an upcoming DVD line. Hey, we all know I can't make movies forever, so this contract is helping me make a smooth segue that's already been a long time coming - morphing from porn star to computer geek!! :)
Zoe Update
Sin City contract girl Zoe writes: Thought you would like to know what I am up to as of lately. Sept. 7th, I just filmed my first thing for Troma. I play a doctor talking about skin cancer. It is a TV series episode in UK channel 4: Edge TV. Sept 8th(my birthday)-10th, I am a spokesmodel at Action Sports Retailer Convention in San Diego, CA. I am playing an action figure named Barbara Rockets(an alien fem-bot). I will send you some pictures when I get back. If anyone wants further appearance updates or any other information, visit www.xxxzoe.com.
Drew In BMX Action Magazine
Stefanie writes from HomegrownVideo.com: Hey Luke! Drew, star of Eye Contact 4, Cherries 13, and a regular on www.homegrownvideo.com, did a photo shoot on Tuesday for BMX Action Magazine. She is going to be on the cover of their October issue, and inside the magazine posing with merchandise. The magazine is targeted at teenage boys, so they can't show nudity. This was a bit difficult for Drew, who is so used to posing naked that keeping it PG was a bit beyond her comprehension. After yelling "quit touching your boobs" at her a few times, she finally got it and the shoot went very well. Drew's issue of BMX Action will hit stands October 1st.
Porno Professionalism
Taliesin writes on RAME: This is a position I've long maintained, and I'll stand by it. No actress or actor should be forced to do something they don't want to do, or that they are not capable of doing. But basing one's judgment about not working with someone because of race is wrong. It can't be more clear than that.
If you are a professional you should do the job for which you are hired. As long as there are no legitimate reasons for not working with a particular individual, an actress or actor in porn should work with that individual. A legitimate reason for not working with someone would be that they don't have their HIV test, but basing a decision on race is wrong. If a particular actress nd actor have worked together but found that they don't perform well together, they might prefer to not work together again and can tell their agents and directors and producers that they prefer not to be cast together. I've certainly had great experiences with some of the actresses I've worked with but had not so great experiences with others. Certain combinations of people perform sexually very well and some don't. But if I had to work again with an actress that I didn't work well with, or didn't get along with personally, I'd still do my job as best I could. I've long maintained that a lack of professionalism is one of the major problems facing the adult movie industry. If more people in the industry, performers, producers, directors and others, behaved more professionally we'd have less difficulties on the set and a better product to present to the public, as well as a better image.
Mike Paul writes: You realize, of course, that this flies in the face of what almost every porn performer who's ever commented on this before has said: the right of a woman to decide to discriminate, for WHATEVER reason, trumps any petty Civil Right that comes along. You are expected to harken back to the horrible Linda Lovelace stories, of her being FORCED to do things she didn't really want to do. The horrible evil of that has left a scar on the Industry, so they go out of their way to make sure women are comfortable. (Well, as long as working with *White* men isn't a problem, they're given comfort.) I guess the consensus will be: professionalism be damned, if it means giving up freedom. But it's nice to hear somebody who's actually appeared in porn say something about it...
Mr Slutty writes on RAME: A buyer cannot unilaterally dictate terms and conditions. I can't walk into 7-11 and insist on paying ten cents for the large imitation peach flavour Slurpee (TM). To be a fair sale, the seller must agree to provide so much product for such and such a cost. In your example, the buyer is the porn producer, and the seller is the naked chick. Her product is a sexual performance. She ought to be free to sell it in whatever fashion she likes.
Yeah, it would be nice if she were not prejudiced against blacks -- I'm a person of color myself -- but she ought not be required to be non-prejudiced. She ought to be able to restrict her f---ing only to left-handed Episcopalians albinos, if that be her freaky hangup; and she will suffer the attendent loss of potential buyers.
Where I see Tal's point is that some sellers offer services to the public, e.g. restaurants and utility companies. When the public has an expectation of being served, and refusal would have a deleterious effect on the health and well-being of the rejected client, then discrimination is a more serious matter. But these are qualitatively different situations with different levels of harm. Obviously, a woman forced to f--- someone she doesn't want to suffers more psychological distress than a man who is denied a f--- because the girl didn't like him. The former is called rape and the latter is a normal part of being a guy.
