Monday, June 5th, 2000
Jill Kelly and Julian have married.
Luke F-rd's Porn Valley Tours
Needing some extra dough to romance this Hebrew Honey, I've decided to start up a Porn Valley Tour.
Participants will pile into the back of my beaten van while I drive you around all the important porn sites in Los Angeles, including the homes of such famous porners as Vivid owner Steve Hirsch and AVN publisher Paul Fishbein. Maybe we'll pop in and visit some of the Vivid Girls where they live?
While normally l-keford.com embraces those who hate it, only LF fans will be allowed on this tour (due to security concerns). I think it will cost $20 for the day and nothing will be provided beyond my tour and color commentary.
Porners who'd like to host some LF fans and show them their facilities, should Email Luke. I also need more suggestions on how to go about this tour. Which places should we see aside from my apartment? Should I also publish Porn Star Maps?
Chaim Amalek writes: See, one of the benefits of dating a jewess is the motivation to become prosperous that it provides. To date the jewess is to spend lots of money, and if you are to come by that money honestly you will have to work smarter and harder, at least until you marry and impregnate her.
The porn tour is not such a bad idea. Kenny Kramer, the putative model for the character "Cosmo Kramer" of the jewish Seinfeld show made a mint for himself with his "Seinfeld Reality Tour" in Manhattan. You can do the same with porn-star tours in LA, but I suggest you charge more money for it. Tours should include aids clinics, the local bus depot where many a porn star was discovered, the Larry Flynt building, etc. And each tour should end at the Museum of Tolerance. Tell folks that you will be waiting for them right behind the door labeled "tolerant" to give the unsatisfied among them refunds. I suspect that in no time at all, you will have to rent some large buses to handle the spurt in business. Time to prove that you really are worthy of Honey's jewish genes by making this go.
Now, some of the pornets will object to having their homes on the tour. Not surprising, as all big stars value their privacy - Hollywood or Valley, it's all the same, no? As for giving out their real names too, this is more troubling. On the other hand, if everyone thinking of going into porn knew that you would quickly strip them of their false identities, perhaps fewer innocent young Christian girls would be defiled at the hands of swarthy, bagel-eating, greedy porners. Clearly there are good arguments on both sides, but I think I come down on the side of NOT divulging the christian names of these young women.
Lynne writes: Luke, I like your idea of a porn tour. So many of the manufacturers have tried so hard to be discreet about their locations, and you could ruin that for them instantly. You could start in the West Valley and finish in Laurel Canyon at the site of the Wonderland Massacre. In between, I would suggest a stop at a distributor, because the sight of thousands of videotapes piled on shelves is very impressive, and a stop at World Modeling, because the sight of dozens of porners piled on the sofa is very impressive. For an extra $5, your guests will receive a genuine World Modeling Polaroid of themselves in the nude (a great souvenir for the family photo album, don't you think?)
For another $5.00, the Deluxe Tour could include a visit to an actual porn shoot. You will have to kick back some of that money to the producer, but it would be welcomed. Many porn shoots no longer have room in their budgets for condoms, so not only would you be exploiting the performers, but doing something really valuable at the same time, like keeping them alive.
NJG says your driving is really atrocious, and, since you have few enough true fans as it is, I hesitate to consign them to the back of your van. Your van is more suited to smuggling illegal aliens who don't care about such niceties as seat belts, door handles or air conditioning. And you do not speak Japanese, so you will need an adorable Asian "I'm really a molecular biologist" porn cutie riding shotgun to interpret for you.
Arrange to stop at your favorite valley eating place and let your tour group purchase lunch. The restaurant will kick back a free lunch for you (although skipping lunch for a bit might not be a bad idea, Luke. There's not a big market for pudgy TV personalities.) Maybe they'll even name a sandwich after you. The Luke F-rd special. The contents of that sandwich escape me, though -- does anyone have any ideas? After visiting Wonderland and leading the group in a moment of silent prayer, you can drop off your group at the Hollywood Greyhound Bus Depot, so they can get the true perspective on what it's like to step off the bus when future porn stars arrive in Los Angeles to embark upon their new careers. Plus they can get home from there.
Helpful writes: Other possible interesting stops on Luke's Porn Tour include:
The actual corner on Santa Monica Boulevard where Matt Ramsey was discovered by his first porn producer / trick. The front of the Larry Flynt building where XXX mercilessly bitch slapped poor Luke (and with one hand tied behind his back too).
The scene of the infamous John Holmes "Four on the Floor" murders in Coldwater Canyon.
Dave Hardman's former residence where a distraught Lynne Lopatain was arrested for stalking him with a loaded hand gun in her purse.
Charlie Sheen's Malibu Manse where more new comers hit the sheets than at Ed Powers couch!
The Altadena love palace where Max Hardcore makes so many lucky "cock sockets'" deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.
The World Modeling agency where porn booking agent, Jim South and his horny associates make so many of their own deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.
The Slums of Beverly Hills Apartments where Luke F-rd makes surprisingly few lucky young Jewish ladies' deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.
The Los Angeles area Men's detention facility where Jack Hammer currently makes so many of his burly cellmates' deepest, darkest sexual fantasies come true.
The AIM testing facility where members of Luke's Porn Tour can socialize with the charming Sharon Mitchell and receive a free blood panel analysis.
The cardboard box behind the Hollywood Boulevard Stop-Go market where porn super-agent, Scotty Schwartz lives. Rob Spallone's shooting house. WARNING: Please no rummaging through the trash cans for Kendra Jade's discarded soiled panties. Luke has already done so and they are available for sale at the end of the tour.
The Doc Johnson Sex Toy manufacturing facility where for $29.95 tour members may have a lifelike mold of their genitalia formed in silicone.
NOTE: All silicone penises of tour members over 8 inches in length become the "intellectual property" of Doc Johnson, Inc.
The Gold's Gym in Venice where AVN bull-stud, Gene Ross, works out daily. CAUTION: Ladies please refrain from touching Gene during his work out. and finally . . .
The fiery gates of HELL ! ! Where all porners are destined to end up at.
Remember in June all topless tour members bust size D and above get 50% off admission!
Goddess writes: The pornoland tour sounds cool, but I'm wondering if you're gonna have any rides--ya know, like Disneyland?? Just curious, cause if you're gonna have a Gene Ross ride, I'm gonna be on that sucker all f---ing day... BTW, "Helpful," if I can't touch Gene while he's flexing and squating, what the hell is the point?!
Kaspar writes: Hey there - great idea about the bus tour. But you want to do it right! You need a bus and a driver for that bus. My cousin Hector is new here and does not know the language, but he can drive a bus, and I can get you a bus at a very good rate. Fully air conditioned, too, with a pa system so you can talk over the traffic, and new shocks. Needs a bit of work to pass inspection, but not a problem, we can take care of that. So how about it Amigo, ready to do some business?
