Friday, May 26th, 2000
School For Gentiles
Chaim Amalek writes: Chedar for Goyim, and I am NOT Talking Cheese! The following article is from today's New York Post. Read it very carefully, you ignorant goyim! There is a lot of useful information in here! (Luke, this reveals how any woman can get any famous man to blab about himself.)
By the way, would you please stop carrying anything by your jewishly ignorant friend Lynne? Her endless reminders of the catastrophes of aging and the rotting of flesh are, I assure you, a source of communal depression. Publish what women have to say, yes, but only if they are really sexually desirable. By the way, tatoos of Pirkei Avot never go out of style. Still, such nareshkeit is not for the Juden.
And speaking of hot-looking (well, almost), the same issue of the Post carries an ad from a topless bar in Queens that states your friend Kendra Jade (the half of the 2.5?) will be appearing there in early June. If I cross the East River (a rare event in and of itself) to see her, and identify myself as a fan of your web site, can you promise me that she will discharge all of your promises to me? And does she like hard, well-aged, properly cut kosher salami? Yes, it is severely wrinkled on the surface (in the manner of the surface of the human brain), but it is hard and, I am told, very tasty. High in protein, too. You see, I would like to take her out to Katz's deli on Houston at Ludlow for a meal if she does (I will pay for her ticket!), and perhaps offer her some of Yonah Shimmel's knishes to take back with her to you as well.
Luke: Chaim includes a Page Six gossip column from the NY Post: Ted Turner's self-proclaimed "girlfriend" isn't what she claims to be - at least not to the Daily News. Karen Rosenfeld, 28, has been, let's say, embellishing her resume.
Tricia Devereaux Giggles With Brandly Alexandre
BrandyAlx1: Been kind of a sentimental week. One year anniversary
of being fired and meeting XX in person. Then I dropped by Evil Angel
today because I've never seen the office. I wanted to bug Jeff Marton
for a couple of tapes.
BrandyAlx1: Tricia Devereaux was there. Gossiped for over an hour
(maybe two hours, not sure). We giggled and laughed and got along
great.
BrandyAlx1: At least I was able to generally confirm that my flamers
are just that. No, people do not have nothing but bad things to say
about me. Tricia even told me she was doing a promotional chat session
and people were trying to get her to say bad things about me, but
there just isn't anything bad to say.
BrandyAlx1: I guess people who exist on the fringes of the industry
like to make themselves sound like they're insiders by pretending
to have juicy gossip. "Yeah, I'm on the inside and nobody in the industry
has anything nice to say about you. Aren't I important if I claim
to know something like that?"
BrandyAlx1: Oh, John called from Hungary while Trish and I were reminiscing.
They told him I was there. I wonder what he's thinking? ;)
BrandyAlx1: I told her I wanted to call John to recommend he see "Center
Stage" but I didn't want to create a conflict with Tricia if she answered
the phone. She told me never, ever to worry about it and call anytime.
Brian Long: I hate to keep giving her attention, but will Brandy Alexander ever shut the hell up? I mean, last time she responded to me that I over exagerated the feuds she had with people in the industry. Actually, I think I underexagerated. She has feuds with the f---ing world at large ("Tricia even told me she was doing a promotional chat session and people were trying to get her to say bad things about me, but there just isn't anything bad to say.") She always seems like she's on the defensive, like "Everyone doesn't like me, but to hell with them, I'm intelligent, even so-and-so said so". Who cares!? Remember folks, she was fired from a job, she's owed money from so many industry types, she has her masterpiece movies being ripped off in sequels, and she's the best director in Porn Town, but no one will hire her, her fouton showed up late, and the sauce for her McDonald's McNuggets was the wrong flavour. Hey, potential employers, wouldn't you love to hire someone who seems to be so at ease in life, with no complaints? She'd fit in great. I can hardly wait for the response to this. "You're full of crap. Lot's of people agree with me, too."
Brandy Writes: With losers like him following my every word and trying to get some kind of lame attention for flaming me, are you at all surprised? You hate to give me attention, but doing is the only way you can get any. Obsession really must suck.
Luke: I read on a wrestling gossip site that Jasmin St. Claire is now dating a wrestler
Digitorian: hey luke, you should check out this lady named Sunny at www.pornusa.com. I think she is going to be the next asian porn queen. At least I hope she is..
NJG, Luke Interview Mike South
Nice Jewish Girl and I interviewed Atlanta porner Mike South Thursday evening by telephone.
NJG: "What's your connection with Dirty Bob [reviewer]?"
Mike: "I first met Dirty Bob years before I was in the business, at the CES. I was coming out of the Sahara and he was coming out at the same time. We both were staying at the Circus Circus. I gave him a ride... Then I didn't see him again for three years until I got into the business. And we struck up a friendship."
South's primary source of income over the past year has been from his videos and website www.mikesouth.com. Before that, he spent 25 years in computers.
NJG: "Why did you go into porn?"
Mike: "I got tired of the computer business. It's very draining."
NJG: "What are your favorite type of girls?"
Mike: "I really like dark skinned busty asian girls."
Luke: "Is it tought being a non-Jew in a Jew dominated business?"
Mike: "You want to know the truth Luke? It is a pain in the ass getting all these Jew cocksucker motherf---ers to pay me on time. The only person in this business who pays on time is [Atlanter porner] Michael Morrisson."
Chaim Amalek: "I'm contacting the AntiDefamation League about this. Luke, there will be repercussions to this hate on the web. Hate is bad. Hate must not go unchallenged. Lawyers are engaged, faxes are being sent - more later. Until then, make yourself a gut yontif. "Let's make the web a hate-free zone, suitable for our kids" - numerous famous jews."
Mike: "I'm never having kids. Because I would have to have a wife. I don't want someone in my life for that length of time. I'm not afraid of commitment...
"I've had some live-in girlfriends. It is not realistic for me to maintain a longterm relationship while working in this business."
Luke: "Do you think your promiscuity has jaded you?"
Mike: "Yeah. I've gotten used to variety. Even when Ginger and Paulina lived here.. Paulina loved to go out and bring girls home for me and Ginger... She liked to watch and then join in. It would be really hard for me to look some girl in the eye and say, 'You're going to be the only girl I'm going to sleep with for the rest of my life.'