Journalist and director David Aaron Clark writes on RAME: Mr. Slutty offers the most trenchant reponse so far to Tal's direly predictable politically correct position. A woman's cunt is not, even in porn, a public utility or facility (though sometimes it might seem like it ...). Just as in legit film, an actor or actress is not required by ANY law or morality to take a role they CHOOSE want to, and their reasons are ABSOLUTELY their own. As has been said, attendant loss of work is the price THEY pay, and is their problem.
As for this whole question of "professionalism," the majority of successful porn actresses have a will/won't work with list, which is based on their own personal preferences, which can reflect how they feel about the male actor's body weight, age, penis size, cleanliness, personality, etc etc. Though I'm all for "professionalism" on the part of performers (i.e. -- showing up on time, having an updated test, being physically and mentally prepared to perform the task they have verbally contracted to do), to make some misguided claim that willingness to work with performers one would rather not in the name of "professionalism" is just the sort of journeyman attitude that leads to, ultimately, bad porn. Who out there enjoys it when a thoroughly "professional" performance is turned in by a Jenna Jameson, or some other overf---ed veteran of too many porn scenes? The magic of porn is when it captures, at its best, the heat of sexual attraction and satisfaction. It ain't about punching a clock and sitting in front of your computer dull-eyed and stealing paper clips when the boss isn't looking, folks. And when it gets to that point for somebody, when all they do is offer the same set of false, calculated responses to whatever penis is invading their personal space while they're really thinking about car payments or where to go for dinner, I for one am not interested in seeing them f---.
Does the hot new 18-year-old flavor of the day have to explain herself for not wanting to f---, say, Dave Cummings, Claudio, Ron Jeremy, Dave Hardman, Ed Powers or, god forbid, me? Of course not. And they shouldn't have to. Likewise, if they choose not to work with Lexington Steele, Byron Long, or Mr. Marcus. What if they happen not to be physically comfortable with big dicks? What if they don't like being tossed around and abused as in the typical Anabolic production? Does this make them "racist"? And what if they DO like big dicks and being tossed around? Does that make them "enlightened"? Last time I checked, life was not that cut and dried, folks.
Listen, some may laugh, but let's take this argument to a seemingly silly but absolutely logical extension. Am I, a big fat guy who just turned 40, offended when an actress doesn't want to do a scene with an older, fat guy? Irritated, maybe. Personally hurt for a moment, perhaps. Am I being discriminated against? Yeah, but hardly in a way that the law addresses or should be able to address.
Despite my personal opinion as to that actress's values and attitude, I still respect their RIGHT TO CHOOSE their own work situation (I know, I know, a concept foreign to the sort of Communistic partyline Our Pal tirelessly espouses) as well as what they do with their pussies. Because, despite what a politically correct automaton might pronounce, the fact that we're talking about what somebody chooses to do with their sexual organs, whether in a paid or private situation, DOES make it different than flipping burgers, driving a bus, or ANY other job you'd like to bring up. That's why the bitches get PAID so much (duh). To claim otherwise is simply refusing to live in the real world.
And Tal, don't go pining for a "better" world, because in a world where sex wasn't something special, controversial, coveted, pursued, and fought over, pornography wouldn't offer all the semi-talented, unskilled half-wits of the world a place to work 20 hours a week and make more money per hour than a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a peace officer, an electrician, a plumber, a skilled craftsman, a journalist, an air-traffic controller, a pharmacist, a psychologist, a physical therapist or ANY number of vital, important jobs that require years of devotion and training and which serve society by doing everything from giving us shelter and keeping us safe to shaping future generations.
And please don't compare the pay scale for porn performers to that for other professional entertainers such as musicians, sports figures, legit actors, etc. Those are all professions which, overpaid though those at the top of the game may be, require years of training and striving to develop a unique native talent. All today's performers need to invest in, if they're female, is an HIV test, a tube of lipstick and a pair of high heels. And if they're male, they don't even need the lipstick and heels. Just, at worst, a Viagra prescription.