Ben writes: HI Luke, Luke! Now this is a great idea.(Porn Valley Tours) one of your best SO FAR! I phoned a few of my jewish friends, they just can't wait for you to start these tours.I would like to ask you IF? there was a Van full,could we have a group rate?Say $ 18.99.Plus,yes there are a few. Would you pick us up from LAX? You would spend not time at all picking us out,of a busy airport. We have Ski jackets on,and rubber boots on,and our faces very white,no tan at all. Now,about your apartment.Will it sleep 8 persons plus yourself?( we have to keep the cost down)
One other thing! If you get real busy,and have to sub contract to Lynne,with a other Van, we would like to go with you,not Lynne.She would waste the hole day in front of David Hardman's VILA,telling us how it was,wanting us to wait until he comes home,or goes out,and would like us all to follow him. Luke,your the man,and know what we would like to see.
1)- Where you had sex with Kendra
2)- A, Q&A for 30 minutes,ON! How the sex was?
3)- eg- could she get up right a way? Or did she just jump up on her
feet in a few seconds?(we will believe your side of the story,don't
worry)
4)- A replay of Kiki Dare and Arial doing some heavy SM on Brother
Terry,like a KICK IN THE NUTS for sending in those very poor pictures
of them to Luke F-rd .com.
5)- Vivid Girls by all means,It would have us thinking,if we only
waited longer to get married.
6)- Will you let us take pictures of you nude? Some of our sisters
would like pictures. Im sure Luke we can make a deal here. Keep us
up dated OK?
Pimpin' Ain't Easy
The Artist Formerly Known As "Pimp Daddy Curious" writes: Dear Lynne, "Size Queen" or no "Size Queen" lets face it Luke lacks the main thing it takes to become successful in gay porn, straight porn or even life . . . a decent work ethic. I can tell from just the ten months I've been reading l-keford.com that he is a bigger DIVA than even Jenna Jameson. I can just hear his whiny Australian accent complaining now: "Eeeew! Facials are degrading!", "NO ! I never said the whole fist!", "Gross! He's not circumcised!", "Do these leather chaps make me look fat?"
I realize now that I was a FOOL to hitch my star to Luke F-rd. s---! 5 1/2 inches ! ? ! That's not even an appetizer in gay porn . . . errr . . .ahhh . . . ummm . . . or at least that's what I'm told. Even so, his alleged "5 1/2 inches" is probably only when he starts the measuring from his asshole. f--- it! I'm throwing in the towel as his "suit case pimp." You want him? You got him! I don't need the tantrums. Damn! Pimpin' Ain't Easy!
Net Gossip
I hear that Lee Noga verbally chastised YNOTnetwork.com owner Andy Edmond at the Cybernet Expo.
Steve from Adultstarsmagazine.com writes: Luke to give an update on the cybernet expo held in new orleans 5/31-6/2. A real joke it was supposed to be a show for webmasters, but it seems that they forgot about it. Attendance was s---ty and those that did show were exhibitors. They put down the date for the show but it was only the 1st and 2nd, so many people had 2 days to tour the city which if you are there to site see is ok, but many sat around the hotel with 90 degree heat and 90% humidity you really didn't want to walk or we could all go to the casino. All in all it was a total waste should have gone to Erotica LA and seen you kicked out
LBOHardcore.com seems like a ripoff of WickedPictures.com.
Who gets the internet? Paul Fishbein and AVN are pouring in huge resources but they still don't get the importance of interactivity.
David Schlesinger, who runs Vivid's internet operation, is one very savvy player. He understands what works, what drives sites like mine and Gene's and Talkingblue.com. He's worked the kinks out of his operation.
Kevin Blatt, former YNOT marketing director, wreaks revenge on his old boss Andy Edmond on theYNOTmasters.com chatboard: "Andrew Edmond: Thank you so much for making me see how valuable I am in this industry and making me a wealthy man, by letting me go. What a blessing in disguise, thanks also for the last laugh...Can't wait to see the looki on your face on D's video when Lee ripped your ass out, talk about entertainment."
YNOT's Greg Geelan writes: The workshops that I attended were all excellent - and some a little heated - but I'm EXTREMELY pleased at the progress that was made in regard to banding together as an industry on our common ground and taking a stance where need be. For example, www.ccwatch.net was well received at the show, and let me tell you, the media is eating this up. I've already been contacted this morning by NPR and Newsbytes to talk about the American Express issue. For those of you who were unable to attend the show, look for this week's issue of YNOTNews coming out on Thursday for summaries of the workshops. And if you haven't done so already, please check out www.ccwatch.net and get involved in the industry-wide effort to open discussions with AmEx, MC and Visa to find win-win solutions to our industry's credit card processing problems. We have a long way to go, but I feel that some positive steps were made at this show in regard to marshelling our forces to face the outside threats to our industry.
Watching Ed Powers Again
Pat Riley writes on RAME: Despite my previous resolution to stop watching Ed's movies, unfortunately I've had to restart. The problem lies in tracking the new girls and obtaining a good description of them and Ed is the one place where I can see them standing, head to toe, and without three inches of makeup. Further if other review publications used competent people who could actually give them correct names, describe them properly, and ID their other appearances I wouldn't have to put up with watching the bloated white whale.
Some observations: #125: Amanda is the ugly Amanda Rain. China Doll is not the China Doll from Hard To Swallow #8 nor the black girl but a pre-pubertal bodied Oriental. Keki D'Aire has been around for at least a year. Skylar is Skylar Knight. She looks burnt-out and says as much, complaining that she's sore from a previous g/g and from doing 3 to 4 scenes per week.
#126: Blake is Blake Powers who appeared back in #89. From her looks (blonde hair now) she's reaching the bottom of society's barrel. T.Robbins has a very tight body and large natural tits but facially she's only marginal. Felony = thick-bodied woof-woof. Mesha = flabby infant damaged belly.
The last is Mel (Melanie) who I first saw in The Babysitter #2 in which she has a very peculiar reaction to being praised for her body and clothing--it's like she's desperate for compliments. In #126, based on the bags under her eyes, she looks like she's heavily into the drugs. Otherwise she has a nice little lithe body with no obvious signs of being an unmarried mother but her face is only marginal. She's 18 and 5'0" tall and quite sure of herself but when Ed asks the usual "When did you first have sex?" the answer, 10, causes him to have a conniption. Since she looks 14 now, one can imagine that she looked like Jon Benet Ramsey at 10. He doesn't even bother with the "Shouldn't you have waited" but presumes child abuse (my interpretation) and starts asking her about her relationships. Surprisingly she handles herself pretty well.
Well, I think 10 is the youngest in recent times (at least admitted to). Personally I'm waiting for the single digits.
#127: Samantha is the married girl from All Natural #4. Nikita is a big girl with a very flabby belly. It's not Nikita Gross and she doesn't sound foreign. Trisha is Ashley Shye who's hardly a debutante having been in porn since 1995. Samantha Rivers is a typical mall girl (that means she doesn't look like a whore, you could take her home without sniggering from your friends and relatives, and she's presentable facially and body wise but she's not drop dead gorgeous).
I first saw her in University Co-Eds #23 and judging from her statements in that movie she's realized her mistake and is well out of the business by now. This is the only girl to whom Ed poses the "Do you like older guys?" question and her answer is really that she has no opinion. Ed's in a talkative mode and asks her about the age of her boyfriends--a few years older than her--and then starts talking about college. She dropped out because she found it boring and Ed, quite nicely I thought, gives her a series of reasons why she should be back in college and not working. Maybe he had something to do with her decision to leave.
