Friday, June 23rd, 2000
Mad Jack Mad At Notorious
I just talked to a mad Mad Jack who's just arrived home in Las Vegas after a week escorting porn girls around the San Fernando Valley. MJ's mad at Paul, the owner of Notorious Video, for not paying MJ an agency fee for shooting two of MJ's girls.
Mad Jack: "I have a serious f---ing problem with Paul at Notorious [Productions]. I think he's a cheap piece of s--- and his $25 to me is in route back to him. Now I see why Jack Hammer threw a f---ing chair at him in his office. I'm upfront about everything I do, and between Paul and Rod Fontana, they tried to play me like I was some kind of idiot. I just took it in stride and walked out.
"I was told that a shoot was going to be X amount of time for two girls. They lowballed us... It was supposed to be 10-minutes of footage. And Rod tries to hustle me, thinking that I am f---ing stupid and that I don't do this for a listening. And I don't appreciate that disrespect.
"I brought two girls over there. I really brought one over but another happened to be with me. And I had to split. There was a deal made on how much video footage and stills. The whole thing was only suppose to take an hour. They played games and it ended up taking a whole lot longer than that. And then when I told them I wanted an agency fee at the end, I'm told, it wasn't budgeted in. You have to talk to Paul the owner. I get in his office and he says, are you actually an agent or are you not an agent? And I say, you know what, that's f---ing irrelevant. This is what it normally costs per girl ($65) through anybody. And when we didn't agree on that... He just f---ing tried to talk to me like I am an idiot.
"And for the last week, the girls have been booked everywhere. And have absolutely made a killing. And they [Notorious] were the only people who were assholes and played games. I would never in life do business with either one of them again. I should've known better. I didn't realize that they were bottom feeders.
"He wrote me a $25 check. I think they owe me $130. As soon as I hang up the phone, the check will be in route... I'll probably wipe my ass with it first. Obviously he needs the money more. If he has to dick me around on something like that... I heard all these money stories afterwards...
"I don't want any of this to affect Jim Lane because I like Jim. And I didn't even see Jim down there. The only reason I considered going to Notorious in the first place was that Jim Lane was involved and he had nothing to do with what transpired."
A source at Notorious responds: "We paid Mad Jack a 10% fee. And he walked out of the office happy.
"He brought two new girls into the office. We do an an inexpensive line called 'Amateur Auditions.' It's a quick 40-minute scene. She agreed to do it for $250. Her girlfriend came along with her. I said to her, as long as you are just going to sit around and wait, you might as well jump into the scene. I'll give you $150. At the end of the scene, he comes in and tells Rod [Fontana] that he wants an agency fee. He wanted $65 a girl. And Notorious responded, we're only paying the girls $250 and $150. Are you a licensed and bonded agency? Obviously he's not. We'll pay you the same percentage as we pay everyone else, 10%. And one girl just volunteered... And he said fine and that's the sum total of the whole story. And he was happy with the $25."
Wack Pack Video
As heard on the Howard Stern show today. Listen here. From wackpackvideo.com: "Two gorgeous girls, a whole bunch of total Howard Stern created freakazoids...all f---ing and sucking..."
Steve Seidman from Adultstarsmagazine.com called me from New York: "We had Alexandra Quinn and Cleopatra doing the wack pack - Highpitched Eric, Hank the Angry Dwarf, Gary the Retard, Joe Cancer... And we put it all on film. It's going to be f---ing hilarious."
Luke: "They were having sex?"
Steve: "Yes."
Luke: "Broadcast over Howard Stern?"
Steve: "The sex wasn't broadcast. We got all the participants on the Howard Stern Show this morning. Then we all had sex right afterwards."
Luke: "Did you have sex too?"
Steve: "No. Mr. Softy don't have sex."
Luke: "How did the footage turnout?"
Steve: "We had seven cameras, the best coverage. We'll have the greatest footage around. We may be on HBO."
