Friday, July 7th, 2000

I'm updating my site from Jerusalem on the eve of the Sabbath after returning from the Western Wall. I am having an incredible trip.

Luke's Travel Journal

Dear Diary, I pray everyday to forget my crass porn journalism career and I receive no relief. I try to focus on the inspiring beauty that surrounds me here in Israel, but I am unable to shake the vulgar sexual images of my immoral craft. Tonight I drown my sorrows in soy milk and tears again.

Dear Diary, Five days and none of these uppity Jewesses have succumbed to my boundless charm. Can they all be lesbians? If so, can I get a refund on the tour? God, why have you forsaken me?

Ahhh, but yesterday as I returned to my lonely hotel room I found my lovely Palestinian maid stretched out on my bed waiting for me. Should I betray my adopted religion and give into traitorous sexual temptation or remain firm in my divine mission to nail an LA Jewess? I shall remain strong in my resolve to only break the laws of the Torah with my own kind . . . at least for now.

ps I am really missing my bestiality videos.

James DiGiorgio writes: Hey Lukey....in case you get lonely for some good ole fashioned American porn, my series "Plaid," (young girls, plaid skirts, you get the picture) recently made a foreign sale: to Israel. (And you thought Israelis only manufacture porn, not look at it.) Anyway, just when you thought it was safe to go to the Holy Land, there we are. You can't escape us, Luke. We're everywhere....even in the land of prophets and jesus.

Dark Suspicions

Chaim Amalek writes: The more astute of your readers are increasingly worried about you. We note the total lack of local color in your travel diary, the absence of detail indicative of experience, and wonder if you really are in Israel. (And FYI, only christians call the place "The Holy Land" - jews call it eretz Yisrael.)

Perhaps you are too physically ill and depressed to interact with others. Perhaps being in close proximity to all those Federation Jews is making you morally ill. (It would me! I really hope you go out on your own in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. HOOK UP WITH YOUR PEN-PALS! Visit some whore-houses where Christian girls are held in bondage to jews. Serious suggestions there, Luke. Remember, you can interact with LA Jewesses anytime back home.) Or maybe something more sinister is afoot. Maybe you are locked in the basement crawlspace of XXX's home, experiencing what no man should ever have to experience.

I hope that the latter scenario is false. Please confirm that you are in Israel by publishing a photograph of you holding up a wrinkled copy of a current israeli publication.

How much do those Federation-Style "Missions" to Israel cost? What sort of hotel accommodations do you get for the money? Given what things likely cost out when you travel on your own, do you think you are getting good value for what you paid? Feel free to withold judgement until the trip is over. (Assuming, of course, that you really are in Israel.)

Luke: I paid $3100 including airfare for the ten day tour and I think it is worth it. The accomodations and food are great.

Chaim's Bad Standup

Lou Scorbick writes: Well Luke, even with you in Israel, the pathetically poor open-mic-night standup routine of the untalented Chaim Amalek continues unabated. Luke, I beg of you, please revoke Mr. Amalek's unedited contribution privledges!!! Sheesh, even if his appalling lack of humor can't get his Jewishness revoked, at least cut the bad 80's standup crap ASAP!!! Note to Chaim: Humor is not just an endless rehash of the blandest and most generic stereotypes repeated ad nauseum. Yes, it was funny when Richard Pryor did it, but that was when there was controversy involved. Now after decades of "blacks do this, Jews do this, Women do this, men do this" chopped up pseudo-comedy delivered 24 hours a day on Comedy Central, people expect more!!!

Typical Chaim rant: Jews are insecure, cheap and neurotic, America is anti-Semtic, blacks have big dicks, Jewish women are Jappy, Jews run Hollywood, cue laugh track!!! Chaim, push yourself, man. Lord knows you can occasionally say something creative. Just because the web is immediate doesn't mean you shouldn't think out your thoughts before another half-assed unfunny rant on stereotypes that I have to scroll down in hopes that even a bad Lynne L-patin monologue will clense my memory from this assault of non-humor. Chaim, keep your day job.

Oh and to Rumdar, there have been a few Jewish ballplayers since Mr. Greenberg, like a certain Sandy Koufax, and more recently All-Stars Shawn Green (Bar Mitzvahed and all), Jeff Zimmerman, Gabe Kapler, etc. Not a lot to be sure, but a few! The future, of course, are the mixed race players like Derek Jeter or Tiger Woods...

