Wednesday, March 1, 2000

Email Luke

l-keford.com Shut Down

Luke got into a huge argument with his sponsor FANtasticonline.com aka XXXGen.com Tuesday night, resulting in a one hour closure of his site. Kevin at www.stunningcurves.com writes: "Currently it would seem that Luke F-rd's website has been shut down. Visitors heading to his URL right now get this message "DUE TO COMMUNICATION CROSSTALK l-keford.COM HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY DISCONNECTED TRY AGAIN LATER." Luke F-rd has this to say briefly, "i was having a dispute with craig and he's closed down my site".

The fight was over links. I like to link on this page to other sources of information, such as GeneRoss.com, PornGossip.com, Rogreviews.com, etc but my sponsor views this as giving away valuable traffic. FANtastic wants links restricted to the Links page.

In the middle of our fight, Craig Vasiloff pointed out to me that my contract says that FANtastic has authority over my links. I caved. But Gene, Rog and Bo at porngossip.com, know that I almost walked away from my contract over my desire to credit you with links.

Aside from links, and material that could be illegal such as child porn, bestiality, etc, FANtastic has no say over my editorial content. I write what I want and do not clear it with them beforehand. Luke F-rd will not be muzzled.

Bianca Trump writes: 3 things to tell you. #1 i quit xxx gen for lack of timely payment....like everyone else. #2 how is that link an official kendra site when she has nothing to do with it? #3 I am going to auction off brandyalexandre.com on ebay

Brandy Alexandre writes: Bianca Trump is certainly welcome to *try* to auction off my domain name, but while it's in dispute she doesn't have a right to, and I think whoever she snakes money from for it would be pretty upset with her when they discover it can't be transferred. The squatting law went into effect January 1, 2000 and is retroactive. Perhaps there is a kind and generous fan of mine out there who will purchase it for me and save the paperwork. That still won't alleviate her from the damages done by forwarding the domain to herself for the last 7 months, which will be sought in a court of law.

Bianca Trump is up to her stalking again. She has posted an advertisement on her favorite hooker board saying that I am available as an escort and that I do anal, and she provided my home address and phone number. According to the board operator, the posts were made from POMPANO.NET, which is Bianca Trump's internet connectivity provider. I was going to send a complaint, but the board said they would. They have all the articles (one in every city they cover) and obviously have the original posting information and clout. I only received one or two calls because everyone knew I wasn't an escort, and knows that Bianca Trump has been stalking me. They even confirmed this for themselves following the link she provided to my website. Most of the notification to me was in email that said specifically that someone had forged posts in my name, not that they were looking for service. The world isn't as stupid as Bianca thinks. As I've said before, people only try to pull s--- that they would fall for. I think the joke is on her.

Bianca Trump's column was dropped [from XXXGen] because she didn't turn it in. She offered to turn it in immediately when she was notified, but the content needed so much editing and spellchecking that there was no way they could make the deadline.

Insider writes.... Seems Bianca was lying about being paid late and in fact she IS under contract with FANtastic - actually SHE is in default due to late submission of materials. About Bianca's contract: 2. Term 2.1 Subject to earlier termination as permitted in this Agreement, this Agreement shall commence on the 1st day of February, 2000 and continue in effect until the 1st day of February, 2001. ....... Such sum shall be paid monthly in arrears She was paid on February 26th.

Hymie writes: When will Brandy apologize to Bianca? WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!!!!!!!! So Brandy wants some lucky fan to buy the alexandre com name for her? Seems I recall a time when Brandy tore Bianca Trump a new one for "begging" for money on her website when one of Bianca's fake boobs started leaking or some such s---. She needed surgery to correct the problem. So how is this any different? I'll still buy it for her though in exchange for sexual favors. How much can it be, a buck or two? Hymie the moleman ................... squirming up places where no one else will go.

Brandy: It is so totally unrelated to Bianca's begging for money you really have to stretch to put them in the same sentence. Bianca Trump was definitely begging for people to send her money and crying about having no money, no insurance, and that vanity surgeons somehow don't take credit cards. Not to mention she could take a cash advance on her credit card any time (see her bio on l-keford.com). The reason that stands out and I so frequently point to it is because just a couple months later she turns around and claims to have closed on her second house, have two cars and runs two "corperations." My fans buy me gifts all the time, this was just the opportunity to tell them about something I would like. If one of them happens to buy the domain name I won't dispute the sale. Otherwise, it goes absolutely nowhere. If she doesn't want the domain anymore, it's really in her best interest to just drop it.

