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Monday, May 8th, 2000

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Luke Does Sacramento

Sacramento - 9PM Sunday: After a sleepless night, I gathered a few protein bars and clothes, packed my car and drove north on the 405 freeway. It's been sunny and mild in LA but now I enter rain. I breathe in the smell of wet cut grass for several hours as I move up the San Joaquin Valley at 70 mph.

It is good to travel because it varies life and makes it more interesting. As I move through different geographic locations, I move through different emotional states as my memories of past experiences in these locations and with these smells and sights trigger within me a welter of feelings. The smell of wet cut grass reminds of my years in the Sacramento area, when I wanted to work hard so I could leave town and make it big in the big city of LA.

I arrive in Sacramento by noon. I schmooze for an hour with Mike Ross, who's not nearly as feisty as a year ago (when I stayed for a few days with him and his wife). Now he's single and playing almost as much as working.

I check my cell phone to find ten angry messages from Lynne L-patin. When she saw on my Friday update that I was coming to Sacramento, she booked a flight from Portland to arrive in Sacramento at 9:30AM Sunday. Unfortunately for her, I was not at the airport to greet her. She spent her day at the Radisson Hotel bar, and was drunk (after two glasses of champagne, and a glass of wine) by the time I showed up at 1:30 PM. She was however modestly dressed on the chance that I would bring my mom. I did not.

Lynne's bouncing off the walls and talking in a loud and animated manner. She has numerous ideas for a TV show for me.

The first person I saw in the bar was Mara Epstein, who's recovering from a $100,000 plus burglary of her ICandy DVD office. It might've been an inside job by a porn competitor. Several white men have been arrested, none of them known porners. They belong to a methamphetamines gang.

Lynne, who's known Epstein for years, pours out her soul to us and to a kindly strange man in the bar.

This afternoon proves that Epstein and Gloria Leonard are not surgically joined at the hip. The FSC President is spending this weekend with her family.

This is the annual Free Speech Coalition lobbying weekend. Saturday night there was supposed to be a porn star strip show at Sacramento's Centerfold Golds club but it was cancelled. FSC Sacramento lobbyist Kat Sunlove arranged for Sunday afternoon a porn star celebrity mixer for 3PM, starring about ten porn girls including Nina Hartley, XXX, Juli Ashton, Devinn Lane and Annie Sprinkle.

As I walk to the mixer, I'm greeted by "Curious in Modesto," a teacher who's been reading my site since the Rolling Stone article last August.

As we approach the meeting room, XXX sees me, hurriedly stamps out her cigarette and disappears inside, leaving her boyfriend talking with Dave Cummings. A minute later, Kat Sunlove and the new FSC executive director Bill Lyon appear at the entrance.

I extend my hand to Bill Lyon who refuses to shake it. If this is a man who's supposed to bring some unity to a fractious industry, and enable different parts of it to communicate with each other, then this is not a good sign. Lyon, 55 years of age, will earn about $80,000 annually to work in an industry he knows almost nothing about. Which is more money than I make to work in an industry I know almost nothing about.

With a big white pompador, Lyon looks disturbingly like a man in the goofy FSC picture I posted Friday.

Bill also refuses to communicate deeply with, let alone work with, the other adult industry lobbyist - my friend Mike Ross.

Kat Sunlove apologizes to me and says I will not be allowed in to the mixer, nor to the two-hour panel discussion on porn, free speech and censorship. Lake doesn't want me, and Sunlove says that Lake is more important to her than I am.

Last year I took people by surprise and was allowed in to a similar event.

This year I say I understand and go over to the bar with Curious and drink Diet Pepsis.

The FSC contingent will dine together this evening and discuss lobbying and porn-related issues. Then Monday they will take instruction all day on how to lobby. Tuesday morning at 9:30, the porners will gather on the steps of the state capitol for a news conference. Then they will meet with legislators and their aides.

Sunlove has grown into her job and appears secure and at ease with it. She leaves the running of the San Francisco sex weekly "The Spectator" to her husband, Layne Winklebleck. A trained social worker and former college professor, he's a skilled delegator, says Kat.