Luke, any serious thoughts from the homeland or has Chaim's pathetic vaudeville shtick rubbed off on you, too? Et tu, Luke?...

Luke: I have serious thoughts but I am not ready to share them yet.

Jasmin St Clair Talks Smack

Surf over to www.metal-sludge.com and read Jasmin St Clair laying down the smack on Kendra Jade, Houston, etc.

Rob Black On Disinfo

This week on Disinfo TV, host Richard Metzger investigates the seamy side of the porn industry, in a no-holds barred interview with producer Rob Black: "Meet porn high priest Rob Black of Extreme Associates. Listen to Rob talk about the talent pool, the art of making porn, and shock value in the Jizz Bizz." http://devious.razorfish.com:554/ramgen/disinfo/Extreme.rm

Losers In Porn

Becky Carols writes: I'd like to list a few people who are just dead weight in the smut industry. Ol' Kevorkian would have had a field day with these losers:

1. Randy West-- Yeah, big surprise that bowl of chunky menstrual blood won. His 4 inch dick looks like a slice of rolled up Swiss cheese thanks to all of the erection injections. Has an extremely low level of intelligence which makes him incapable of having a meaningful conversation. All he does is spam RAME when he's not busying cutting sex scenes from his vids in half. In the real world, these types of con-artists would be locked up. Prison would be a good place where Mr. Viagra can finally learn how to f--- for once.

2. Ron Jeremy-- Just looking at this fat, hairy, pile of smegma makes me want to puke. Still can't keep it up even with all of the latest hard-on drugs. Truly the joke of the smut world. May he finally do us all a favor and eat himself to death.

3. Ed Powers-- The greasy hermit. Pays so much for pussy, he can't even afford soap. Rumor has it that he's mildly retarded. Wouldn't it be nice if he put a bullet in his mostly empty head and let an early 1990's version of Rocco (meaning without the toilet dunks and sado s---) take over? Hey, one can always dream.

4. Dave Cummings-- Another Viagra popper. Why won't he just do the recent flood of grannies and stay in that small fetish market? BTW, I predicted the granny flood in my "Slavering Fanboy" post in RAME but, you know who didn't take it seriously. Now who's embarrassed?

5. Asia Carrera-- An old, washed up has-been who got bitch-slapped so many times by ex-husband, smut director, and woman beater Bud Lee that she can't even keep her lies straight. Actually, suitcase pimps punch their whores in the stomach so as not to leave any marks on the face.

6. Marilyn Chambers-- Went from a cute, young slut in "Behind the Green Door" to a walking cadaver. Will someone please give that hag a mirror? Making porn is a privilege NOT a right. Fuglies like her should only f--- in very dark back alleys.

7. Amber Lynn-- A horse is a horse of course, of course. She was and still is pure gutter trash. In the old days, they let any skank off the street make smut. We have much higher standards now and the younger Amber would be nothing more than a C-list ho these days.

8. Ginger Lynn-- The child support checks bounced and she snorted whatever she made back in the 80's up her nose. Luckily, she only works for the VCA jokers since no one else (besides Vivid, Wicked, Elegant Angel, and Extreme) would even hire her. I do blame her and her pathetic slavering fanboys for starting this granny flood. May genital warts devour these SFB's asses.

9. Lori Micheals, Delaney Daniels, and Zoe-- Oops, sorry...I don't even know who the hell those 3 are. Moving on...

10. Bianca Trump-- Hates porn, hates sex, hates men, hates herself. Rarely if ever hired these days and yet, has the audacity to call herself the "Italian Princess of Porn". Covered in hideous tattoos and could care less about what her very few SFB's think. If she gets any fatter, she'll have to join Rosie's Chub Club and change her name to Ms. Piggy. Oink, oink Kermy.

11. Rob Black and Patrick Collins-- Hate each other only because they're very similar. Both are into self-destruction (the current pathetic status of Extreme and Elegant Angel are proof of that). Nothing but sorry ass hype wallowing in smutland's sewer. Stagliano's laughing all the way to the bank.