Emmett writes: I spoke to Craig Vasiloff on PsT. He seemed to be a really cool guy but I keep hearing negative things about him from various people who are tied into porn. Not all of them can be lying. Craig sounds like he needs help in managing his time, money, patience, and honesty. If he doesn't do it soon he may go down the road to Loserville.

Chaim Amalek writes: Luke, sounds like you are in a tough spot. When is the contract up, anyway? What exactly does it say? Perhaps you should post it on your web site and ask the California lawyers among your readers to chime in with their comments. (In fact, this gives me an idea; I am going to run it by some internet friends out there.) And why do they have a bug up their behinds over the links? Could you go to a 900 service, or does the contract cover that as well? How much money do you make for them? Since you are already in a morally suspect field, why not go whole-hog, and sell yourself to ex-born again christian but now atheistic pro-Clinton pornographer Larry Flynt? Also, does this Generation XXX or whatever the hell it is called exist in print, or is it just a netmag? The south asians who run my local news stands carry loads of porn, but I have not seen that title. Who reads it? Why would you choose it over say, "Gear"? Is Vasiloff tied in to the Russo-Jewish mafia? Sounds like your trip to Australia is coming none too soon for you.

PS Who is this Marc Putative guy? That name sounds so stereotypically jewish that I suspect he is one of those goyim who thinks that by feigning a jewish background by assuming a jewish-sounding name, he will have an easier time of making a career for himself in mass media. Stupid goy - don't you know that the traditional route is for a MOT to pretend to BE a GOY? (Ralph Lauren knows all about this tactic.) We are on to you, Mr. "Putative"!

PPS These Canadian stations you pop up on - how many people listen to them? I mean, we are talking about Canada, and other than training a few Second City types, what have the Canadians ever done for us? Why haven't you appeared on the Howard Stern show yet, where you really belong? To sweeten the deal, tell his producer that you have a Jewish friend who has an idea for EXACTLY the movie he should make next, one that will greatly appeal to his fans and enemies alike.

PPS How do you know how recently a woman has bled? And what if she is lying to you? Do you go to the mikvah?

Luke: I don't go to the mikveh. I don't care how recently they bled, just so long as they aren't bleeding when I am pronging them.

Galifrey@aol.com writes: Who the hell is this Chaim Amalek guy, anyway? Is he the National Spokesman for Jews? Sheesh, the guy writes with the maudlin over-opinionation of the Goyish William F. Buckley type condescending Wasps. Sheesh, he thinks secular and religious Jewish life have nothing in common? What does he think Jews did for the past six thousand years? He thinks they went to Temple all the time? Kosher came about long after the religion began, most customs being less then 1000 years old. But he seems to think some of the stricter definitions of Jewish religion are the only ones out there? What did Jews do in the middle ages? Practice the exact same way Mr. Amalek practices? Yeah RIGHT!

Jewish religion is ALL about tradition and culture and storytelling and how the family is set up. The rote rules are important to some, and help other build communities, but are HARDLY essential to Jewish life. A purely secular Jew can still hold many of the strongest (and hardest to quantify) tenents of the Jewish culture. The views on life, the ability to create a culture that questions and struggles with itself, the openness to understanding our basest emotions like greed, lust, etc, and why if proportionally handled (ie it's okay to make $$$ just give some to charity), they're okay. These "life perspectives", if I can coin a term, are hard to measure, but are a part of the essential fabric of Jewish culture and religion, and have nothing to do with whether you eat pork, wear a Yarmulke or go to Temple. However they have a tremendous amount to do with being Jewish.

If Mr. Amalek thinks the 5700 years of Jewish religion are just about rules and customs, not only has he not studied Torah, but he hasn't studied history. Throughout the centuries Jewish philosophy grew from the religion to pervade the very family structure at it's essence. I was raised with it, and find it a firm part of my Jewish heritage. Mr. Amalek's constant rantings on the Jews who've strayed from his definition of faith (an arrogant presumption that he "knows" the real faith) I find to be presumptuous and annoying. His need to point out background characteristics in his discussions of other people (ie: "The likely Jewish Mr. so-and-so") has none of the humourous self-depreciating irony of a proud Jew, and all of the passive aggressive destructiveness of the self-hating. But I find his writings amusing, so keep posting them, Luke.

