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Tuesday, March 21, 2000

Email Luke

Lynne writes:

HELP WITH JEWISH REGULARITY

Regularity begins with routine. Every morning I drink half a cup of coffee (tea would work as well, as coffee is forbidden to Seventh Day Adventists') and read something. It used to be the L.A. Times (once a superior newspaper) but now it is l-keford.com. I think there are already a lot of people who associate l-keford.com and potty behavior. I just hope I don't set up an inadvertant Pavlovian response and begin running to the toilet every time I read Luke F-rd.

BLACK SERIAL KILLERS

All my books are in Portland, many still packed, but the black serial killer who comes to mind first is Wayne Williams, the Atlanta Child Killer whose case is discussed in every book available on profiling. There have been several others of interest whose names I can't recall off hand, as well as cases from South Africa. My favorite serial killer site is www.mayhem.net.

Meanwhile... Emmett writes: "...It is bad enough porn producers stay away from Afro-Americans like the bubonic plague, but now the same problems are in the websites?!

Lynne: People rarely review Afro-American or interracial films! I have to re-watch my tapes to remember that Afro-American porn-stars still exist! Emmett might want to review any of my movies: Indigo Moods for Adam & Eve; Tales of the South Side for Video Team; Little White Lies for VCA. I'd like his opinion. I'm one of the producers who has problems get my stuff reviewed; consequently my next movie, which is very interracial, will probably be my last. .

HOMEOPATHY

The efficacy of homeopathic therapy has been demonstrated again and again to be no more effective than placebo therapy. My references are in boxes in Portland, but if you need them, I'll supply them. NOT taking the other medicines might make you feel better, but homeopathic medicines cannot change anything. Therefore, if you feel better now than you do a year ago, it isn't homeopathic medicine. My guess? The healing power of love. Why wouldn't our relationship center you as much as it does me? Nothing heals like love, and I have given you so much for the past few months. The only thing I did for myself (XXX) turned out to be a major mistake, which I've conceded. Loving you seems to be the right thing to do. It seems to be good for both of us. I DON'T have any problem butting into anything that I sense will hurt you, and with permission will call your mom when I drive through Sacramento Wednesday afternoon.

We've addressed the death threats and the lawsuits, Luke, as being mostly bulls--- and posturing, and I don't want them or you or anybody being afraid of that anymore. You write about porno because it fascinates you and because it lets you carve your own rebellious space away from your family, but you are fascinated by porno because it promises the sexuality your parents and their religion denied you. You were brought up a prude and you exploded into a sexual being. Once your sexuality is harnessed, you'll find something more interesting to write about. Meanwhile, your parents could use therapy themselves as to why they are so panicked by your totally predictable behavior -- behavior they set up themselves when they derailed your normal childhood sexual curiosity with their fanatical SDA beliefs.

I do not think Lord Peter is a homosexual. in general: who the hell is this alan watts guy and why is he so bitter and angry at you, luke? is this, perhaps, someone who did indeed issue a death threat and did not follow through? - he certainly sounds like it. mr. watts, why exactly are you so deeply concerned with luke and what he is doing? why do you care about his status - celebrity or non-? you honestly sound a little disturbed and the bulls--- about the abused children and gun-toting women is only semi-hysterical rhetoric which really does more to prove that luke probably has received half-conceived death threats than it does to cement your flaccid little argument there. you could better direct your rantings to the christian "preacher" or whatever that wants so desparately to save luke's wayward soul. maybe between the two of you, you'd both stand a better chance... This "Alan Watts" guy isn't the revered Zen guru, is he? He DOES come across as homosexually interested. He certainly doesn't approve of me.

Porn And Youth Culture

Legacy writes: I just saw the movie "The Legacy" by extreme associates simply because they used bands from victory records(hardcore/punk label) as their soundtrack.Since I grew up in the hardcore/punk scene I was excited to hear good music in a porno but this movie was the worst example of product placement I have ever seen.I t was just cheesy,every character wore a different band shirt in each scene and you had these dumbass male actors sporting gear by bands they never even heard of,it just didnt work.Dont get me wrong,I love rob blacks work but if you are trying to appeal to my generation you are going to have start doing things the right way.These companies hire these L.A rocker types who listen to bad music and are just cornballs and who have no idea what is cool or hip in youth culture,and when they actually come up with a good idea they go about it wrong.