12. Eden Rae-- Thinks she's Meryl Streep...more like Tori Spelling. Despises smut but hangs around a little smut chat site. Gets very angry if questioned about her porn past and would rather yap about her little straight-to-video b-movies which no one has ever or will ever see.

13. Jill Kelly-- I almost forgot this monstrosity. Obviously because she is so forgettable. Recently married a gay guy (now, there's a smart wench). As long as she keeps giving BJ's to her pimp Jim Holliday, you can expect her to crawl around smelling and sucking the sweaty balls of filthy ex-cons well into her 70's. Perish the thought.

14. Steve Hirsh and Russ Hamshire-- Two talentless and spineless pussies who think they have a shot in hell competing to get a share of the huge raincoater market with their Raw and Explicit bulls---. Anabolic, Evil Angel, Jake Steed Prod., Sean Micheals Prod., and Jack Napier are stomping their asses. The only reason pathetic Vivid and VCA are still around is because of the cable contracts with lame-ass Playboy. Even Luke isn't dumb enough to watch that censored pile of panty waste.

15. Max Hardcore-- A dwarf-like sadist with a 3 inch dick. No pussy on earth is small enough to get him off. Even when he screws girls in the ass, he makes them put a large dildo in their snatch in order to tighten up their backdoor. I'm sure his step-fathers and uncles repeatedly anally raped him as a child.

16. Sharon Mitchell-- A she-male and former drug whore now in charge of AIDS testing for smutland....and you wonder why numerous performers now have AIDS? That incompetent cunt should be locked up for practising medicine without a license. Damn, only in f---ed-up L.A.

Luke Gets Mail

Jake writes: I dig your site....but man who cares about the religion. Start up a new site..i just wanna know about porn whores. You got it goin' on...f--- the religion. Entertain me, inform me. If your gonna be here for awhile have a "Sniggers' bar.

Dudley Moore: Is the desire to become a celebrity a substitute for creating a family of one's own?

Email: If that picture is a true representation of the women's Talmudic study group, I am running down to the closest synagogue tomorrow, (even if the circumcision is the most painful experience of my life), and I am going to become Jewish! I mean, what else is there in life for a guy that's been married for almost thirty years now? Since my wife came from a very religious family, I am sure she would be pleased that I have suddenly decided to become part of a religious study group. Besides, she doesn't need to know all the details, does she? Geez Luke, I can hardly wait to start studying.

John: Luke, Mr. Marcus's board is at it again, someone posted as Jasmine St.Claire claiming she wanted to do a scene with Mr. Marcus on his cheap couch in his low budget series "Casting Couch", he allows this and even encourages this behavior by badmouthing gals who do not do interracial in order to pressure them into doing black, very low, dirty tactics, girls pay attention to email you get on the subject.

Email: This is Tabetha with XXXeZone, Jasmin St. Claire and Monique's personal manager. I just wanted to let the REAL WORLD know that someone has been posting as me and as Jasmin on Mr. Marcus message board. I just want to say this, I have never had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Marcus but enjoy his site and usually look on his board from time to time just see what's going on. You can imagine how surprised I was when I saw all those postings that my evil twin made - and simply wanted to clear the air for both Jasmin and myself. I don't have problems with people - I usually solve them. So, Mr. Marcus, if you see this I hope you understand I look forward to someday meeting you and love a variety of opinion.

Ari: Like you, I am a single Jewish male. I'm 29. Last night I went out with a really cute Jewish girl who I met on the internet. We talk about the internet, and I would love to tell her about l-keford.com. I'm sure she would find the Jewish part interesting, but I'm not so sure about the porn part. Any suggestions?

Luke: I would wait on the l-keford.com suggestion until you know her very well. At least until you've had sex.

Steve writes: Luke, for those that missed Alexandra Quinn and Cleopatra on the Stern show look for ir 7/13 and7/14 on the E! Channel. You'll be able to see behind the scenes action. Also, to preorder this film to be released for a Christmas gift go to www.wackpackvideo.com and get it at a special price. It's gonna be a collectors dream.

Amused writes: Hmmm .... real breasts and real orgasms with a "full-figured 40-something woman" or fake breasts and fake orgasms with a "waif." Hmmm .... sorry Big Sassy Woman I'm going with the waif. I don't know what real breasts or real female orgasms look like anyway.

