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Monday, June 19th, 2000

l-keford.com Contract Girl

Well, actually, my sponsor, who has the money, seeks another contract girl to compliment Inari Vachs. According to the boss, the girl should feel comfortable sitting with Inari and I while we all do interviews. Preferably she's brunette as Inari is blonde and preferably she does not have her own website as yet, as my sponsor wants to build one for her. She should have many movie credits.

An ideal l-keford.com contract girl would know Hebrew and Aramaic. She should be able to study Talmud and be an expert on the Torah. Knowledge of Rashi script a bonus. She should feel comfortable with synaogues ranging from Reform to Orthodox. She should be an ethical monotheist. Email Luke your suggestions.

Curious: You know you just described Lynne?

Mike: I vote for Gwen Summers, the best looking girl whose pictures have appeared on the site since I have starting reading it.

Rumdar writes: Luke.. Just what the hell is an ethical monotheist? When did l-keford.com become ethical? No, Luke, you need an Asian woman. They are the best. Beautiful, smooth skin, tight pussies and they love sex. They usually worship at the temple of Alan Greenspan which is the best place to pray. He is our God. Chaim, Lord Peter Christian and Abdul de Mecca have warped your dome. I read this in the news today: VATICAN CITY (June 19) - The Vatican said Monday it will unveil the details of the so-called third secret of Fatima next week. You don't have to wait til next week. I am in on the secret of Fatima and want to share it with all your readers. Here goes: Asian woman rule.....

Hedgehog Makes Endangered Species List

Amused scolds: Luke, You missed two essential quotes in the recent RogReviews.com postings concerning "The Most Hated Man In Porn." No not you, you egomaniac! Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy. Read and learn.

Vince Voyeur (6/16/00) : "I will not be Ron Jeremy and be hated by thousands. He thinks he is loved by millions, but we see him as a pain in the ass. He should not be taking his clothes off."

Tom Byron (6/10/00) : "I like Ron. He is Ronnie man. Would I put him in a movie? Probably not, because I don't find it appealing seeing him have sex, but how can you not love Ronnie."

Amen Brothers! Vince and Tom you are right on the mark! Just because we porn fans resemble Ron Jeremy doesn't mean we want to see Ron Jeremy in our stroke videos! s---. We see him in our bathroom mirrors everyday when we get out of the shower.

Ron. Your porn days are over. Time to renew your New York state teaching credential. See Ya!

Keri Windsor Update

Porners including Mark Webb and Keri Windsor have returned from the Hedonism 3 nudist retreat in Jamaica. Mark has bronchitis. The weather was bad. Keri may start doing guys. "You could be as big as Jenna but you dont do anal," said a big porner to Keri Sunday night.

Keri's missing from Risque.com along with Phaedra Alexis, indicating that they are no longer represented by Lucky Smith.

I surfed over to KeriWindsor.com and found her diary for June 7: "Well Mon'.....trying to get all my packing done, Mark is making sure that the business stuff (i.e. Allure Entertainment) is being handled, had to send my son off to the sitter and that is always a trauma. It is about 2am and we have to leave for the airport (LAX) at 5am, we will fly to Miami and then to Montego Bay. This is the big Playboy Trip that they have been talking about on Night Calls and the HelmetCam show. Juli Ashton, Shayla LaVeaux, Vicca, Nikita, Cheyenne Silver, HelmetCam and a bunch of others are going as well."

Debbie Oakley writes on Adultdiary.com: "Keri's latest idea centers on her now performing with men in the movies, basically because she's bored and unsatisfied with what she's accomplished so far. Mark has been fully behind this decision, and I've been advising against it since January. They're persistent, so I'm willing to listen to the audience on the issue."

Luke: I'd also not like to see Keri do guys. I consider her and Mark to be friends and I don't want her to be like all the other porn girls. Let their marriage be sacred. Mark supports her doing guys but I oppose the idea.

