Thursday, August 3rd, 2000
Make Jenna Jameson Beg
Jenna Jameson (ClubJenna.com) writes Luke: How can I get you to put my new banner (or this alternative banner) on your site? Beg? Hehe- JJ
Luke: Please Email Luke suggestions on what Jenna should have to do for us to put her banner on LF.com.
Putative Jew Marc Putative suggests: "if jenna wants her banner on luke's site, she should show empathy for the jewish people by observing tisha b'av next thursday. if she can fast from nightfall on wednesday, not wear leather shoes, abstain from washing, bathing and shaving, abstain from sexual relations (unless it is part of her work on that day--in which case she shouldn't engage until at least noon) and abstain from studying torah ... then give in. (although, save for the latter, i'm not sure if she can pull it off.)"
Jenna responds: "Well, I do a few of those things already… Sometimes I take two or three days to shower. I only shave my legs when I work, and I hate sex in the morning! Now can I? -JJ"
FleetEleet: you gotta put up a scoop-for-banner program on your site of course :)
Meni: luke, tell jenna, to pay you $30-$40/member signup, you refer to her site she can use ccbill, wicked does, hell, I'll signup for a referrer.
actually Luke, she can stick her banner on pornnewsdaily.com if she..... introduces me to Temptress, hee hee
Misojimi writes: Go down on Luke every day for a year. Have to swallow everything too.
Luke: Please, that would compromise my journalistic integrity. I'd just be another Gene Ross...
Rumdar: As payback for putting up her new banner perhaps Jenna would consent to star in your second attempt at producing a porno movie. "What Women Want II".or "What Women Really Want"..whatever. Luke the weekend is coming up. You may be needing a fully loaded weapon in a moment's notice. Keep your masturbation guide close at Errrrrrrrr! hand. Don't hesitate to utilize it should the desire for self abuse rear it's ugly Ahhhhh! head.
Johnny: Make Jenna suck your dick. Tell her thats the only way you'll put it up. I'm serious. Be like Jenna the only way I'll put that banner up is if you suck my dick.
Jenna Jameson: Why does it always come down to blowjobs, Luke? Not for your virgin ears! And for the sweet lady who came to my rescue… Thanx! I have completed 25 new layouts, the site will be up in about 2 weeks! Check out the cute little flash sequence on the temp site! Clubjenna.com- JJ
Luke: What's up with you these days?
Jenna: Well, I’ve been working with my animators on my likeness… I have an animated Jenna touring you through he site. It’s really hard to get it just right, ya know? I have just finished a lot of new photo layouts most recently with Shay Sweet and another with Sylvia Saint. I need suggestions for other girls, I’m kinda out of the loop! Also working on a deal with the DVD company that produces Playthings… If the money is right, there just might be a better Virtual Sex With Jenna! I’m gona send you another banner tell me which one you like better… By the way, I would love to be on your show!-JJ
Luke: Are you married yet?
Jena: I will marry him as soon as I have time, right now I am concentrating on my site… Sounds so selfish… UGH! - JJ
Luke: Well, don't wait too long or my correspondent Chaim Amalek will start writing again about the siren call of gerantaphilia (love of older women). Jenna is 26 years old. And I get more email about her than any other porn star.
She's Your Last Friend
Concerned writes: Seriously now Luke, Jenna J is about your last friend in porn. The very fact that she didn't kick your ass for running that horrible Mr.Marcus.com post gives her banner rights in my book, but I understand your ego takes priority over fairness so why not seek her counsel in the Peppy dilemma? Think about it, you are getting advice from a bunch of horny stupid guys. You need a woman's perspective. BTW Jenna some new photos to post would be appreciated too. hint. hint. ;-)
Too Foul For Even Luke To Print
Chaim Amalek sent in this suggestion that I should pass on to Jenna under my own name. Chaim's note was so foul that even I decided not to print it.
OK Jenna, I will do it, but here is what you must do:
Chaim wrote: "Dear Jenna - first, congratulations on your very (biologically) progressive views on miscegenation, which we at LF.com fully endorse. If you want me to post that banner, you must travel to the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and lovingly cleanse the heaving, heavily folded skin of my good friend Chaim Amalek with the cotton swabs he has accumulated by the crate-full for just this purpose. He is unable to reach into all those nooks and crannies. And be sure to check for ticks - they carry Lyme disease. Luke"
I replied: It is very very rare for me to turn down free copy, but i think i will skip publishing this one.
Chaim: Some of the free copy that I have sent your way has been open to interpretation as virulently anti-semitic, racist, homophobic, anti-foreigner, anti-christian, anti-third worlder, anti-feminist and, in some cases, all of the above. Yet you have published all of it, including some stuff that I asked you not to. I trust your judgement as editor not to publish something of mine (althougth the converse is not always the case); still, I must must know, WHY this turnabout? I can guess, but I MUST KNOW!
Luke, you've gone soft on us! How are you going to satisfy Peppy in your current state, should the opportunity, um, arise?
PS Seriously, this comment was no grocer than what you normally print. Was it because she is one of the few friends you have left in the business? Was it because she is better looking than me? Or - be honest here - was it because I am a jew, and you just do not like jews all that much? (Follower of William Pierce indeed!)
PS2 Just what is her take on miscegenation, anyway? I am one of those of your readers who skips most of the sexually oriented stuff.
Luke: Jenna is a blonde caucasian porn star who so far has decided not to have on camera sex with black men. She has done a black woman.