Dynamite writes: so tough guy kid vegas is calling rob spallone now with petty threats! whats wrong is he scared to fight the black guy who broke his ribs?and why did he beat up his girl this weekend?i thougth he's a registered black belt.does his girl know he can't fight a grown man.plus rumor has it she's moving to the pornworld house.perfect,maybe rob will have tony eveready slam her nubile white body full of black meat bet vegas would love that.does this mighty aryan warrior know the things his girl may end up doing at this location?guess he will soon.and since vegas knows where spallone is why doesn't he go kick some italian butt if he feels so manly?the guy has no manhood to speak of and his porn sucks.he can't even keep wood!is he gay or what?and he's mad at spallone over rob's dog b.j. supposedly biting her.maybe he can fight the dog and win!

Lynne writes: Luke, perhaps your paucity of luggage has contributed to your inability to score with the women on your trip. You are obviously not into things material (which is one of the reasons your commitment to Judaism is questionable). After six years of attempting to crash the Jewish community, you should know better. Just having two pairs of silk boxers to your name, even if I did get them on sale, will not impress a single woman who can afford three weeks away from work and an expensive vacation to Israel. When you get back, we shall have to rethink your wardrobe. The "I need my mommy to dress me" line won't cut it with a Jewess who's had her own Bloomie's charge since she was Bat Mitzvah'd. You seem to still be suffering from jet lag, and sleeping odd hours.

I have not had any sweetness from you since Saturday, July 1, right before you left. It is now the 5th. I wish I could tell you that my heart was broken and that I'd eaten a gallon of ice cream, but no such luck. You see....I'm just not as devastated as you think I should be. I do love you, but I'm tough. As long as I can read l-keford.com and have a morning #2, everything goes on as usual. Considering that you are absolutely nuts, I am still very secure in your love.

Lynne writes: So what's the story on Israelis and tattooing? Is it forbidden by law there? I am still waiting for my Torah reference to explain why nose jobs, liposuction and breast implants are okay but tattooing is not.

Yesterday NJG and I were looking at wedding dresses at wedding.com. I was shocked. Luke, wedding dresses are SCANDALOUS these days! They look like something out of porn fantasies --- plunging necklines, strapless, bare shoulders, slits to the thigh. She had found some that she wanted me to see, so even though I have no craving for a traditional white wedding, I looked at the dresses and was shocked.

The site has a search feature where one can put in the different features that one wants in a dress, so I entered something suitable for an orthodox shul -- long sleeves, high neck, floor-length.... The search engine kept kicking back with "no such item found." I kept looking...and eventually ended up with a selection full of plus sizes, as if only overweight women would want to conceal their bodies on their wedding day. A wedding is obviously no longer a celebration of a future life full of modesty and fidelity.

I told NJG, "Luke would have a heart attack if his bride wanted to wear one of these dresses!" What do you think? Are bare shoulders appropriate for a Nice Jewish Wedding? Even if one gets the dress at wholesale?

Dr William Pierce

Bob writes: Dear Luke, I am familiar with the personal life of the Nazi William Pierce of West Virginia. He has had three or four mail order brides from Eastern-Europe himself. His present wife is a mail-order bride from Hungary. On one History channel documentary it shows her bringing him food and bowing to him. She calls him only by the title, "Sir." This "Anglo-Saxon" racist has the audacity to criticize white slavery in the Middle East, while he is one of its biggest practioners in the U.S. Also, Jews have been in Eastern-Europe forever and have assimilated well. The chances are very high that one of those Aryan slaves girls that Pierce had shipped to himself isn't pure shishka.

Another Shanda (Scandal)

Chaim writes: Luke, I think that it is better that people hear this from you than from Pierce. This is taken from the BBC's web site. By the way, how are the Russian hookers - as christian and innocent as people say? A friend of mine asks if Israel is the new destination of preference for sex tourists, and I told him I would ask someone who knows.

Police in Rio de Janeiro say an Israeli diplomat suspected of belonging to an international child pornography ring has fled Brazil and returned to Israel. The Israeli diplomatic mission confirmed that its vice-consul, Arie Scher, had flown home at the request of the Israeli government, which it said had ordered an investigation into the allegations.