Mike South: "Luke, there's one picture that I have to paint for you. Picture Alexandra Quinn and Cleopatra doing a girl-girl with a dildo on a sofa. And behind them is a grand piano. Pictures a drunk midget wearing white socks and underwear playing this grand piano. Obviously, he's not playing anything that makes sense. But he's playing and singing his ass off. Now, is that totally bizarre or what? The theater of the absurd. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in porn."
Luke: "How did Highpitched Eric do?"
Mike: "He didn't do well. He got wood but he didn't get a pop. Hank the Angry Dwarf got a little wood here and there but we didn't get a pop out of anybody. I ended up doing a blowjob scene so that we would end up with some core footage.... Alexandra did me..."
From GeneRoss.com: "Alexandra Quinn goes on the Howard Stern Show Friday morning and admits that she faked her I.D. at the age of 15 to do porn but in the same breath bemoaned the fact that she was shunted by the adult industry - escaping the fact, of course, that some people were prosecuted in the similar Traci Lords case which occurred several years earlier. And, of course, it was never brought up during the Stern interview that Quinn sold out the adult business for $5,000 with an interview that she gave Hard Copy titled "Little Girl Lost" in which porno was painted like a bunch of white slavers and she, the naïve innocent. Even more galling are the comments Quinn later makes about having had to give back her AVN Awards. Quinn claims she won one for Best Anal scene which is definitely not the case."
Rebecca Lord In Car Accident
From RebeccaLord.com 6/21: "That's my poor "brand new Mustang" after a horny num nuts took the rear of my car for my butt! I am so stressed and so pissed! Sorry if I didn't upload any new stuff or answered email but I just got out of the hospital. I was injured, not very seriously (at least they think!), neck, shoulders and back of the head! So now, I am wearing that very erotic (!) neck collar!!! Now poor Rebecca is car-less and cannot give head!! Damn!"
Looking For Flora
Pat McGee writes: I am desperately seeking Flora! Flora is a 83 year old porn star who lives in Las Vegas. I read about her in an article on Salon.com. As I understand, she recently performed oral sex on a "star" named Dick Nasty. I am not sure of the name of the movie. I am a producer for a new TV show called Moral Court - and would love to have her an the show. If you have any other stories that would be good for my show (adult stars with moral issues) please send them my way - patrick.mcgee@moralcourttv.com.
Interracial
New porn star Kristin Kane writes: "Luke I am new in the porn biz and saw the thing about white whores on your site. I realize some fans will like it and some wont but i would like to hear from people IN the biz if doing interracial hurts a porn stars carreer or does not. Can you post this and see if I can get some feed back from people in the biz. Thanks for your help. Kristin Kane."
A Toe Story
Rabbi Moishe Cohen writes: here are some photos form the new Tiffany Mynx directed release, "A Toe Story" hitting stores soon! these pics are of Tiff with Alec Metro. This movie is gonna blow away anything she did with Extreme. Look for it at stores soon. Tabitha Stevens co-stars.
Is This Proof Enough?
Hi Luke, its Me, Cindy Plenum! I am so sick of you guys disbelieving me at a time of great trawmaw in my life. So to settle this once and for all, I am sending you a photograph of myself, taken shortly before the fatal shoot in Hamburg, when I was in a somewhat pensive mood. Luke, I am somewhat shy on the net; please use your judgement as to whether to provide this to the doubting Tomasses out there. For the rest of you, if you saw me, you would stop accusing me of lying to you. Look VERY VERY carefully - proof that I was not lying in any way is in the photograph! Love, Cindy!
Luke: It is a skeptical age Cindy. Unbelievers are everywhere. But I believe Cindy, help thou my unbelief. When I looked into your eyes, I saw purity and truth.
Helpful concedes: Judging by the size of Cindy's tits I would have to a say that Tibor was consumed by a boa constrictor in the Hamburg Zoo and the entire deadly debacle was kept secret from the media. Cindy how could I ever doubt you? BTW is "Plenum" German for "pendulous"?