Porn youth culture failures:

1.Matt Zane=L.A rocker,longhaired herb who thought he was doing things in a cool new way but his films looked just like the films the "oldies are doing"

2.New Rave magazine=puh leeze!

3.(name escapes me) magazine by Flynt .Interviewing a cool band and putting it in the middle of the same old boring crap doesnt work,ok?

4.Kid Sparkle=ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

5.Vivid video-great promotions-great ideas-boring product. Points to remember:L.A culture is not cool.Nobody wants to dress like the singer of Korn.If your employees used to rock poison tee shirts,your in trouble.Long hair on guys is gay unless your a biker.Its the 18-34 olds (my generation) that are your audience and we are sick of the same old crap. I have more to say on the subject,but I have the flu and I feel that I am rambling and I can present my points better at a later point.Plus I cant type worth diddly.

Chaim Amalek Skewers J.D. Considine

Chaim Amalek writes: J.D. Considine writes: There is something wonderfully amusing about being called on a typo (semoitician instead of semiotician) by someone who describes me as a "spelling pendant."

Chaim: Luke, was there ever a more self-important, pompous group of writers than those who write about rock music as though it were worthy of serious analysis? (Well, maybe some of your competitors, who write about jerk-off videos with a similar sense of gravity.) I thought your friend "Mark Weissblot" (nee Mark Whitehall) was bad, but this "J.D. Constantine" (nee Julius Dovidel Katz) is even worse. I was going to say something about his hanging around the "neck" of l-keford.com, but I thought that was too obvious, so I dropped the "neck" part. You "goyim" (if that is what Mr. Katz really is) just do not get it, do you? No wonder we jews have been able to so completely dominate America from the commanding heights of its entertainment industry, from Seinfeld to Stern and Karmazan in between.

Luke, I understand that Purim is upon us, when Jews are commanded by their rabbis to become so confused that they cannot tell the difference between night and day. Might we not extend that command, so that jews cannot tell the difference between men and women, and might that not provide an opening, an orifice of tolerance if you will, through which homosexual actions can tolerated, on at least this one day?

Chaim (the ancient orthodox liberal upper west side jew) Amalek

Black Porn

Bigdog writes: Hey luke, I must agree with Emmett black porn is in a sad state right now. I am in the Marine Core and we sometimes buy and rent about 30 videos a month me and the guys. The one thing we always notice is in black videos and in black magazines they are so busy calling each other bitches and ho's that they forgot thier purpose is to entertain thier customers. The boxcovers are terribly done and they almost always have disgusting comments written all over them. They act like the only Black women alive are light skinned and near white. This is not the truth black women come in all shapes, ages, sizes and colors the only series that really represents the black guy on the street is Sugarwalls they show all kinds of black women in thier videos and that is why the black community sees them as the best.

Also when you can get that rare issue of players magazine and see black movies reviewed, why do we have to call our black women sluts, bitches, whores. Why cant we just do a review like our white counterparts and just tell the facts. Lets make our black women stars like the white girls. Cherry lee, Sinnamon, Midori, Dominique, Andy Lace, Kara Davis others like them have huge followings I know for a fact that Dom, Kara Davis and Andy Lace lace have over 1600 members each in thier fan clubs thats a lot of people. So the demand is there. Until the companies that produce black videos wake up and make quality work with not just 18 year old looking white black girls we are never going to get our own identity.

Natasha Lyone

Master writes: I believe that the use of a body double for Natasha Lyonne in Slums of Beverly Hills had nothing to do with her refusal to do nudity (she really doesn't seem like the stand-offish type), and was directly related to the fact that she didn't possess the physical endowment (specifically, enormous pubescent breasts) required for the character, and that she was 16 or 17 years of age when the project began principal photography.

On an unrelated topic, the fair Brandy Alexandre may have her defenders and detractors, but prior to the early 1990's, facial fans could only depend on Ms. Alexandre to dependably and enthusiastically deliver the goods. I have all of her videos in my personal library, and must say that I miss her presence on the scene.