Jenna Jameson Update

Jenna writes: "I have been working day and night on clubjenna.com. I opened my offices last week, very cool I might add!I have a staff of four people just trying to sort out some of the 500 mags I've been in. The video end has come along quicker than I thought it would. I guess it's easier shooting real-life suff rather thanthose 10 day epics Wicked and I are famous for! I will be completing my first anal this week, if all goes well as planned! I need to practice a little so it doesn't hurt, and so I actually enjoy it! I will be shooting a layout with Sylvia Saint which will take place in July! I'm so excited about that, she's HOT! Anyway thats all I have goin right now, I leave for St. Louis tomorrow, so I better go pack ! See ya cutie!- JJ."

Johnny writes: Hey you had a little bit about Jenna on your update today. I was wondering what company shes working for now and the name of the movie that she'll be doing anal in?

Luke: ClubJenna.com.

RogReviews.com Interviews Vince Voyeur

Here's an excerpt:

Vince: I don't read anything from AVN. I don't care what they say because they don't give us an honest review. Even if they give us a good review, I don't care.

Roger: How about highlights, have you won a whole shelf of awards?

Vince: I won them all in one year actually [from Adult Video News]. I got them all at once. That was the year of Conquest, the year of Wicked. You know how that works, the company you did the movie for is due for awards, you get awards. It's all politics. I got four that year. I actually won Best Actor in Europe that year for Conquest. That actually means something because they do it right over there. These guys over here, you just have it because you happen to have been in the movie.

RP: There aren't a lot of Anabolic or Diabolic titles on the list of AVN nominations.

Vince: We don't advertise.

RP: Is that why they aren't nominated?

Vince: It's exactly why. It's all political.

RP: Anything else I need to cover?

Vince: I promise all of my fans that I won't talk any more in the videos. They seem to hate it when I talk to the chicks.

Luke Gets Mail

Evilstein writes: I was hoping that the story of Tera Heart's "passing" wasn't true.I've always enjoyed her work.This is one porn fan who would never see a porn babes death as "one less hot snatch to be degraded on camera".I feel sorry for any asshole who would think that.I too Scorbick can't understand or get into the abusive, violent or nasty porn that seems to be alot more popular these days,don't get me wrong I think even a gangbang or a bukkake can be eroticly done as long as the performers are "into it" and are not treating someone badly.

But I have no time or money for people like Rob Black,Max Hardcore or Rocco Siffredi and others who treat the woman like s---,call them names,pretend underage bulls---,choking and other crap.What the hell happened with Rocco?The stuff with Stagliano from about 10 years ago was great.Now what does he do?Pinches womans noses shut when they give head?Get lost you pig... Jerks like Black and Max need to look at someone like Seymour Butts,Rodney Moore or Ben Dover,hot hot sex with woman being treated with respect who really seem to get into it.It sure comes across in performance and result.I've never once been disappointed or failed to be turned on by a Ben Dover tape.He realizes that the babes are just as horny and like to get off as much as men.You don't have to slap them in the face and call them a worthless bitch.Just let their own dirty minded sensuality come out.You can't beat that. I agree with you Luke that "Porn does not develop nor attract empathic morally sensitive people".That's something that comes from within that has nothing to do with porn.

Wrestler - porn star Nicole Bass writes on alt.fan.howard-stern: "My husband Bob has had a heart attack and is due for heart surgery tomorrow morning. This happened Friday and they will find out how serious the damage is tomorrow when they operate."

Adwealth.com writes: The adult industry is in the midst of its usual "summer slowdown". Traditionally this means that we have a few months of diminished conversion rates and decreased traffic. This year the effects, taken in context with the collapse of several major credit card processors, and disappearance of major sponsors, are very noticeable. IMHO, the only positive things to come to the industry in quite some time are Cybererotica's range of new programs paying on free trials, and Maxcash's innovation in effectively raising payouts by including dialer revenue.

Rumdar writes: I have heard of singles everything but never singles hiking. Is this singles Jewish hiking? No, it couldn't be. Everyone knows that Jews don't hike. Certainly not the chicks. A long slow walk through Saks or Marshall Fields maybe. Has anyone ever heard of a Jew attempting to climb Mt. Everest? .....Perhaps your loyal fans could suggest some pick up lines to use on your singles hiking excursions. Let me kick things off with number ten. 10....Hi! my name is Luke. Would you like a PowerBar? I have a few extra in my pack.