Ed seems to have a new "Jake" as the cameraman, a young white guy with reddish brown hair, sideburns and a moustache. In #127 he screws both of the Samanthas after Ed but don't blink or you'll miss it. The guy is like Shiloh, a premature ejaculator. This isn't criticism BTW. I like premature ejaculators. They give the impression that they're so turned on by the girl that they can't hold back and probably for other reasons the girls seem to like them. Another change is that Ed now gives the date of videoing (he calls it filming) of each scene which is supposed to prove that Ed really gets them first. I like it because it allows me to date the movie but it didn't help with (for example) Trisha or Keki above.
My agenda is to try and convince porn manufacturers to stop using the old and worn-out...and to stop them using the ugly too but that's another thread. It's not to convince the women themselves which I would guess was a particularly tough row to hoe.
That's like saying Wendys is better than Burger King or McDonalds.
All of them are crap in comparison to the ground super-prime hand-massaged
Angus beef prepared by a high quality French chef--or even Julia Child
I was under the impression that the purpose of these movies was to entertain (or arouse) me. Like a comedy is supposed to make me laugh, a horror movie to make the hackles on my neck stand up and my body shiver...etc. It's not an academic exercise you know.
You want the "purpose of sex" reason? The "evolutionary advantage" reason? The "most other people do" reason? You've heard all the reasons why males of any age want nubile teenagers but let's just concentrate on why others object. People complain about an old guy wanting to screw a teenager instinctively, not from a well thought out logical process.
In many respects they're right because in real life such activity is not good for society. From a female perspective older males screwing the young girls means they're not supporting the older women (as in the modern "trophy wives") and the old biddies who might still be raising the children of the union suffer. The children do too.
Older women especially object because it reduces their choice of
available mates. The young males object because the older male with
his higher social status and better social skills can outbid them
for the young females. In some parts of Africa where they have a bride
price this is a real problem. The young males just can't get a wife
(or laid
Of course with inheritance an older and wealthier male might be just the ticket but the gut feeling comes from the time when large stable transferable material wealth wasn't a big factor.
Other older males object because they're jealous. Look at the attitude towards Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle.
Nevertheless, we're talking individual male fantasy here and in the fantasy world--the best of all things--it would be abnormal for the male to even consider the wishes of or what's good for society, let alone other males. IOW it's good for me (or you) to appropriate and sequester a nubile young female; too bad for everyone else.
Pornography: a work (movie, book, photo) primarily intended to sexually arouse (Webster's second college edition). I thought Hart was supposed to be in the pornography business? Certainly Hampshire is. Am I therefore wrong to assume that a VCA movie is intended to get someone sexually aroused? If, as I contend, Hart is on a rampage to pursue her feminist agenda, let her do it under something like the Facets label where I won't confuse it with pornography.
Of course maybe it gets you sexually aroused--hey, I've heard of people who were aroused by dog grooming how-to videos--but it seems to me that most males would at least want to have the fantasy of screwing attractive girls.
He's just another dick. Any one of a dozen guys could have played
the role. Try Mark Davis, Herschel Savage --- oh, oh, another nail
in Hart's coffin. Why is young boy Cox playing Ginger's lover? Isn't
she older than him? Based on your criticism of older guy / young girl
shouldn't this work the other way too? Herschel would be just about
the right age to play Ginger's lover. Maybe you could have put in
a sex scene with Nina... Nina and her appropriately aged lover: Dave
Cummings
There's no way you could make a porno to attract anything but minuscule numbers of women. This one will attract a few man-haters who will find reinforcement for their beliefs that all males are slimy wimps who take advantage of women who are entitled to... well, you know the story.
>And why is it that she can't keep performing for we "deviates" that still >enjoy >her. Nobody's forcing you to watch her comeback movies Pat, you're doing >it >totally voluntarily. You know what she looks like now, you know that >you're >going to dislike them, why not just exercize your option not to watch them >rather than demand she quit making them.
PR: Let's see. Out go:
the plumper movies the huge tit movies movies with facials
all-BJ movies
all g/g movies with non-lesbians movies with non-plot-related anals
all Max Hardcore
movies with butt ugly guys
movies with really old women (like Diana Roth)
movies with old but not really old biddies (like Ginger Lynn)
movies without plot feminist movies
movies with Max Hardcore
gang bang movies f----the-bitch
movies from Evil Angel, Anabolic and Extreme movies with dead-from-the-neck-up
Euro-broads anti-male movies
movies with condoms
movies with ugly women etc...
Jeez, are there any left? Already I have to compromise and accept the nauseating facials and the pointless anals with the girl grimacing all the time. Can't I push for my type of movie?
>"White Lightning" has better camera work, but that's about it. And "Dixie >Ray" >would be much better for someone like Riley, as John Leslie's character is >a >traditional PI, in the mold of Sam Spade.
Arrgh! Much better for Riley? Haven't you been listening? Lisa de Leeuw, Juliet Anderson, Veronica Hart, Kelly Nichols, Samantha Fox... this is practically a line-up of the old biddie, fatsos, uglies (especially Lisa), from the early eighties. Is Shauna Grant in the movie? Nichole West? Nikki Randall? Angel?
Luke, Sharon & Aim Tossed From Erotica LA
4PM: I'm sitting safely at home, sucking on a strawberry fruit freeze icecream block. I'm wearing nothing but the black T-shirt you can see in the photos below, grey boxers which have grown tight as my thighs and tummy have expanded, and a smile. I'm thinking about Lynne L-patin.
At 3:20PM, while I was interviewing Camp Erotica girl Kiki D'Aire, a burly security guard came up to me and escorted me out of the Erotica LA show. I asked organizer what was up. He explained that four exhibitors, who he wouldn't name, had been made very nervous by my presence. It was more important to him to keep them happy than me. I had to leave.
On Saturday, around 3PM, Sharon Mitchell and her AIM booth were ejected because a porn girl was flashing. As of midnight, Saturday, Sharon was still steaming mad, I heard. She wondered if there was something political going on. Miller has been a big public supporter of the rival porn AIDS clinic, the Family Medical Clinic.
At least I am home safe. I left my home in a lilly white Jew neighborhood in West LA at 10:20 and drove through the multi-ethnic epic center of the LA riots to the LA Convention Center. I wore my new black 100% Australian wool suit which I'd just purchased in Brisbane. I received several compliments on my appearance. The black slims me and brings a radiance to my tanned features.
The crowd at Erotica LA all weekend has overflowed. I park at 10:30 and run into Wicked contract girl Serenity, a disciplined intelligent classy professional, and her mild mannered husband Steve. They're walking with Jewel DeNyle. They graciously pose for a few pictures.
Jewel says she went to my site the other day for the first time and was horrified to read about her ex-boyfriend's (Peter North) past performances in homosexual porn. She saw the pictures and wanted to puke. Jewel was with Peter for two years and she says she never believed the rumors she heard about his past homo work. Jewel felt revolted and shattered.
I heard that about 9000 people came through Saturday. Erotica LA was jammed. Organizer Ron Miller has much to be proud of.
I run into a porner who says that Miller has threatened to throw me out of the affair if he finds me.
