Thursday, May 4th, 2000

Email Luke

Demise of Sharky Live

Guy Mizrachi, director of Legal Affairs for Voice Media aka Cybererotica.com, sent out this letter to Sharky Live advertisers:

Please be advised that as of today, Michael Vifquain, a.k.a. "Sharky", has been suspended from employment with VMI/NTC, Inc. pending further investigation. Our company has filed a lawsuit in Federal District Court against Mr. Vifquain and other defendants, and we have been advised to decline further comment at this time While we may have to temporarily suspend production of "Sharky Live", we would like to reiterate our commitment to future production of live webmaster netcast programming, and would like to assure you that we will keep you informed shortly of immediate developments. In the meantime, we have suspended all billing on this advertising program, and will apply any existing account balances to future webcast productions. Of course should you wish to cancel your account, we will issue appropriate refunds on a pro rated basis. You may contact Kristi Luhar at kristi@ntcor.com for information on your account."

Summer Slowdown

Truecash.com webmaster Eric writes on YNOT: Usually the summer brings fairly drastic slow downs, but so far this year I haven't seen the drop off that we normally see. I don't know if this is attributable to increased performance with our tours and servers, or simply because the real crunch hasn't hit yet... (Aie.) In the worst months I can remember, I think we saw drops as hard as 35%, flirting with 40%. Part of me hopes that with computer sales and the media driving interest up in e-commerce (and porn!), the slope off in the summer will gradually even out due to the sheer volume of Internet newbies looking for their first taste of streaming video and hi-res photos. I think the key to anyone's survival is simply diverse revenue streams. If you can manage to increase your income in a number of different fields (content production, resource sites, pay sites, opt-in subscriber lists), you're less likely to suffer the Summer Slowdown(tm).

I Love Kendra Jade - She's the Bomb!

I just got off the phone with Kendra Jade. She's back from her week dancing in Sacramento's Gold Club Centerfolds.

kendra: "this is what I want to see on your site in five minutes. 'I love Kendra Jade. She's the bomb.'

Luke: "Ok."

Kendra: "I'm dancing at Spearmint Rhino in the City of Industry on the 11th, 12th, and 13th. After that I'm leaving for Pittsburg, New York, Boston, Portland...

"Sacramento was fun. I had a good time. It was beautiful. The weather was great."

Luke: "I've gone back to therapy."

Kendra: "Your site is so boring, nothing good on there. What happened to the good ol' days when it was all about Kendra?"

Luke: "I took a date last night to the American Jewish Music Festival."

Kendra: "Any one good playing?"

Luke: "Yeah, Neshama Carleback, Sam Glaser..."

Kendra: "Wow. Did she go back stage and bang all of them like a groupie?"

Luke: "No, it was a religious thing."

Luke: "The cantor, Nathan Lamm, taught Guns & Roses. He taught Axel Rose how to sing."

Kendra: "He taught Axel Rose how to sing? Then how come he didn't sell a million records?"

Luke: "Because he's a nice Jewish boy and won't sing obscene lyrics. But he's cantor at the largest synagogue in the world (Stephen S. Wise in Brentwood.)

Kendra: "I don't need no nice Jewish boy. I need me a hardcore rock n'roller."

Luke: "Don't you want to f--- a NJB?"

Kendra: "No way."

Luke: "You should only reward nice and good men with your sexuality. And not reward socially destructive rock n'rollers."

Kendra: "Says who?"

Luke: "Says me, because that is how we create a better society. If women only gave their sexuality to good men, this world would be a better place."

Kendra: "I don't think that is true."

Luke: "It would because men do almost everything to get women."

Kendra: "Women like bad boys."

Luke: "They do, that's the problem."

Kendra: "Why?"

Luke: "Because it encourages men to be bad."

Kendra: "But what fun would life be if there weren't bad guys?"

Luke: "Liberals say 'Follow your heart.' Conservatives say 'Do your duty.' (Michael Medved)

"You should have fun through doing good."

Kendra: "I do. When I see a homeless person in the street, I'll give them $50 or $100. That is doing good and it is fun."

Luke: "It is not doing good. It only perpetuates bad habits."

Kendra: "You think they should find a job?"

Luke: "Yeah. Or go to church."

Kendra: "Maybe they don't believe in God."

Luke: "Then they should go to one of the many homeless shelters organized by secular humanists."

Kendra: "What is your opinion on Scientology?"