MikeSouth.com writes: Dolorosa is right on. Tal yer little post shows you to be no different than the sanctimonious assholes who wish to shove their own morality down our throats. Professionalism has nothing to do with making personal decisions. I despise racism and I despise the hooded morons who preach it, but in the final analysis the only difference between you and the people preaching hate is that your brand is more socially acceptable. Choice is everyones right and it is the most absolute right, you will pay consequences and see gains from your choices but dammit they are yours. You are where you are right now because of the choices you have made. Choose wisely.
How To Direct Couples Porn
Zoide writes on RAME: To all aspiring porn directors out there interested in tapping into the couples market, I've compiled some sure-fire tips from the experts in the field to ensure you make big bucks on your debut effort:
1. Have a plot, sure, but have a real twisted one. Make sure to use non-linear narrative, bizarre situations, lots of supernatural elements, and make use of editing to cut out essential dialogue and give the movie a sense of mystery. Us couples get really turned on by stories we can't figure out.
2. If you lack a screenplay writer able to fulfill the above requisites, you may opt for having no plot. However, you must shoot in a mansion and play soft jazz music through the whole film, to mask annoying sexual noises. Us couples get really turned on by soft jazzy sounds; moaning, slapping thighs, and four letter words are rude.
3. Make sure the characters in your story only have sex with their significant others. That's the stuff our couplesy fantasies are made of, having sex in the missionary position with our spouses in our own bed. We can't get enough of this in real life, so we love to watch this in the movies, too.
4. Spitting. So erotic. We love spitting. Throw in a little slapping and miscellaneous misoginy, too. How wicked!
5. At least half the scenes should be girl/girl. We all know that all married women are closet lesbians and get really turned on watching this. Besides, we know that if they watch it enough, they'll eventually agree to our ceaseless requests for a threesome with her best friend.
6. Foreplay is for wimps. We like our sex scenes to happen out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever. We don't really want to know anything about the characters or why they're having sex, we just wanna see 'em do the nasty! Scenes with a long, sensual, erotic buildup before sex are a waste of our time and your videotape.
7. Close-ups. Can't have enough close-ups. Nothing we like better than sitting together on a Saturday night with a bottle of wine, and watch a huge cock banging a huge pussy for five minutes straight. Yes, sir. If you just happen to have a gynecology exam on Monday, you're in luck, all set! Full body shots are bad, we don't get to see the veins or hairs in fine detail.
8. Cast wisely. The shy, innocent housewife should be portrayed by the actress with the "f--- You" tatoo and the pierced clit. We think it's really cool: "oh, look, the shy, innocent housewife is taking her clothes off for the mailman; wow, her tatoo says "f--- You"! bet her husband didn't know that!"
9. Fake breasts. They're so good looking, it hurts.
10. Ugly men. It really turns our wives on to see fat bald men having sex with gorgeous women. Besides, it makes us look really good.
Bonnie Murphy Update
It's been a difficult year for porn webmaster Bonnie Murphy, who lost her $25,000 a month position as a content provider to Compuserve after she complained about all the copyright violation going on in Compuserve boards.
Then she got into extensive legal wrangling with Lee Noga, from whom Bonnie took over the content provider Zmaster.
Now Bonnie's in a messy divorce which is disrupting her various businesses including Zmaster, PointBreak (Goisle.com)...
A court in Travis County, Texas has granted Murphy custody of her two kids, aged four and fourteen. Here are excerpts from the Court ruling (which was agreed to both the two parties, Murphy and her ex-husband Paul Adam Schmidt):
It is ordered that neither Petitioner [Murphy] or respondent [Schmidt] will place the child on the premises of any pornographic photography studio nor will the child be in the presence of any nude models. It is further ordered that Petitioner nor Respondent shall not have any pornographic materials on the premises of where the child is located; any pornographic-business-related materials will not be accessible by the child.
It is ordered that during the pendency of this case Petitioner [Murphy] shall continue to control day-to-day operations of the businesses known as Zmaster and Point Break. Respondent [Scmidt] is order to provide to petitioner, by the close of business Tuesday, September 5, 2000, a back-up copy of the entire Zmaster site...