Jenna Jameson writes: "Chaim has now successfully made me lose my lunch… Thanx a lot…."
Chaim writes to Jenna: I am sorry you lost your lunch. The next time you are in New York, I will gladly buy you a new one at Wendy's (let DeNiro have his Nobu!).
PS Cleaning me with cotton swabs is not so bad - I provide rubber gloves and a perfume-soaked rag to inhale through. And Kendra liked it just fine!
Marc writes: "at this moment, LF.com is at its hilarious best. what are the chances that we can get jenna j. to be a regular part of our depraved posse? does she understand that most (if not all) of your core correspondents would never plunk down their credit card number for some wank pictures? in other words, we're a safe bunch. she'd be like the female sweathog.
"the sweathogs were from the show "welcome back, kotter" in the late '70s. there was barbarino, epstein, horshack and washington. then barbarino (john travolta) hit the big time and left. he was replaced by a girl named angie, who didn't last long on the show. so, in lukeland, there's me, chaim, curious, rumdar ... but really, we have no female counterpart when it comes to corresponding in the form of belligerent quips. jenna is famous enough, she'll do. but if i'm wrong, could PJG be our saving grace? does she realize she's dating five guys, not one?"
Luke: Marc, I'm glad that you find it amusing that our friend Chaim has caused great distress for an innocent porn star...
Chaim: But does she actually read her email from strangers? Kendra J broke my heart when she declined to address my honest proposal of marriage.
They had their chance. They have not lead. We will. George Bush. Oy vey. wouldn't it be cool if William Pierce had mounted a real challenge to him on the Republican ticket? Every American would be tuned in at this moment. Life is unfair. Had a guy like George W. been born to middle class parents, he would today be at best a beer distributor, or perhaps running a chain of strip clubs.
Luke: William Pierce is evil.
Chaim: But I DID write an apology to her for your site. The one that mentions Wendy's fine restaurant. I would write to her but for the fact that she would not see it and, again, I am hyper-paranoid about having any direct contact with women who are in any aspect of the sex trades.
Luke, in calling William Pierce evil merely for wanting to rid the world of all of its jews, blacks, mexicans, chinese, puerto ricans, liberals, democrats, republicans, and race traitors (but not Jenna J!), aren't you being a bit harsh and judgemental?
Curious Makes GeneRoss.com
From GeneRoss.com: Curious writes: "Gene, I cracked up when I read Jasmin St. Claire's porno vacation piece "...I will PERSONALLY lead a very HOT auction where the highest bidder can share dinner with me ALONE!" Hello? Jasmin? The day before you announced on geneross.com your marriage to pro wrestler Blue Meanie. Remember? Come on! Gene how much would you bid to have dinner alone with a newlywed who is married to a pro wrestler?"
Gene sez: "You're really asking the wrong guy that question."
Luke: Dear Curious. Don't let it go to your head. And never forget your humble beginnings here at LF.com. We're your family.
Curious confesses: I tell you the truth when I say being published on the geneross.com site is one of the highlights of my life. To put it into an appropriate porn metaphor it's like going from being an anonymous fluffer girl to the bukkake queen. Oh, the glory! I don't mind telling you that I'm putting a big black "X" on my masturbation calendar tonight!
Luke's Israeli Trip
I received a letter today from "Sarah Finklestein" with some photos from our trip to Israel.
Sarah writes: Dear Luke,
I hope your experiences on the mission and on your extensions in Eilat and Greece were fulfilling. It was intriguing meeting you and being mystified by you!
Enclosed are a few pictures that you, hopefully, will regard as warm reminders of your time in Israel. Although, noticing that you were "materially unencumbered" - sans camera and all - during the trip, I would guess that you rely on the intricate and complex places in your mind instead of one-dimensional photos to remind you of people, places and your feelings about them...
...I started to look for your work on the internet and found your address (and a lot more!) there on your website.
I, as anyone with even the slightest bit of curiosity would, have a lot of thoughts and questions about what I read about your work and your personal life... I understand a little bit better now why you are so tormented and have difficulties sleeping at night!
...It sounds like you may have made a "love connection" during the trip. If it is true, than I hope it inspired and encourages you towards the more observant, peaceful, less tumultuous and less self-centered life that seemingly you desire. If it is not true, than I wish you the best in your continued personal quest to "force the male sexual genie into the marital bottle."
I hope that in your struggles, an honest commitment to and a true love of Judaism prevail. It may force you out of the "deep, dark psychological Freudian desire to return to the womb," but oh, what a re-rebirth and freedom you would enjoy...
Luke dancing on the beach in Tel Aviv (I crop the woman out for the sake of her privacy)
Making like a koala beside the Jordan river
Homoerotic bonding beside old Syrian fortifications on the Golan Heights
Luke gets into male bonding (I'm in the middle)
Luke planting a tree at the JNF forest outside Jerusalem in 100 degree weather
Luke with mate at Jerusalem hotel
Curious chides: Christ! Will you ever learn to label you photos properly? The two photos of your male group hug were clearly taken on your side sojourn to the gay island of Mykonos. Get it straight ...er ... I mean right!
Marc: i assume her name isn't sarah finkelstein... i'd say it isn't unethical, because your site seems to be an open book. in fact, you may score points with peppy by pointing out that you've restrained yourself from writing every last detail about her--as if this is a dilemma that every relationship must endure. (but don't laugh, there must be thousands of chicks who have fairly explicit diary websites going on. nothing necessarily sexual. or interesting. but there are a couple--from local media types--that i read regularly. would i be wary of getting into relationships with these women? perhaps. but a certain part of me--the fame-craving side--would probably dig it. especially if i wasn't an oft-published writer ...)