"I can't blame that on the porn industry. I was like that before I ever got into porn. I've always been pretty lucky at hooking up with the opposite sex. They look at me as someone honest who they can trust. That is why I go after the Free Speech Coalition. If they were basically honest, I wouldn't have a gripe with them."
We talk about Farrell Timlake's grandfather Tim Lake who ran with the Stateline Gang of the Dixie Mafia and was the villain in the true-to-life movie "Walking Tall."
Mike: "When the gang burned down Sheriff Buford Puser's house, do you know who replaced it? Elvis replaced it."
Luke: "How would you say your style has developed over the years?"
Mike: "It went from no style whatsoever to chaos."
Luke: "What statements are you trying to make with your movies?"
Mike: "I'm not. I'm not a f---ing artist. I'm not doing anything that is changing the world. I'm having fun and making money. This is porn."
NJG: "How long do you think you will be in porn?"
Mike: "That is a good question because ten years ago, I never thought I would even be in porn. I'll be in it until I tire of it or it tires of me.
"Parts of it are just a job. But I love being on a set. It's fun. Everybody is having a good time. It's like a party with no drugs and alcohol."
NJG: "Do you think porn sex is real sex?"
Mike: "Sometimes. I've had sex in front of the camera that was real sex."
NJG: "How do you deal with working with girls you're not attracted to?"
Mike: "Money makes my dick hard."
Luke: "Have you discovered Mike that some of the women who do porn films are in it for motivations of money?"
Laughter.
Mike: "As a general rule, the girls that I am shooting are not. I try to screen them out."
Luke: "The women you shoot do it because they really want to have sex with you?"
Mike: "Most of them are doing it because they really want to have sex in front of the camera.
"This is my best porn story. The funniest most outrageous thing that ever happened on a set. Samone lived in Memphis. We are in my apartment and setting up the lighting and she asks to call her mom.
"I said, 'Does your mom know exactly what you are doing?' Oh yeah, I tell my mom everything. She's totally cool with it. She gets on the phone and calls up her mother and gives my phone number and address.
"We are just getting ready to shoot the scene and someone on the set makes a comment about not speaking too loud in case the neighbors called the police. I'm like, no, no, no. Be as loud as you want. Have balls to the walls sex. This is private property."
"And Samone says, there's not going to be any problem. My mother is a Shelby County vice cop.
"Samone calls me the next day and asks for a copy of the raw footage. Why don't you take me to dinner tonight and you can just bring it by the house. Ok, no problem.
"I made her the copy and picked her up for dinner. She lives with her parents. I shake their hands. I give Samone the tape. She hands it to her mother. Here, this is the tape we shot last night. You can watch it if you want to.
'Here's the weird part. Her mother absolutely adored me.
Luke: "Do you think AVN's Awards are fixed?"
Mike: "I don't think the awards are fixed per se. I think Paul Fishbein is a stand up guy. I have never had a problem with him. And he runs AVN the same way. But it is unrealistic to expect everyone at AVN to have the same ideals that he does.
"When people review certain titles, they insert their own prejudices... And that can affect the ratings.
"There are some people with AVN that I wouldn't trust any further
than I could throw them."
Chicks Smoking - Hottest Fetish on the Web
Net Porner: "It's the hottest thing going on the web right now. There's a site called SexySmokers.com. He's doing gangbusters. A friend of mine who also works with the search engines was telling me that this is becoming the hottest f---ing subniches they've ever seen.
"Lee Noga is a different person. A hardnosed, very smart and knowledgeable [porn] webmaster. She's been around since the beginning. She wears lots of gold. Pretty butch. A lesbian. Has a wife. Lee's smart. She made a name for herself in content with Zmaster.
"Ron Levi from Cybererotica.com is a straight shooter. A lot of people don't get a chance to get to know him because he doesn't need anybody. When you have that attitude, a lot of people think you're an asshole.
"I've only ever seen you publish the home address of [Metro owner] Kenny Guarino. That was crazy. I thought you were committing suicide that day. What is he doing? Oh momma. But I've never seen you do that to any of the talent. I know you know what the fine line is. You just like to walk right close to it."
Religion For Porners
Here's an article in Salon on a hedonistic cult.
Xtrovert writes: The Raelians. The perfect religion for porners. In fact, I wonder if some porners in LA are already members? What's the scoop, Luke? They appear to be quite active here in Vancouver. I see their posters all the time.
Professor Jay A. Gertzman has published a new book "Bookleggers and Smuthounds : The Trade in Erotica, 1920-1940."
Dr. Gertzman has also published "A Descriptive Bibliography of Lady Chatterley's Lover" and "Fantasy Fashion and Affection : Editions of Robert Herrick's Poetry of the Common Reader 1810-1968."
Publisher's Weekly: "In this absorbing account of an often overlooked corner of American publishing history, Gertzman . . . focuses on what he aptly calls "pariah capitalists," mostly Eastern European Jewish immigrants and their offspring, who dominated the trade in the interwar years. . . . A final chapter discusses the "endemic prurience" of American life, linking Barney Rosset, Ralph Ginzburg, Larry Flynt, and Bob Guiccione to their now-forgotten forebears. Only by understanding the quintessentially American nature of the business, he argues, can we understand the eroticized culture we inhabit today."
Adele Greenberg writes on Amazon.com: "The author tackles the question of why people who distributed books which were banned or critized as pornography were often Jewish. He has done his homework, digging up prominent examples, and makes comparisons between the other kinds of dirty jobs immigrants and their sons did, and the publishing and selling of smut. Sometimes, this "smut" was great literature; sometimes it was just plain curious and brought in good money during the depression. You get to know some of these men pretty well. You do not like them much, maybe, but you do understand. The author does a good job of explaining the career of the most famous of these publishers, a very complex and haunted man you diskike, but feel sorry for too."
Dr. Gertzman writes on his website about his personal experience with this subject:
During the early sixties, Philadelphia's Mayors and District Attorneys had assiduously tracked down distributors of erotic books and films. Confiscated materials were burned on the steps of churches while in one case the superintendent of schools watched approvingly. The crusading Billy Graham warned Americans that God would punish them for the alarming increases in racial strife and alcoholism, and for the "obsession with sex that we see all around us."