It is ordered that Respondent, Paul Adam Schmidt, and Petitioner, Bonnie Ann Murphy, are hereby temporarily enjoined from:
1. Intentionally communicating with each other in person, by telephone, or in writing in vulgar, profane, obscene, or indecent language, or in a coarse or indecent manner.
2. Threatening the other party by telephone or in writing, to take unlawful action against the other person or any other party.
3. Placing one or more telephone calls, anonymously, at any unreasonable hour, in an offensive and repetitious manner, or without a legitimate purpose of communication.
4. Intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily injury to the other party.
5. Causing bodily injury to the other party, or to the child of either party.
Luke: Bonnie's sites, including Zmaster.com are down because of her conflicts with her ex-husband.
She doesn't relish running a pornography company (Zmaster) while looking after her two kids and waiting for the settlement of her divorce.
Murphy does not have control now of her mainstream company Photodex even though she owns 51% of it.
Net Gossip
Bill writes Greg Lasrado on Netpond: Greg, You have admitted to stealing content a number of times and numerous providers have come on here and accused you or scottpb of not paying for you content. Of course you have settled with the Sweets cause we both now your processing was down for about 12 hours due to this. And yes I know Ibill will do it again and so do you.
Also, you said you had a license with WTFRC and their 30 sites, then you had filthy cash and their 30 sites, now you have adult dollar and their 30 sites. And you feel you should only pay for a 5 site license? Then you want to drag in Dave@purehardcore, cause you do biz with him. Well you dont do biz with Brad so the free content ride is over. I dont see any differnce between this and sweet entertainment. I dont understand why Scott wont take care of this.
The risk of litigation for any webmaster is not worth it. It is for this same reason I will not use Personal Porn because of the Sweet lawsuit against them.And then I would never fly a banner from Filthy Cash or Adwealth cause of this, why should I take the risk with people that have been sued by content providers, raided by the FTC, have questionable payment history's and have deep ties with the people responsible for ripping off tons of webmasters thru trafficinc.
I dont think you have to worry about hurting the business of freshphotos.com cause if you could produce content twice as good, you wouldnt have fresh photos on every site you own. Freshphotos is still the best content available on the net. I also think that you devalue the other content that you seem to display on every site you own.
I noticed a lot of David Lace stuff on there as well and I have forwarded him my concerns about your overusage of his images. I dont understand why you would let these issues affect your business. But obvioulsy the Austrailians seem to believe they can just skirt the law. Well, apparently Ibill has changed their way of doing business. I noticed one of their biggest clients got the boot and is now processing elsewhere..
This isnt the old days of break the laws, go nuts and dont worry about things. You cant get away with it anymore, even in Australia. Webmasters have too much $$ to lose. Your practices are too risky for me. My feeling is to try and avoid these types of situations. I do see a legal recourse for Brad, you guys have admitted to breaking the agreement. And I see no recourse for you.
Greg Lasrado writes his mate Scott Phillips on Netpond: Scott how about we throw some loose change around and pay webmasters not to by brads content. I will shoot content twice as good and give it free to any webmaster that takes brads content down and proves to me that they will not deal with the f--- again. get your attorneys to come to australia. Let them sit on a f---ing plane and serve me a summons or whatever. Brad you started this s--- and you know that i own the content. I made the deal way before you even purchased dave's company. f--- off and leave me alone. also guys www.adultdollar.com will be up soon. new program in its beta people are getting 1:120 ratio on average. will release it over the weekend.
Luke Gets Mail
Tim writes: Luke, TJ Hart has starred in quite a few Bisexual flicks including Mass Appeal, Read Bi-All, Goosed and more, all with gay men/condoms. She was also DP'd by two T.V.'s in a movie called Transexual Gangbang #2, with condoms. She was billed as Skylar in this movie. Generally her later work has all been with condoms, but her earlier videos when she first got into the business were without (including anal and DP's)
Luke: She started her porn career in bisexual porn then moved over to straight porn. She retains many friends in the gay porn industry.
Big Pimp writes: Hey Luke here are some more new stars doing Bi-vids. Heaven Leigh (i wonder if her husband joins in?), Ariel, Candy Hill, Bobby Bliss, Alisha Allure, and Tina Tyler. It seems they must be paying better than they used to. Either that or these girl are aspiring to be Sharon Kane?