Rob Spallone, James DiGiorgio, Sopornos 2 Update
Rob Spallone spent a week in Florida with his in-laws. Now he's laying over in Las Vegas to spend time with his brother and his family, and mom and dad. He returns to LA Friday morning.
James DiGiorgio: "I'm sitting here editing Sopornos 2. It will take a while. It's a complicated movie. There's a lot of dialogue and non-sexual stuff going on in the movie."
Luke: "Sounds like l-keford.com."
Jim: "And that's the stuff that takes the time to cut. The sex is paint by numbers. While we had a specific outline we wrote for the whole thing, we improvised all the dialogue so we could get realism out of it. And I tend to let people go longer than will show up in the movie because that gives me more stuff to pick from. But more stuff to pick from means more time to cut it...
"I play a loser porno director named Cream Rinse who owes money to the Mob and has to make a movie for them."
Luke: "Sounds like Courtney Love playing a heroin addict. A real stretch for you."
Jim: "I play him really sleazy too... But I get slapped around and beat up a lot."
Luke: "Did you really have to go to the hospital?"
Jim: "No. I was bleeding though. Rob got carried away in the fight stuff. You see in the tape, after a cut, that I'm screaming at him. I go cut and he f---ing kicks me three times. He shoved a gun in my mouth and chipped my tooth and made me bleed... What I do for my art?"
Luke: "He shoved his big gun in your mouth and made you bleed and treated you like a bitch."
Jim: "Rob is great again as Bobby Soporno. Of course that's a big stretch for him. He's playing a wiseguy and I'm playing a sleazy porno director. Oh boy, you guys must've stayed up all night studying for those roles."
Luke: "Did you use more Meisner or Stanislavski acting technique?"
Jim: "More Stanislavski. I'll sit there and contemplate, what if I was an icecream cone melting in the sun. I call up stuff from my past. We're both from the Stanislavski school."
Luke: "How many hours are you going to put into the editing?"
Jim: "Hundreds of hours... This particular movie I do more editing than I would for other movies... You make one, it comes out good, and people expect the second one to be a piece of s---. So I've got to prove them wrong. And we spent more money this time and put in more production value. Everybody, including our client VCA, expects us to deliever more movie."
McDermott Loses $4 Million Job For Porn Star
NEW YORK (Reuters) - James McDermott Jr., the former head of investment bank Keefe, Bruyette & Woods, Thursday was sentenced to eight months in prison for passing on inside tips about merger deals to his porn star mistress.
Greg: He lost a $4 million/yr job for a porn star?!
Trip To Russia Cancelled
Curious laments: Guys, The trip to Russia is off. Yesterday, I told you about finding the love of my life, Galina, on a Russian/American dating site. Well, I paid the $8 for her email and proposed to her last night. This morning I received this response and I am heartbroken ....
Dear Curious Man, I am thank for your kind proposal marriage but I have new boyfriend American. He name is Hardcore Max and he come to take me to California this week. He promise to make me rich or how you American say golden shower me. Gold! Yes! He also get me work visa for job at Moonlight Bunny Ranch. I live on farm so I can raise bunnies, no problem.
Curious Man maybe you can help me with some English word Hardcore Max tell me? What is penetrations double, speculum, and anal gaper? He promise to give all to me. Thank you again. Galina - Hardcore Max new cocksocket
Former Fondler Speaks To The Afflicted
"Former Fondler" writes: Dear Mr. Ford, It seems that the STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION guide has struck a chord with your immoral readership. I realize that the 21 steps may seem quite daunting at first, but they are 100% achievable. With your permission I would like to start up an internet study group at your site to discuss each of the 21 steps in depth. One per day. All I require is 2 column inches at the maximum to enlighten the afflicted. If this is acceptable to you I would like to begin with:
Step 1. "Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest." This is the simplest step of all. Whenever you get an inappropriate genital swelling just call on the Holy Spirit to release the devil's grip upon your groin. Do not be afraid to cry out for help whether the onastic urge strikes you at the Western Wall in Jerusalem with your Jewish singles group, at a poorly attended Free Speech Coalition social event, or at shul while reading a Tony Robbins book. Scream out loud, "Boner Be Gone!" and it shall be. Amen. Your serious questions and sincere comments are always welcomed.
Concerned writes: Luke, today is August 3rd. How may I ask are you doing on your masturbation calendar? Got any X's yet? Be strong.
The Un-Christian Cult Of Joe Smith
Lord Peter Luther Christian writes: Dear Luke:
You recently published a set of guidelines used by the Mormon "church" to assist men in refraining from the sin of Onan. Please note that as these guidelines were composed by Mormons, they cannot be considered Christian in nature. The so-called "Latter Day Saints" are no more Christian than they are Jewish or Muslim.
Moreover, their essential message is unchristian as well. Christians know that once they have been saved in Christ, there is no need to obsess over such matters, as the rest will follow in God's Grace. And that is where true Christians place the emphasis: achieving God's loving forgiveness and grace, and the only way to attain those are by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior.
Yours in Christian Love, Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE
Former Fondler writes: Dear Lord Peter, You Christians are fond of chiding Jews as only knowing "half of the story." Well, we LDS members like to say that you Christians only know "two-thirds of the story." Read the Book of Mormon and learn. You are also invited to share in our anti-masturbation chat if you should so desire.