Jack: Luke, Cindy is clearly making this story up. Seriously, what self-respecting giant snake would devour a dirt-ball porn guy - who probably has venereal diseases even the Marine Corps doesn't know about - when it could just as easily have eaten Cindy (assuming that really is Cindy in the photo). It's a shame to realize that girls with such nice tits might not always tell the truth...
Smithsonian writes: Luke, That picture of Cindy Plenum is really a 60s pin up star - Roberta Petron.
Cecil (cecil_seacil@yahoo.com) writes: I really dig pensive European intellectual chicks. they set my belly fat a-quivering. Can you set me up on a date with Cindy Plenum? She seems like a very nice, down to earth, honest person. someone with substance. I would even travel to Germany to meet her.
Rumdar: Luke. Looks like the snake sucked all the sauce out of Cindy Plenums tits.
Email: Lukie, To celebrate gay pride week I am taking Tom Byron to dinner. After that, well who knows. yours in passion Matt Ramsey.
Goddess writes: LUKE!! Is it true that dreamy Mike South is going to be on Bob Berkowitz's show tonight?! And is it true that everyone can listen at www.eyada.com starting at 9 p.m.?! AND is it also true that all Mike's fans (including YOU, Luke F-rd!) should email him during the show and tell him how much they LOVE him?! Methinks it IS:)
Luke: Felicia Fox flew out from Ohio to Sin City last week, to talk about a contract.
SexTracker Shakeup
Elements hostile to Flying Crocodile aka SexTracker.com owner Andrew Edmond tried to take over the company this past weekend.
Sources differ on how successful Edmond was in fighting back the challenge.
Edmond apparently resigned Friday and then reinstated himself Saturday.
The President of SexTracker (Scott Byhre) was apparently fired.
Other key employees, about five, have resigned, according to one source. The Chief Financial Officer (David Sundstrom) of SexTracker.com resigned according to one source but SexTracker says he remains.
There was a big blowup Friday with key SexTracker insiders having it out with Andy.
XXX: "They can't take Andy Edmond (SexTracker owner) anymore. His ego is out of control. Employees received a document last week on how to sell Andy Edmond.
"Dude, it is just getting better and better and better. Incredible stuff. Edmond's company is falling apart."
Luke: Sources say that Edmond has a huge ego and like me, an infinite desire for attention. He apparently paid millions of dollars more for YNOT than it was worth so that he could bask in the spotlight of industry spokesperson.
JT, Andy's older brother and head of PR for SexTracker made this official statement: "There was misinformation utilized by individuals within and outside the company in a failed attempt to undermine Flying Crocodile Incorporation [parent company to SexTracker]. The situation has been totally stabilized. The corporate infrastructure carefully implemented by Andrew Edmond, chairman and CEO, has proved to be strong and capable of withstanding such manipulation and attack. If any amount of trust has been lost due to the unfortunate chain of events, Flying Crocodile Incorporated will work with a vengeance to regain the trust and maintain a positive longterm relationship with all of our most valued webmasters."
Hymie: "What the f--- is this s---? Startrek? So f---ing egotistical."
Luke: "What happened to your President Scott Byhre (former VP of Millstone Coffee who knows nothing about porno)?"
JT: "He is no longer with the company."
Luke: "I heard that the CFO and five key employees left?"
JT: "Not true. Only Scott Byhre. He is the only key employee who has left the company."
Luke: I understand the drama at Flying Crocodile this weekend in Seattle as an unsuccessful hostile takeover attempt. For a few hours, the status of the company was in question. Elements within the company who hate Edmond pulled their knives out this weekend and stabbed him.
YYY: The reason this hasn't reached the boards yet is that those hostile to Andy failed. The people who like to scream about this stuff and boast about their victories are quiet. They almost got Andy but he got them back. So they're not interested in talking about it because Andy won.
Luke: If you go to: http://webmasters.sextracker.com
You can see a message from Andy Edmond.