Helpful writes: The first place I would look for Kianna Bradley would be buried in Earl Slate's backyard.
Wondox writes: Gene & Luke Would you both please add this on the article with sky where it has john finburgs comment.. He's pissed, lol. His comment was a joke, John doesn't really beat off to PICS of sky's face. He said that to kinda break the tension of the moment, and it worked! John Finburg is a great guy, doing a lot great things for us.
Den writes: I dont understand what is Taylor so mad at sky for? Where has sky gone to do movies and how was Taylor in person? Was she a drunk like you said?
Luke: I have seen Taylor on many occassions and I have never seen her drunk. Sky and Taylor have a feud going back years. I don't understand it.
Marc writes: if you're continuing the Luke F-rd live show, i might have to make a habit of tuning in again. i've felt alienated by all the webmaster chat, also the dominance of ms. noga in the proceedings. she seems to be the polar opposite of the torah jews you strive to associate with. i'm not a particular fan of her "outspoken"-ness and the trivial world these people inhabit. seems that the internet porn profession has only drawn the types who used to hustle useless household inventions in the malls and county fairs with their sort of bullying-with-a-smile attitude ...
Rumdar writes: Luke, We are all gonna get closer to God sooner or later. We are gonna die. Depressing but true. I try not to think about it.
In the meantime I believe the idea is to have a good time. That is why I never remarried. Marriage is basically a drag on your personal freedom. Since I am not religious I never consider it (religion) an option to a fulfilling life. I believe the things that make one happy are good health, a decent income, travel, boinking new woman (from other cultures) and friendship. Put them in whichever order you like. Include eating good food too. I don't want to offend our good Jewish friends but I think the entire Jewish thing is tribal. As in MOT. One Jew recognizes another Jew and they are linked through history and all the s--- they went through. I never get that connection with another Celt.
As for the spiritual aspects I don't think the Jewish religion will get you where you are going any better or faster than say being a Shinto...or (God forbid) a Catholic. It is all the same Mumbo Jumbo is another wrapper. In summing up I would advise you to forget about moving to Israel. Who the hell wants to go there when there is great fun to be had in Thailand (or Cuba) or anywhere? You wanna see Jews, take a vacation to New York. I will be there in mid Sept. It is a lot closer than Israel.
Luke: Having a good time is meaningless to me unless i can justify it ontologically.
Rumdar writes: Gee that's too bad. I don't even know what the word means....don't tell me. I am happy the way I am. Have you considered that gig in Korea :)
Hey, Ever considered joining the Peace Corps? A great way to spend two years. I did it.
Luke, it is time to make a new plan...I have an idea..I think you should expanded Luke F-rd.Com into an advice column. Only it will be interactive. We write in with our problems and you offer advice. Then you list your problem and we offer you advice. Just like we have been doing all along. You can even dispense your advice with a Torah slant to it. "Well, King David would have blah! blah! blah!.." Then you mention which Yiddisha female pain in the ass is giving you a hard time that week and we all write in and try and solve your problems. Maybe I am off track. But not too far. You should kick this idea around with the "boys".
Jon Smith writes: We wish you Baboodle.com - a mythical creature which brings luck to all who welcome it. This creature has brought luck to people all over the world. One man in Sweden welcomed the baboodle into his life and was blessed with a 13 inch penis. One woman in Poland greeted the baboodle with open arms and was then able to achieve orgasm through basic missionary position intercourse.
JC Lee writes: luke: still waiting and hoping. For some reason, I thought all the positive feedback from my fellow smokerhood brothers would keep you looking for cameo smoking shots of female porn stars for ever more. Anyway, I still appreciate all the humor you put forth in your writing, not to mention the energy and sometimes, the anguish.
Luke writes: I think living outside the Torah is fine if you have a ton of friends and fascinating hobbies and a lucrative career... but unless you have all that, it seems to me that passionate living comes from the observance of Torah, that is where the strong loving community is...you're closer to God... I mean, if I were to earn 400k a year from doing my site, i would go about it with more enthusiasm and probably would not head off to israel... but my life feels empty, and thus i am ready for a dramatic change like this...and i like exciting dramatic changes...its good for my writing...and my peripatetic nature.