David Aaron Clark

David Aaron Clark writes on RAME: Behind the scenes video, eh? I tootle my own horn & say look out for PORNOCIDE 1: IN THE COMPANY OF WHORES in September from Heatwave. The sorrowful look into the real ugliness of Porn Valley Daze is narrow, but deep. And there's lots of assf---ing, including the return of Kasorn Swan.

Industry people (with the exception of a nutcase or two like moi) prefer to share their opinions & gossip with their own peer group, not their consumer base. A dictum that would hold in any sociological situation ... That said, I happen to love RAME because I am a life-long porn fiend & have spent more time on the fan side of the fence than a lot of today's pros, so I feel at home in both places .... I don't really take anybody's opinions on whether a facial is better served in the mouth or in the eye seriously, or give a s--- whether the wanker on the street thinks Tom Byron must be "homo" cuz he did a she-male scene in his youth.

As a professional, I am interested in seeing how generally discerning/undiscerning the audience can be; when certain posters make notice of shortcuts or mediocrities producers thought they could get away with, it does help me try to keep myself honest in my own work. Where are all the insiders? Makin' the damn movies, m'boy, except for the underemployed (again, moi) & publicity-seekers. Though, just to Keep Hope Alive for ya, fact is, there are quite a few industry folk who tend to lurk on RAME, but wouldn't post if their lives depended on it.

About one to five percent of porn manufacturers do not drop to catalog; even they do seasonal price drop specials. A quite large percentage, however, have been forced to drop their price to distributors who can pick and choose not only who to buy from but who to pay on time or at all. It's a day to day nail-gnawing "what checks came in the mail?" every day sort of existence for the mid-level to small manufacturers.

The vast majority of the companies who have thrived in this not highly-competitive but over-competitive market are those that have chosen to make cheaper and cheaper product, putting less money into production and post-production, so they can retain a reasonable profit margin on the number of pieces they are either selling in high volume at an extremely low wholesale price, or in drastically lesser numbers at a more profit-friendly price. The fact is, out-the-door numbers have dropped for most companies, with the exception of Evil Angel and a few numbers. And with re-orders on titles at an all-time low -- thanks to that fresh, steaming batch of dross on the way in the door NEXT week -- producers can no longer justify higher budgets with the rationale that if the tape "catches on," it will profit in the long run. In fact, in this environment, NOBODY LOOKS AT THE TAPE in the entire wholesale/distribution chain. All buying decisions are made on name performers, subject matter ("barely legal," "asian," "interracial,etc), and the perceived salability of the box cover. Content has NOTHING to do with it -- unless they're afraid there's something there that would get them busted (pissing, fisting, etc)

And plenty of businesses have fell by the wayside. I really don't memorize this stuff, but Gourmet Video, Excalibur, Las Vegas Video, Extraordinary Pictures, are the first names that come to mind, and a lot of minnows, their catalog snapped up by comp grindhouses that put out two hours of badly dubbed crap recorded on slow speed, packaged in boxes designed with whatever photos could be pirated or bought cheap from whatever source possible. There are at least two huge Israeli distributor/manufacturers who have plundered the market to their own huge gain, utilizing a slash and burn business philosophies. Yes, larger and smarter companies have continued healthy profits through relying on related ventures -- like Internet feeds, sex toys, DVDs, foreign rights, even running their own video-shop chains -- but again, that's the elite.