Also the point about how parts of your own Jewishness not having come from your family structure is true. Surely you know this. It will take you years to begin to absorb the nuances of the culture that we birth-Jews had taught from us to begin with. This same religious essence of Judiasm that Mr. Amalek denies as existing. Apparently unless you don't turn lights off on Friday, you can't be religiously Jewish. Of course, who knows what Jews did before electricity was invented.

Hal Guthu Dead

The death of talent agent Hal Guthu was ruled a suicide by the coroner Tuesday afternoon. But other police sources say that Hal was murdered in a contract hit after a business deal went bad.

I hear that a safe of Hal's that kept lots of valuable information, possibly including models names and numbers, as well as photo negatives, was robbed.

GeneRoss.com reports: "...78 year-old talent agent Hal Guthu was suffering from spine cancer and had left a suicide note to that effect. Photog David Story who knew Guthu over 35 years, has been piped into this tragedy. According to what Story learned from police and other sources, police found the suicide note in Guthu's car which was parked several blocks away from his 7400 Santa Monica Blvd. business address. "I guess he took everything out of the studio," said Story. "Hal had two kids. He was married twice. He said in the note that he had spine cancer. I guess he liquidated everything for his two kids which he found in England last year or they found him. It is assumed that everything went to them."

It's interesting how differently Gene and I responded to the story. I immediately suspected that it was murder, while Gene waited to talk to official sources who ruled Guthu's death a suicide.

I talked to Detective Scott Lusk Wednesday morning. He seeks the address for where Hal lived. Lusk's pager number is 714-201-1055.

Rose writes: "They are still saying it is a suicide. They found notes and matched the signature to credit card reciepts. There was accelerant poured all over the front office but not everything burned. They took about 10 boxes of stuff out. I want this to be a suicide and be over it but it keeps bothering me that everytime I turn around there strange facts like no gun was found!"

Fischel Teitelbaum Speaks

At Radiodigest.com, columnist Marc Weisblot reflects on my interview with Marsha Lederman on Talk640 in Toronto a couple of weeks ago.

Fischel writes to Marc:

"Shalom Chaver [Hello friend]! I loved your column about the radio show in Toronto that I called a few weeks ago. Yes, I am Fischel Teitelbaum, the man who asked Mr. Ford how he would have dealt with the mamzeris issue on the radio. I think that when that woman said the issue was too jewish for North America, what she really meant is that it was too sensitive an issue for the goyim to hear. This is a major concern of all right thinking jews in the media who know what it is to be a jew. Who am I? I was, until very recently, a yeshiva bachur [student at a Talmudic academy] at a Satmar yeshiva. I was seen looking at the internet at a public library and was expelled. I was excommunicated and without community until I discovered my good chaver Rav Luke F-rd in Los Angeles. Now his world is my community. No one judges me there!"

Marc Weisblot replies: Fischel--thanks for inspiring my most recent radio column. now, if you could only get beyond this hebraic wwf wrestling veneer (gosh, where's chaim amalek to weigh in on this subject?), i might correspond with you further. but keep reading...i'll have more follow-up on this soon.

Marc later reports that Chaim Amalek took the bait. Marc writes to Luke: hey, for all i know, you're all the same person. and there i was, having a chuckle at that goy reader who took "amalek" to be a code for "i am luke," presumably not knowing of amalek ... maybe they had a point. most weeks on radiodigest.com, i am a "Luke F-rd" wannabe at best, so, i'll anticipate working all this into a future column.

