Wednesday, March 15, 2000

Email Luke

Canada's Power To Seize Obscenity Challenged

OTTAWA, March 15 (Reuters) - The next battle in North America's culture wars will take place in Canada's Supreme Court this week -- a struggle over whether concerns about pornography merit infringement of freedom of expression. A gay and lesbian bookshop in Vancouver, Little Sister's Book and Art Emporium, has fought the case since 1994 with Canada Customs over the government agency's right to seize obscene materials coming from the United States and other foreign countries.

Liquid Blue Blown

Investors have pulled the plug on the $300,000 Buck Adams epic titled "Liquid Blue."

XXX: "The show is over. Investors pulled the plug. Because of Buck's antics. If you had $300,000 on the line, would that make you nervous?

"Some people have been paid. Production manager J.B. is going to make sure that everyone gets paid."

Luke: "I thought Liquid Blue was just the first in a long line of big productions for Buck. What about his other big deals?"

XXX: "Lying on the couch smoking crack? You mean that big deal? Buck has not big deals."

Luke: "He told me that he had deals to keep making movies for a year. He's a master fundraiser."

XXX: "His maybe possibly happen deal depended on Liquid Blue. If, if, if... But there was no definite ten picture deal. He was just typically blowing smoke and being loaded out of his mind. Do you know how many times in the last 14 years, I've heard from him, 'This is your last job. You'll be here forever. We're going to make Titanic #5 for a $25 billion budget.' You don't believe the bulls---. You believe when the check clears. Buck doesn't live in reality.

"It was never his money. Buck was a hired gun. He had no financial controls over anything.

"What they will do with what we've shot, I don't know and I don't care. This has been my life for three months but now I am through. The investors probably put about $100,000 into this. We've just shot the commercial scenes. There's nothing to hold it together. It's either material for a glorified comp tape or somebody might care to shoot some wraparounds. They'll have a highly priced s---ty movie, with no continuity or story. As though that actually matters.

"The shoot was a f---ing nightmare from day one."

Gossip

Apol writes: luke- just heard this, adultcheck.com, one of the largest avs sites got shut off by visa and mastercard.

Timothy F. Umbreit, General Counsel for Adultcheck, responds: "Dear Luke: In response to the post regarding Adult Check(r) and its merchant accounts with Visa and MasterCard - Adultcheck.com, the largest AVS on the net, has not been shut off by Mastercard or Visa. Cybernet Ventures, the owner/operator of Adult Check(r) continues to maintain solid merchant banking relationships. The statement attributed to Apol is completely false. We question the motives of Apol or anyone spreading spurious and unsubstantiated rumors that amount to trade libel. Any information on the identity of the person or persons responsible for publishing malicious falsehoods about Adult Check(r) would be appreciated. Cybernet Ventures will pursue appropriate legal redress."

Brandy Alexandre writes Luke: I was surprised to see that you gave Marty Rothstein an ethics rankings of 4 stars. That certainly doesn't reflect my experience with him as a director, and I'm sure Britt Morgan would say the same. He still owes me a promised bonus (approx. $3,000) for the success of "Best Butt(e) in the West," their best selling movie in its year, not to mention that they stole the title and sullied its reputation, ergo my reputation, by releasing garbage sequels. Britt Morgan's "Cheeks 4: A Backstreet Affair" was chopped up because no one could be bothered to research whether or not one of the elements was illegal (it wasn't), and because of that she didn't get her bonus for allegedly giving them a movie that "needed a lot of work." They apparently take advantage of their female directors. I've never heard of any male directors getting burned by them even when their work is below average.

Shayla LaVeaux and her husband James are heading to Australia for a tour of its sex industry.

YNOTnetwork.com has moved to offices in San Diego. YNOT marketing director Kevin Blatt shares an apartment building with his brother Darren and several strippers. The complex is like Melrose Place. Everyone knows the Blatts are in porno. The strippers come over begging to have pictures taken of them.

Kevin and Houston are dating. Because Houston is on the road 48 weeks a year (and earning a million dollars doing it) they also date others.

Webmaster boards have been quiet though lots of positive buzz for YNOTnews.com, YNOT's answer to the CondomChronicles.com.