Goddess: I am deeply offended by "Former Fondlers" decided predjuice towards the female readers. "Boner be gone!" Aside from banning all Mike South porn (cause he's just TOO arousing), what kind of advice can he offer us women who can't stop messing in the danger zone? (Not that we really WANT to stop, we just want equal space in your column:)
COPA Lends Ear To Adult Industry
JT writes: San Jose, CA, August 3, 2000 - CEO of SexTrackerT, Andrew Edmond, has been re-invited and will testify again before the Child Online Protection Act (COPA) Commission. At 27, Edmond was the first in the Adult Industry invited to deliver testimony on Labeling, Filtering, and Content Rating policy before the commission on July 20th in Virginia.
Today's hearing will explore child protective technologies and methods, with Edmond speaking on the marketing of adult material to minors, an issue that he takes to heart. Through his commitment to resources like iQcheckT, a product SexTracker created to police their hub of over 120,000 Adult sites, reporting illegal content, spam, and copyright infringement, Edmond has taken a proactive stance toward the eradication of illegal content.
Chaired by Don Telage, this is COPA's 3rd hearing. Edmond will speak on this panel alongside FBI Agents, Randy Aden and Bruce Applin, Detectives Rowland and Shirey of the Huntington Beach and Seattle Police Departments, Dr. Victor Cline from the University of Utah, and industry icon, Danni Ashe of Danni's Hard Drive. At the previous COPA hearing, Edmond voiced the need for future panels to include the ideas and solutions of the Adult Online Industry, inviting Danni Ashe and Mark Ishikawa of Bay TSP, who will testify on Friday's "New Technology and the Future" panel.
The Child Online Protection Act (COPA) was passed in October 1998, prohibiting online sites from providing sexually explicit material accessible to minors. The Act was challenged by the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) in ACLU vs. Reno, on First Amendment clauses and prevented from enforcement by a preliminary injunction by Justice Stevens of Philadelphia. Currently awaiting a decision from the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals, the Act called for a commission to examine methods and technology to protect children from accessing Adult pornography and child pornography. The Commission's findings will be officially presented to Congress in November of 2000.
Is Love Blind?
Luke finds out Friday when he picks up Peppy at the airport in his, uhh, car.
Jim: "Maybe she'll pick you up as a rehabilitation case?"
Mr Marcus Update
Aunt Jemima writes on MrMarcus.com: Props to Samuel L. Jackson, but Mr. Marcus was the best choice for the remake of Shaft! Sam make have the acting chops, but could he f--- 101 bitches in one day? Sorry Sam but "Mr. Marcus is the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks!"
What sort of role would Mr Marcus like to play in a mainstream movie? Mr Marcus writes on his chatboard: "I would play a black super hero, who kicked everyone's ass who left a stupid ass message on the board. That's the part I would like to play. Oh yeah all those racists muthaf---as would get they ass kicked too."
Oh Henry writes: today I found out that this girl I want to f--- doesn't do blacks. So I offered her some ice cream. Chocolate. She ate it. Hmmm so what's the difference?? can someone tell me the difference please. Are you all out of your mind?
I am an illiterate white guy who thinks sounding or talking black is funny. Ha Ha. See?! Hey Joey Silvera how's this for a porn title?? Please Don't Molest the Animals
Mr Marcus opines on TV's reality shows: All those show's need is someone to either die or f---. And the ratings will go through the roof. Tragedy for the profits. Pleasure for the buck. This girl Jenna (survivor) considers posing nude. The interest is there, the dick is there just do it soon or else I'll start my own I wanna see Jordan (the stupid big brother show) suck a dick campaign. She was a stripper it would be easier. Has any stripper been dancing and someone from the family came in and caught the show? Speaking of Jenna jameson...she' gonna be on Cynthia Garrett NBC congrats. Was porn viewed on public television as much as now. Meaning was there interest in it on a mainstream level. Magazine articles. Investigating reporting s--- like that in the 80's or early 90's??
Octo writes: yo.. hey this is octo again.. man, i saw that mr. marcus rodney king s---, got a homie at the editing bay ya know, he smuggled that s--- outta the place and over to my crib... We lit up some trees, threw on some Ultramagnetic MCs from back in the day when Ben Lid was down with em' and watched the rough cut of that s---, word god yo! it was way wack..! Rodney aint no lex steele like i heard he was. his peckers more like Jerry Butler then John holmes if ya smell me... and all the bitches he pumped on was ugly as s---, there was this one trick who looked like Dr. Laura and this other ho that resembled a young Kathy Bates, f---in' ill yo, both freaks took it up the back door with a little post cum head for the LAPD's favorite tomato can but even that s--- can't save this piece of crap....
Asia Carrera Update
Asia Carrera stars in the new Michael Raven film for Sin City, Underground. She's now in Hawaii, celebrating her third honeymoon with her husband, director Bud Lee. Bud and Asia no longer live together and she's written in depth on her site asiacarrera.com about her relationship with the English PA "Useless."