The FSC holds its annual dinner - dance on July 29th. Tickets to the "The Night of the Stars" cost $200. This year's show will take place at the Petersen Automotive Museum. The slogan is "Hot Wheels and High Heels." Epstein promises a new and improved format.

I drive to my parents home. They're moving back to Australia. I want to go through my belongings still at their home and save the most important ones and bring them back to LA. We go through their photo albums, and with my digital camera I take pictures of my lifetime of pictures.

Mike South writes: Let me get this right Luke, The FREE SPEECH COALITION is all for free speech as long as it is free speech that they support, that about it? They sound rather like Republicans to me.

Luke don't take that Bill Lyon thing personally you don't want to shake his hand anyhow, you are above those morons, besides, who knows what you may have caught. As for Kat Sunlove, now there is a fifty thousand dollar a year wart on the ass of porn, I would say pimple but pimples go away warts, Like Kat, just keep coming back.

If the FSC and the work that they do is so important then why did Gloriosky blow off this once a year all important meeting (so far as I can tell it is the ONLY thing the FSC does)? I am going to pose questions again and again I am sure that the FSC won't respond but I delight in exposing them for the hucksters and con men they are.

1. Why isn't the FSC a tax exempt organzation?

2. What exactly does Kat Sunlove do to earn her fifty thousand dollar a year salary (other than subscribe to a clip service)

3. What exactly has the FSC done for the performers?

4. What exactly has the FSC done for Store Owners?

5. What exactly has the FSC done for Manufacturers?

6. Why hasn't the FSC made any attempts to help curtail piracy? I for one would donate every dollar collected to any organization that busts a piracy ring pirating my tapes, sue the f---ers in civil court and the proceeds are yours.

7. Why aren't FSC's books open to its members?

Feel free to add your own questions.

Brandy sashays up to Mike South: See? We don't disagree on EVERYTHING. FSC is just a feelgood organization designed to make the players who are incapable of succeeding in real world business feel like they're doing something important and honorable. That's the only thing I can come up with given my recent experiences with them, as well as my experiences with them all along. Indeed, Mike, what have they actually accomplished that has had any significant... hell even MINOR impact on the industry?

Luke Gets Mail

Lynne writes at 6AM: Most folks in porn who read l-keford.com don't perceive it as satire because they

a. Ain't bright enough.
b. Get it third hand from a friend whose friend read something on the Internet.
c. Think Luke is deliberately lying.
d. Think Luke is deliberately lying because he suffers from demonic possession.
e. Suffer from Pre-Ovulation Hormone Syndrome

I'll call you from the airport circa 9:30. I'm bringing a box of tapes and paperwork.... I seem to recall some discussion about Luke wanting to be a media star... Well, it takes me twice as long to get dressed if I'm not running around half-naked, and I'm keeping myself appropriately covered so as to diminish your internal struggles should you pick up the massive pheromone broadcasts so best go before my breasts drop.

Chaim Amalek: As a favor to you, I stand prepared to explain your web site to your hebrew honey, or to second whatever sort of explanation for it you may have. Do people bike much in LA?? (I should know) I just did the Great Five Boro Bike tour in 95 degree heat, and barely have enough strength to stike these keys.

Luke: A few weirdos bike in LA, but most of us prefer to drive.

Curious writes: The newspaper says "actress" Traci "I only did two pornos and they cut them into sixty!" Lords is 31 today. Did you remember to send a card?

Concerned writes: Luke, So sorry to hear that you were barred from the Free Speech Coalition's conference. I would really be interested as to their views on censorship and the overt misogyny of Max Hardcore. Check out this MPG at: http://www.stileproject.com/video/piss1.mpg and see if this is what you think Thomas Jefferson had in mind for protection under the first amendment. Unbelievable!

l-keford.com History

On this day in l-keford.com history, Luke was about to go off on his adversary GeneRoss.com. I was genuinely emotionally involved in the fight, which I started (or rather, carried on a grudge from 1996, when I first started researching the industry and had a short and testy phone conversation with Gene). The fight ended with Gene and I walking away from the fight. We've developed a grudging respect for each other.