In downtown Philadelphia in June 1960, a "raiding party of five county detectives" and an Assistant District Attorney--followed closely by TV reporters and their cameras--visited my uncle Benjamin Gertzman's Bookazine book shop at 1528 Market Street, seizing 500 books. The owner had named his business, with permission, after the large New York City distributor. Bail for the clerk, his brother Isadore--my father--was set at $500.
Eventually, the anonymous phone calls, warning that the décor of an establishment owned by "dirty Jews" might be improved by detonation of a firebomb, ceased.
Dr Gertzman presents his books thesis thus:
The business of distributing erotica today is vastly unlike that of the 1920s and 30s. The same can be said of present day sexual taboos. They still exist, however, and challenges made to the taboos by commercial enterprises such as publishing, film making, and book selling still call forth moral indignation. Erotica dealers' careers and personal tensions can teach us a great deal about what both repressing and trading upon sexual curiosity do to the moralists and the merchants.
Bookleggers and Smuthounds presents information gathered in part from personal interviews and archival collections. This supplements, and in some cases corrects, existing secondary sources. In reviewing the body of material, I have become convinced of a salient fact: publishers of erotica and the moralists who attacked them during the mid-twentieth century had (as they continue to have) a subtle symbiotic relationship. As good businesspeople, erotica distributors necessarily appealed to prurient fascination. Because they invited their clients to indulge curiosities which kept intact the association of sex with obscenity and shameful silence, the blunt fact of their existence provided the anti-vice crusaders with the public enemy they needed to show how fascination with sex was indeed a vice exploited by people with contempt for purity.
Without the bookleggers, there would be no enemy of decency for the smuthounds to scapegoat. And it *is* scapegoating, because it wasn't the bookleggers who tied sex to shame and shock--they just exploited the connection, using the smuthounds' teaching about how sinful sex was to sell their books, which, even when they by writers like Lawrence, Joyce, Nin, and Miller, were still advertised and/or sold as smut. And so the smuthounds could stigmatize them as eenemies of decency. It's especially revealing to see how this symbiosis worked in the period 1920 to 1940--when "the eroticization of leisure time" and "the commericalization of sex" took strong hold in America.
Porn Star Pics From Cannes
Our man in France, Domonique Lille, sends these photos which he snapped in Cannes and other places in Europe over the past year or so. How about a big round of applause for the latest addition to our family (dominique.lille@wanadoo.fr)?
Marilyn Star Arrested
From www.vancouverprovince.com:
Former porn star Kathryn Gannon -- a fugitive wanted by New York for insider trading -- was quietly arrested yesterday afternoon, The Province has learned.
Members of the RCMP's commercial-crime unit picked up Gannon, 31, outside her Beach Avenue penthouse in Vancouver. She will appear this morning in B.C. Supreme Court in Vancouver on an extradition warrant issued by that court on May 18.
"U.S. authorities had requested her extradition for the purpose of prosecution on charges of conspiracy to commit securities fraud," said RCMP spokesman Cpl. Grant Learned.
Ben writes: Hi Luke, A follow up on Marilyn Star,one of our home girls. It was LOVE LOVE LOVE in the courtroom today (may 25/2000. Marlilyn threw KISSES at just about everyone in the courtroom,(even the male PMS lawyer for the US justice department) Some where SHOCKED!! at the bail that was asked for by the US lawyer. In the US,yes its called conspiracy to commit scurities fraud, but in Vancouver, its just called a good stock tip. She has to show up in one month for a hearing. June is a nice month here,very little rain,its just like Cali here in June.
Stunningcurves.com interviews Madelyn Knight. Here's an excerpt:
Kevin: What is your opinion of the gossip sites that are now online?
Madelyn: They should at least find out the facts first. Like Luke F-rd had written, that I had children and I've never had children. I'm not to keen on having children. I don't have the time or the patience at this time in my life. He also wrote, that I was hooking. That was quite offensive. Not that it is wrong, but it’s not my personal thing. Other girls may do it, that’s fine for them.
Amber Lynn's Comeback Anal
Kevin writes: I recently rented a tape that showed Amber Lynn doing an anal scene. I didn't even know that she was making a comeback. The film's title was Fire in the Hole. Is she making a real comeback or was this a one shot deal? Also, did she do anal before or is this a sell out on her part?
Heather Barron Takes Luke To Lunch
Heather writes: Moved to LA in December, 1999. Former Boston banker now adult entertainer. How? Why? Got ousted from bank due to bisexual affair with boss so they paid me off to leave. So examined my options, packed up the car and drove to LA from NH last dec. 31 year old executive, the underdog, not 18 year old model/actress/starlet wannabee. Underwent 12k in plastic surgery last monday, tits, tuck, lippo = remodeled. Gene Ross wrote me up on his site a month ago as someone to watch with a link to my site www.HeatherBarronXXX.com.
You know Barry Garron, Hollywood Reporter, AVN freelancer. I know Barry. I am doing a film with ShadowLane next month. My goal is to get signed by either Vivid or Wicked by March 2001 and I have been working toward that goal like a snake in the grass, quietly and have not met with anyone there yet. They probably don't know I exist. I did however, meet with an asswhole at Metro. I walked from that place fast.
The invitation: lunch with me next week. We will not f---. This is business. But Barry did say you were pleasing to the eyes. So I offer you a meal. I would like to talk...and gape. Interested?
Luke: Definitely.
Louis Scorbick writes: Luke- If Heather Barron is really from Boston, she can't have a sex drive. Trust me. I lived in Boston for awhile and no girls there had any sex drives. Bunch of repressed twats, if you ask me. That's why I moved to NYC where the lovin's good!!! I checked out her site, she's cute in an innocent-girl-gone-bad sorta way but no way Vivid touches her with a ten foot Ron Jeremy Cock.
Now on to the real stuff: Female sexuality. It's puzzed us for centuries, it's confused us, it's scared us, it's humbled us. Women can explain it ad nauseum and we guys still don't have a clue what they're saying. The dick works is simple ways. It shows when it's happy. It shows when it's done. But ah, the mysterious vulva... how we probe it's mysteries hoping to unlock the secrets of life, desperate to glean meaning in our otherwise existentially shallow existences... what hidden truth lies beneath that bermuda triangle of hair??? Help us Luke! Tell us the answer!!!