Asia writes on her bulletin page: "I launched into a movie for Wesley Emerson/VCA Pictures... I like shooting for Wes, because he's a real easy-going, laid-back director like my hubby Bud Lee. However, I don't like working for VCA because they're "condoms-only", and condoms really hurt my insides after a very short time, which of course, takes all the fun out of my job and turns it into - AK! - a job!! I don't know why some adult companies play this stupid charade of "promoting safe sex" by insisting on shooting "condoms-only" scenes, yet every scene still starts off with unprotected oral sex, and finishes with a pop shot all over the girl - usually right in her mouth. Safe sex is a commendable goal to promote, don't get me wrong, but if they're going to do such a half-assed job with it, they may as well let the performers decide what they're most comfortable doing. Personally, I'd rather have an enjoyable scene - without condoms - and I'm willing to accept the responsibility for whatever risks my actions may incur - but if a company won't allow me to make that decision for myself, I guess I just won't work for them anymore. I've always said that when this job stops being fun for me, I'll quit..."
From Adultdvdtalk.com: Steph: Which websites do you frequent?
Asia Carrera: besides manhole.com? LOL - my own site, and Luke F-rd's site, and then the iwon horoscopes, and the latest lottery #s
Why Bother With US Porn?
Aghast writes: I am as patriotic as the next guy, but face it American made porn just stinks. Low budgets, same old faces, horrible fake breasts and wretched tattoos, why even bother? I'm sticking with Euro-stuff like what Private makes because of the better budgets, exotic locations, drop dead gorgeous women, hotter sex and dum...da...da...dum NO RON JEREMY! Hedge Hog Hater
Chud: Completely have to agree. US porn is just boring. Fake tits are just an incredible turn off & ugly tattoo's. I wonder how easy it is for US porn fans to get hold of euro material? Europorn is harder, more explcit, better shot, and the woman are by and large beautiful & sexy NATURALLY! Private shoots some great stuff, but if you want really hard & cool material, Magma/Harry S Morgan films generally rock.
The Right Way To Do Gangbangs
Pat Riley writes on RAME: Reading voyager's comments on the Houston gang bang in the thread about the 2000 AVN Awards:
>I still see no male fantasy thrill is watching multitudes of >skinny/fat assed wannabe parolees stick their wankers in the pounded >flesh, beaten by their cohorts. Especially, for someone as >unappealing as Houston.
I couldn't agree more. Moving down the pile of screeners the other day, I finally reached PEEING IN THE FAT LANE from Flimco starring Jennie Joyce, Ginni Lewis, Sara, Kelly Cleavage, Captain Bob, Jack Diamond, and Don Drilla. Even perusing the box gave me the shakes. Not only are these women fat but they're also old and ugly and they pee too, before or after their scenes with the cream of the parolee crop above.
Well, Filmco habitues Dick Nasty and Our Pal Tal are not in the movie
so I can be thankful for some mercies. Into the VCR for a quick nine
minutes at FF speed just to make sure they didn't slip in someone really
attractive like the 90 year old Gigi (or Ginger Lynn
First thing I notice that instead of the usual "Come into our dungeon" phone sex ad for Filmco, there's a gay phone sex line advertised and then up come the credits for the movie I'm about to watch: JUSTIN AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY starring Zaire Masters, Big Boss, Little Blundt, Rickey Parker, Koby Bird, and Justin Side as the white guy.
Justin is playing a game in an amusement arcade when he's approached by a black guy who takes him back to a two-bed motel room where about six other black guys are waiting to gang bang him. They do and that's the movie.
First, don't tell me that the gays don't like the young flesh, just like the heterosexuals do. All gays may not go for the young teenage look but this lot did. Second, there's no need for fluffers in a gay gang bang. In fact it's a little disconcerting that there's no waiting at all; just shove your dick down the throat of the guy next to you in line. This system could be profitably employed with heterosexual gang bangs too. I'm sure many of the parolees have had experience with this type of fluffing in the big house but then the more delicate raincoater viewer might not approve.
Thirdly, when they get down to the actual cornholing they seem to break into little groups to "spread the wealth" although most of the black guys seemed to spend some time in the white guy's asshole. He didn't reciprocate.
Fourthly, the "take that bitch" punishment attitude seemed to be missing. They didn't seem to be trying to degrade the guy although I must admit I didn't stay around for the cum shots.
Fifthly, the black boys have some very nice little butts and if this tape is anything to go by, fatties like Santino Lee, Cuba, Suave, and Mr. Marcus would have difficulty gaining employment in the gay industry. Oh, well, it saved me having to watch PEEING IN THE FAT LANE!
Problems With Porn
Dithering writes on RAME: Before I touch on the subject, a belated congrats to Mr. Marcus on his successful hat-ectomy. He's speeding his recovery apparently by f---ing nubile white chicks up the ass. Way to go, Marcus!
As a more than casual porn viewer, I don't ask much when I rent smut. Good looking women, decent camera work, and a passable setup are it, actually. So why do some series/people go out of their way to screw it up? To wit:
-Lil' White Chicks, Big Black Dicks. Dopey theme just kills the heat. I honestly don't know what's the most annoying. The overused focus in/focus out? The big bugged out eyes? The sophomoric "menacing" voiceover? Or the male cast projecting Quasimodo?
-Professor Mike's Straight A Students. He writes clever things on the actresses' asses like "cock" then draws arrows. He then follows up by interviewing a talking asshole. Way to hit the 5-year old target audience with that humor!
-Assman. Bim me up, Scotty, and get me away from Jean Yves-Lecastel.
-Any gonzo narrator except Tom Byron, John Stagliano, or Sean Michaels. These three put the personality stamp on their videos while keeping the f---ing at the forefront. Tom's the class clown, Stagliano the shy butt freak, and Sean the laid back stud. Fine. I don't want some obnoxious Kevin Williamson/Michael Moore wannabe yacking away thinking he's "cool." That 15 minutes of waxing existentialist on Meatloaf's lyrics could've been used for more f---ing, you schmucks.