A porn girl tells me that condom-only companies insist that their performers never perform non-condom work. But the girl complains that the condom-only companies do not provide enough work for a girl to live on.
I hear that about five contract girls over the past few months have quit because they can't handle the business.
Serenity, Jewel DeNyle and the blonde Heather Bankx sign at the Las Vegas Novelties booth. Heather appeared in Playboy. She's a Deja Vu showgirl and a Harley Davidson model.
I talk to Wicked Pictures owner Steve Orenstein who will release the film Dream Quest next month, starring Jenna Jameson. Directed by Brad Armstrong. Jenna does a threeway girl scene with Stephanie Swift and Felecia, a boy girl with Devon Wolf and a girl-girl with Alexa Rae. It was shot in October.
Orenstein doesn't rule out a Jenna comeback to Wicked. He thought that her last contract called for six movies and she's done only five, but he won't press the issue.
Steve is very nice to talk to me considering the way I libelled him and his peers last June in a series of "satirical pieces." Orenstein is a straight arrow.
Dave Cummings: "People ask me for the most memorable moments in my career. And it was the time I played the part of the coffee shop owner and I'm eating Serenity's pussy. She's squatting down on the counter and I've got my hands under her ass and I'm thinking that all five of my fingertips on both hands were going to come. Look at that butt on her, isn't it great? And she's a nice person on top of it, too."
I see Adajja again. I met her at the 'Say Boo To Censorship' walk last Halloween. She's appeared in movies for VCA and Vivid.
I talk to ex-Vivid girl Julia Ann for the first time.
There's no more beautiful woman in porn. I have about 100 photos of the tall blonde on my site. I've seen her at about four conventions and she's always, like Janine, been friendly and smiled for my camera.
I come up to her when she's talking loudly about how she cannot do drugs. She's tried drugs at different times but they have a devastating affect on her.
Julia Ann is now managed by Lucky Smith (since the summer of 1999), with whom I have a civil relationship. I get along with all of Lucky's girls and his coworkers. Smart savvy people like Juli Ashton, Devinn Lane, Keri Windsor, Kim Alexis and the like hang together. With Debbie Oakley, they've put together a great site, www.adultdiary.com.
I approach Julia Ann and we start talking.
I did not record our first 20 minutes of conversation, but here's my memory of its essence:
Julia Ann: "Oh, you're the guy who got so many things wrong about me. That Janine and I were working at the Bunny Ranch. That we had AIDS... That's why we keep our websites so simple, A, B, C... If people can mistake something, they will."
Luke feels terrible: "I was being satirical. I placed it in a context whereby nobody could take the stuff seriously and literally. I had Steve Hirsch running around in women's clothing."
Julia Ann: "The problem is that a lot of people believed what you wrote. You don't know how many fans have asked me for the dates when I will be at the Bunny Ranch."
Luke feels awful now. People took me seriously when I wrote that stuff? Oh no.
Julia Ann says that I lumped her as a racist in my book, by placing her in a list of leading white performers who have not done black guys on camera. She recently shot a scene with black stud Sean Michaels for her own production company. She's not sure when she will release the scene, if ever.
Julia Ann, like other beautiful white girls in porn who've not done black guys on camera, has grown very tired of being continually asked about the matter. People keep pushing her to do it. People keep weighing in with their opinions pro and con. Julia Ann, like most people, simply wants to lead a nice comfortable life. She doesn't want to be harassed and abused by idealogues and crazies and fanatics.
Julia Ann says she's grown in her views. She's becoming more liberal and accepting. You can't find wrong on 50 different fronts because it wears you down. She tries to fight racism whenever she can. If she can just make a small difference in one person's life, that is good. She is not racist. She does not judge people by skin color.
JA left Vivid in the summer of 1999 and moved to Digital Playground.
Like many unmarried women, including Dyanna Lauren, Julia Ann is obsessed about animal rights. She led Vivid into doing numerous fundraisers for the radical animal rights group PETA, which equates the barbaquing of six million chickens a year in the US to the Holocaust - the systematic murder of six million European Jews.
Julia Ann: "People ask me, 'why is it that you can eat a steak but you can't eat veal. Why is it you can eat chicken but you won't eat a lobster.' My thing is, there are a lot of things that I hate and a lot of things that bother me and that I wish I could change, but if all the senses were to hit you at once, you wouldn't be able to live. If everything that we disliked us or hurt us hit us at once, you'd simply perish. You couldn't handle so much information. You can only pick out the ones that are more tragic to you than others, the ones that you can stop and truly hold on to and stand behind 100%, instead of splitting yourself up20% among a bunch of stuff."
Luke: "So you pick your moral fights."
Julia Ann: "I select the ones that I can actually stand up for, not the ones that I am wishy washy on. Just like I can not eat everything that upsets me. I'd starve to death."
Luke: "So you don't eat veal?"
JA laughs. "So that's the big story? I don't eat veal. Because the way the calves are raised. To tell you the truth, the whole situation bothers me. With cows and the chicken thing and fish hatcheries, zoos, circuses, rodeos. I hate all of them. But nobody has been able to prove to me that we're not supposed to eat meat. My issue is, if we're supposed to eat meat, kill it and eat it. Don't torture it. Don't entertain yourself with it because that is just brutal. If you want to eat, kill it, eat it. No suffering."
Luke: "Were you involved with PETA?"
JA: "I used to be involved with PETA. Then I started going to school and money got really tight and I couldn't afford PETA anymore. Because I had Doris Day and all those people coming at me... I was just like pork for the motor. And I couldn't do it anymore. I have five cats, four dogs and three horses. I can't handle anymore."
Luke: "You sound like Dyanna Lauren."
JA: "She's even on a bigger scale than I am. I run down the freeways in the middle of the night trying to catch them [stray animals]. It's awful. I'm going to get killed some day. I know it. 'Julia Ann got killed. How did that happen? She was trying to save some poodle that was running down the road...'"
JA returned to college in 1997.
Julia: "What do I need to get the basics? So it was basically math classes, algebras, a feminist course in women in US History...which wasn't about the big players... I took interpersonal communication classes, speech classes, humanities. And I was not necessarily surprised, I wasn't shocked... I know what kind of a head I have on my shoulders. But it was nice to see on paper 'Congratulations, you are on the Dean's List again.' Or 'Congratulations, you have an aptitude for math.'
"I need to focus on one thing now... I now know that I can go back to school. I don't have to be afraid of it. I can do it again if I want to. But our industry doesn't wait for us. If we age, we age. It doesn't wait for us. It's not very kind. I thought that I need to take care of my business here. I always land on my feet."
Luke: "What do you see yourself doing in ten years?"
JA: "Cooking. Don't laugh at me. And you better get all this stuff right motherf---er, because you have it on tape. You better not twist this s---. You know you will."
Luke: "I may not be very smart but I can transcribe a tape."
JA: "Sometimes I think I just want to be simple and live. I have animals. I love to cook. I have so many people in my life who say that I should put together some sort of a service to cook people's meals for them and package the stuff. So that people who work all hours will have healthy meals to serve to their families. Not, let's order pizza. But truly nutritional... I am really great at numbers when it comes to food.
"What am I good at cooking? I am good at everything. I make homemade raviolis. I make great chicken dishes. I make lasagno. I make a lot of Italian food."