Vivid girl Taylor Hayes was hanging out at a Moroccan restaurant on Sunset Blvd and Stanley Monday night with Damian from Sinfulcash.com. If you're going to watch someone eat with her fingers, it might as well be Taylor.

Vivid's internet program has worked its bugs out and is rocking. Many happy webmasters (Xpays, SICcash, etc) making thousands of dollars from it.

Steve Sweet has launched sweetloads.com. With a Max Hardcore persona, Steve distributes a feed to webmasters as well as videos through Homegrownvideo.com. "Steve is crazy," says XXX. "He blows loads all over these girls faces and calls them whores and sluts. It's really funny stuff."

Mad.com has become myporn.com. Rick Muenyong, the former owner of YNOT who currently owns Mad.com, is trying to sell Mad.com for about four million dollars.

Naughtia Childs is sick. She has a sore ass from snowboarding this past weekend.

Dunn writes: In your opinion, are there any porn companies, any porn producers, or any porn performers with a high moral fiber? I can imagine that there are some porn performers who carry themselves properly in life, but what about the people making porn? I am wondering if there is room for a company in porn that treats its girls with respect, pays fairly, and cares about its employees.

Luke: There are several - check my ethics rankings for a list of porners with high moral character.

Vinnie Spit Is #1

Peter Hayes writes: Vinnie Spit is the No.1 porn rocker according to the mainstream German TV show Peep shown on RTL2 television. The programme considered the combination of rock music ability and lowdown obscenity. The million plus viewers - gained over two showing - showed the long haired Spit along with his Mistress wife Jacqueline were shown at rocking, porning and philosophising. Both seemed to have a heavy fetish for spanking. Also on shown was short excerpts from the Porn to Rock festival.

Director Bob Chinn

Peter Hayes: Bob Chinn has been on the German TV programme Liebe Sunde talking about Magnum Love. The scripts was originally meant for John Holmes (over twenty years ago), but has been altered to take in the talents of Billy Glide. The programme spent a little time talking about his relationship to the legendary John Holmes, but said little that was not known already. The programme showed clips of Holmes and the viewers even glimpsed the famous penis in its "The problem with the porn actors of today," says Chinn in his slow jog of a voice, "is that the actors and actress are fantastic looking, but they cannot act..... Unlike when I began the people are only interested in the money not in creating the scene" He also didn't seem to go overboard on his latest film that was shot on video: "It could be better, but is a passable product." He concluded.

Deep Inside Cindy Plenum

The French magazine La Spirale will soon publish the following interview with porn star Cindy Plenum, a regular contributor to l-keford.com.

1. Why do you consider yourself to be the first true porn star of the new millennium on the web ?

Cindy: Boy, that's an easy one. I thought you were going to quiz me on Camus, or one of those post-war French intellectuals that no one reads anymore. I am the first true Internet porn star because, at the moment, my entire existence is defined by the net. I truly have no reality apart from that which is given to me by the Internet. In a very real sense, if there were no Internet, I would long since have faded into obscurity.

2. What are you currently involved in professionally ? Are you still making movies or are you focussing right now on your striptease tours... ?

Cindy: I no longer striptease! That entire scene is too rife with drugs and low-lifes. And don't get me started talking about all the losers who come in to spend their money. What a pitiful lot! And do you know what about 80% of those guys are really looking for? A WIFE - specifically, the sort of wife they could never even fantasize about getting in real life. A very sad, morally corrosive scene, which is reason enough to avoid it.

3. Luke F-rd's site reveals that you have an IQ of 170. Asia Carrera, another porn star, boasts membership of Mensa, (society for those endowed with extremely high IQS). This heightened sense of competition amongst porn movie stars to outstrip/outmatch one another in terms of their IQ is certainly an interesting phenomena ? Have intelligence quotients replaced the more traditional criteria, such as rival breast measurements or the ever increasing number of male participants in a gangbang, as a means of promoting sales ?