-Spitting/Slobbering. Anastasia Blue, Inari Vachs, Rocco, Dave Hardman, et. al. Just stop. Please. Especially Anastasia who's probably the cutest actress out there right now.
Luke F-rd Live
I just found out that ThePosition.com named me one of the 100 most important persons in sex.
Amused writes: Don't stroke yourself to hard about your 100 Most Important People In Sex ranking. Look who else made it: RuPaul, Bob Dole, and Gloria Leonard! I'm sure if the list went to 101 I would have made it too. Big Deal!
My first guest Wednesday night was a wasted net porner Kevin Blatt. Later in the show, I had sober professor Jay Gertzman who recently published the book "Bookleggers and Smuthounds: The Trade In Erotica 1920-1940."
We talked about the role of the Jews in porno. Dr Gertzman, an English professor at Mansfield University, writes:
"This irrepressible insistence, seen as characteristic of Jewish merchants in particular, and of ethnic middlemen minorities in general, helped confer pariah status on the erotic book dealers. Here, the one-hundred-percent moralist warned, was a tightly knit group of workers single-mindedly driven to material success, an apparently autonomous minority that had chosen to pursue its own "godless, unAmerican" goals with a strange and foreign intensity. When added to the disreputable nature of the business, as attested to by the denunciations of various authority figures, and by police action against the "promoters," as postal inspectors termed them, the identity of the erotica distributor as clannish - employing "their own kind" - and aloof - with their own, ethnic, allegiances - became fixed. Here was a kind of "parasite" with whom one would, on occasion, itch to deal, but would remain chary of trusting, especially because the dealer was so good at what he did."
Dr Jay Gertzman: "I did not get as many reviews as I would've liked...but I guess the New York Times doesn't review books like this that deal with sexuality..."
Luke: "What was the personal hook that got you to write this book?"
Jay: "My uncle had a book store where he sold erotica...borderline stuff like Jack Woodford... Philadelphia was strongly anti-erotica at that time (1960)... Particularly the Catholic Church and the school district. The school superintendent watched approvingly as several books were burned for being erotica...
"The Philadelphia police raided the bookstore and arrested my uncle and my father who was clerking there at the time...for selling books published by Citadel Press... It was very traumatic for me. I was watching TV at the time...Eventually the case was dropped...but we got anonymous calls saying they were going to bomb the store... And calling us dirty Jews...
"The word 'dirty' is an interesting and scary word to associate with pornography... This association is particularly associated with how people think about Jewish people. Now, anti-Semitism is very different today than it was than... But it seems that the idea 'dirty' has to do with the idea 'pollution.' The idea that a stranger who sells erotica, who may pollute the community as a whole... is an image that has been associated with Jewish people for a long time. Because they've been strangers and middlemen... Not just in erotica but money lending and pawnbroking, activities they've engaged in for a long time, since Medieval times. Even the long Jewish nose, according to Sander Gillman, a writer on Jewish self-hatred, is connected with the sexuality of the polluter."
Luke: "The notion of moral pollution is right throughout the Torah, particularly in Leviticus?"
Jay: "The people who do the dirty jobs...are not religious Jews... They're often called non-Jewish Jews. Its true of most of the erotica dealers I studied between 1920-1940... They were first generation, born in this country... They wanted to make out in this country and be solvent materially. Even though many of them were deep readers, I haven't come across any case where any of them were well read in Jewish history and Jewish scripture."
Luke: "The moral precepts of the Jewish tradition are as opposed to erotica and pornography as the precepts of the Christian tradition."
Jay: "Yeah...A lot of the first generation of Jews in this country, did not follow in their father's footsteps in the study of the Talmud. Often they despised their fathers, because their fathers did not know English well. I think of the book "What Makes Sammy Run" [about an aggressive and secular Jewish movie producer]... If they wanted to be hard driving businessmen and succeed that way, they don't have the attitudes of the Jewish religious people. They were contemptuous of those who emphasized Jewish scripture or Judeo-Christian values."
Luke: "Why have there been so many Jews in the sex trade?"
Jay: "Many Jews who make their living in "vice"...have an objectivity and skepticism of established values... And a sense of individuality. That it is part of their destiny to change some of the moral values that people have... A person who makes his living in erotica could easily justify himself by saying that they trying to make things more accessible to people... Even though the accepted value system of society looks down on sexual representation, but these things are really good, not bad... Liberating people from guilt. Take Marty of Grove Press, he got Lady Chatterly's Lover and Tropic of Capricorn uncensored. These Jews feel like they are really doing good, not bad...
"I understand that this is self serving, but it is not just self serving... I know Lyle Stuart who published "The Sensuous Woman" in 1970. It made him a millionaire. He told the writer of the book, a female who worked for him, "I want you to make cock sucking respectable in America." In a way, she did. Before that time, mainstream people...did not think that oral sex was on the horizon... They may've done it, but... This book was talked about in the mainstream media and by their friends... And Lyle Stuart says, in that way I changed the way America thought about sex.
"Samuel Roth is the most interesting character I have come across in my research on erotica. He went to jail five times for distributing erotica. He was the king of mailorder pornography when Irving Klaw was at his peak... He had a mailorder genius for finding prurient themes.