So what can I add to this intense discussion of human sexuality, specifically female? Only that younger women 18-22 seem to be hornier, on average, then the older women 28-33 I've slept with. I've read experts say it's the opposite -- well not in my experience honey! Luke how about a survey of how many women each of your readers have slept with? Do it as a java script. I'd be interested to find out if porn consumers and fanatics on average sleep with more or less women. Any thoughts?
Luke: I've slept with about 40 women in my life, aged 17-52 (Kitten Natividad). I'm grateful for sex whereever I can get it. I think women in their 30s are supposed to have higher sex drives. The younger ones are just playing around. The older ones really want it.
Lynne: Yes, the older ones really want it. Every day we get older, we want it more. And we're very grateful, too. We only wish we could have sex with our friends. You deserve a smack. Seventeen on each cheek, in honor of your birthday. Maybe I can get NJG to hold you down.
Cosmetic Surgery
> Luke: I seriously doubt that Mitchell and Dr. > York get kickbacks. They do what they do out > of love for the industry.
LT writes: Luke, surely this must be tongue in cheek. "Mitch" sending the women in this industry to Dr. Cheski to get breast implants is out of love for the industry?. And Brandy is absolutely right in mentioning that all that "cosmetic surgeons" have to do is attend a seminar (sometimes as little as an hour or two), and voila!, they are allowed to hang up a shingle and practice. That's the way it works right now. Also, I've heard the same things Brandy mentions about Dr. York. Not a good situation.
Lot writes: I have never know Dr. York to represent himself as a plastic surgeon, but maybe he does - I'm just not aware of it. However, there are concerns about him: it is believed that he manipulated his way into the industry by falsely representing himself as Tricia Deveroux's (sp?) doctor (this according to statements made to me by Tricia). Regarding "Mitch", I have never questioned her love for the industry and it's talent, but to assume operates AIM for anything other then commercial reasons is at a minimum, naive.
Who's The Guy Who Hangs With Matt Zane?
Bean writes: I was hoping you could print this mail so the person I am asking about may read it and answer it. Luke, who is this guy that is always hangin around with Matt Zane. They appear to be friends but Matt tells people that the guy books his band and he always calls him The King. Yet he was the one that helped organize the Night Of 2000 Virgins in Vegas for Zane ( I was there) and he hired all the talent when Matt went and played at the Erotic/Exotic Ball. Whatelse is this dude involved in with Zane. The dude has been hanging with Matt non stop, so I ask this person to introduce himself. I am trying the band thing myself and want to know if this guy can help me like he helps Matt and his band. What is the connection and how can I get in there too???? Matt is not the only guy in porn that has a band .
Australian Porn Lobby Talks Dirty To Government
Taliesin writes on RAME: According to a Reuters article titled "Australian sex lobby talks dirty to government" by Belinda Goldsmith the Eros Foundation lobby group has threatened to use its power with voters ahead of next year's general election if the conservative government does not go ahead with legislation to re-classify X-rated videos, illegal in most of Australia, by introducing a non-violent erotica (NVE) category.
Mzpt: This threat was made by Robbie Swan, the Eros director (title?) in a comprehensive TV current affairs treatment of the porn industry several weeks ago. The Four Corners report was probably the most significant mainstream contribution to the deabte in some years. Swan's threat, however, will have to be carried through to be believed.
Australian libel laws (which vary from state to state and allow the complainant to go jurisdiction-shopping for his best chance of success) are stricter than in most comparable countries, and have been shown time and time again to favour the rich and powerful (unlike all other democracies, of course).
Could You Date A Porn Star In Your Home Town?
UhOh writes on RAME: Let's say that you were interested in dating your favorite porn starlet. In your hometown, could you get away with it? Are you in a city where porn is outlawed and not many people would know that the chick you're with is a porn star? Are you in a city where porn is rampant and as soon as you two walk down the street, some dude (perhaps even your dad) asks your chick for an autograph or would instantly call you a pimp or something derogatory?
Are you from a religious family who would condemn you to hell if you did it or do you have family that would accept the porn chick with open arms? Would you give a damn what anybody thought and are you strong enough to strut the city with your lady and not give a crap what anybody would think and how many heads may turn? Or is this something because of your job or other reason, there is no way that you could even think of pulling this off.
As for me, my favorite porn starlet is Shanna Mccullough and being from Atlanta, there's no way in hell I could strut around town with Shanna in my arms. Huge amount of porn here. My mother and my father (preacher) are very religious and would not even speak to me anymore. I really do not think my job would be forgiving towards this either. Unfortunately, me and Shanna would be too controversial and she would have to be kept in the closet.
Nick Adams replies: My *hometown* is a little unincorporated village of less than 100 people in Louisiana. Very conservative, very Southern Baptist. But you can rent porn tapes if you're willing to make the 45-minute drive to Monroe so porn is fairly accessible to the people of my age group in the area.
That being said, *I* could get away with dating a porn star there. I usually end up running neck and neck with my gay cousin for the black sheep award at the family reunion anyway. :>
In fact, I considered attending this year's reunion with my favorite porn star. Porn stars aren't all that recognizable out of their makeup and without their hair done. I ran into one of my favorite stars once with no makeup and her hair in a ponytail and *I* didn't recognize her.
So, whether or not people who'd only seen her on video would know is debatable. My family knows I work in the porn industry. They don't like it, but they've seen enough of my book and magazine work to know what I do and they appreciate that I'm happier and in better shape physically and financially now than I ever was when I was working as a mainstream journalist. They wouldn't like me dating a porn star, but they'd accept it. Friends either accept me, what I do and who I chose to date or they're not friends.
I've never particularly cared what non-friends think of me, so that's a mute point. In my current line of work, dating a porn star would be a plus. I've got a writers conference coming up this fall in South Carolina. Since one editor and several of the publishers who plan to attend have bought porn manuscripts from me, having a porn star on my arm would be ... umm ... expected, I suppose. They'll be a little disappointed if I show up alone.
Now, in my previous line of work, I'd have been fired within 60 days of dating a porn star. The only reason it would take that long is that the corporation would have to create a paper trail to backup whatever "office" reason they manufactured for firing me. But, yeah, if I had been openly dating a well-known porn star, they'd have considered that the "appearance of impropriety" and that it reflected badly on the company and the editorial department.
Again, that wouldn't have been a problem for me. I've quit lots of jobs because I didn't approve of management taking an interest in my personal life. Interestingly (to me at least) in the scenario of a porn star dating a "normal" person, the porn star is the one who has the bigger problem.