Cindy: That is a very good question. When I go to meetings of the Omega Society, or the Society for Philosophical Inquiry (high-IQ organizations that are far more selective than Mensa), all anyone ever wants to talk about is my history in porn. And when I am with porn actresses, everyone wants to discuss the ideas of Chomsy, or string theory. I know that I have been wandering a bit here, so to directly address your question, I think that, at root, men are more attracted to woman with a keen mind than they are to women who have football-sized polymeric breasts, or who have submitted to multi-hundred gangbangs. Just consider all the obits that appeared after Heady Lamar's death - every one mentioned her role in the development of cellular communications. None spoke of her breast size or made mention of any participation in a gangbang.

4. Your biography could be seen as a model inventory of Californian sub-cultural experimentation. Psychedelic drugs, zoophily, prison, body modifications... How do you regard this period of your life in retrospect ?

Cindy: I know you expect a flip answer, but I am afraid that I must disappoint you here. I regard large parts of this period with shame.

5. Tell us something about the Church of Faith and it's guru, Bartholomew Lionheart... I have read that his followers regularly prostitute themselves in order to attract new recruits... What did you find so appealing about this cult ?

Cindy: The cult no longer exists, at least not above ground. Many of its members went on to other cults. Some died at Waco. Others perished when comet Hale-Bopp approached the earth. I suppose what really attracted me to the cult was the personality of Bart - and his semitic good looks.

6. You were actively involved in the Underground Porn Movement, a group of anarcho-syndicalistic pornographers advocating cinematic values of a similar inclination to those currently extolled by Lars Von Trier and the Danish filmmakers who make up Dogma - in brief: no articial light, no second takes during filming, and no professional actors. What impelled/prompted you to take part in this movement ?

Cindy: But I did not know that I was in any sort of movement when I started out! It was just a bunch of bright people who had new ideas for the way things could be done. And to be blunt about it, these ideas were born more out of economic necessity than any aesthetic.

7. I read recently that you had a third breast implant - in your back. What was the inspiration and the motivation for this ? Have you not had to adapt your wardrobe dramatically to accommodate the change ?

Cindy: Well, it is true. This was a natural outgrowth of the Body Modification Movement of the early-1990's, which itself grew out of the economic malaise of post-gulf war Bush Amerika. I simply wanted to be as different on the outside as I felt on the inside. However, I did not go overboard - the implants match my natural breasts, so most of my clothes still fit, or I wear two bras.

8. Are you interested in other forms of body modification such as piercing, tattoos, branding or scarification ? Further, do you believe, as the Extropians do, that the body is set to be the next artistic medium of real import/significance, a medium which we will soon be able to modify at will ?

Cindy: The next phase is going to be organ minimalism, the reduction of the viscera to the minimum necessary to sustain life. The plan is for members to willingly surrender an eye, a kidney, a lung, a testicle, and a breast to the surgeons knife for donation to someone who really needs it. Our credo shall be "From each according to her abilities; to each according to his needs."

9. Returning briefly to one of the more surprising features of your biography: your sexual exploits/adventures involving mosquitos... I'll admit, it's a little difficult to believe. Could you be more explicit ? How do you manage, for example, to direct the mosquitos to your, let's say... more sensitive areas ?

Cindy: Ah, what you must bear in mind is that when it comes to arthropodphilia, I am all lesbian - I only do female mosquitos. Female mosquitos - unlike the males - subsist on blood. They are especially fond of iron-rich menstrual blood. As I am prone to heavy periods, I simply wait until my period for the shoot, expose that part of my anatomy, and the female lesbian mosquitos do what comes naturally.

10. How do your fans react to all your charming idiosyncrasies ? Aren't you a little too excentric for the average consumer of porn movies ?

Cindy: Alas, this is quite true. But I would not have it any other way.

11. Looking back at the movies you have made, which are your favourite ones ?

Cindy: Without a doubt, "Deep Inside Cindy Plenum." I really exposed myself in that one.

12. What plans do you have for the near future and when will we have the pleasure of discovering your website online ? I've heard about it, but I have only managed to find a couple of references to you on the net so far.

Cindy: The damn things take forever to construct, don't they! First we did a mock-up in HTML, now we are redoing it in XML. The real hangup has been the perfection of certain Internet driven mechanical end-effectors that will be the centerpiece of the project. You will be able to interact with the girls on the site in ways you would not believe. (There are no law against teleo-sex, are there?)