People keep telling me that GeneRoss.com is the NY Times of porn, which blows me away, he is more like the Daily Variety of porn. I'm usually called the National Enquirer of porn or the Matt Drudge.

Goddess writes: YES!! By all means, get together with Gene and reminisce about your fight. And *this time* TAKE MORE THAN ONE PICTURE OF HIM, damn it:) Don't make me come there, Luke, you know I'm bench pressing 45 pounds!!

BTW, people are making the *correct* distinction between you and Gene. Sorry, Luke, but he IS the Tragically Hip God of Gossip, while you are just a semi-god--*not* to be confused with a demi-god. Ouch, sorry, I know that *had* to hurt. I think it's on accounta he has those bulging biceps and whipcord thighs... Get thee to a gym, Mr. Ford, and see if your popularity doesn't grow dramatically.

Mike South writes: While I personally like Gene his site has become little more than a PR site people posting the latest boxcovers along with self written reviews, like some shmuck porner over at Zane or Wherever is going to say Hi Gene, here's the picture of our latest box, the boxcover is a helluva lot better than the movie inside where we have all the same parolees f---ing all the same worn out pornchicks on all the same sets, we shot it on a budget that was less than the daily monetary expeditures of your average Ethiopian famine wracked family. Please pre nom it for an AVN award because theres still 8 or 9 thousand releases to come out this year and even though you havent seen any of them you just know it will be better than all of them. Then to add insult to it all Geneross.com has an exit console, the preferred technique of internet scammers worldwide, why doesn't AVN put up and exit console back to geneross.com, then they could be like real internet scammers. At least when you are disingenuous you are honest about it.

I'll be driving up and down California this week, so Email Luke if we should get together.

Brandy Alexandre writes: To respond to Gloria, who suddenly has changed her tune since our conversations since I deigned to speak up about FSC, I was made an "accidental" member of FSC in July of Last year, and as you know have life in the exact same place for 8 years. Some of those 8 years were also spent as a voluntary member of the FSC, when I was STILL never, ever informed of any goings on. My opinion is still the same; if FSC would stop tilting at windmills and slowly chip away at the acceptance issue, censorship might fade away all on its own. The opinion I expressed didn't actually come from me. It was a combination of what two other, highly respected people in the industry have said to me, along with a few other strong, logical criticisms of FSC and its organizational failures.

Sunday Evening Rum Take

Rumdar writes: Luke..... You are the F. Scott Fitzgerald of porn. I don't know what the other guy is, I rarely read him. He is rather humorless. A man without a face. On the other hand we all know who Luke is. Your loyal readers identify with you because you are the genuine article. You wear your emotions and insecurities on your sleeve and in your column. In short, you are just as screwed up as the rest of us and not afraid to show it.

This is never more evident than in your on again off again association (in your column anyway) with Kendra Jade. I believe there is a real connection between the two of you. There is electricity in your verbal exchanges but alas! it has a tragic bent to it. Kendra occasionally makes an effort to be insightful with you. You however, continue to don your phony Yiddisha Mask. Why the charade Luke? Do you actually believe that your life will improve dramatically if you persuade a Jewish woman to marry you? Will you be happier in suburbia with her and your 2 little Hebrew children? And who the hell is going to pay for all this? You even suggest that a goyisha stand-in would do if she, like you, switched religious allegiances and converted. Great, then there would be two imitation Jews instead of one.

I believe it was the sometimes insightful Chaim Amaluk who reminded you that Judaism is a tribal thing. Your chances of attaining genuine Jewish status are about as realistic as me deciding I would like to become a Siberian Eskimo. But back to Kendra. I honestly believe there is real affection between the two of you. Under different circumstances you both could be deliriously happy together. At least for a few years. But just as the porn industry brought you together, it will keep you apart. You have both been devoured by the monster. You for your journalistic insider status and Kendra for taking multiple penis' up her bum and being continuously humiliated by human slug Howard Stern. It is sad but true. A tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. I cannot even begin to suggest a happy ending to this dilemma.