Luke: "Why did you leave Vivid?"
JA: "No particular reason. My contract was up and I decided that I wanted to pursue something with my own production company and such. And Digital Playground was open to that. Julia Ann Productions. I haven't released anything yet. I've filmed a bunch of material for myself but at this point I am taking a step backwards and am focusing and deciding what I want to do with it. This industry is very saturated...
"I just wrote on a flyer to Christy Canyon, 'you make me sweat.' Just being silly...
"I've worked so hard in the last six months. 24/7. Between Digital Playground stuff, working on my own stuff, working with Juli Ashton on the Essentially series (we might take it and make an pro-am video), working for Playboy, doing my website and fan club myself... We have a million possibilities. We figure, shoot first and figure what to do with it later."
Luke: "Why did you sign with Lucky?"
JA: "I like Lucky. I've known Lucky for years. He was one of the first people I met in this business. I'm comfortable with him."
A guy (Leighton?) standing next to Julia Ann warns her that she's making a big mistake in talking to me. I will twist her words.
Julia Ann warns me that she will hunt me down if I misquote her.
I walk next door to chat with Dave Cummings.
Dave: "This guy comes up to Julia Ann in a wheelchair. He's totally handicapped. He can't speak. He's got a typewriter thing. He can't move at all. She just stopped what she was doing. And it wasn't for show. You could see it in her heart. And she got down on her knees to talk to the guy and to see what he would like. She posed for a picture with him. She got him an autographed picture. She took the bag out which he carries behind his back and put the picture in. Repositioned everything. Made certain he was comfortable. Made the guy feel like a million bucks. And she did it with such genuiness. It touched me. You're talking about a really classy lady."
I run into Loretta, a tall blonde. She's escorting new talent around the show. Carina, Ashley (Mad Jack, Barely Legal star), and John.
I run into Raquel Moore, a tiny 19-year old brunette with pumped up breasts. She's in the company of the notorious lech J. Phil Anderer. Raquel appeared in two Max Hardcore videos.
Phil: "This girl is a professional come dumpster, and she does it as a hobby too."
Raquel: "That was Johnathan Morgan's nickname for me, ok."
Phil: "And a perfectly appropriate one."
Luke: "Did you take it as a compliment?"
Raquel: "Yeah, coming from Johnathan. I'm one of his many adventures."
Luke: "How many movies have you done?"
Raquel: "About 20."
Phil: "Any of them any good?"
Raquel: "Young, Dumb and Full of Cum 4 is pretty good. The only other one that is out is Freshmen Fantasies 26 and Cocksmokers."
Luke: "How did you like your Max Hardcore scenes?"
Raquel: "I hated every minute of them. Max is an asshole and he can f--- himself."
Phil: "If he could f--- himself, he wouldn't need you."
Raquel: "His dick's too small to f--- himself."
Luke: "Have you had any other bad experiences?"
Raquel: "Jack Hammer. He's a real asshole."
Luke: "What did he do to you?"
Raquel: "Nothing. He's just an asshole. But I didn't have any other bad experiences. I plan to stay in the industry for a few years, then get a license as a professional masseuse and work in a hospital. So I can massage people."
Phil: "She's quite the misogynist."
Raquel: "I do great full body massages. Ask Johnathan Morgan."
Phil: "This woman is a star in the making."
Luke: "How did you get into the industry?"
Raquel: "A friend of mine, a producer at Wicked, he got me in."
Phil: "The old fashioned way."
Raquel: "I had to give head to everybody. Just kidding."
Luke: "Did you have to blow Steve Orenstein?"
Raquel: "No.... I didn't have to give head to everybody. Only to people I wanted to."
Phil: "This is a woman who is never motivated by greed. She gives head because she enjoys it. But how would I know?"
Raquel giggles.
Anita Cannibal tells me that she broke up with Bud Lee last September because he went to Hawaii with his wife Asia Carrera for their second honeymoon.
Anita: "Supposedly it was a publicity stunt."
I talk to Kiki D'Aire who's on the cover of "Private Dancer" magazine and in its centerfold. I first saw Kiki on the set of Liquid Blue. She's yet to be paid for her work, and is owed almost $1000.
Kiki: "I brought some of my videos..."
Luke: "Why don't you hold up one of your favorite boxcovers?"
Kiki holds up...
A security guard taps me on the shoulder and escorts me outside. I run into Colonel Rob and his wife Chris from Mondo Family Video. They've been verbally scuffling with the handful of Christian protestors outside Erotica LA.
Duncan Sachs, a freelance writer at Hustler: "I came outside and introduced myself. I tried to hand out [pornographic] fliers to them and pamphlets, just to show them our side. We were reading their signs, they should read our signs. And they didn't want to read our signs. They wanted to leave. So I followed them over to the Staples Center until I got tired..."
Col Rob: "I had my own megaphone but there's was bigger than mine."
Chris: "But your voice is louder."
Rob: "They don't know what Bible they're quoting from. They're all ex-junkies and alcoholics and homosexual."
Luke: "They sound like the people inside Erotica LA."
Chris: "Honey, I know my Bible."
Rob: "They're telling people that God hates you."
Chris: "And I know both versions, the King James Businessman version and I know the real version."
Rob: "Day two from Camp Erotica was in the bucket yesterday. You're getting some pictures. I've got this chick for my opening credits... She comes up and she stuffs six full weinies up her quat."
Chris: "She's just a performance artist. She doesn't do porn."
Rob: "Many of the people in my movies are more like performance artists who are into acts of perversion. Because pornography is so f---ing boring anymore... This young lady comes in with a kitchen bitch and a chef's hat on. Wienies stuffed up her twat. She has her weinie tongs. She comes in and spreads eagle and proceeds to pull the wienies one by one with the tongs out of her cunt. Then we have plates down there. These are the most insane opening credits in film. She takes the wienies, after they've come out of her twat, and spells 'Camp Erotica' with wienies and pickles on plates, puts mustard and all the condiments all over them and does a 'Wienie Man' song that she wrote. We have three musical numbers in this film. One wasn't good enough with that Recula.
"She leaves the frame and then Rocket Boy, our new superstar of porn, comes into frame. He says 'Oh delicious, weinies. Camp Erotica. And gobbles all the wienies off the plate with the s--- running all over him. This is going to be a masterpiece of perversion."
Duncan: "I witnessed it."
Luke: "And how was it for you?"
Duncan: "Pretty staggering."
Rob: "I looked at the Camp Erotica controversy on your site
and it was pretty funny. Some of the girls got really pissed off.
And some get really overreactive. I don't give names. The Colonel
stays in the background. But I think it's great. As long as people
are giving an opinion..."
Dangerman writes Luke: Were you harassing somebody or was anyone forced to communicate with you on gunpoint? Sounds like typical spineless hypocrite porner stunt from Mr. Miller. Weak, weak, weak.
Greg Zeboray: On behalf of Family Medical Center, I would like to thank Ron Miller for the booth space he provided us at the Erotica-LA, and for all of his support! Words alone can not express how much his support is appreciated.
Luke: Rob Spallone called this morning and said there was no political moves going on to bother Sharon Mitchell. Rob says he wants to move Sharon into the Family Medical Center.