Consider the scenario you described with Shanna: She'd either feel badly about having to be kept in the closet. (No one likes being a source of shame to someone they love.) Or: She could watch someone she loved losing friends, family and employment because of her. And after you gave up that mainstream career for her, she could listen to people calling you a suitcase pimp. It doesn't matter you might be hanging drywall or welding 60 hours a week. You're still a suitcase pimp who's living off her. She'll always bring in more money than you since "respectable" companies aren't giving you a chance in hell of moving up the corporate ladder. And no matter how happy you are about making that trade ... she'll always feel badly about forcing you to do it and wonder if you might have been happier without her.
And that's a best-case scenario that assumes *you* wouldn't get bitter and start blaming her for your problems. If that happens, the relationship can really be fun. Okay, I'll stop ranting now. But that was a really good question. Hell, it even made me think for a minute. And I *like* being a black sheep.
Luke Has Got To Be On TV
Luke: I am going to host a talkshow on Netpond Radio on Wednesday nights at 6PM starting in two weeks.
Lynne writes: I heard from Playboy. They are willing to pay me $3,000 for the broadcast rights to a 75 minute version of the movie. What this means is what I suspected, and why I went with the budget I did during our work last week. Luke, they're really cheap and stupid. They don't understand programming, that's for sure.
We were discussing thirty minutes of original programming at a cost of $5,000, vs regular TV which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars for a half hour (mostly performer salaries and union costs). What they don't see is that if people felt they had to tune in every week for a specific show, they would pay for the extra service on their cable bill. They'd be more likely to subscribe to the channel if they knew what they wanted to watch.
When I first started talking with the cable people, they explained that old movies, porn and straight, are really cheap to purchase for broadcast. $3,000 is what USA pays for seventh right re-broadcast, and Playboy owns thousands of adult videos to rebroadcast.
What I know is that people get bored (have probably gotten bored) with that and seek out new programming. With non-adult, they have lots of options. Playboy has gotten lazy on account of their monopoly. I watched the Wisner empire disintegrate with that marketing policy.
What I'm going to do is to go back to the agent and tell him straight out that this isn't worth it and ask how to go about submitting straight to Comedy Central. The pilot for South Park was three minutes long. Animation is expensive. We tossed enough stuff back and forth over the last week for you to know that I've got my s--- together, despite what your buddies think. And if I had a piece of paper in hand even saying they would look at my work, I would take it to Russ and let you two work out ownership. You can think "Well, Russ hates me" but you've done right by me, and if I'm writing and producing with you, you aren't going to do anything stupid or illegal, or spend the money foolishly.
I'm waiting to hear from my editor this afternoon as to how much $$$ involved to cut to 75 min. I don't get the money anyway....it would go to my ex-partner. Oh, ethics. How they hurt me! Then, when I tell Alex what I want to do with that offer, start the other dialog.
You have got to be on TV. While you're young and so very pretty. You must belong to all the women of the world. Thousands of women everywhere, tuning in late night to watch you and going straight to bed with their vibrators and thoughts of you. The way the world should be.
Mike South vs Ricki Spencer
Mike South writes National Enquirer reporter Ricki Spencer: "I suggest >you rethink the focus of your article, to call l-keford.com a community is a real stretch and after answering these questions you had better at the very >least be one hot looking chick!"
Ricki replies: "Dear Mr. South: You are very kind to take the time to respond to my questions. As for my appearance, you would do well to picture me as a very short, very very fat person with a pronounced body odor problem on hot, humid days (of which there are a great many in Florida). Clearly I do not see for myself a starring role in any of your work, and you should not either."
Mike writes Luke: RUN LUKE, RUN, I think Ricki is actually Lynne L-patin read her description of herself. XXX was NO threat to you compared to this Lynne L-patin thing.
Lynne writes Luke: Rule #1 for Guaranteed Divorce: Marry a woman for her looks, not for how she feels about you.
Rule #2 for Guaranteed Divorce: Marry a woman based on the opinions of your friends, not for how you feel about each other.
Luke F-rd - Homo or Humanitarian?
Curious in Modesto writes: This is an open letter to Ms. Rikki Spence who is considering writing an article in the National Enquirer about l-keford.com.
Dear Ms. Spence: One of the frequent comments you will no doubt hear concerning Luke F-rd is the accusation that he is a homosexual. Both his enemies and his friends continually bring up this laughable assertion. I have been a reader / voyeur / contributor of Mr. Ford's since last August and I can categorically state that he is not gay despite the rather swishy looking photo of him on his book jacket (Is he wearing an ascot?!?).
I recently had the pleasure of meeting the mercurial Mr. Ford at the Free Speech Coalition's Sacramento conference earlier this month. I found him to be a quite concerned and personable human being. He pulled up to the conference in a rather dilapidated drab colored van festooned with several vibrant rainbow flag stickers. As he got out I apprehensively approached him and explained that I was one of his contributors from the nearby city of Modesto. He greeted me with a big smile and a slap on the back like an old friend. Mr. Ford was quickly barred from reporting on the ironically titled "Free Speech" conference and so we retired to the bar for Diet Cokes and a chat.
I found Mr. Ford very open and eager to talk to me about his favorite subject, Luke F-rd. He made every effort to be friendly towards me including frequent inquisitions as to whether I wanted a massage. What a nice guy! After an hour or so it was time for me to leave. Mr. Ford then invited me up to his suite to watch some of his recently acquired bestiality videos. I apologized and told him that I must be leaving as the hour was getting late and I was not feeling well due to my allergies. Mr. Ford then generously offered me some of his own Australian allergy medication that he had left back in his suite. We went to his room where he gave me the strongest antihistamine I have ever taken. He called them "Roofies." Well, they might as well have been knock out drops because I conked right out. How embarrassing!
I woke up several hours later nude on his bed. I know what you're thinking and shame on you! Mr. Ford kindly explained that he was merely afraid that my clothes and underwear might wrinkle as I slept so he had thoughtfully removed them and folded them up on the dresser for me. I was still a little groggy when I felt a strange sensation coming from my backside. I turned over to find that Luke had now placed a speculum in my anus and was opening it! At first I thought, this is weird, and asked him rather pointedly what he thought he was doing? He then matter of factly explained that May was National Colorectal Health Month and his temple was doing free cancer screenings as a public service. Needless to say I was embarrassed that I had jumped to such a homophobic assumption that he might be up to no good. I guess June must be Prostate Health Month as he then proceeded to check my prostate gland. He placed both hands on my hips and began the vigorous digital rectal exam. I never did figure out how both his hands could be on my hips and he could still have a finger in my anus, but I digress. Mr. Ford suddenly let out a loud sigh and collapsed into a sweaty heap on my back gleefully pronouncing me cancer free. Boy was I relieved!
