Friday, March 17, 2000

Email Luke

Luke Arrives Safely In Australia

My plane trip was uneventful except for the two hour plus delay in Auckland, New Zealand, where engineers struggled unsuccessfully to unplug the airplane sinks.

I am writing Friday afternoon, Australian time, from my sister's apartment in Brisbane. We're just back from a walk where we found the local synagogue. And a local bookstore (McGills) which boasts a copy of my book.

Curious in Modesto writes: If you're up for it here are the first week's questions for the "'Ford Family Feedback Forum". Address these questions to any family member you wish, but please do not censor their responses.

1) Which was more unnerving Luke's pursuit of a career in porn journalism or his conversion to Judaism?

2) Thinking back on Luke as a child can you pin point any clues that may have indicated that he might seek a career in the sex industry? EX. obsession with pornography, preoccupation with masturbation, repeated Uncle molestations ...

3) What was the Ford family's reaction to the news of Luke's rejection of Jesus Christ as his personal savior and his subsequent embrace of the Jewish faith?

4) Who would you consider the superior choice for the future Mrs. Luke F-rd: the amiable, educated, and very Jewish NJG or the tattooed, pierced, and decidedly WASPy Kendra Jade?

5) Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Valid clinical disease or symptom of excessive masturbation?

6) How do you respond when friends and acquaintances ask questions concerning Luke's occupation?

7) Do you ever feel guilty that if the entire family had converted to Judaism when Luke was a youngster that he would probably be a nice lawyer, accountant, or dentist today? Bon Voyage Luke! Have a great trip! Curious

Tyce Bune writes: A little FYI about Liquid Blue. Not all the talent have signed model releases giving the rights for the footage shot to be used legally. All they have is copies of current ID's but not signed releases. I think it is sad that the movie is over because it had potential, but if it is indeed over. We as talent should probably get paid and sign model releases before they decide to release the scenes. . .

Rumdar writes: Luke.... I would like to add another topic to Chaim Amalek's list of issues too Jewish to be discussed in the media. That is the topic of Jewish irregularity. I have never met a Jew who was not suffering from chronic constipation. It is no wonder the Jewish cocktail of choice is not a Martini or Margarita but Metamusil. My own theory is that Jews, always on the run from one foe or another are inherently nervous and uptight. Who can relax their sphincter muscle when they are fleeing across some mountain range, Stormtroopers in hot pursuit. Perhaps your readers would care to comment.......................rum

Mike South writes about John T. Bone declaring bankruptcy: " Because all of Creams assets were in T Bones name Tbone is filing for personal bankruptcy, he is in court on it on Wed. Mar 16 Believe it Luke."

Brian Long writes: what Brandy Alexandre writes.... "He still owes me a promised bonus (approx. $3,000) for the success of "Best Butt(e) in the West," their best selling movie in its year, not to mention that they stole the title and sullied its reputation, ergo my reputation, by releasing garbage sequels." Sullied it's reputation?? Your reputation by releasing garbage sequels? Are we talking about The Godfather here? Shindler's List?

Brandy, let me make this clear. This is a porn movie. I highly doubt that it's reputation was much in the first place. See, porn movies are the ones that people stick in their VCR, press the fast forward button until the bodies on screen are nude, then hit the fast forward button again until nude bodies are once again visible. This process takes place until the ending credits start filling the screen, at which time the stop button is hit and the rewind button is utilized. I would challenge you to find one person who could prove your statement of your reputation being sullied by garbage sequels. Is there a human being alive who would honestly say "Brandy Alexandre, the once highly touted, brilliant director of the masterpiece film "Best Butt(e) in the West", has tarnished her reputation by allowing such mundane and cheaply made sequels to be produced. The much praised "Best Butt(e) in the West", which was heading towards a permanent place in cinematic brilliance, will forever be forgotten because of these garbage sequels".

I'm not trying to put the industry down, but Brandy, can't you accept the industry for what it is? While you sit in your little apartment, firing off e-mails about how your artistic integrity has been violated, do you ever stop and think "Who do I think I am? Scorcese?" You're not, nor is any porn director, and not one porn movie has ever, ever been viewed by porn viewers as plot intensive entertainment. No matter how good a porn movie is, not one has been "tarnished" by a sequel, because the original was never viewed as nothing other than something to get men hard. I mean, if you're so brilliant, why don't you get that book published? Why don't you get a mainstream script shopped and purchased? I mean, aren't literary and film agents always looking for talent? Couldn't you say to them, "Look at the success of Best Butt(e) in the West? Rent it. Ignore the sequels though, ok, because that's what's tarnished my reputation". Sorry Brandy, but you've had way to many people "shafting" you in the past (the numerous stories you've printed on your web site) for anyone to believe someone is that unlucky. You like to write, because you like to read what you wrote, you like to rant, because you like to hear what you're ranting about. But, let's be honest, almost every single person that see's a post from you thinks "Oh good, let's see what and who's bugging Brandy today"?

Marcus Killus writes: First i'll not argue the prevelence of violence in the black community this is a national fact.What i can state and sustain is that this is not an inate state of being and that as far as what race is the more violent,i can say born on historical fact that there is no more violent people to inhabit the earth than europeans.How do you think the subjugation of India and China came about ? Were speaking of more than half the worlds populations under the domination of a single inbred germanic family,This was only accomplished by violence of unimaginable magnitude. The arrogance of Oppenheimer at the first atomic explosion "I have become Shiva,The destoyer of worlds" That bleedin asshole was proud. Whats the more violent a man who'll punch you in the mouth over a imagined slight or one that would incinerate every man woman and child in a city ? The nation that Luke F-rd calls home performed a thorough genocidal extermanation of every single aboriginal inhabitant of Tasmania by 1910.And the only reason there exist aboriginal Austrailans is that the remainder of that ancient people ran to lands that were so uninhabitable that the whites believed they had effected that extermanation. Chaim Amalek is very very clever, a most demonic bigot worse than any fecal mouthed klansman,of trailer trash racist.