You won't find anything like this on the operations of Ron Levi, Joe Elkin, Rich Botto and the other big webmasters.
Edmond's free hosting sites contain more illegal material proportionately than his competitors, say knowledgeable sources. Edmond claims to make an effort, and it appears that way, but the infringing sites go back up a few days after they are taken down.
Hymie: I believe he's making so much money these freehosting shenanigans are deliberate by Edmond to drain as much money as possible, irrespective of whether the means are ethical or even legal.
Richard aka Bama, who resigned from Flying Crocodile Monday: I wanted to take just a moment to address an issue that has come to my attention and put it to rest any rumor mills insomuch as it either directly or indirectly pertains to myself.
Monday I resigned from Flying Crocodile, Inc. My decision to do so had absolutely NOTHING to do with the events that transpired over the weekend. I was in NO way involved with, or had knowledge of (at that time), the events that took place between the principles of FCI over the weekend. Simply put, I am free to work anywhere, do anything - with anyone and have decided to explore those opportunities.
My resignation at FCI was, if nothing else, bad timing because it appears to have given an unfounded appearance that it was related to those events. My decision to leave was made some time ago and in fact, I'd cleaned out my desk last Wednesday and Friday was to be my last day. I was asked to delay my resignation and out respect and personal friendship for the person making the request - did so.
On Monday, without regard to the events that did take place, I saw no reason to continue working at FCI and tendered my resignation Monday afternoon and as far as I'm concerned - on good terms. I have contacted the people on my ICQ list to let them know I no longer work for or represent any of FCI's products or services and could not be their point of contact any longer.
I will miss XXX Counter as well as many good friends at FCI. XXX Counter has been one of my "babies" but I felt other opportunities are available to me. I am not "a source" mentioned in a previous Luke F-rd article. I do not know Luke nor have I ever contacted him, either directly or indirectly until now. I do however read and enjoy his articles. I am leaving in a few hours for Las Vegas and will be back Monday. If I can do anything for anyone, give me a shout then. Richard (Bama) ICQ 269762
Kid Vegas vs Tony Eveready
Kid Vegas phoned this afternoon to say that Tony Eveready has been ordered to take anger management classes for a year. The court date stems from an incident several months ago where Tony beat up Kid Vegas and fractured a couple of his ribs.
Listen here to my Kid Vegas interview.
Tony: I just plea bargained. (MP3)
Tony: "It was all a plea bargain for a separate felony case... They didn't even want to put him on the stand because of his racist bulls---. At first, the damn DA was like, yeah, I got my case. You're going to prison. Then he was like, he had a deal where I paid a $1000 fine, closed out felony probation and I am done."
Luke: "You're happy with the way [court went this morning]?"
Tony: "It's cool. Is he [Kid Vegas] trying to get some more s--- going? If he thinks he's going to talk some s--- over the internet and his restraining order is any good, he's sadly mistaken. I'm not going to have these days of going back and forth [on the internet] with all this bulls---. I'm done with that s---. I'm not a f---ing kid and all this f---ing s--- on the internet is kid s---. I told you that the last time, to stop putting the s--- up there.
"He wants s---, like a bitch, behind my back. He got his ass whupped, head the f--- up like a f---ing man, cry like a bitch about it. Come to court like a bitch about it. He swore up and down that I was going to get some state prison time. The City Attorney told him, let the s--- go.
"You call Kid Vegas back and tell him to keep his mouth shut about my business that has nothing to do with him.
"Tell his dumbass that I got a $100 fine. The $1000 fine had nothing to do with his case. I have to go back on the first [of August] to see what my punitive damages [will be for beating Kid Vegas]... I've got 52 weeks of anger management class and that's it. And I've got three years to complete that...
"He's real dumb. He can't even comprehend what the judge is explaining."
Luke: "What else is going on with you?"