Talking Blue On German TV

Peter Hayes writes: The LA-based TV programme Talking Blue got a feature on the popular German TV show Peep last night (Sunday.) The show featured the two main protagonists Dave Michaels and John Douglas.

They explained that their raison d'être is to be the porn equivalent of Entertainment Tonight. They said little of anything particularly interesting apart from the fact that Douglas seems to find the title of the show "stupid"!

A testimonial was provided by the actress Brittany Andrews who described them as "more like friends........ They are like two great big teddy bears."

The show also featured the German release of "Preaching To The Perverted" - a UK sex comedy about the S&M scene that got disastrous reviews in the UK. The film used many real fetishists in its scenes.

Peter Hayes Vs Alan Watts

Alan Watts writes: Since Peter Hayes admits he fails to make any hardcore distinctions between his women with clothes on, and women with clothes off(he said they're sexier to him clothed), nor even between their public and pubic hairs, I suggest he dress warmly and save some money on his next trip around the globe. Join the co-ed Greenpeace crowd on their next excursion to the North Pole, Peter, and aid these noble folks in publicizing young fur seals instead! And remember to take a trusty pocket dictionary along next time, my good man.

Peter Hayes: "I’m not sure what a hardcore distinction is! Where did I say women were sexier with their clothes on? Yes I make spelling errors every now and again, but if you wrote as much as I do in one day you would too. However to clarify my position on "erotic shows", no I don’t like strippers - in general - because often they are not my type. I don’t care how naked they get - they are still not my type. As a European I see naked women all the time, just the other day I was watching "Strip" on RTL2 - which is a combination of quiz show and strip club with full frontal female nudity. All filmed in a real TV studio with real TV crew. I’m sure you (as an American?) would find it quite shocking. This is not on some smutty cable channel, but a unscrambled network available everywhere. "As a person that is happy to holiday on nudist beaches, and find being undressed quite pleasant. I don’t automatically associate nudity with sex, but in your society you probably do. Put it down to cultural differences." By the way it is good to see that Guardian (London) journalists read my work on Lolo Ferrari - through this column - and are happy to paraphrase it.

Brandy Vs Brian

Brandy Alexandre writes: Brandy responds to Brian one last time: Time to get over yourself, Brian. Too bad you have so little faith in your opinions and convictions that you have to make things up. I mean really... how did you manage to come up with "she's been let go from numerous jobs after performing outstandingly" from one page about one job? You also have feuds with "numerous" porn stars, when it's one who's been stalking me, and there's nothing about one with a director, and you obviously have ZERO sense of humor with regard to the Rants & Raves. I'm glad to know you read my site so thoroughly, though. :) Thanks! As for your ridiculous "chat with coworkers" test, first you have to be sure that Best Butt(e) was available for all to see, that all are in the habit of watching porn, and that all had watched it beginning to end.

For the rest of your lame attacks, my largest contact with fans is online and I do not initiate that contact. Like you, they have been to my site, read it in its entirety, and, even though I have an admonishment against it, send me email that volunteers the information to which I was referring. I don't have to put people on the spot and ask about it. And guess what? They are volunteering opinions about you, too. Russell seems to have been the only one who wrote to Luke about it and not me. Oh well. I hope they will chime in (go ahead guys, he'll change your name if you ask). You may attempt to disparage me for some Usenet behavior, but not only does it have nothing to do with the subject at hand--the ethics rating of a porn company in light of its treatment of directors and their work product--apparently, since it's been quiet, you have nothing better to do than try to start something new. I feel sorry for you.

Goddess writes: Go back to bed and pull the covers over your head. Luke, I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Chaim. You need a break. I mean, the mere fact that Chaim EXISTS proves you need a SERIOUS break. Do a David Letterman, Luke, and let Mike South write your column while you recuperate. We'd all benefit--you'd get back what little of your sanity you have left, and we'd have something interesting--something that DOESN'T involve Jewish people--to keep us amused. You're not worried he'll take over your website, r u, Luke??

Fred writes Luke: I strongly recommend that you see the movie "Harold and Maude". It will give you an excellent insight into the value of psychiatric appointments arranged by concerned family members.