Only the odd Evil Angel and Anabolic have been in the right place at the right time AND been able to produce quality -- though relatively inexpensive -- product popular enough to concentrate their efforts strictly on video production. Thus, the consumer has a larger choice of s--- than ever before -- but he better find the good stuff quick, or it won't be there. I dunno, if you like it, then go ahead and wallow, be my guest... dac (who seems to be really running off at the keyboard since They adjusted his medications)

While Evil Angel has no "catalog," they most definitely have done brief purchase-in-quanitity incentive sales. In regards to who dominates the charts -- that doesn't mean they dominate the industry at such a high percentage as you imagine. The charts reflect the (supposedly) top-selling titles, not ALL the new titles. Even as to amount of pieces sold, if Evil Angel is one company putting out five titles a month that ship 5,000 pieces (let's just say), that's not much overall compared to a hundred other companies putting out a total of 300-400 titles a month, even if they only ship 500-2000. And that's not even contemplating the horrid comps, which since they sell for $2-$5 wholesale can easily go 3000 or more out the door. My point is that when the next Evil Angel comes along -- or Stagliano, etc, -- it will be a miracle if you get to see the tapes in your store to purchase or not.

And not to kiss your ass, Torris, but when I invite today's consumer to wallow at will, it's a generalization that doesn't apply to you or most of the regular RAME posters, who are obviously aficianados who go to great lengths to educate themselves about what's out there and seek out what they like. You guys, however, are part of a small, elite minority. Most porn consumers, I think, are impulse buyers, a lot of them picking up the cheapest tape that catches their eye on the shelf at the local liquor store or in the woefully badly-stocked corner porn hole.

Patrick Riley writes on RAME: I have actually read "Stiffed" or at least 75% of it. It's tough going because she's [Susan Faludi] a poor writer and tends to vastly overstate her case but she has some interesting anecotal evidence. Her diagnosis is wrong though. The present plight of many males has nothing to do with their fathers but rather the technological change that has been imposed on them plus the feminization of society which in turn was possible due to the technological change. The answer is not some wishy-washy dreamy-eyed hogwash about joining forces with the feminists that Faludi blathers on about but in using the power of the ballot box to force a more economically liberal and socially conservative society, just what the feminized media hate, hence the difficulty of resolution.

Didn't you see Hillary at the waterfall kissing the first raincoater--was that before or after Monica, I forget? It was nauseating. Even the PC women on Washinton Week In Review looked embarrassed and one of them made some remark about women of her age not wearing such revealing costumes. In my quick glance ( I *was* trying to eat dinner at the time) I didn't see any tattoos but of course she could have had all her pubic hair replaced with "Property of Big Bill" (or maybe "No Entry").

Satan Finds a Home in the Hearts of the Godless

Lord Peter Luther Christian writes: Dear Mr. Ford:

Judging from her recent hate-filled letter to you, the so-called "Nice Jewish Girl" is neither nice, nor (to judge from her lack of religiosity) much of a jew, and way to old to be considered a "girl." (Shouldn't she be known as "Hateful Atheistic Spinster" instead?)

First, not all Christians believe in the doctrine of Transubstantiation. This is catholic dogma that Martin Luther explicitly rejected. For many christians, the wafer and wine are only symbolic of the body and blood of Christ, and are not viewed as literally the same.

My second point is directed to Lynne and you specifically. I wrote an open letter to Lynne because she has fond memories of Christian love, and hateful memories of the now sterile religion that preceded Christianity. She was and is encouraged to go with her heart and discover anew the eternal love of Jesus. That she would dare ever even contemplate leaving the hateful ghetto in which people like you inexplicably choose to live out your lives seems to have offended you to the bone; you would rather she, like you, spend her life as a miserable atheist or God-denying "cultural" jew than as a saved Christian.

This sadly, is not surprising. The heart abhors a vacuum. If it is not filled with the love of Christ, then it fills up with hatred for others or worse. Marxism, satanism, and the like arose in the hearts of the hateful atheist, for there is no room for these vile doctrines in any heart that has accepted Christ. And yet even for you "jewish" woman, there is still hope. Accept the Love of Jesus into your heart, and know life ever-lasting.

Lynne, I know that you often think about the course your life would have taken had you rejected the easy money of pornography and sin when you were a young woman of 24, and had instead become a Christian. Likely you would have married a fellow Christian, had children, and now be far removed from the lonely world that now defines your heart. Applying the standards of physical beauty and worth that the secular culture defines for you, it may seem to late to make for yourself a better life, but those rules do not apply to Christianity. Come home Lynne, and be reborn!