13. The Internet has also provided a medium for groups such as Feminists for Free Expression and Feminists Against Censorship (Avedon Carol) - one of their arguments being that women have enjoyed and experienced greater freedom since pornography has been mass-produced and widely available - the rightwing moral movement to clamp down on pornography and censor the net being logical reaction of those who fear that pornography causes harm by encouraging women to liberate themselves. Do you see yourself as a feminist for the new millennium ?

Cindy: Feminism has become such a dreary enterprise that I want no part of it. Couldn't we call it something else, like "parcheese"?

14. I understand that you are taking a course in oriental poetry, Haïku to be precise. Would you honour us infinitely by writing a piece for La Spirale, the Ezine for the Digital Mutants ?

Cindy: OK, here is an opportunity for you French intellectuals to get one more good belly laugh out of me:

She comes to my womb
Eating of a life unborn
Female mosquito

J.D. Considine, one smart goy, writes Luke: I would assume that, were Cindy Plenum real (and the genius she claims to be) that she would know that the famed leftist semoitician is named Noam Chomsky, not " Chomsy," and that the actress was named Heddy Lamar, not "Heady Lamar." But then, that would assuming that she is as real as Chaim Amalek and Concerned in Modesto.

PS: Although I'm not surprised to be reminded that Brit journos care little for the specifics of cultures outside their own, but it might be worth informing Peter Hayes that the word is spelled "karaoke," no "kariooki." Fairly ironic from one who would sniff, "The Japanese are fond of taking our language, bastardising it and then being puzzled as to why we don't understand it." Also, the age of consent in Tokyo is not 13, but 16, and the notion that "pubic hair is not allowed in over the counter stuff" is totally fallacious, as "hair pictures" have been popular in Japanese men's magazines for several years now.

Peter Hayes replies: Yes indeed, J.D, I have spelt Karaoke - Kariooki. This is because it is not in any of my dictionaries or in any of my spell checkers, so I had to go for a phonetic spelling or wait until the next day to find someone who knew. It is not my type of music and I didn’t know how to spell it - OK? (Checking I find the name is a combination of Kare which means "empty" and Oke which means "orchestra.")

Japan still has state censorship and public hair is blocked out on videos and in most magazines. Why not go and check? Yes some magazines allow it and even show it in close up, but you create a taboo and there will be people that want to exploit it as a taboo. By over-the-counter I mean goods that are openly on display. By asking for it you can buy anything in Japan from bestiality to extreme child porn in complete and total safety.

I think Japan has many pluses - they are very hard working and polite, for example. But in the area of sex (which is the only subject of the article) they show a cold cruelty and lack of respect for children that makes my blood boil. What would the blonde 13/14 year cover girl of European Cuties (mentioned in my article) think if she knew she could be seen - stripped - by people passing by on the street? What else did the photographer put her through? Does the market stall owner care how the photos were taken?

The laws on sex are confused and some sources say that the age of consent is 16, some 13. I think it depends upon what you consider sex. One thing that is clear and obvious is that open sexual exploitation starts earlier in Japan than here in the West.

J.D. Considine replies: Luke -- Without getting into a pissing war with Mr. Hayes, he writes: "Japan still has state censorship and public hair is blocked out on videos and in most magazines. Why not go and check? Yes some magazines allow it and even show it in close up, but you create a taboo and there will be people that want to exploit it as a taboo. By over-the-counter I mean goods that are openly on display." When I was in Tokyo in November, I bought a young mens' magazine called "Sukora" ("Scholar") and a girlie magazine called "Ze Besuto" ("The Best") at a newsstand in the Roppongi district. Both were openly on display, right next to kogyaru (that is, high school girl) magazines like "Egg," "Fine" and "Popteen." Both "Sukora" and "Ze Besuto" showed pubic hair -- quite a lot, in fact, in the latter. Nothing in the way of what we'd refer to as "spread beaver" shots, though. So as it turns out, I did go and check. What's Mr. Hayes' excuse? --jd

ps: In a weird side note, "Spread Beaver" was the name of the band led by the late Hide Matsumoto, which was enormously popular in Japan. It was such fun seeing the name "Hide with Spread Beaver" on the Japanese singles chart.

Luke's Grandiose Mission

Alan Watts writes: I truly believe what motivates you, Luke, is the grandiose belief that you are having some profound effect on the sex industry. For some genuine and realistic perspective, allow me to tell you why you are deceiving yourself, young man.