Luke: "I think it is whacky."

Kendra: "Somebody told me that Scientologists don't tell their children what to do. They let them make their own decisions. If you want to go play in hot bathtub water, that's your decision...

"I was going to tell you that you have a narcissistic personality disorder. I was reading through my psychology textbooks and the DSMIV and you met all the criteria.

Mike South: heheh talk about falling off the radar Kendra has dropped clear outta sight.

Luke: Kendra says she's on the road all the time, still doing Howard Stern, has her website... Whaddya mean?

Messiah: I'm not a wise man, but I'm willing to bet it means shes stayed off the news for awhile after being on it every day.

Porn star Dynamite's husband Gary says: She's doing 21 guys on June 13th, her birthday. She'll be on Howard Stern May 26. Gary says he will not be number 22. It is not his thing. He's camera shy.

Luke: "You must be very proud of your wife."

Gary: "She's open and free and she's having a great time with her life."

Luke: My birthday is May 28th.

Rumdar writes: Luke: It was great to have Kendra Jade back on again. All we needed was a take from Nice Jewish Girl to make it seem like the good old days. But doesn't her reappearance go to prove something else? She commands you to say "Kendra is da Bomb" and you hustle to comply. With all the Yiddisha crap you and Chaim Amalek heave back and forth.....with all the phony religious bulls--- and desire to marry a Nice Jewish Girl (whatever the hell that is, does anyone have a definition)? It is really the nasty wenches you lust after. In other words you are just like every other guy.

Poor shlubbs all over the country marry "nice girls" because that is what they think they should do. At the first opportunity they rent a porno movie and lust after some Harlot taking two cocks up her ass because that is what they really want. It is like the old Dylan verse, "She knows what you need but I know what you want" What do you really want Luke? A boring Nice Jewish Girl who doesn't f--- too good, complains constantly and spends all your money? Or a Trollop like Kendra. I say Kendra but she and her running buddies like the "Bad Boys" and you ain't one of them. You are just a nice goyishacup who runs around with a scull cap trying to be a Nice Jewish Boy. Get real Luke. I hate to be so hard on you buddy but you are trying to fool yourself and your loyal readers. You need another identity. Did you ever think of becoming a Branch Davidian? or a Hindu? Or anything but a Jew?

Food For Chaim Amalek's Thought

Putative Toronto Jew Marc Putative writes: luke ... food for chaim amalek's thought is how little jewish themes have figured in popular song ever since our people figured how much cash they could make off christmas tunes. instead, the likes of bob dylan or paul simon haven't been shy about bringing jesus into the picture. perhaps a more monotheistic side was embodied by the likes of janis ian or laura nyro--lesbians, albeit talented ones in a non-porn way.

my own spiritual seeking took a detour about 10 years ago in my late teens when i took an eager interest in christian rock music. it was a somewhat campy appreciation, for certain, but i sought out some of the more musically sophisticated stuff. there was certainly an uplifting element to it all. the best band of the genre was called king's x, who earned high critical praise, etc., and even snuck in a couple of anti-abortion songs on their biggest selling album. still around, but less preachy. (rumor is, the frontman has come out of the closet.) but it's interesting how the group U2 successfully clouded their fundamentalism to sell out--can lord peter luther christian comment?

the only overtly jewish song released by a pop act (that i've heard, anyway--perhaps j.d. considine knows of others) is called "family functions" by a group called that dog, whose membership included the daughters of record executive lenny warnoker and jazz bassist charlie haden. they broke up a couple of years ago, but left behind amusing music, including the aforementioned anti-intermarriage (!) anthem.

one thing i've never heard explained is why in the video for born again pop star amy grant's 1991 hit "every heartbeat," which features good-natured christians frolicking in a laundromat, is the disapproving grumpy old lady in the corner shown reading, upside down, a hebrew newspaper. (presumably the yiddish edition of the forward.) (i did see a concert last fall featuring a duo of breslov chasidim and was surprised how much i enjoyed it, given all the secular crap i've spent my lifetime listening to as a dj, rock critic and radio writer.)

Lord Peter Luther Christian writes "An open letter to my Jewish friends:

Dear Marc and Luke:

It is somewhat unnerving for me, a Christian bearing the name of Peter, to be writing a letter to a pair of spiritually wandering jews named Luke and Marc. I will try to do some justice to all our names.