Yours in Christ,

Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE

Sincere Catholic Guy writes: It troubles me to see Nice Jewish Girl and Lord Peter Christian quarreling on Luke's site. Brother Peter and Sister NJG, isn't there enough hatred and mistrust in the world without you two contributing to it? Can't you just recognize that all of our unique differences weave together to form the beautiful fabric of our America?

Let us focus on what we have in common for a moment. A deep seated faith in God. A grave concern for an unnamed mentally ill porn journalist. And a deep fear that the short sightedness of American credit card companies might inadvertently smash the internet porn industry forever. Now please shake hands, go off birth control, picket an abortion clinic, and recognize the absolute infallibility of the Pope. Thank you.

Marc Putative writes: the singles event i witnessed friday night was an anthropological candy store. the crowd as 28-35ish. meek men. overbearing women (some of whom were attired far too provocatively for the orthodox shul they were visiting). i'm surprised the intermarriage rate isn't 97 per cent within the quasi-atheist set. a group concerned with charity, but not their own spiritual growth. assertive about their judaism, yet not terribly concerned with practicing it, either. grim.

i fail to understand chaim's fascination with this menacing nazi music. truly, this is just fringe entertainment, that's been around for years, which shows no sign of attaining any mainstream popularity. and the gratuitous media fascination with these records died out years ago.

Chaim Amalek writes: But WHY are things thus? Why do Jews who want to be affiliated find themselves RUNNING from our temples (as Lynne described)? Why is the experience of trying to find a Jewish mate by going to a singles event so traumatizing that our own Luke F-rd, who would not otherwise be more open if he posted an MRI scan, cannot bring himself to write about it? Why do most jews with options (i.e., those not stuck in some chassidic ghetto) choose to marry outside the faith? Does the problem lie within the jewish religion, which has yet to reconcile modernity with religious practice in a way that western jews find palatable? Or could it be that the culture of our Juden, now tied so closely to futile attempts to mirror the world of MTV, "Friends", "Seinfeld", the "Where did you go to school and what sort of car do you drive?" materialism that you and Luke so often write, about is as poisonous to the Juden as it is to everyone else?

Last Saturday I desecrated the Sabbath by forking over ten dollars to see a pair of films at the Walter Reade Theater at Lincoln Center, part of their Human Rights Watch International Film Festival. The second of the two films was about the street level response to the meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle last December. Cookie cutter left wing crap, the sort of cinema that tells you over and over what to think, with no nuance to it at all. The virtually all-white, heavily jewish old-lefty audience loved it. But the first documentary, that was really interesting and very discomfitting to the assembled. Here is the description of the film taken from the Walter Reade Theater web site:

(New York Premiere) INVISIBLE REVOLUTION Beverly Peterson, US, 2000, 55m (video, doc)

Filmmaker present. Peterson's extraordinary access to skinheads, gutter punks, and mainstream kids drops the viewer into the front lines of a powerful, passionate and very raw youth subculture. She documents not only the young people involved in the pro-white movement, but also the counter-movement that demonstrates against and often clashes with them: Anti-Racist Action (ARA). After a decade of going unheard, these voices create a stirring and unique look at urgent and timely issues that can be conveyed only by actually viewing the physical confrontations between the two groups as they collide in a war of ideas. Viewers will also become aware of the extreme danger that ARA members expose themselves to--in 1998 two members of ARA were murdered in the Las Vegas desert. Leonard, a 21-year-old neo-Nazi skinhead sums up: "We are two separate groups....There's always going to be racism. There's always going to be hate. We're going to do whatever it takes to get the other one out of the way...."

Chaim: This is a fascinating film for many reasons, not the least of which is Beverly Peterson's willingness to let each side speak for itself. Especially spooky is the first person we see, a follower of Church of the Creator Matt Hale, who shortly after his interview, went on a murderous rampage across several midwestern states before killing himself. These are not the people who get asked to appear on "Real People", or any other show on the jew "Sumner Redstone's" MTV. There is a point in this film where one of the skinheads, a member of ARA, notes that if you are a white heterosexual male from the working class, you are routinely characterized as The Enemy in popular culture, as mere "trailor trash." And, indeed, none of the skinheads portrayed here looks much like future members of America's ruling class. But don't think for a minute that they are oblivious to the messages of the broader culture around them.