Chaim replies: Again, what sort of yeshiva is it that you want to study at? I.e., is it "black hat", modern orthodox, "conservative", reform, other? Would your beliefs square with theirs? How would you support yourself? Are you prepared to give up the easy life you lead of working a few hours a day writing about porn, meeting porn chicks at parties etc? Just what exactly would you do in Israel other than study? What would become of l-keford.com? Think maybe you could auction off that gig to the highest bidder? Have you thought this through? On the other hand, the sort of life you have in LA should be pretty easy to wind down. No real estate to unload, no wife or kids to worry about (alas), and a career that is, well, pretty marginal for you, even if it does pay the bills and require little effort.
Luke replies: I do not know what sort of yeshiva...but i am the kind of guy who likes making dramatic changes in his life...so a black hat yeshiva would be fine... So long as I like the people there, that's what matters. The primary determinant of where I go to shul is how much i like the people there, and that goes for choosing a yeshiva too. I don't care about people's beliefs that much... I will keep biblical criticism etc to myself... Definitely not a reform or conservative yeshiva. Yes, i am prepared to give up my easy life because i want to grow. I might also enroll in the IDF (Israeli Defense Force).
Chaim writes: Lying about your beliefs just to fit in is even more morally corrosive than writing about porn.
Luke writes: Lying is such a strong word... How about I plan to enter the yeshiva world in the same humble way i entered porno in 1995...just keeping my opinions to myself, getting along with people, developing sources, going along to get along...learning, developing information that would make for interesting writing...
Chaim writes: "Lying" may indeed be strong, but it is accurate - especially if you see yourself approaching that world as you approached the world of pornography. Not that I would be offended if you did . . .
Luke, if we took up a collection and offered you $450,000 per year to stay wedded to porn, you would. That is not the sort of motivational mindset that is likely to put you in good stead in a yeshiva. I think you should write to one of your yeshivish pals in Brooklyn for more guidance on this.
Israel is the most dangerous place on earth in which to be a jew, physically that is. All those jews in such little space, surrounded by hordes of angry arabs who wish the jews would just go away. All it would take is two decent sized H-bombs, or a flyover by a drone airplane spreading anthrax.
OH s---! You know what all this sounds like? The plot of Private Benjamin or Stripes, transposed to Israel.
Are you feeling guilty for not having set me up with some virtuous hot chick while I was in LA, but instead subjecting me to the materialistic yappings of LA JAPS? The ten days of repentence approach.
What if God punished you for your failings by turning Peppy's heart against you just as he turned the heart of Pharaoh to stone? Would that not be appropriate punishment for not introducing me to a virtuous young gentile woman (the sort Moses took for a wife)?
Cindi Needs It Bad
To Luke
From Cindi Loftus writer at South Florida Xcitement
Hi. I have been away this week at the Gentlemen's Club Expo and Fan Fair in Las Vegas. Both were great. Lots of BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, PARTIES, WILD TIMES ETC... Only I have one LARGE problem. I missed your column for one whole week and I feel totally out of touch with the world, my world, the porno world! I come back and Bianca is crying, Howard is appologizing, people are dying, the Bunny Ranch is Buying, Asia is contractizing, porn stars are now professionaliziing, what's next? Unionizing? I have missed so much. Please someone catch me up! I'm having Luke withdrawal. I need it....bad....
Stuck In The Sin Of Masturbation
I have been stuck in the sin of masturbation and porn for several years and have tried drastically to get out but keep on stumbling. I am involved with a church and youth group but can not overcome Satan's power. I am so overcome with darkness and constant guilt because of this. -from Anonymous Luke Click here: Masturbation and Porn Problem
Jack Chick Presents - The End of the World
Porners open your eyes. You thought that your credit card charge backs were the end of the world. That pales compared to the biblical prophecies concerning the actual end of the world. Read and learn from Jack Chick and put your petty concerns aside. Click here: The Only Hope
Chaim writes: Am I the only one to notice that "Jack Chick" preaches under a trannie name? Regarding this election, do you think there are enough honest white men left in this country to return the republicans to the white house? It seems that the more this country becomes feminized, the firmer the democrats grip on the presidency. Prager was right.