Perhaps if you both gave up your careers and escaped to the Australian Outback to start new lives. Who knows. Why not open this topic for discussion among the faithful. Lukites, send in your advice. Should Luke marry Kendra, become Luke Jade and begin a fresh start in Borneo? Or she he continue down the path of counterfeit Judaism?

Kendra Jade

I talked to porn star Kendra Jade this past week.

Kendra: "Only write good stuff about me Luke. I'm so tired of the bad s---. You can only print how good and wonderful I am."

Luke: "How are you healing from your surgeries?"

Kendra: "That was four months ago. I am wonderful."

Luke: "How do you like your new breasts?"

Kendra: "I'm still waiting for them to drop...

"Where did you meet your date?"

Luke: "At synagogue."

Kendra: "Do you just go to church so that you can pick up chicks?"

Luke: "Not only, but that's an important consideration."

Kendra: "That's where you always pick them up from."

Luke: "True. Almost everyone woman I have had sex with for years, I've met at shul."

Kendra: "You just walk up to them and say, 'Hey, I'm Luke F-rd dot com, do you want to go on a date?'"

Luke: "I don't mention my website."

Kendra: "Not in church, I would hope."

Luke: "I do most of my socializing at synagogue and Jewish things."

Kendra: "Why don't you just date a cute innocent porn star?"

Luke: "I want to marry a nice Jewish girl."

Kendra: "Why? What's your fascination with Jewish chicks? I think you just want to be Jewish so bad that's why you date Jewish chicks..."

Luke: "My religion is more important to me than my love life. I want to lead a Jewish life and create a Jewish home. Therefore, I want to marry a religious Jewish woman."

Kendra: "That's stupid."

Luke: "I would go out with a non-Jew, but she'd have to convert to Judaism for me to marry her. You should see that new film 'Faithfully Yours.'"

Kendra: "What I did see the other night, what you wouldn't like but I liked very much, 'Final Destination.' It was very freaky. The most disturbing movie I've seen and I was terrified when I left the theater. I saw American Psycho, which NJG loved, but I thought it sucked. I saw Girl Interrupted, which I thought was the best movie I've seen in a long time.

"I watched Rain Man last night. I love that movie.

"I'm on this site, www.bored.com...

"That was Mike Esposito. I shot a movie for him and I want to go over and pick up the boxcover. He says it's one of the best box covers he's ever done.

"I play Kendra Jade and did three scenes, including a girl-girl with Dynamite. But I didn't lick any pussy. Nor did I punch her. But I did abuse her a lot. I spit all over her and shoved things in her. Made her suck my foot. I shoved dirty underwear in her mouth."

Luke: "Did she like being abused?"

Kendra: "Yeah."

Luke: "Why would she be in porn if she didn't?"

Kendra: "Not necessarily true. Not all porn is abusive."

Luke: "But only those who like to be abused, do porn."

Kendra: "Not true. I don't like to be abused."

Luke: "You're talking to me, aren't you?"

Net Credit Card Challenges

Delay from vrmatrix.com writes on YNOTnetwork.com: I have been reading a lot about cc billing lately. I think we need to start doing several things as a whole to try and prevent it from significantly hampering the industry before they just stop accepting credit cards as a whole or force us into paying so much in fines we can't use their cards anymore.

First I think there needs to be a lawsuit filed against visa/mastercard. This has to happen it isn't just an adult industry problem but an internet problem. We just happen to be the ones that it is being tested on currently. They have a monopoly and are abusing their power. I don't know much about the law but it seems to me they are obstructing trade at the least. Why do they need to charge from $25 to $100 per chargeback and those ridiculous general fines on top of that. There is no other reason than to punish us and because they can. How much does it cost to process a chargeback. I would guess one dollar or less. They have a serious efficiency problem if it costs more than that. They have no incentive to fix their broken system. It is not our faults for the most part. Yes there are some abusers of chargebacks but the fault lies more squarely in how visa/mastercard handles itself. They don't seem to have a very secure way to verify identity. They should be implementing smart cards or pins or something to better verify a card holder's identity.