Marc asks why racist skinhead music interests me. It does not. No popular music does as music, it is the lyrics and polemical content of the lyrics that I find interesting. What makes Pierce's essay so interesting to me is that once you strip away the antisemitic rant (as monocausal in its world view as any Marxist rant I have ever read), he has some interesting observations about people and culture that many people share on some level. As a committed jew living in a jew-friendly city who likely gets most of his information from media that big money jews are very comfortable with, you might not see it. You certainly would not have seen it at that Professional Jewish Singles event you went to (why are there no singles weekends for Puerto Ricans?), or at any meeting with any jewish sponsorship, or by looking to ABC, NBC, CBS, Viacom, Time-Warner, etc. No - you just cannot see all the white gentiles, fertile third worlders and even jews who do not care much for American Media Culture - but they are out there, and getting angrier all the time.

Marc: good points, chaim. but whose job is it to traverse those rural roads in search of setting the record straight about the jews? certainly not mine. better to stick to the coasts, and keep churning out the product that pacifies them. all the more reason for big city jews to figure out where they've been and where they're headed, right? maybe i should bid for the position of l-keford.com contract girl, if only by default--i'm probably the only reader of this site who knows how to read rashi ...

Rumdar: Luke.... Marc and Chaim bring up heavy issues. At least I thought they were heavy. Then I brought them to the attention of the Great Guru of Ft. Lauderdale. I asked him for guidance. Is this anything I should worry about? Especially since I am not Jewish and prefer venture market Asians as mates. This is how he replied. Please pass it on to A&M. I leave now to hear Martin Amis son of Kingsly Amis both of whom I am not familair with read his latest work of words.

Great Guru: What are you kidding me? Jew, Jew, Jew! Who gives a s---! He asks, "Why do most Jews with options (i.e., those not stuck in some Chassidic ghetto) choose to marry outside the faith? Does the problem lie within the Jewish religion, which has yet to reconcile modernity with religious practice in a way that western Jews find palatable" No! The problem lies with nonsexual nagging Jewish women. The other problem is that as long as these simple minded hebes insist on tying religion to the sense of Jewish identity or culture, people like me will run from everything they determine to be Jewish. If they could find a non-religious way to reach out to a sense of Jewish cultural identity and history, I might hang around long enough to listen for a few minutes but I just can't listen to that stupid religious mumbo jumbo for 2 seconds anymore. It's like if I was an Italian, but I didn't want to deal with any Catholicism at all, totally hated it. I would still be able to get in touch with my Italian identity, history and culture very easily.

But as a Jew, these religious little pompous jerk offs won't let an option like that exist. To their simple, superstitious minds, the Jewish religion is the only thing they can think of that connects us to a sense of Jewishness and to a Jewish identity. Now the next step they take is to bring up their big fear, that Jews are going to disappear if we give up the religion and if we intermarry. As much as I appreciate getting in touch my sense of Jewishness, and I do, I also don't have such a conceitedness as they do that makes me think that Jews are so f---ing superior to every other race or nationality. I also take a long view of the universe. If the Jewish race should disappear and blend into the melting pot of the world's DNA gene pool, so what? After all, that's how it's supposed to happen in nature. Probably that's how it's going to happen to every race, culture, religion and nationality over a few thousand and surely over a few tens of thousands of years. It helps us evolve as the human race the more we mix. Relax, so Jews disappear, get over it. My nice Chinese/Jew/Atheist kids will be brilliant and beautiful. It's the future, get used to it.

Chaim: To those who ask why. I say, because, because "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for Jewish Children" Achtung Juden! Live the 14 Words!

Luke: Jesus Christ, Chaim. Why should the Jews survive? So they can bring the world to ethical monotheism, which means one divine moral code for everybody. One God who's primary demand is ethical behavior.

Chaim: Luke, it is not in your interest to post this.