Heather Barron writes: I spent 3 hours at the Erotica Convention on Sunday and had an amazing time. Just an afterthought. Now I know what guys feel like when they get worked up at strip clubs and can't release their throbbing members. My pussy contracted all day long. The Brittany Andrews snuggle with Rebecca Lord...and Christy Mist's tanned and toned legs leading up to one amazing rear and a full set of bouncing heaving breasts made me juice my panties. By 3:00 I was so horny, I could have successfully jacked off to a picture of Judge Judy. So the observation is this....We paid $15 to get in. We did not get f---ed, sucked or licked. We could however purchase dildos in various shapes and sizes or videos to watch other people get f---ed, sucked or licked. It just seems a bit ironic. We had money. We had the sex drive. There were hot babes. And many, many dicks. There were cameras. Producers like Dave Cummings and Rodney Moore. Why the hell didn't we all just f--- on film and call it legal? Now that would have been a Convention!
Aurore Dupin, ex of NightMoves, writes: Luke, will it never stop? They can throw you out of porn places but they cannot stop the truth.
In fact, YOU got me thrown out of a Metro event once. One of our marketing people told me about a Metro video store tour with Ron Jeremy, Coral Sands, Dee and Claudia Chase. I had met Coral at ECVS but had no info on the other 2. Well, by the time I caught the tour Ron had left to join Nina Hartley at another gig. You posted an interview of Claudia's ex Billy Glide and asked about his going to jail for beating her. When I showed it to her she seemed interested and asked if she could keep it. Since I only had one copy, I asked for it back after she read it but said I would send her a copy.
I made way for the VERY FEW fans who showed up for pix and autographs and started talking to Coral, whom you featured a few times. She laughed at your satire about VIVID girls needing condoms because maybe they had AIDS. So Coral and I start having a really good discussion and connecting when the local cop they used for security throws me out. "You upset one of the girls."
Well, often that really means one upset one of the owners or bosses. I called Coral later in LA and she said not to worry, that Claudia remained perversely hung up on Billy despite him beating her, the way many adult biz girls do [a key theme among many of our new Web Site.] So Coral tells me she has left Metro [before their public financial troubles, delisting, investigation] and said she wanted to go solo. Thinking I tossed her a softball, I asked why she first signed with METRO. To my great shock, she totally freaked. "Is this an interview?" Well, gee, I thought the interview had started at least 20 minutes ago in that conversation plus the 3 prior cell phone calls to her in the chain that day.
Sweet Coral goes ballistic, saying about how she needs her privacy and she does not like everyone to know her business and she does not know me that well anyway and she is very busy and has to go now. So what's up with Metro throwing me out over Claudia reading your posting, and Coral freaking over me asking simple questions about them? Obviously plenty with their replete problems.
So later in NYC I ask Rebecca Bardoux at a dance gig about Metro, saying I needed help there but not telling her the whole story. She gave me a contact; when I call "he no longer works here." They referred me to Susan Yanetti, but she was out then.
I met Susan at Erotica NYC 1999. I introduced myself, gave her my NightMoves card, and, after pleasantries, asked "What is Metro's press policy?" "It works on a case by case basis." "What does THAT mean?" "It means 'Will it sell tape?' " They I told her about the Metro event when the cop threw me out. She answered that she felt very sorry, the incident did not reflect Metro policy, and that she would try to make sure it never happened to me again.
But she added "Luke F-rd has to get out of the video business." Shocked, I replied "Luke F-rd was never IN the video business. Luke F-rd is a journalist, a writer who sometimes WRITES on the video business." She paused and thought a moment. "I guess you're right." Then she paused and explained how the vid biz started as a small underground group of people years ago who all knew each other "like a family." She felt it natural that some felt suspicious of outsiders that they did not know from their group.
I pointed out that those people had built some sizeable businesses, made a lot of money and created some big stars and a fan base, part of whom the porn players WANTED to come to the very convention that day, and wanted publicity and sales. The fans and public thus want to know what goes on in the vid biz, and writers like Luke and I need real honest realiable information, not just what some porn owner or PR person, even one as good as Susan who went to BU, puts out as press release or official version. Susan resignedly agreed and said "I guess that means you can't bulls--- anymore." But some people, like the porners who threw you out of Erotica LA & an AVN staffer at Erotica NYC: "Luke F-rd is crazy. He's just out of his mind" do not seem to get it. How many more Metro busts and Mark Wallices and Dead Porn Stars before they get it?
Brother Terry writes: Aghast: I apologize for not picking you up at the airport in the Mondo stretch limo. The Mondo Family was called away on urgent business at the last minute. The beloved comedian Bob Hope, who has been in critical condition in a Burbank hospital since Friday, needed the help of the Mondo Prayer Warriors. We abandoned our booth at Erotica L.A., closed down Mondo Video for the day, and headed over to the hospital en masse to form a powerfull prayer circle outside Mr. Hope's private room.We were there no more than 13 or 14 hours when we were informed by hospital security that Mr. Hope's condition had dramatically improved, and that our presence there was no longer needed. P.T.L!!! Unfortunately, I was so caught up in prayer, that it completely slipped my mind that you were waiting to be picked up at the airport. The Mondo Family hopes you found it to your hotel room safely, and that you enjoyed the fruit basket and the fragrant soaps we left for you. Again, we apologize for any inconvenience we may caused you. We are all really looking forward to you joining the Mondo Team. Yours in Prayer, Brother Terry.
Gary: Your "report" from the "Mondo Family" had bad info. Bob Hope was initially hospitalized in Palm Springs and later transferred to a hospital in Rancho Mirage. He never was in a Burbank hospital.
Terry: Gary: Thank you for clearing that up. I was wondering why the "private room" that Mr. Hope was supposed to be in appeared to contain only cleaning supplies. I believe we may have been taken in by a hospital security guard who has not been touched by the light of Christ. I will pray for this young man tonight. I am deeply gratefull that Mr. Hope was able to make his recovery without the help of the Mondo Prayer Warriors.
Chaim Amalek writes: Change a few words, and we could be talking about most of the worthless, boosterish jewish press in the west. The only decent publication that I am aware of is the English Language Forward, but not that its editor is gone, who knows where that will go?
On the other hand, why are we looking to jewish publications for serious stories, when jews are very prominent in mainstream publications and media outlets from which they could, if they had the balls, do some serious work? Yet they do not. It really burns me to see the amount of ink spilled by such journalists (what is the metaphore to cover tv?) on say, the attempts of various chassidic groups to form their own independent school district to educated those of their children born with birth defects, but no attempt made at ascertaining why this is such a great problem in those communities.
Or on the growing tendency of certain groups of chassidim to cripple their children's minds by not teaching them english, just so they cannot comprehend popular culture and make choices their rabbis disapprove. American jews have created for themselves a weird universe that is both suspicious of outsiders and oblivious to much of what is happening in the world. They (especially the Hollywood crowd) seem to be eager to maintain both their and other people's ignorance on certain issues, like the co-eds of the Pierce rant.
Instead of writing about rock music, which in the end IS NOT IMPORTANT, why don't you try to write about some of these things on a free-lance basis?