Marc, you have clearly written of your spiritual yearnings for meaning in life. You have not found it amongst the "downtown" jews of Toronto, any more than Luke has found it among the tortured souls of pornography. There is an emptiness in your lives that gnaws at you day and night, like a toothache that just won't go away.

Man is by nature a spiritual being, for he was made in the image of God. At the heart of every man is a soul that cries out for a spiritual core, a core that only belief in Christ Jesus can provide. But instead of having the warm glow of Christian Love in your hearts (you too, Luke!), there is a cold vacuum. Oh, you try to fill that vacuum with what you can take from your work, your friends, and judaism. But you especially, Marc, realize that something is missing, something that even judaism has failed to provide. And part of you knows that what your heart cries out for is Jesus, which is the true reason for your attraction to Christian music. You are in pain because the spiritual world, like the physical world about us, abhores a vacuum, and you refuse to let the love of Jesus flow into the hole within your heart to fill that vacuum.

Please, I know that you are skeptical, but just try this for a month or so. Pretend to be Christian - that's right, just pretend. Tell yourself that you are merely conducting a spiritual experiment, and live as a Christian for a month. Go to church, study the New Testament, seek out the company of believers (some of whom are as jewish as you are, if not more so!), and live as one of us with the warmth of Christ in your heart. I am certain that once you have lived this way, linked to God the Father through His only Son, you will never go back.

May the Love of Jesus find its way into both of your hearts! Peter Luther Christian

Luke Gets Mail

Emmett writes: Hahaha. I can always count on super-ass-holes like J.D. (Junior Dick) Considine to inform me of my mistakes. Instead of your jealous ass pointing out my mistakes, bitch, why don't do you give me credit for such a long and detailed summary of a scene?

Paul writes: Luke: Are you so desperate for content that you post every thing that Emmett writes. I used to come to your page for late breaking news and now all I see is Emmett with his views about racism in porn and the worst movie reviews I have ever seen in my life, hell it takes longer to read his review than to watch the movie. If you post all his bulls--- then you can post this to.

Wives Should Look After Themselves

Luke: Yeah, the moral is wives should look after themselves. See how fat and unattractive Mrs. Gingrich looked a few years ago. No wonder Newt had an affair. Since they divorced, she's lost weight and got a great new hairdo. If wives took more care of themselves, fewer husbands would stray."

Chaim Amalek: And right you are! As I walk past the orthodox women of Brooklyn on my way to Schul on Shabbaz, I am most impressed with the trim figures of these women, stylishly bedecked in the latest in Chassidic fashion. Yes, they are pretty modest, but that in itself is something of a turn-on, and you can still infer what sort of goods are under those long skirts anyway. Unlike all those fat dumpy slutty/secular/greedy/cold/lesbian/liberal jewesses one sees waddling down the streets of Manhattan, nervously gripping their Prada s--- with one hand and their cellphone with the other. I find myself agreeing with you more and more these days, Luke! Judaism has really honed our moral sensibilities.

PS So whaddaya think - is Newtie a sex machine, or what?

Goddess writes: Luke, get with the program! "If more wives took care of themselves, fewer husbands would stray." PUH-LEEZE tell me you're joking. Last time I checked marriage involved two people, and it is *not* just the wives responsibility to maintain her looks. Besides, what incentive would a woman have to keep up her looks being married to someone like Gingrich?? If these are the kinds of ideas you have about marriage, Luke, do yourself a favor and *stay single*

Chaim Amalek: The Moral of the Story is: If a man is sufficiently powerful (as the troll-like Newt was when he started up with her), neither decades of age nor a dumpy portly physique need stand in the way of obtaining the life's surest key to happiness: the love of an attractive (which necessarily implies YOUNG) woman. But then, you already knew that. And how powerful are YOU, Luke? (A taunt that is meant to inspire.)

PS Women simply do not have such an option as they age. By the time the average woman hits menopause, she is reproductively a corpse and sexually undesirable.

Goddess writes: Explain the fact that Christie Brinkley, Rachel Hunter and Cindy Crawford--all supermodels and (GASP!) thin--are also all divorced. Near as I can see Rachel hasn't "fattened up" and yet Rod supposedly cheated on her. But it doesn't suprise me that Newt would marry the woman he cheated with--only full-blown idiots are stupid enough to do that. Newt seems to fit *that* description perfectly. Oh, and don't be so quick to blow off women who have reached menopause. After all, who are you guys gonna come crawling back to after your young spouse has sucked your wallet dry??