John writes Luke: G'day Luke, hope your flight was good, enjoy your R&R here - at least it's not as hectic as LA LA land, you should try and do a few of the "Talk Shows" while your here, one I can recommend is called "The Panel", it's shown on the Ten Network nationally at 9:30pm on Wednesdays', I think you'd have a blast - and promoting your book wouldn't hurt either.

Luke's Spiritual Wellbeing

Lord Peter Luther Christian writes: Dear Luke: I direct the initial portion of these comments to your good friend Lynne, who I take to be a person of the Jewish persuasion who, like you, is enmeshed in the web of pornography and virtual fornication that corrupts the soul as surely as real fornication rots the flesh.

Lynne, one need not be a psychiatrist to sense the deep pain that lies within you; the emptiness of the soul that you seek to fill. You seek comfort from those who merely use you for their temporal pleasures, when it is He who seeks you to whom you must turn. You must turn to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for comfort, for only in the bosom of the Holy Spirit can you be truly one with yourself and the world. The way to the Father is through the Son, and you are as a spiritual orphan. Jesus is calling to you - won't you at least return his greeting?

As for you Luke, please be very careful about who you let do what with your mind. You need Jesus, not some new drug or operation. Please seek the care of Christian physicians, counselors and pharmacologists, should this prove necessary. Remember that your own kind know you best and have your best interests at heart throughout the healing process. Return if you must to Los Dioblo, but it is our prayer that you do so as a soldier for Christ who leads the fallen and the lost to the Lord (perhaps starting with your friend Lynne).

Yours in Christ, Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE

Lynne writes: Dear Lord Peter: I am indeed Jewish, as were my parents and their parents before them and their parents before them, but I am hardly enmeshed in the web of pornography and virtual fornication and my soul is far from being corrupted (or even corruptible). Nor, despite your fondest fantasies, do I fornicate on even an irregular basis (although if I ever do so again I shall try to remember to use condoms so as to protect my poor rotting flesh).

I find it very offensive that someone should dismiss my heritage and its associated religion as being inadequate for spiritual development and tout their own religious delusions as essential and superior. If you are indeed a psychiatrist and not simply an SDA intent on deprogramming Luke from the real world so his skills may be retained to promote your cult, you would know better than to try to force your religious values on your clients. In this country, we sue therapists who interject their own agendas into mental health treatment.

I do have a deep pain within me. I am a widow. My husband of ten happy, monogamous years died just last July after a long terminal illness, during which I cared for him twenty-four hours a day. His best friend betrayed me and bankrupted me. My business partner turned out to be more interested in the "fornication" aspect than the business responsibilities of movie making. Luke F-rd has been my lifeboat and emotional support for almost a year now and I treasure every moment we've shared.

My childhood was indeed abusive and painful and my adolescence a frantic search for intimacy. I went to therapists on a regular basis. We couldn't figure out how I managed to survive, avoid drug addiction, eating disorders, unwanted children and all the other usual manifestations abused children develop in the absence of love, except that being exceptionally learned and insightful about my parents' madness helped me maintain my self-esteem and fight for myself. Apparently being subjected to the pain of childhood abuse also created a serotonin uptake imbalance in my brain, resulting in twenty years of chronic depression. I have been on Prozac and Effexor for about two and a half years, with remarkable effect.

Over the past year I have sought comfort not in the pleasures of the flesh, but in the pleasure of my cerebral and chaste relationship with Luke F-rd. After having been happily married for so long, I am hesitant to associate with other men, especially when I compare them to my late husband or to Luke. Although I have been unable to achieve my personal goals in producing sexually-oriented material (which were to help people develop to their fullest possible sexual potential after being derailed by society in general or by destructive religious beliefs such as those promulgated by SDA's), I have passed through what you would think of the Valley of the Shadow of Evil with my basic decency and integrity unsullied.

I am moving to Oregon and returning to college next week, to begin a course of study in Veterinary Technology, and to be closer to my family (as my mother's health is becoming problematic and my brother and stepfather will need my help).