"In the early '30s, he wrote a book called "Jews Must Live," the most antisemitic book published this century, worse than Mein Kampf [by Adolf Hitler]. He was a self-hating Jew. Then he placed a sign on his office on 42nd St, I'm here from 9-5, come up and discuss "Jews Must Live" with me.
"He was ostracized by the Jewish community. He'd go to places where Jewish intellectuals would gather, and people would move away from him. Book sellers would burn his book. The Nazis advertised the book in sky-writing on the beaches...and it is still being sold by neo-Nazi groups today....
"Its thesis that Jews live as parasites and polluters... It had to do with real estate, banking, general publishing and erotica publishing..."
Luke: "Did he include himself among these morally polluting Jews?"
Jay: "No. The reasons he wrote this are complicated... But he wanted to see himself as different from the people around him. He'd been jailed several times... He'd been ostracized by the literary community for publishing without permission excerpts from Ulysses and Finnegan's Wake... At a certain point, after his bankruptcy, he snapped. He wanted to feel that he was not the polluter and the pariah and the dirty sex-mad person.
"So he pointed at other Jews who are this way but he was free from it, he was washing himself of these traits. It was a strange thing to do and has to be explained by the pressures getting to him...that many Jewish people still feel today in the word like dirty...and the rhetoric people use when speaking about the dangers of too much open sexual expression."
Chaim writes Marc Putative: Regarding your decision to go off-cable, good for you! Yggdrasil teaches that this is one of the first things than anyone with a good sense of racial consciousness (or religious - how many Bobover Chasidim have cable? must be like having a shortwave radio when living in the old Soviet Union) must do to be independent of the System. I am trying to go off-grid as best one can in New York, and it is not easy.
The technical problems with the show dwarf its content. I literally sat near my speakers, the volume turned all the way up, and still has a great deal of difficulty hearing much of the conversation. This, alas, is more akin to AM radio in the period prior to WW I than FM radio just after WWII.
Scorbick writes: Luke - What else can you tell us about the "Who Wants to Shag For a Million Dollars" scam? That promoter bulls---ted his way onto Howard Stern and a variety of other news outlets, but other then the first-hand reports of the meager turnout, what ended up happening? Did anyone actually get paid a mil (yeah right), or was it yet another con in the con-world of porn?
And speaking of Samuel Roth's self-hating "Jews Must Live" book from the 30's, one sees how even self-directed anger can be used by others to persecute. Chaim "un-funny" Amalek might want to consider writing a sequel, given his lame rants on your site. He can be the first one lead off to execution, all the while spouting his post-modern detached irony about his role in life as a Jew. It'll feel so removed to poor Chaim, until he chokes on the gas that is...
Chaim: I had no idea just how badly this poor fellow felt jilted by me. Fatty chasers are like that, I guess.
Luke: Nobody got paid a million dollars or anything close at the Shag For A Million contest. It was another con in the con-world of porn.
Sin City Gossip
Whatever happened to the old swinging door at Sin City? The good ol' move 'em in and move 'em out? The place seems stable and content without employees at each other's throats.
They have a new receptionist and have just moved in a DVD department. Sin City will release its first seven DVDs in the next few weeks.
Luke's Sin City deepthroat, Yankel Rosenbaum, writes: "Luke, It's good to hear from you. There is an old yiddish saying, "You're a schmuck if you marry a jewess".
"Linda Thoren was not re-signed for many reasons, the most important being she didn't sell anymore copies for Sin City than any other non-contract cover girl and that combined with her reluctance to do anal, resulted in that decision. At the eleventh hour, when it came time to first sign her, there was an anal clause that required her to do anal in every movie but she advised that was some physical problem where she could no longer perform anal. This occurred at the Cannes festival in a hotel room so we felt forced to either sign her at that juncture or give up on a perceived potential asset for the company. All signed and that was that. Sin City together with Linda have made some very memorable movies and we wish her all the best in all her future endeavors."
Alex Ladd shot an all-Asian girls video last week called Cherry Blossoms.
Former Sin City PR gal Lysa Stone is the new General Manager and Controller at Toshi Gold's Astral Ocean.
XXXInsider: Luke, I think you should look into professional photography
work---Gene even credited you with a photo of him on his inferior site.
XXXInsider: Luke, have you ever thought of having a special "members-only"
part of the site where people could pay a fee to see behind-the-scenes
porno pictures. Perhaps an insider's view into a porn set. You might
attract not just Porn News traffic, but also just simply guys looking
to get off.
Show: hey Luke-- have you noticed that Colleen on SURVIVOR looks a heck of a lot like Vanessa Chase?
Lauren: there use to be a star named terri diver a red head in the industry who did alot of facial scenes, i read some where she was a director now is that true? and what company does she work for and is she retired from on screen filming?
Prepping For Peppy
Dear reader, the love of my life flies her gentle way into my arms Friday. What should I wear to the airport? Should I dress nicely like I am going to synagogue? Should I buy flowers to hand her at the arrival gate?
Curious distributes sage advice: Luke, Before Peppy arrives remember to prep Casa Ford appropriately for your honored guest. Please run through the checklist below.
1) Air freshener. Lots of air freshener.
2) Clean up the bathroom and for God's sake flush the toilet!
3) Pick up all your clothes from the floor. This will give your shed the illusion of being a studio apartment.
4) Remove all hardcore pornography from the apartment! This may require the renting of a dumpster, but do it!
5) Have a full selection of protein bar flavors available as not everybody loves the lemon chiffon flavor.
6) Chill the soymilk in advance or have an ice bucket available.