I was still a little dizzy as I put on my clothes and headed for the door. Mr. Ford saw this and quickly offered me some of the strange capsules that he was continually snapping under his nose. I guess they're an Australian medicine too. He called them "Poppers." Well, after a few of those I was wide-awake and ready for the long drive home. Mr. Ford then walked me to my car and said good-bye. I gingerly sat down in my car seat when he leaned into my car window and thanked me for coming and said from now on for me to call him "Big Daddy Luke."
That's my experience with Luke F-rd. A selfless humanitarian concerned with the health and welfare of a total stranger. Homosexual? I think not! I ask you Ms. Spence, wouldn't the world be a better place if more people were like "Big Daddy Luke"?
Sincerely, Curious in Modesto
Luke Gets Mail
Michael writes: You will be 34 on May 28. Then you will be older than Jesus. Is this significant or what? Happy Birthday, Everready.
Mike writes: Cool-great article in salonmagazine.com (best online rag, imo) bout Britney Spears as teenpornqueen, and it mentions Jenna as "crooked-toothed" E! commentator...I bet her highness of trailer-trash royalty hasn't read this treasonous remark!!
Later, ChefMike
P.S. 20/20 downtown on ABC tonight about the Vegas gambler/junkie who inherited casino and was killed by stripper girlfriend...great story and hot chick!
NASHVILLE, Tenn., May 25 /PRNewswire/ -- The parents of Cassie Bernall, one of the students killed in the Columbine High School tragedy, today joined veteran entertainer Art Linkletter and others in Nashville to promote safe and responsible Internet use.
Becky Carols writes on RAME: Patrick Collins sure is an arrogant son of a bitch. He actually thinks he made the Sugarwalls series a hit when in fact it was Nicky Starks. No wonder Starks and several other talented directors left Elegant Angel. Collins' interview sounds like he's on one of his cocaine binges so I won't be too harsh on him.
Lynne L-patin writes:
Luke: I cancelled a hot date for June 1st so I could attend the engagement party for my therapist. Are my priorities wrong? What sort of present should I get for my therapist - Rabbi Dr. Rabbinowitz?
Lynne: Do you get engagement presents? You get presents whenever someone feels like giving them. Normally your wife would take care of this. Or your girlfriend. I would buy a good crystal vase at the May Co, take it to the florist and have a dozen yellow roses put in it. But real Jews may do something differently. I wouldn't know, never having been either engaged or a "real Jew."
Luke: BTW, I am getting prodded to press Video Team owner Christian Mann over his ethnicity. Christian says he is not Jewish but a source says there is Jewish blood in him. Chris, what is the truth? I'm too embarrassed and bashful to call and ask.
Lynne: Always told me no. And he won't read l-keford.com, nor respond to you even when I e-mail him and ask. Last time he slagged you I told him how harmless you were compared to certain other people.
Lynne writes Christian Mann, the owner of Video Team and third generation pornographer:
Dear Christian:
It was nice to see you at AIM the other day, although AIM is not my favorite place to see anyone. I want to do a story for Luke on STD's -- unfortunately having become a guinea pig myself.
I wanted to make sure you saw this snippet from Luke's page. I am helping him "write" as best as I can while he is gone...
If you want to comment, you should. I will, and will mention Video Team in my reply, but primary source is better and Luke really does prefer truth. I will have screeners on my new movie some time in the next few weeks. It is interracial. Bud Lee's editor helped me finish it. It is pretty good and very funny, and the price is right, but that doesn't mean anyone will watch it. After all, Lynne produced it and Luke is in it. There's going to be a cut for our parents...
Emmett writes: What the hell is going on?! Every time I type in a search engine for pictures of Afro-American performers I get nothing!!!! I tried alta vista and got nothing there either. Sure, they may give me a site or two but that is it! Usually it sucks! It is bad enough porn producers stay away from Afro-Americans like the bubonic plague, but now the same problems are in the websites?!
People rarely review Afro-American or interracial films! I have to re-watch my tapes to remember that Afro-American porn-stars still exist! But Afro-American need to speak up as well and get their act together. Who is it that buy pornos? Middle class and rich Caucasians. I tried reading a box cover of an Afro-American porno and I couldn't understand what the hell the was written on it. It was something like this "Hellza yeah! Dees be da bitches. Watch dees niggas f--- that da bomb ass puzzy. Theys be da sheiazzt".
Caucasian people don't want to buy or rent a box cover with bulls--- like that on it! It usually is written in graffiti which makes it harder to read. Those who came up with titles and the info on the box think it is awesome but it is not. Nobody wants to buy crap like that on the box cover. The box covers are so littered with urban theme that I sometimes think about not renting it myself. I always see Afro-American porn calling their women whores, etc.
And I am not just talking about one series, I am talking about an echelon of them. Another problem is that they keep putting fat, Afro-American, women on the box cover and in the videos. Who the hell wants to see that?! Afro-Americans need to wake up and get with the program. I am tired of seeing super-sexy, Afro-American, turn up in s--- porn. Titles so horrible that I never see the actress again! Their should be website and links on Cherry Lee, Obsession, Monique, Mocha, ... I can't name anymore because that is how bad Afro-American porn is being treated. As nothing and that is how it will always be until they speak up and get their acts together. Another thing... how come only light-skin, colored, Afro-Americans get noticed more then the darker ones? Porn is full of s--- when they say racism doesn't exist.
Chris Mann replies: Lynne: It was nice to see you too. I do want to see your movie when it's ready. I can't imagine why Luke's presence would add to the video, but I guess I'll see. Thanks for the snippet from Luke's site. As you know, I don't read it, and I don't participate, so I won't be giving him any first hand quotes. It's nothing personal, but he lies, sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly and maliciously. I don't waste my time trying to figure him out since he is of no use to business and I don't find him as interesting or enigmatic as others do.