Marc Putative replies: chaim, there's almost a parental tone to your suggestion. of course writing about rock music (or most related pop culture and media topics) is not important--much like luke, however, it has allowed me the liberty of being able to pursue the less-lucrative field of jewish thinking at will. and unlike your pseudonymous self or the converted mr. ford, i am the rare born-and-bred jew who is willing to turn my genuine attention and talents to these matters. (thank g-d for you and lukey all the same, though.) but most of my contacts are bound by my frostback surroundings--with thinking that got settled in the '50s, if not before, and has petrified into a dull thrumming to placate bubby and zaidy (while their offspring--and offspring's offspring's offspring--avoid, ignore, intermarry). seriously, do you know who's out there to help? l-keford.com seems to have its share of clout ...
naturally, in the end, i love covering junk. i do not desire to be in yeshiva mode 18 hours a day. you'd not have heard of me were it not for my passing interest in pornography--which has waned to nearly nuthin'. (access to an actual woman will kinda do that to you ...)
Chaim: Another deep slam at the audience of l-keford.com. Which gives me an idea for a new and improved form of socialism for the 21st century. It has, after all, been a while since the jews gave the goyim an ideology to worship. More on this later.
Goddess writes: FOUR pictures of Gene?! Ya done good, boy. Real good:)
Fly writes Luke: Where is Larry Flynt Jr. Someone said he was in a shooting back east couple months ago after he was threaten in LA. For some raisin it has been keep out of the press. They also said he is no longer with his fathers company.
Who's The Bigger Fool?
Marc Putative replies to Businessweek.com: note they weren't ragging on me, rather the editing of the site. i just got to be the lucky guinea pig. (aren't you proud of me?) and inside.com is all of three weeks old, so i'd venture they should be forgiven. i got a subsequent thumbs-up from the editor-in-chief, michael hirschorn, for my efforts. besides, the businessweek piece seemed to be penned by the amy steinberg of the financial press. who's the fool in this situation--the writer who writes about other writers who write about other writers, or the writer who writes about the writer who writes about other writers who write about other writers?
Nice Jewish Girl writes: Luke: WTF happened to you? JESUS CHRIST, you are one big guy now! OMG, you are in competition with a certain person who shall remain nameless, but suffice it to say you had certain run-ins with him earlier this year!
Luke, you better get married, if you can right away! Call Lynne! Tell her all is forgiven and will she please please come back to you, you will beg for her forgiveness anything!
Okay, I am getting over my shock. I still care about you Lukey. As a friend. Only. And another thing. The pix, not one is correct. NOT ONE!!! Now fix it please.
And, I just have to say to Chaim that Kendra is my friend, and I know for a fact that you are living in fantasy land with your fantasy thing with KJ. What I don't understand Chaim is that if you were really a mensch rather than a mouse you would call her and arrange a date with her, and buy her bagels lox and cream cheese and knishes and treat her like a princess, instead of just having a fantasy relationship with her. That she even agreed to see you at all is amazing, if this is indeed true. I know most women would not. You should be counting your lucky stars that a beautiful girl like Kendra even took a passing interest in you. There are plenty of men who would die to have her say hello to them.
BTW, I still really want to interview Marc Davis, so if anyone has his email or his phone #, please get it to Luke, because I think it would be really cool. It is time that straight male pornstars that are cute get their due fame too. And Mark if you see this by any chance, please contact Luke right away so we can set this up. We can do a three-way, Lukey, Marc and myself. Just like I did with Decker (which is a cool interview, btw). So come on Marky, call Lukey...let's get this thing on the road! :) love to all Nice Jewish Girl
Lynne writes: Curious, I think there is something wrong here. I realize that because you are a straighter than straight arrow kind of guy, you don't know much about queers. But I do believe your friends have sorely misled you.
For example, by any definition, Luke is indeed a "size queen." As a size queen, Luke is constantly on the hunt for men with the enormous cocks he so envies, and he rejects men, no matter how sweet, funny and Jewish, with equipment which reminds him of his own modest endowment. Luke is proud of his ability to deep throat the big ones, and he loves that full feeling, whether foot, fist or fruit juicy enema.
I, too, was once a size queen, but Luke read me the verse from Kabbala about the perfect symmetry of 5.5 and made me realize that obtaining a harmonious numerical balance with one's sex partner was far more important than three piddling, unecessary inches. Are you really sure the men you surveyed were gay?
I seriously question your research, Curious, because when I was in Sacramento with unexpected time on my hands, I visited my good friend, Thor Johnson, of AltomarMen. I had plenty of copies of "Working Stiff" with me, so popped one in the VCR so I could show him the two men who had recently made such an impact in my life, Luke F-rd and Dave Hardman. Thor agreed with me that Dave Hardman had a gorgeous dick, but although he did not think Luke was pretty enough to be excused for not returning my phone calls, he thought Luke was plenty pretty for gay porn.
As producer of the best gay comedy of 1999 (per Mickey Skee's review of the "Handsome Ransom" DVD in AVN), I can assure you that Luke is perfectly poised to reach the upper echelon of gay porn stardom. As far as I can tell, his only weakness is having a rather small penis. But through the magic of editing, and especially with the new wide screen Pornovision lenses that increase apparent penis size by almost seventy-five percent, there's no reason I can see for you to lose faith in Luke's potential homoerotic stardom. Do not lose heart, Curious, and don't discourage Luke. Sooner than you know it, Luke will be shaking his money-maker on screen for our mutual pleasure and, as his pimp, your profit.
Czech Jewish Schtick
CzechJewishChick: Hallo good mornink Mr. Luke F-rd
Luzdedos1: hi
CzechJewishChick: I must to Read now at 9 the clock. Have to get metro
at Ip Pavlova to Unerversity
CzechJewishChick: Thankink you to posting wit my letter.
Harri: CJC is a fake. Europeans studying at university level write near-perfect English despite of how they may pronounce the language - it's impossible that a 20-year old would make write such blatanty horrid English as this CJC does, believe me.
CJC: Agressive negative man Harri don't know about what it is he is speaking. He make very much assumpton and don't no very much. He is other like the TCJ I think. Homo angry man wit small penis who want anal sex only because of he have very small penis and so angry at world for this. Why must to believe him? I say you I am not 20 but 22. Where I tell anyone my age befor? And not have begin studied English until 9 months befor now, befor only very little bit in gynasium and English is not special advanced studie for me until for two years after now in my program studie, and am sorry for it is not yet very good but I am trying very hard as I begin accademic serious studies later as it is very hard economie situation in Czech Republic. I must to work befor to much and had not time for studie. This is Czech Republic and Czech is language here and English is not nesscessary to enter studies at Czech University at all. If this man come to Czech Republic 6 and 7 years befor almo! st not a one speak English here. Believe me! Grammer is special hard for me.
Harry I wonder how much languages can speak you (and write) and make the people understands you? Who he thinks he is? Sorry to say many Americans no not anything about outside America my frend say to me most Americans not even have passport. I don't know it is true or not and think Americans are nice but as how Harri say "European" like Europe is one country wit same economie situation and educadion system and cultur. It is Contenent with more 600 million peoples. Some countrys of in Europe in Scandinavians is rich even more of America and some poor and back like you not can imagines special here East Europe. Example I tell you my country very many Doktor or even professor can not English at all. Silly very stupid not educated man wit big mouth and small penis. Why he does want to hurt new and frendly girl to your site who want to tell you the things intresting hapennings in Czech Republic and dirty film bizniss here. Good by. ! Czech Jewish Chick.