7) Wash your sleeping bag. ;-)
As the evening progresses please resist the temptation to wax on and on about the internet smut industries' credit card woes, the Mafia's infiltration of pornography distribution channels, or your bizarre belief that women who were sexually active at a young age tend to age more rapidly. In other words just SHUT UP! If forced to speak just think to yourself, "What would Chaim say?" and then say the polar opposite. You will do fine.
DO NOT PRINT THIS PART: Make sure you hide the web cam as we discussed. Remember I will be watching. Also if at any point you feel outclassed, just drop Gene Ross's name a few times. That'll impress her. Good luck.
Curious reminds: Don't forget to program in the sexiest tracks from your Debbie Friedman CDs on your cheesy boombox to set the appropriate mood. Also in case things get a little wild you may want to use two strips of toupee tape to affix your hair piece to your pate. She doesn't need to know all your secrets just yet.
One more thing! Here's a little seduction technique that I like to use. I leave the medicine cabinet open just a little bit with a box of extra large condoms prominently displayed on the bottom shelf. Gets their attention. Then when the moment of truth arrives I slip into the bathroom and dig out my Japanese slim fit condoms instead. Then I curse as I put it on saying, "Damn, this thing is tight!" Try it with my blessing.
Infamous female porner "Guinevere" writes: Dear Lukey, A woman's perspective.......
1. one red rose looking lonely at the airport
2. quote lots of real literary people.... "Love isn't love til you give it away" etc.
3.wear the church clothes definitely
4.do not take her to a salad bar
5.smile alot, you are kinda cute
6.I recommend Moon Shadows in Malibu... the lobster and champagne will make her see God and think kindly on having some kind of sex with you!
7.DO NOT COME ON HER FACE THIS TRIP!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck, Lovie! Guinevere
Luke: Dear reader, could you please suggest some good literary lines that I could lay on Peppy...
Quimevere: I think that maybe, just maybe.... The search is over and the journey has begun... Peter McWilliams
If two shall stand, shoulder to shoulder, Against The Gods Even the Gods shall remain helpless... Maxwell Anderson ELIZABETH< THE QUEEN
A bell is no bell til you ring it. A song is no song until you sing it. And love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love isn't love til you give it away.......... The Sound Of Music
DoneDone: Dude, controversy is needed now. Isnt there someone getting AIDS right now....someone you can bust out as being a scum bag etc...
Luzdedos1: :) i'm all about love
Porner: "Does she know that you write about pornography and that you try to bring us all down and try to make our lives a living hell?
"Just remember that Ed Meese with all the government money tried it and he f---ing failed... Don't go trying it."
Luke: "I write on entertainment."
Porner: "I'm going to f---ing tell her. Give me her number... She might as well know up front... She's going to find out side-ways and get all pissed off. You cheap piece of s---. You lied to me. You didn't tell me the truth. Look what you're doing. Look at you touching those women. Oooh God, it is disgusting. You'll see."
Luke: "I have not told her anything untrue. I simply haven't told her everything."
Porner: "You didn't happen to give her your website address?"
Luke: "No, I want to give her the opportunity to know me for who I am, and not as the cultural icon l-keford.com. Appreciate me for who I am, not for the thousands of hits I get a day."
Porner: "She thinks your a wonderful sweet loving kind-hearted guy who doesn't take anybody for granted and doesn't list real names so that women can get stalked and killed. Wait until we find her. Do you have any concept of what this man does? Luke, maybe you'll fall in love and leave us all alone and go away. You can open a small Buds Icecream place in San Francisco. You'll be happy. Or you can write about high tech. You'll be so much happier. It'll be so much more positive.
"You won't have to worry about who's got gonorrhea and who's giving it to who... Who left a condom in the front seat. It will be so much nicer for you. I'm happy for you. You deserve it finally after all your sleaziness."
Countdown To Destiny
Chaim writes: "Fiscally conservative but socially liberal"
This is the mantra of the cognative elite of America, especially its jewish component. But you know what? Until very recently, most jews were actually the exact opposite and still may be - socially conservative and fiscally liberal. Ask her about immigration. No scratch that - keep it light. And clean up your place!
Luke, this woman knows all about you, or at least what can be learned from your book, your bio on the web, and your web site. She still has the hots for you... Now try not to play with yourself in the hours leading up to your big date.
All Systems Go, Houston, We've Got Takeoff
Rumdar writes: There is nothing as mentally stimulating as a liberal Jewess (which most are of course) Liberal Dem/Pro Choice..I am getting good soundings from her. This is beginning to look better. One problem with the third world honeys is they rut like weasels and knock out squalor kids by the dozen. In no time the little nippers are breaking into your car. On the plus side they are usually mellow, uncomplicated and f--- good. I refuse to watch the fascist Republican Convention on TV. A total downer. I'd rather see reruns of the Nuremberg Rallys.
With all respect I was listening to your dad's rants on your show. It must have been rough growing up with him. I am surprised you are not stark raving mad. Thankfully I wasn't brought up religious. We were Protestant but rarely attended. I was surprised to learn later on that families gave 10% of their income to the church. My father gave 10% to the race track...10% to the tavern and spent the rest on us. Much better.
She has a sense of humor. To anyone who can laugh at life your column is like crack cocaine, totally addictive. Although she hasn't read it, I think she is going to love it. She'll be writing in soon I bet.
Being in love is the greatest feeling in the world. I should know. I frequently fall in and out. Hemingway said going to war brings out emotions one would never experience elsewhere. Love is the same.