Any caseworker/social worker does more documented good in an hour than you will ever do in your entire lifetime/career in porn. Can you document a single positive result you have had on others' lives? If you believe you have, I cannot even imagine what that might be...

Second, our society is in the midst of what may be a core meltdown on a scale unprecedented in human history. Jerry Springer's show may signal that that meltdown has already occurred. If the family is going extinct, then the woes caused by the porn industry don't even register as a small blip...even though you believe (as your stated mission in life) that pornography must be dealt with as though it were society's life-threatening cancer.

Forget about the sex industry, son...pornography is just a tiny symptom of an underlying calamity on a scale we can not even yet imagine.

Third, in your writings on porn, you haven't touched on the basic problem: the abuse, sexual and otherwise, of children in the home. These kids see horrors on a daily basis that make porn look like comic books. Yet you believe you are helping with a direct attack on the highly visible porn industry (really you're just getting attention for yourself, young man), yet pornography is really only an insignificant symptom compared with the underlying invisible and incalculable human misery of child sexual and physical abuse which occurs on a daily basis in millions of homes...Talk to any social worker who works with kids and delinquents, and you'll hear stories that will make even your sated blood curdle.

Fourth, take a trip to your local mall and see what the high school girls are (or more aptly aren't) wearing this year. Just ask yourself what direction society is taking when it has totally lost control (sexual and otherwise) of its kids. The problem of porn pales in comparison with the problem of parents' loss of sexual control their kids today, more extremely so than ever before, yet you believe you are accomplishing some worthwhile good by wallowing in porn. See the recent Frontline program on the syphillis outbreak at a high school in Conyers, GA, and ask yourself if what you are doing makes any difference at all on the real world...

I submit to you that your site simply and plainly represents an empty and bankrupt commercial gesture for grand effect and your own silly celebrity.

Finally, I'd like to address that feelingless and thoughtless young lady who dared ask what it feels like to be the mother of a brain injury patient like Luke F-rd...stick an anal thermometer up your butt and leave it there for a couple of weeks if you really want to know, you damn sociopath.

And for Lynne L-patin, get your head out of your butt, lady and dump Luke F-rd on his head...as anybody can plainly see, Luke F-rd is an ass! But please spare us your exhibitionistic displays of self-flagellation, Ms. L-patin, and seek the professional help you so desperately need....Luke can't help you as your pimp, even though that is what you want. It's patently absurd that you tell your lovers they must consent to public humiliation by sicko Luke F-rd...you're disgusting!

Or, on a softer note, Lynne... try Sex Addicts Anonymous...they have a chapter just for women...and you'll find you're welcomed and accepted by people who have seen horrors as bad as any you can voice yourself. (It's OK just to sit in---for as many meetings as you like--without ever saying a word if you don't want to--just go.)

Luke, the problems you struggle with are tiny compared with the problems real families face every day. Will you ever become a man? I doubt it. But at least have the self-honesty to admit that fame is more important to you than humanity.

Luke: Fame is more important to me than my humanity. I just did this interview with a French magazine.

> Hello, > > My name is Fanny Triboulet and I am a french jounalist working at > Technikart magazine (100 000 ex). > > I write an article about you and your business, therefore, I would you > to answer some questions. Thank you very much . > > 1/ Why pornographic universe keeps interesting to you so much ?

Luke: It is interesting like a car wreck. Not a particularly healthy type of interest. Much of the time it bores me. Porn simply allows me to make a decent living, not working too hard... With plenty of time to pursue other interests. I have no boss. I like that.

> > 2/ Don’t you fear some menaces from the pornography’s mob > ?

Luke: Yes, I have received numerous death threats and even been physically assaulted on a couple of occassions... I own a gun. I keep it near me. I take all the precautions I can. I have contacts in the FBI who I keep informed about the latest threats. So yes, I do fear some of the porners who threaten me. Perhaps the most powerful pornographer is Edward Wedelstedt, who offered at the AVN Manufacturers Conference in Cancun, Mexico, last April, to have me murdered.

> > 3/How do you explain the success of your site, l-keford.com ?