Chaim: Czech Jewish Chick Shtick (see - I even provide the header) Regarding that "Czech Jewish Chick" shtick, I have one big bone to pick.
First, virtually the entire jewish population of Czechoslovakia was wiped out during the second world war. Of the few who survived, virtually all emigrated in the decades that followed. The probability that a woman - any woman - would go into porn is small. The further likelihood that she would also be jewish and Czech, in that culture (think Madeline Albright) is much smaller still. But here is one way to prove yourself to us, a bit. Translate the preceding paragraph back into Bohemian. Then, in english, tell us a thing or two about the Blanik Knight, defenestration, Rudolf Slansky, Jan Malik Masaryk, Thomas Gerik Masaryk, Skoda, and the treaties of Trianon and St. Germaine.
Oh - since you are a jew, perhaps you could tell us something about the Alte-Neu _______ too. Why is it called that? I am sure they teach all this in Gymnasium. (At the very least, this guy will learn a thing or two if he hopes to keep this going.)
CzechJewishChick: Good evening to you
CzechJewishChick: And what you doing now?
CzechJewishChick: Men start to send me nasty message on new to me
Im
Luzdedos1: thinking about you
CzechJewishChick: Lok luke,Look LloydBoss34: I what
to kiss your tender lips and stick my 12inch dick inside your pussy
Luzdedos1: oh my, how shocking
CzechJewishChick: That what they are saying me
Luzdedos1: how are you handling it?
CzechJewishChick: from time I come to your nice and good site
CzechJewishChick: I like only if is is nice mens
Luzdedos1: I'm sorry for the vulgarities
CzechJewishChick: I like very very much the sex but not the big vulgar
CzechJewishChick: And I LIKE to look the dirty films
CzechJewishChick: If it is good ones
Luzdedos1: which are your favorites?
CzechJewishChick: Not see very many
CzechJewishChick: I wach only with nice boyfrend
CzechJewishChick: But Czech Jewish Men not have much money
Harri, a Homo angry man wit small penis who want anal sex only because of he have very small penis and so angry at world for this, from Deep Denial, Finland, writes: Damn!!! Thanks to Luke's "run the inbox as news" policy I've accidentally stumbled into a territory where Mr. J.D. Considine traditionally rules supreme :) Look, before I apologize on commenting on her grammar I'd like to point out I'm not American (as she seems to assume?) and simply based the comment on my very personal observations after having lived, worked and travelled here in Europe (yes, a very vague definition as she points out) for all my 26 years or so - during which I've communicated, contributed on various projects and just generally had to get along a quite amount of people indeed; the communication (in English, most of the time) has always been the least concern in every case. Particulary in its written form. Maybe I've somehow managed to run into a very select group of people and other students (which I still am myself), but I just found that a bit hard to believe. It's true, however, that I haven't had the chance to visit "Eastern Europe" (another vague definition there) yet (aside from Baltic countries, if they count), but I'm planning to fix the matter sooner rather than later in the near future. After hosting five wonderful people from .cz for about a week last year and having had numerous e-mail and IRC exchanges with them and quite a number of their fellow countrymen afterwards during the past and this year, I have (apparently) wrongfully assumed that their considerable English skills represented their peers and age group at large - which easily matched those in the "West". Thankfully CJC has now corrected me and she should applauded for educating us all in her truly original "fire, homos, penises and brimstone" manner.
However: she might want to work on channeling her thoughts into a bit more graceful form if she wants to be taken seriously at all with the following reports on her countrys skin flick scene (although "homo angry man" and "silly very stupid not educated man" do hold some unique comedy value). As to her enquiries about languages that I command: I read, write and speak four myself - some better than others, but let's just say I get along with any of them when required. As to my sexual orientation: so far boringly heterosexual, with an (what I'd estimate is around the average in lenght and girth-wise) amazingly well fuctioning penis - since my genitalia seems to be a disturbing fixation of hers, for whatever the reason. So, CJC, thank you for the special attention directed at me and please understand no particulary intentional harm was meant with my disbelief on your very colorful form of English - and please would you just generally calm the f--- down before your head explodes, O.K.? Thanks and do enjoy the summertime now. :)
KendraJXXX: whats up lukey
KendraJXXX: what ya doin?
Luzdedos1: busy, la eroticaupdates, and you?
KendraJXXX: ahhh.did u see rob there?
KendraJXXX: nada.just finished up my ny booking
KendraJXXX: missing cali, thought a break would be good but i miss
everything
KendraJXXX: you are too quiet
KendraJXXX: so ill just keep haraasing you with ims till you cant
help but write back
KendraJXXX: im eating chicken in a biscuit
KendraJXXX: these weird cracker things
KendraJXXX: in case you didnt know, im bored, wheres NJG?
KendraJXXX: hello hello hello
KendraJXXX: that was an echo effect
KendraJXXX: didnt know i could do that did ya
KendraJXXX: ok whatever
KendraJXXX: im tired of you
Luzdedos1: me?
KendraJXXX: yeah you dont respond
KendraJXXX: you bore me
Luzdedos1: write Chaim Amalek
KendraJXXX: why?
KendraJXXX: he hasnt written me
Luzdedos1: dunno
Luzdedos1: he's scared
KendraJXXX: why?
Luzdedos1: he's gay and hates women, needs to denigrate them
KendraJXXX: i think he is funny.i find him mildly amusing
Luzdedos1: so do i, he's a part of me that i must learn to embrace
KendraJXXX: hes good for your site
Luzdedos1: u have a good sense of humor, thanks for being gracious
KendraJXXX: im good for your site too
KendraJXXX: people need someone to bash and i luckily am here for
them :)
Hank writes: I read your site for the first time in quite some time, and the very last part of your update was a conversation via computer with Kendra. She really sounded down. Is it true that people bash her allot? I don't understand that? If people spent just 5 minutes talking to her, or IMing her over the net, they would realize she is really a very nice, articulate, intelligent person. Not to mention she is lookin' better than ever. Is she okay? I just get the feeling that she is not, that this stuff is really taking it's toll on her spirit Luke. She has really gone to the matt for you Luke, you need to take care of her, treat her like the friend that she is, and has been even though it has cost her many times over. That is the sign of a true and loyal human being, and I personally never have enough people like her around that I could afford to lose one. How bout you?
Chaim: Luke, if she agreed to that [ride in your van], and if she already knows about your web site, then you are in like Flynt, as the kids say.
You need to get her pregnant before she has the chance to reconsider your merits. If you need help with any guilt-trip lines, I would be happy to help out. Also you could argue that such a pairing would be eugenic, a welcome infusion of new blood, and that as a jew by choice, you are far more committed to it all than any Barry Boopstein she might meet. And that "Ford" sounds really classy. By the way, if you marry her, your standard of living will rise dramatically, as will your income (note I said YOUR income).
Four dates? In orthodox circles, it would be a done deal by now.