My personal opinion? Luke needs Jesus like he needs hallucinogenics. He does not need drugs. He does not need operations. He does not need to play footsie with SDA secret cult codes. He needs to return to the secular world and find a place in it for the spiritual person he is, not the one you wish he were.

Luke and I both need to meld our spiritual and carnal natures, but I don't think "your kind" have the answers he needs nor his "best interests at heart." In fact, I think "your kind" CREATED his conflicts with your silly philosophies and irrational attitudes toward sexual behaviors.

In twenty-five years in various aspects of the adult business, I've seen plenty of neurotic consumers who reflect the permanent damage of their fundamentalist upbringing. Luke F-rd is hardly unusual, or even a particularly interesting example.

Real love, not "Christ's Love" or presents from Santa, is very powerful. The unconditional love I have given to Luke over the past year seems to have helped him turn away from medications, hypochondria and less-than-effective therapy. I don't care if he believes in Judaism, Christianity or Little Green Men from Mars: I judge Luke on his behavior toward me, and he has been exemplary in almost every way, and so I give him love.

Curiously, I do agree with you that I am ripe for new spiritual direction and that, if it should happen, it will be through Luke. Not as a "soldier for Christ," but as my friend, who I trust and who comforts me, and who is still searching for his place in this world, let alone the next dimension.

For the time being, Luke returns to Los Angeles and I will be far away pursuing the next episode in my life. Perhaps I am to light the way for Luke when he finishes with his current mission and decides to pursue another path, and perhaps he is to light the way to my spiritual redemption. I am very open to anything Luke decides to bring me, but I NEVER push him or make demands of him or require him to live up to external expectations. Luke knows that his own behavior must change for me to see value in his brand of spirituality -- not that he must stop writing about porn, but that he must become more comfortable with the giving and receiving of the carnal -- otherwise I perceive reliance on a SDA doctrine and a "higher power" as excuses to shun responsibility and remain in denial on some very tough issues. I am already one with myself and with all the creatures of the physical world, but I refuse to turn for comfort to supernatural beings that exist only to their creators. Jesus is NOT calling me

-- I return all my calls, and I have no messages from Jesus, his father or any other members of his family.

Yours in Love, Lynne Cori L-patin, B.A. Management of Human Services College of Public and Community Service University of Massachusetts, Boston

Alan Watts writes Luke: Hey, buddy. I think it's really nice of you to allay your family's agonizing doubts about your mental health by obliging them with all those tests. I take back all those awful things I said about you, hee-hee. Come on, Luke, we all know you can find a smarter living than making trouble for yourself in porn. Best wishes from Watts and all the gang!

Luke: Hey Alan, I took along one of your posts to the psychiatrist. Help her get deeper insight on me. My family reads your stuff regularly.

Chaim Amalek writes: Luke (this is my second attempt - #%@$^$%^#& microsoft ate v1, and this cannot equal it. F Bill Gates!)

Some German goy with a pagan-sounding name wrote: "Go back to bed and pull the covers over your head. Luke, I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Chaim. You need a break. I mean, the mere fact that Chaim EXISTS proves you need a SERIOUS break. Do a David Letterman, Luke, and let Mike South write your column while you recuperate. We'd all benefit--you'd get back what little of your sanity you have left, and we'd have something interesting--something that DOESN'T involve Jewish people--to keep us amused. You're not worried he'll take over your website, r u, Luke??"

See? Goldhagen was right. No sooner does the opportunity present itself than some german goy (established inferentially through previous correspondence) writes that this would be a good time to strip the web site - YOUR web site - of its Yiddishkeit by getting some goy with a name stolen from a compass (not that that proves he is not a MOT) to ghost it for you. Well, I have a better idea. Why not let ME take this over for a while. Now, for this to work as we previously discussed, I MUST WRITE THIS MATERIAL IN YOUR NAME - THE GOYIM WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE (they certainly have not caught on till now). Truth is, in the spirit of Purim, this is already taking place. I promise you that with me in charge, Flynt, Geffen, Katzenberg, Spielberg, Manny, Moe, and Jack will be s---ting in their leather underpants.

Chaim, a mal-Luke {busy work clue for the goyim: 23876---77fhlontros.}