You need help with Jewish Lawyer. Right now, she outclasses you in so many ways that she has the upper hand, thereby emasculating you. Unless you are willing to settle for her vaginal droppings, you must be true to your the patriarchy of your faith and grab your manhood back. But since you are a jew, physical violence will not get you there.

No my friend, what you need is rhetorical violence. In as subtle manner as possible, lure her into a discussion of the manner in which female fertility declines with age. Then note the awesome fertility of dark skinned gentile races (do this while driving her through a bad part of town peopled by such races). Close your date with a trip to the Museum of Tolerance, and bemoan the loss of so much jewish germ material in the 20th century. Plant these ideas in her mind over time, time enough so that she cannot tell what you are doing. Remember what the screenwriters of "The Mack" have to teach us - to pursuade the intelligent jewish woman, you must appeal to her sense of reason (I am paraphrasing here).

If this does not move her, KEEP PRESSING. And when you get the chance, use condoms with holes in them. Remember, only YOU can live the 14 words!

More Heavy Artillery - The Von Rundstedt Offensive

PS Introduce her to some lonely older spinsters who waited too long to try to have children. Ask her if she would be willing to adopt a black boy from his crack mother in the event that she proves barren. Emphasize your robust, athletic, healthy Australian roots. Your importance to the world you are defining. The fact that desireable woman are dripping all over you. Your spiritual side. [stuff in poor taste deleted here]

PPS Christ Luke, you gotta keep your pimp hand strong for this one. Yeah, I know that you think this unethical, but if you do not, some other man - the only sort of man who will get her and keep her happy - will. Only he won't be jewish, and likely will beat the crap out of her and their mixed race children too. Her best hope in life is YOU. You must start knocking down her masculine shell to expose the sensitive pink woman within.

Luke: Which world am I defining?

Chaim: Good question. It cannot be porn. Make something up. How did you meet her - shul? Then tell her you are attempting an experiment in the creation of artificial communities to take the place (a lady bug has entered my hovel. should I kill it? I do not want to because it is pretty. But then I think of all the pretty women who have ever refused to have sex with me because I am short and obese look like the former mayor of New York, and . . . I have just captured it, and sent it on its way outdoors unharmed.) of traditional communities lost to the holocaust of modern culture. And you, quite by accident, are the locus of the prototype community. Also tell her you have some black blood in you.

Fischel Teitelbaum writes: Shalom Chaver! I think Lynne should try a Chassidic Shul next. They take everyone and are not judgemental, so long as she does not interfere with the services. She probably would not feel comfortable in a Satmar service, or a Bobover, or in a Samover either. And the conservative are too stuck on how much money they have. Chassidish will work for Lynne!

Rumdar: Luke.. Martin Amis sucked. He is a short, unimpressive Brit bore. The place was packed and of course the Rice University literazzi laughed at every sentence. It goes to reinforce my theory that it is impossible to be cool or even interesting if you are anything but an American (yourself excluded). We left after five minutes for Two Rows to catch the Lakers/Indianna game. I have no idea why scores are lower now.

Noone writes: Dear Luke & "Lynne",

I believe that I have finally cracked it. Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. At first I was stuck with: Luke F-rd=Rude Folk But although it fit's the sites theme, only marginally. And my instincts have told me along that this was a lot more than it appears on the surface. Then this morning, it jumped out at me. ( I learned this in spy school)

Luke F-rd FOR D split syllables
Exchange consonants
Kule FOR DEE
phonetic substitute COOL FORTY
substitute Cool Forty

Given the time Luke appeared on the scene it fits. Brilliant. A woman long time insider, playing a man newbie outsider, using media power and sexual prejudice to influence her industry as well as exact subtle revenge against the men who held her back. A voice.

OK if im right, I dont want to know. Im a shadow anyway so it's safe with me. If I'm wrong....I dont want to know. Unless "Luke" is willing to have transgender modification surgery, 'cause it's TOO f---IN PERFECT NOT TO BE RIGHT!!! (And you think I dont respect you...I'm so proud right now I could cry. No "man" has ever come this close to beating me on my ground")

Curious writes: Come to think of it. Has anyone ever seen Luke and Lynne together? Hmmm