Tony: "I've looking for a distributor for something I've shot in 3D. I've shot two scenes so far. Call my cell phone at 818-693-1070. I've got a trailer... I've got a guy who shoots virtual reality professionally. He did all the cinematography in it and edited it and it came out a lot better than any of the other 3D stuff people have ever tried.
"I'm just laying low key and trying to take care of business. I'm trying to keep all these jealous people away..."
Luke: "Kid Vegas is funny."
Tony: "He's funny. And when other people had a problem with him, before he got jealous of some bitch I didn't even want, I was cool with him. I had not problem with him. He ain't said nothing about me, I ain't said nothing about him. I've got other things that I'd rather do than tripping with some stupid motherf---er over dumb s---. He went out of his way to create the problem.
"The DA had your name down as a witness for the case against me. They had you and Dave Hardman. Supposedly they subpoened you and 20 police officers. None of them showed."
Luke: "I never received one. They must be incompetent because I am easy to find."
Tony: "They went from swearing a year ago that they had me stuck dead bang and I was supposed to get at least two years [in jail], to going ahead, even though they finally had them a witness in court, realizing that they had such a joke of a witness they closed me felony case up.
"Kid Vegas calls up hollering some kind of victory. He doesn't even realize that they lost all the way around."
Rumdar writes: Luke.. Just got done listening to the interview with Kid Vegas and NJG vs.N-Texas-G. Hearing your voice for the first time was a shock. You sound like a cross between an xxx Robin Leech and David Niven. For the Kid Vegas interview I think you were a bit slow on the draw. Come on Luke this is show biz not afternoon tea while watching cricket in Melbourne. Try and be a bit more crisp with the questioning. Listening to NJG speak was akin to hearing chalk ground across a blackboard. I think if I had a choice I would rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails. Like realllllly!.......Does she lay annoying verbal guilt on every guy who f---s but doesn't want to marry her? LIKE...there must be armies of them out there. I think if you got the two of them in bed you'd find the Texas chick far superior. Texas women are generally great f---s. Not too smart, always willing to accommodate :)
A webmaster at Fetishbucks.com writes on Netpond: Sponsorship rates for the event are way underpriced right now, we've kept the same pricing levels even though the exposure has been way better than expected. Apparently we've ignited an argument about safe sex in the straight world.. actually, that's just the hook they use to get the story in, they know lots of people like to read about gangbangs :P
From: http://www.msnbc.com/news/423295.asp
June 22 — In an unprecedented online display of sexual excess, a California company plans to Webcast a competition in which five women will attempt to earn $1 million by breaking the “world record” for consecutive sexual partners. The event also is being billed as an AIDS charity and “safe sex” awareness event – a claim that angers public health authorities who contend that casual sex on such a scale is inherently risky.
PROMOTERS HOPE the July 22 event, scheduled to be held at an as-yet-undisclosed nightclub in the San Francisco Bay Area, will attract thousands of live participants and spectators at $125 apiece, lure 30,000 or more Internet viewers at 99 cents a minute and ring up residual sales of videotapes for many months to come.
The effort to set the record for consecutive sex partners — the porn industry’s version of the space race — dates to at least the mid-1990s, when a movie showing actress Annabel Chong having sex with “several hundred” men was shot. The current record holder, according to adult industry standards that require independent verification, is Houston, a Southern California porn star who was filmed having intercourse with 620 men over a 10-hour period in late 1998.
Luke: Such baloney. There are no independent verification of numbers at gangbangs. There was about 100 men tops at Houston's gangbang.
Eli Fails To Shut Up?
Goodboy writes: Did you hear that Eli from ALL GOOD. Was thrown in the slammer recently. From what I gather he had rented this $6000 dollar a month house(that has no pool),and he figured he could rent it out and shoot there. Well he didn't want talent pulling up to his house,so he had everyone park in the Bed Bath and Beyond down the way. Well I'm not sure who called but the police followed him after picking up some talent, and stopped him in front of his house. It true Eli fashion he apparently got pissy with the cops and as you know that never works and usually gets you in trouble. Or in his case jail. I wonder what the charge was,failing to shut the f--- up?