Luke: I am interesting. I have worked hard at providing information about a business that many people are fascinated by, but there is little hard reporting on. I am the only person who covers this business fulltime who is not employed by the business.

> > 4/Do you feel invest yourself with a mission ?

Luke: At times, but in the past couple of years, particularly, i have generally lost that and I am now looking around for something to excite me. To drive me. To recapture a sense of mission. At the moment, i have deep ennui regarding porn.

> > 5/ How can you conciliate your interest into pornography and your > theologic preoccupations ?

Luke: They do not reconcile. They are totally incongruous. My theological/religious interests are far deeper in me than my porn ones. Porn is of fleeting use to me, a way for me to make a buck and have fun, but in the final analysis, there is one purpose in life - God. God alone. Shmai Yisrael. "Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one." My meaning and purpose in life comes from being Jewish, from living Judaism, from representing God on earth.

Automated Masturbatory Device

From: http://www.patents.ibm.com/details?patent_number=5501650

A variable speed motor powering a crankshaft driven sealed transducer producing pneumatically induced reciprocating motion of a receiver when a male organ is inserted. The present invention employs a hermetic system to prevent loss of synchronization. The receiver is designed with an inner liner compliant enough to accommodate a plurality of sizes and shapes of male penises. The present invention produces a stroke of approximately 3 inches at a frequency of up to 350 per minute.

Wayne Gordon writes: Why reinvent the wheel, so to speak? Check out sybian.com. Look for venus2000

Swedish Politician Acts In Porno

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP)- A leftist politician may face expulsion from his party because of his side career acting in pornographic movies, a party spokesman said Tuesday. The local branch of the Leftist party, which has supports feminist and anti-pornography views, was reacting to a report in the daily newspaper Goteborg-Posten that councilor Goeran Eurenius, 47, had acted in 14 pornographic movies. The 47-year-old actor/politician said his leftist political beliefs were intact and he had done nothing wrong.

Houston On Howard Stern

From PornGossip.com: Houston [now a brunette] will be on Howard Stern Thursday morning, March 16, to "promote" her labia surgery. Houston's surgery will be filmed for National TV and is being promoted by Kevin Blatt, Marketing Director of YNOT. She will be having the surgery performed by an "Anonymous" cosmetic surgeon. I have on good information that he is one of the best in Beverly Hills. Helen Elliott, Aesthetic Consultant to the Stars, is helping to arrange the surgery for Houston and the Beverly Hills surgeon. Elliott said, when I spoke to her by phone, "I just have butterflies over this whole thing," [talking about all the hype and excitement around this media event]. Helen Elliott's job as an Aesthetic Consultant is to help those in the Industry arrange for the surgery, answer questions about surgery, help with financing and just generally add a "caring" touch to whole process of cosmetic surgery. Check out her site for further info or call 1(888)433-9091. The surgery is hush-hush, but its going to take place sometime after the first of April. Stern will be on live at 6:00AM ET and 9:00AM PT, in most radio markets.

Hal Guthu Memorial

email: My name is Chelsea Pfeiffer and I work for Harmony Concepts, and myself (C.P. Entertainment). Today, there was a meeting to make arrangements for Hal Guthu's memorial service. I understand you had something posted about him and thought you might like to know what's going on. Date and time for the service is still tentative, but once it's set we'll try let everyone know, however possible. Meanwhile, a fund for the memorial service has been established and anyone who'd like to contribute is welcome. Anything that's affordable is fine, no limit has been set, of course. If you'd like to send something, please make checks payable to: CPE. Send them to: CPE, PO Box 6632, Burbank, CA 91510. This money will be used to pay for ads in the trade papers (to notify interested parties of the service), to pay for chairs, flowers, PA system...anything that the service might require. Any remaining funds will be turned over to Carole to send to Hal's favorite charity. Thank you.

Infected Porner f---s Luke's Dedicated Pussy

Lynne L-patin writes Greg Zeboray: To bring you up to date with the STD "situation:"

If a person has the audacity to f--- Luke F-rd's dedicated pussy knowing that pussy will be exposed to multiple STD's, surely he must be aware that Luke F-rd will hear about it in full detail immediately.