Second problem... The I didn't make the charge problem. We all know the real reasons associated with most of this. Husband caught by wife and denies charge. Third it is now common knowledge with a lot of users that they call up and dispute the charge and it goes away. The user doesn't consider this stealing since we have an intangible asset so he figures we aren't losing anything. Also 1% is ridiculously low. Lets look at statistics more than 1% of the adult population is in jail. So the fraud factor alone should be atleast 1%; much more for our unique situation.

Here are possible solutions to the problem. One file a lawsuit against Visa and mastercard. We need an orginization setup to funnel money and resources into for this. I remember we use to have UAS. Are they still active at all. This would be a great thing for them or maybe one of the other webmaster organizations to tackle. This could be funded several ways. One through standard donations. I know I will donate and I am sure a lot of you and the big paysites will donate. Anyone who is incurring this fine should think about how much this is going to cost them on a monthly basis. It would be much cheaper to try and get a lawsuit (possibly class action) going.

Another way to get money and awareness is all you big paysites use your webmaster lists and notify all the webmasters about whats going on. I really doubt they would mind; most of you send out emails regularly anyway to inform everyone of new programs, etc. Also maybe even have it so webmaster can donate a portion of their checks to this. Kind of like on the light bill.. Check here to donate 3 dollars to low income whatever... You could have check here to donate $10 to fight visa/mastercard regulation. If you times that by 500-1000 webmaster per month you could accumulate some good money.

Develop software within the industry to help scrub out fraud. I hope this is already going on. I only run free sites but I know I spend atleast 50% of my time developing new tools to help myself and my partners. I hope the big paysites have people who are developing stuff for themselves as well to help with the technical aspect of chargeback problems. However I think that is only part of the problem. Even if we get rid of 100% of the outright fraud we are still going to have a big problem with the getting caught and feeling guilty factor chargebacks. This will only be solved by reasonable fines or significantly raising the chargeback level.

Finally I hope the paysites are atleast internally testing alternate payment systems. We may have to go to these if all else fails. It would be much better to have these forms of payment atleast available to consumers on the paysites so if the phaseout of visa/mc does have to occur it won't be so drastic. Maybe things will work out and visa/MC will decide to play fair. But I for one think it is dangerous to not atleast be prepared for the alternative.

My personal feeling is this is how the government and big business is going to try and close down the adult internet in the US. We are the innovators of the internet, we are the profitable with good business plans and sound business models. Look at the way all the non-adult dot.coms waste money. 90% of them will be broke in a year. Whether the non adult world believes it or not we are a significant force and we still pay for a lot of the bandwith and development on the internet. I for one am not ready to get stomped on because the close minded religious right wants us gone. One thing is for sure customers still want to buy our product and will continue to want it until the next great sex thing comes along.

Manu from www.litererotica.com writes on YNOT: I don't doubt that Andy is right about the eventual phasing out of recurrings. Will it hurt in some ways? Yes. Will it help in some ways? Certainly. If a system is so open to abuse that a large percentage of people are abusing it, then maybe it's simply not the best system. If rebilling died today, people would have to adapt and find new models for billing. There are a million ways this could go - one month at a time, 900 numbers, hourly billing like the old AOL days, bandwidth based billing, per entry fees, who knows. I think it's exciting to be part of this industry as it begins to mature into something that can stand the test of time. I wasn't lucky (or smart) enough to get into this in the really early days, but I'm fairly sure that most of you that were had to see that it couldn't last. There was too much craziness, too much fun being had, and too much money changing hands for it to go on forever without the government & other interested parties stepping in to take a look.

This is just another step on the path to making the Online Adult industry more stable and more credible in the eyes of the outside world. You want to take your adult company public? Maybe in 8 years after a lot of the BS has been shaken out, with continued evolution, you'll be able to. The good and trustable people in this industry are always going to be held back by the opposite type of people and the sooner that said opposites are shaken out, the sooner that the trustable businesses may start getting the respect they deserve. I support moving forward, it may cost us up front, but those who survive will be making more when the smoke clears.