A source: "That is hilarious. Eli is shooting today. He's not in jail. He was never in jail. He wasn't even arrested.
"Yeah, in true Eli fashion, he does tend to get pissy with the cops. There's no denying. I thought you were talking about a different incident, where somebody hit his car and he got pissy with the cops. He didn't even get put in the back of a cop car. The only truth to that story is that Eli is a very angry and very pissy man. There's no denying that. Otherwise, someone put two totally different stories together. I've known of only one altercation Eli's had with the cops in the last two weeks."
Pink Triangles vs. Yellow Stars of David
What are l-keford.com readers doing to celebrate Gay Pride Week? Email Luke
Chaim: The least you could do is denounce the Torah as the font of all anti-gay hatred in the world, and insist that the federal government seize all copies for appropriate redaction.
Steve Easton from APIC (an adult webmaster trade organization) posted to Netpond today: This message is to inform Crescent Publishing that their unscrupulous and unprofessional , unethical and very possibly illegal traffic schemes will no longer be tolerated by anyone operating legitimately. We will be proceeding to block all urls and related urls sending traffic to Crescent websites on all traffic related websites and all programs. Your tactics are damaging and extremely infringing on ones privacy. You're business practices are not acceptable to anyone trying to operate within the guidelines of the law.
WORLDWIDE CRESCENT PUBLISHING (CLIMAXMAG-DOM) 801 2nd AVE NEW YORK, NY 10017 US Domain Name: climaxmag.com
Steve writes Luke: . I'm not much of a technical person when it comes to the web. We have had numerous problems with these people re-directing entire domains through COTAC.com which is Serge Birbrair. Serge claims innocence, that someone else is doing it? I have a hard time believing that. They are targeting picture post sites now through a company called DOMAINCOW. They use a site called HOTLUNCH.COM to post, and when you hit that, you become trapped in their exploding simultaneous browsers, each one a dedicated URL that cannot be entirely closed.
What's Serge up to these days? He writes on Netpond: 1) Day trading becomes boring after a while, and I say that even being ahead $112,000 this year in realised profits. 2) I find lots of comfort and take great interest in seeding MONEY. I invest between 25k and 50k in start up companies whose prospects I like in exchange for equity. who knows, some of them might return my investment every year for the next 30 years, some of them might be next Oracle, some of them might be flops.
Female Sexual Desirability
Luke: "So here is my theory about female sexual desireability and the number of men they have banged, and when. There is some sort of physical mechanism, sensitive both to the age at which females begin having sex and the number of men they have sex with, that affects their beauty. It seems that women who start relatively late - say 19 - and have relatively few partners, have a lot more staying power in the looks department than women who start out as young girls who go on to have many, many partners. Perhaps there is some sort of virus that is transferred from each man to the woman, to which women are especially susceptible when they are young, that does this to them. What do you think?"
Real Audio Porno
Nena Whett, 18" Tony and DivinePleasure.com Luke's Introduction to his movie What Women Want.
Two hot chicks fight over Luke. Hilarious. Part Two Part Three
Prague Update
Sin City has its eyes peeled in Prague to look for contract girls.
A few months ago, a Chetchin gunman held up some Dutch porn shooters and got money from them. A certain pair of shooters didn't get the talent they were promised but were forced to fork out the cash anyway.
Who's This Guy Dominic?
SickandTired writes: You know who he is, The guy with the cane that
always hangs with Devan. What is the story with this guy and his s---ty
attitude? HUH??? The guy broke the last straw when he was publicly rude
to a good friend of mine in front of me Wed.night. So here is a guy
that beats women on tape for Zane years ago and graduates to beating
them in real life and serves time for it. As far as I am concerned the
guy has a s---ty attitude and noone cares to hear about his star chasing
bulls--- anymore. Is it really important to publicize who you know.
The real people who have celebrity friends dont go around acting like
the kings--- that this loser does. I hear he lives with his mother????