Obviously a deliberate act, like a criminal leaving clues, wanting to be caught, out of control. "Catch me before I kill again." Something involving Luke, with me as a tool.

However, because Luke and I have never had any physical relationship, Luke remains pure and chaste and safe. I cherish him, so am happy about that. And I concede to him the wisdom of his position: sex without the sacred is dangerous. Professional sex is dangerous, but PERSONAL SEX without the sacred INCREDIBLY SO MUCH MORE SO.

I "let Luke down" when, after a very long period of chastity, I fell under pressure and made a potentially life threatening mistake. For a year I had been superhumanly polite and loving toward Luke, making no mistakes, asking nothing, no concessions or apologies needed. Then I did something stupid which threatened one of the things which is "sacred" about our relationship, physical or not: me.

The important thing to remember is that our culture encourages sex under cover of darkness, allowing unscrupulous men an advantage in using dirty genitals without protection. Married men who sneak around do this, porn stars do this, gay men do this, jerks in general do this, creating issues for the health insurance industry in general.

I caught a bullet in the line of duty. Still, the perp is under control, I have medical insurance, I can write Luke's column for a few days so he can have a vacation and in terms of adult performers' STD issues, I am honored to be of service.

Being that performers' health care is your specialty and you are my agent, and Luke prints a lot of garbage to sort through sometimes, I am happy to alert you to the discussion. I am on sabbatical from porn for a bit, wrapping up loose ends. Luke is on vacation.

Luke Gets Mail

Curious in Modesto writes: Luke, Since you are off to Australia for a month of relaxation and presumably some fence mending with your family why not incorporate them into the cyber-fun? Your family members have to be the best source of valuable information on your favorite subject, namely Luke F-rd. Why don't you take questions from your legions of readers and pose them to your family and post their responses, perhaps one a day? For example, I would love to ask your mother which was more unnerving your pursuit of a career in porn journalism or your conversion to Judaism. Well, Mr. Psychological Exhibitionist. Are you game?

Mad Jack: Luke, I have little doubt that within minutes of your arrival, you'll be "down under" a table at the local gay bar!!! Have a ball. Remember, keep a sharp eye out for the deprogramers.

Porn star Cindy Plenum writes: I gave an interview to a French Webzine a few months ago that has yet to appear (I think), but I saved the questions and my answers, so I can pass it on to you if you want. But I have a problem with you! There is too much hate speech on your web site! It seems that more and more frequetly, I cannot go to lukford.com without being lectred that Black people are violnet and dim, and that Jews are to blame! Comon luke tell us what gives here. Why do you write such hatelful stuff? Can't we all get along?

Too Jewish

From http://www.radiodigest.com/toronto/

Last month, after Talk 640's Lederman blurted out on-air that a discussion concerning the show "Who Wants To Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" was "too Jewish for North America," one of the fans of Lederman guest Luke F-rd's porn industry news Web site couldn't help but share his scholarly views on the subject.

Chaim Amalek writes: Here, in more detail, are some topics that are 'too Jewish' for an American television audience (As I am not familiar with Canadian radio, I frame this in reference to United States mass-media, mainly television, which you are fully acquainted with):

1.Jewish laws concerning Agunot ("chained women" who, unlike their Muslim sisters in Egypt, cannot initiate divorce proceedings against their husbands);

2.The rising tendency of Jews to marry outside of their faith and, much more particularly, the underlying factors driving this rise in exogamy;

3.The fact and consequences of Jewish control over radio, much of the news media, Hollywood and, most importantly, television in much of North America.

4.Jewish power in pornography, as documented by Luke F-rd. (And, by the way, you do not think that is his real name, do you? If it is, he is one clever Goy.)

5.The overwhelmingly Jewish character of the so-called "Russian" mafia (written about in The Village Voice, and never noted in our mass media).

Now, what do these forbidden topics have in common? You do not have to be a high-I.Q. Ashkenazic Jew to figure this one out. They each are potentially dangerous to Jewish interests. So -- when is something 'too Jewish' for the tender eyes or ears of the Goyim? When it does not reflect well on the Jews.

Putative: Amalek ain't a real name, either. "Amalek" is the name of the enemy forces which worked to annihilate the Jews, whose victory is celebrated next week in the festival of Purim. But do any radio people care?