Lynne replies to Chris: Luke has been running an ongoing thread on black videos, with special interest in Lex Steele. People are supplying all their black performer internet references. I mentioned the movie I did for you in today's post.
I don't know what Luke did before I met him, but when we became friends he wanted to impress me by being the new, improved Luke. He's worked very hard over the last year at earning my respect. He's certainly treated me with more respect than just about anyone in the porn business.
The most malicious person I've met in 20 -plus years in porno is your buddy, S------. Week after week she allowed me to be humilated in those sales meetings. She stole novelties by the pallet and blamed her employees. She came in wearing a brand new $700 dress and informed her employees that there would be no Christmas bonus. She was f---ing P---- and, despite his treatment of me and his physical threats, tried to make it a condition of my continued employment that I should spend time alone with him outside the office.
She stole from and lied to VCA. Russ helped me get the job at CPLC. Before he went to prison he tried to make sure I was paid appropriately. C--- gave me a raise and then, as soon as he went to prison, fired me for "writing notes on post-it notes" the week before Christmas, with Bruce due to go on trial in a few weeks. Then she lied to Russ about what had happened, to the point where he thought I was someone I am not. P---- continued to physically threaten me until I quit, which I did as soon as Gourmet Video's trial ended and I knew my husband would return to work rather than go to prison.
If you do not read Luke's site, how do you know what he does? Hearsay? Personally, I don't find his work all that interesting, but I read it every day so that I can write something for him. Sometimes I write about the industry; more often I just respond to something funny. I write better than he does. He ran around CES introducing me as someone who "wrote half his column." No one else has ever encouraged me to do s---. Except make photocopies. And file.
Luke knows my background. After all, I worked with the original "reader-written porn" people. That's something to be admired. He's not afraid to call a scam a scam. No tact, just like me. And he's never held my sex against me. In fact, he's got me on a pedestal so high I find it hard to breathe in the thin air, and our relationship is chaste and honorable. Luke is guilty of adding 2 and 2 and getting 17, but he had to put the picture together by himself. He speculated, made mistakes, and wrote a book I haven't bothered to read because I was there for the History of X. I don't think he particularly wants me to read the book -- I'll catch all his mistakes and might even laugh at them!
Not that he's become a saint, mind you, but I posited to him when we first met that, as a nontheist and anarchist, I had stronger ethics and morals than most of those who profess to being religious. He's been trying to live up to my standards ever since. We're in daily contact even now, while he's in Australia and I'm in Oregon. He actually managed to choke out those infamous three little words men have a hard time saying before I moved up here.
I think Luke has the potential to be a much better man than he knows, and the more love I give him, the more he grows as a person. I don't find him enigmatic at all. When we met a year ago, I knew we would have "something" together. I'm still not sure what that is, but I'm enjoying the process. I know I would never have made it through the last year, with Bruce's death and Dave Hardman's betrayal, without Luke. And I would not have the self-confidence to do what I'm doing now without Luke's constant support and encouragement. You might want to have a look at the work he's doing now and see if he's improved. And you can always write under a pseudonym if working with Luke would be politically incorrect.
Point being that it's no longer my job to promote quality black video. It's yours. I would have been happy to make movies for you. I do good work -- too good for porno, obviously.
To Shave Or Not To Shave
Lynne L-patin ponders: Here in Oregon, the sun is finally making an appearance. Thoughts of Luke modestly bronzing himself in California on his new beach towel bring to mind baring the body for summer, and thus my annual decision: to shave or not to shave?
Body hair, or lack of it, separates us from the beasts. Hirsuteness being a beauty flaw in both sexes, but especially for females, those of us not naturally smooth have to think about hair removal.
If there are any gay men or porn studs out there, they know exactly what I'm talking about. Hetero men with hairy backs and butts just have to suck it up. Women get to choose among multiple grooming options made available to us by a capitalist society which makes millions encouraging women to despise their natural bodies because men prefer Tammy Teenager blow-up dolls.
Legs, armpits, pubic hair. Covered throughout most of the year here in the Great Northwest. My thin California blood is shivering in sixty degree weather and the local babes are bouncing about in tank tops and sandals. Still, it's time to think about working out in shorts rather than sweats, as to whether I'll be making any public appearances in bathing suits, and while I'm thinking about the subject, armpit shaving.
And why I care. Why do I care? Unlike most women, I've made some money off NOT shaving by doing "hairy old sperbag" videos, which probably paid for the razors and depilatories I've gone through over the years. (I tried electrolysis once, but it didn't work for me at all. And waxing sounds painful -- I like my pain to result in a new tattoo, thank you.) As an old hippie on his third wife, my late husband never cared if I grew hair. His Norwegian-English hillbilly genetics left him with profuse hair only on his head, and very little elsewhere. He knew I couldn't help being hairy any more than he could help being smooth. He preferred to spend that extra half hour in the morning getting a blow job rather than stand by while I tied up the bathroom, scraping off my mammalian heritage.
Pubic hair is ultimately what the whole shaving issue is about. Removing all visible hair so that men won't think about whether one has a hairy bush or not. Tufts of armpit hair either arouse or disgust. They're reminiscent of pubic hair, inevitably leading a man's thoughts south toward fantasies of genitalia. Or a woman to think that her fellow female with the manly armpit hair might be - gasp - a lesbian! Thoughts of arousal, disgust and fear! And since no one is going to see my armpits separately from my arms, I elicit reactions to the tattoos as well (though everyone up here is tattooed, so it's mostly curiosity about the artwork).
Well, I'm not shaving my armpits nor my pubic hair this summer. I thought about flying down to Pornville to do a few more tapes and make some money off it, but I don't want to encourage Luke to think having casual sex with strangers is ethical behavior. I mustn't set any bad examples even though I am starting to get rather horny. And since no one will be seeing my non-public pubic hair except for those I invite into the back yard hot tub, I shan't mess with it. It will give my future husband something to play with on the honeymoon. Curl it, braid it, shave it off -- it belongs to him, right?
And my armpits? There's nothing to beat the feel of hot, acrid sweat pouring through a freshly shaven pit. Poor tender little body part. It's like seeing a man with a bad shave chafing on his shirt collar. Oh, I empathize! No, I won't torture myself. Let them think I'm gay and hairy. At least it will scare away the wimpy, self-centered upper middle class misogynists. I'll still have to fight the bikers and the dykes off, but that's relatively easy.