Maybe the guy can go and get a job panhandling to make ends meet because
I never saw a more pathetic individual in my life!!!! Please someone
let him know that I want to know when he is going to act like an adult
and not just a fungus and the skin of this great industry. If I hear
a star chasing story about his " friends" anymore I am going to vomit!!!!!!!!
I surfed over to my dad's website and found this: Only the Christian gospel offers the key to real living. That gospel is the "good, glad, and merry tidings that make the heart to sing and the feet to dance." It proclaims that we don't have to be good to be saved, but we do have to be saved to be good. And anyone can be saved from sin's guilt and power in a moment.
Goddess writes Luke: Why didn't anybody ask your daddy to address the evils of pornography in his "Ask Dr. Ford" column? He seems to have addressed every major issue but that one. Well, that one, and the "why is my son giving me so much grief?" issue. BTW, do you know if that gangbang ever took place on Howard Stern today?
Luke: Yes, the gangbang took place. Click here to hear all about it. BTW, do you think I dishonored my father by linking to him?
Goddess: NO! I think we all have to follow our own hearts. I was just teasing you about the grief thing:) I found it rather humorous that he addressed every major issue but that one, and i was really wondering if he was deliberately avoiding the topic of pornography? Why? Did you dad bitch about the link? Or doesn't he even know?
Luke: I hope he doesn't know...my therapist this morning however was horrified, she thought i could only conceivably have done it to wound my parents.
Goddess: why DID you do it? frankly, I'm surprised your therapist would be horrified at anything you do now:) I mean you've had it out with them several times on your page, so what's the big deal? besides, you might increase traffic to his site, so it could be a big plus for him.
Luke: I thought it was funny.
Chaim Amalek: YES - clearly you did it to humiliate him. Why not make amends by inviting your dad and step mother over to your place for dinner?
A better question, one which relates you your step-mother's interest in raging female hormones: Was the execution last night of one Mr. Graham in Texas done in accordance with halacha? NO - because executions could only be sanctioned by the Sanhedrin with two male eyewitnesses, and in this case there was only one eyewitness, and a female at that. The truth is that this man died on the alter of feminism at the hands of feminist theory, which posits that a woman is as competent at witness as a man, when we all know better. I hope you feminist she-demons are proud of yourselves.
Luke: That's just cause your cold Jewish heart is closed to the Gospel.
Chaim: Not at all. Like many a jew who has felt the frost of his coreligionists, I too have felt the warmth of Christ, or at least those Christians who want to convert me. And if we lived in more enlightened times, in which Christian girls were encouraged to convert stoney-hearted jews like me by offering their bodies, I would gladly convert to Christianity and the Gospel on a daily basis.
Goddess: Maybe you SHOULD invite your parents over for dinner, Luke. Then you could hide video cameras in your apartment and broadcast the whole thing live over the web! You could apologize about the link to your dad's site, and say how much you regret your actions---try to cry about everything like they do on "The Young and The Restless." It adds drama and excitement. Maybe you could call it "The Dysfunctional Fords?"
What's Wrong With My Hormones?
Then I surfed over to my mom's website and found this: There are about 150 symptoms of PMS. Some are more common than others, and nobody gets them all. Typically, women complain about fatigue, irritability, and depression. Other symptoms include bloating, sore and fibrocystic breasts, food cravings, clumsiness, confusion, constipation, a type of paranoia, wanting to run away, feeling out-of-control, mood swings, phobias, physical or verbal violence, low self-esteem, panic attacks, low blood sugar, inappropriate anger, headaches or migraines, recurrent skin problems (herpes, boils, eczema, or hives), frequent infection, joint pains, allergies, asthma, bronchitis, tonsillitis, colitis, crying jags, drug and alcohol addiction, and, rarely, epileptic seizures.
Luke Gets Mail
Vince writes: I have a kabbalah [Jewish mysticism] question. So which one of the sephiroth [divine emanations] would porn come under?