Shannon writes: You may remember me as the guy that hosted (and continues to host) Mark Kramer's Dickless In Babylon serial. Anyway, I had some thoughts on the potential VISA lawsuit... My site is plagued with friendly fraud -- where people claim that they didn't sign up. I keep explicit records of IP numbers in my logs. Due to the static IP numbers on cable modems, etc. it is VERY easy to show that the customer really did use the service they claim they didn't. VISA knows this, and is supporting this because they want to keep the customer. As far as I'm concerned this makes them accessory to a crime. I'd like to see them CRIMINALLY charged. I'd like to make an example of these problem customs and charge them CRIMINALLY as well. It *IS* theft. Forget abuse of monopoly, etc... All of that could drag out in court indefinitely. I say start going after them in criminal court...

Anjelica Fox Update

Ron writes with this excerpt from the April 30th Sunday's World newspaper of Ireland: famous former international female pornstar anne-marie kells,is reported now to be living on the uk mainland with a police protected supergrass(informer),named as ivan comber.the lady,about whom there has been extensive writing in various newspapers,is reported to have had a child with this man.the whole family is under police protection.

it has also emerged that 'mata hari',was charged and convicted in an ulster court of abuse of her first child,while pregnant with a second one.this was in 1983.this pregnancy led to her receiving a non-custodial sentence,after intervention by the security forces.her latest child would be,on our reconning,her fourth,each by a different father. one of her former paramours,christopher'crip' mcwilliams,is due for release from the maze internment centre,near belfast,this summer.mcwilliams is the leader of the INLA(irish national liberation army)faction in the jail.this faction has refused to sign up to the 'good friday peace agreement'hammered out by the american senator george mitchell.mcwilliams last conviction was for murder,within the maze prison,where two years ago he shot billy wright,the leader of a protestant terror faction,within the prison compound.at his trial,where he was convicted of this murder,with two others,he said,upon conviction'i'll be out in three years' .mcwilliams was originally convicted of shooting dead an unarmed bar owner,in belfast,after being banned from his bar. two writers,with extensive experience of security matters in the province,have made this lady the subject of some detailed research.one book'girls and the gun-female involvement in irish terrorism'is due to be published this year ends.

Gay Porn Star John Vincent Dead

Sugarluv writes on RAME: Porn star Jon Vincent was found dead at a friend's apartment in New York City yesterday morning. He had overdosed on heroin, and apparently there was also a large dose of Valium in his stomach. The coroner's office will likely rule it a suicide. He was in his late thirties. Jon's once-active website -- http://www.JonVincent.com -- is now offline.

>From the 1994 Adam Gay Video Directory: "Jon Vincent made a splash for InHand in 'Heavenly' Back in 1988. His proficient dirty talk and ultra-macho demeanor made him memorable. After a self-admitted struggle with alchohol, he has returned to video in the last year bigger and perhaps better than ever. Behind the scenes, he is still know as an over-the-top sort of guy who can sometimes strike terror into the hearts of mild-mannered directors, but almost always gives impassioned performances."

Ron Jeremy On Ebay

Amused writes: Hey, Luke check what I found on Ebay: RON JEREMY'S GET STIFF HERBAL VIAGRA FOR MALE PERFORMANCE!!! RON JEREMY may be the funniest man in adult films, but his ability to be a powerful performer is never a laughing matter. This is why many of the adult film stars take advantage of the incredible GET STIFF herbal formula to ensure they always get a rise to the occasion....over and over again. If you wish to perform like a stallion GET STIFF gets hard results. It is the best product of its kind. GET STIFF is a powerful blend of exotic herbs and is a superior quality product of the LifeSmart Nutrition Corporation, a company pledged to excellence.60 tablets. Only negative side effect: An uncontrollable urge to suck your own penis.

Luke Gets Mail

Fred writes: At the end of your post today you had a story about proposed legislation in SF banning discrimination against fat people. Like all other San Franciscans, fat people tend to be more politically active than normal people.

A couple of years ago, 24 Hour Nautilus (sp?) fitness centers had advertisements that read, "When the space aliens come, they're going to eat the fat people first." A whole bunch of fat people protested out front holding signs that said "Eat Me! Eat Me!".

A true story.

As they say, pity poor San Francisco--too small to be a separate nation, too large to be an insane asylum.