Legs... I remember having a boyfriend at fourteen who ran his hand down my leg on the day in between shaves, and complained that there shouldn't be any stubble whatsoever. Like every other day wasn't enough grooming work for me to do before going to school. That relationship didn't last long....
Armpit hair can be kinda foreign, kinda counterculture, and even arousing in a fetishistic way, but I've never heard anything about leg hair. Leg shaving started in the 1920's, when hemlines went up and Gillette realized they could now sell razors to the entire public rather than just the male half. Leg shaving is a female rite of passage to which little girls look forward for years. It goes with wearing sheer nylons, party dresses, having dates...
I don't have dates, but neither do I want to be gang banged by a pack of German Shepherds who mistake me for my Labrador. Leg shaving just to appear more feminine doesn't seem like something I need in my life right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. For non-sexist reasons. I have tattoos to display.
I drove my friend Natasha home, and on the way we discussed Jews and tattoos. Her boyfriend, like most of the white guys who do hard prison time, got out with a swastika on his arm. I'm not going to walk up to a biker and tell him I don't like his tattoos, but it made me think about getting a Jewish tattoo. I explained to her that Jewesses have cosmetic surgery on their noses, but all Jews avoid tattoos. Some of it's religion, and some of it's Auschwitz, but there's massive disapproval of tattooing in the Jewish sub-culture, so there isn't much in the way of Jewish tattoo flash available.
"What do you have in mind?" she asked. "How about a beautiful, dark-haired, bare-breasted Israeli commando soldier, with her rifle slung over her shoulder, holding up a Star of David with streaming light and lightning bolts coming out of it?"
"Wow -- Jewish women. Hear them roar!" she replied, in complete approval of the whole idea.
Now all I have to do is find an artist, to put this on the back of my right calf, and I'll have a real reason to shave my legs -- as long as we have freedom in America to be Jews and display our religious symbols, better take advantage of it. Even if it means shaving.
Emmett's Dilemma
Amused writes: Emmett's problem with tracking down "Afro-American" performers stems from the well known fact that the term is anachronistic (That means outdated, Emmett). The term that people of color have preferred since the late 80's has been "African-American." Reason being is an "Afro" is a hairstyle and thereby a poor designation of person's ethnicity. Get with the times boy! BTW I use google.com for all my porn searches. That's where I tracked down all my Diana Roth stuff. YO! WORD TO YA MUTHA, EMMETT!
Alan Evans writes: Hi Luke; This is my response to your website as well as Mr. Marcus' message board.
On 5/23/100 15:28 Alana Evans wrote: > Hey its Alana Evans. Hope to work with Mr. Marcus soon. I Love black dick. Well guys if you want to see some pictures of me sucking dick theres none at my site yet. But you can go to www.ve-scans.com and see some there. But if you want to go to my site I'm sure there will be something for you to see. www.alanaevans.com I love dick <
Interesting post. However, I, the true Alana, did not post this. You all know I love cock but I don't need to declare it. I love ve-scans and all but why would I send you to someone elses page for pictures of me? My site does not yet contain hardcore photos because it is a completely free site. And just for a reference, I ALWAYS sign my notes " Always Nasty". Next time get it right. Always Nasty, Alana http://www.alanaevans.com
Darklady.com writes: Been wondering what Darklady's been doing lately? It's the usual deadlines for AVN and AVN Online of course (www.avn.com and www.avnonline.com) as well as a developing a bisexual Q&A column for www.technodyke.com and working with the Playboy Channel's Sexcetera series (we're filming a segment on polyamory on June 10th).
But one of the most "just plain fun" projects I'm working on right now is my monthly column about fringe film makers for Djangos Music and Videos. This month's featured director is Hershell Gordon Lewis, who broke ground in the horror genre by giving the world its first slasher gore flicks as well as trashy sex vids and (believe it or not) *children's* films that only a child abuser or a campy B-movie fan could love. Feel free to check out this latest column at the link below. Also, keep your eyes open for my name in the credits of the new season of the Playboy Channel's Sexcetera series. I'll be travelling to New Orleans on May 31st to attend the adult webmaster's Cyber Net Expo, so think cooling thoughts for me. http://www.djangomusic.com/features/feature_may4_3.asp
Strange But True
Curious writes: In Los Angeles, California a lonely Australian Jewish internet porn journalist celebrates his birthday in a ramshackle hovel. http://www.fuqqer.com/fotm/candledick.html
At that exact same moment, over 800 miles away in Portland, Oregon a lonely Jewish veterinary assistant / former pornographer celebrates the same journalist's birthday in an eerily similar fashion. http://www.fuqqer.com/fotm/0130.html Click here: f--- of the month @ rotten.com
Strange, but true!
Tony writes on MrMarcus.com: why is it a suprise when a gal does a brother? the gals are all paid whores, that's all, that is their job, do you think they would f--- for free? do you think any of them would f--- these loser porn guys if they werent paid for it? Hell, even i f---ed ruby, sunset thomas, teri weigel, anna malle at the ranch in nevada, if you have money they will f--- you, this is not rocket science people.
Lynne writes: I found it curious when, a week or so back, when the reviewer of the scene I did for Jail Babes mentioned that he could not tell my age, that it might be anywhere from thirty to fifty. I thought about how this could be.
And I realized that men are exposed to lots of images of young women's bodies, but rarely older women's bodies UNLESS either they have a fetish for them and purchase specialized pornography OR the women are exceptionally fit babes. What should an older woman's body look like? How do we deal with marks left by childbirth or breastfeeding, which are not the most desirable reminders of the experience (though proud badges to loving fathers and mothers). What should the face of an older woman reflect? High maintenance? Pampering? Or the horrors of the Holocaust?
Beauty thrives on constant (in the sense of faithful, not obsessive) attention and withers with stress and loss. Being somewhere between thirty and fifty, and looking like anywhere in between depending on how much sleep I've had, I empathize with the reviewer's uncertainty. But very different from a twenty-five year body, with which we are constantly compared.
I want to use a real complicated "guy" metaphor to get my point across:
Older women's bodies show the marks of road wear, of having been used,
it's true. If they've been broken in right, they'll last forever.
A little cosmetic damage, and a different style than a twenty-five
year old's body. But not like computers. Computers are obsolete in
two years. Women are not.