From: Chaim Amalek To: Putativewrites@hotmail.com: You seem upset 'with Fischel! Fischel is not a wrassler!" (With 'apologies to "Fischel Teitelbaum.") Here, in more detail, are some topics that are too jewish for an American television audience. (As I am not familiar with Canadian radio, I frame this in reference to United States mass-media, mainly 'television, which you are fully acquainted with):

1. Jewish laws concerning Agunot ("chained women" who, unlike their muslim sisters in Egypt, cannot initiate divorce proceedings against their husbands);

2. The rising tendency of jews to marry outside of 'their faith and, much more particularly, the 'underlying factors driving this rise in exogamy;

3. The fact and consequences of jewish control over 'radio, much of the news media, Hollywood and, most importantly, television, in much of North America. (The Jewish response typically has been to deny the former to preclude a discussion of the latter. If, conceding that jews are a disproportionate presence in 'these industries you deny that this has any consequence, ask yourself what our common culture 'would be like if the relative positions of jews and 'muslims in these industries were to be reversed by the replacement of every jew by a muslim, and of every 'muslim by a jew.)

4. Jewish power in pornography, as documented by Luke F-rd. (And by the way, you do not think that is his real name, do you? If it is, he is one clever goy.)

5. The overwhelmingly jewish character of the 'so-called "russian" mafia (written about in the 'alternative weekly, the Village Voice, and never noted 'in our mass media). '

Now, what do these forbidden topics have in common? You do not have to be a high-I.Q. Ashkenazic jew to 'figure this one out. They each are potentially dangerous to jewish interests. So - when is something 'too jewish" for the tender eyes or ears of the goyim? When it does not reflect well on the jews.

From the web site of today's Washington Post. Will NBC's Tom Brokaw lead with reportage of the anti-white, anti-jewish character of this murderer? Will the media cover this as portentiously as it did the dragging death of that gay guy out west? Or will it quickly descend into the memory hole?

WILKINSBURG, Pa. –– Investigators searching the apartment of the black man charged with fatally shooting two whites found anti-white writings in his charred residence, police said today. Witnesses said the suspect singled out whites during the rampage in which three other white men were critically wounded. One former hostage said the gunman told a fellow black, "Not you, sister," as he threatened to shoot other hostages.

Police Lt. John Brennan said investigators found the writings in Taylor's apartment Wednesday night, hours after he allegedly set it on fire. "They were just some of his thoughts. It was basically anti-white, anti-Jew," Brennan said, adding that he couldn't be more specific about the contents.

Fred writes: 1. Fischel Teitelbaum says that he is a Satmar Hasid. If I recall correctly, the head of the Satmar sect is also named Teitelbaum. Is Fischel related to Joel Teitelbaum's family?

2. I here that there is a genuine branch of the Satmars in Dublin, Ireland. You can tell that these folks are real Satmar's. In fact, the head of that group within the sect says he's O'Fischel. Is there any truth to that rumor? Please advise.

3. On another matter, have your lawyers replied to the complaint in the two libel suits against you? (Normally, if I were your lawyer, I would advise you to not comment about your lawsuit, but the contents of public documents that are on file in court should be rather benign.)

Luke: Responses are being filed this week or next week.

Fischel writes: "Fischel was feeling sorry for himself again the other day because he lost his kehilla [synagogue] because he was seen viewing internet. But then Fischel remembers his good time on the radio and his chaver [friend] Luke and the darkness lifts! I went to a bar the other day and met a Russian who was a biologist in russia. He worked for a company called VEKTOR on blood products and knows all about how to detect small amounts of blood. This gave Fischel an idea to help Jews avoid having sex with a needah [menstruating woman], and make some money at the same time! I call it "Tznious Sticks". [Tznious means modesty] These are tampon-like cotton inserts coated with a chemical that turns a bright red when it is exposed to blood, even very small amounts. So, when a jew wants to have sex with a woman, he asks her to insert a Tznious Stick first. If it stays white, he can; if it turns red, he knows that she is having her period and stays away! Luke, my Chaver, will you help Fischel sell these to the modern orthodox women of your Kehilla? And what do you think I could charge for them? This could make us all rich, and then you could be on that television show and find yourself a nice jewish Challah [bride] who would nourish your jewish neshama [soul]."

New Sin City Contract Girl Kameryn

Sin City writes: There are three types of men in this world. Ass men, leg men and breast men. Sin City's latest contract girl, Kameryn, has something to please 'em all, especially breast lovers. She has a pair of double Ds, but, get this, they're natural. No implants for this girl, not even struts to offset gravity. Not only are they big and real, they're flawless. Full, round, warm and soft, that's the way men like 'em.

Then there's her butt. If you thought her boobs were great, check out her backside. It's even rounder and fuller than what's up front on top. And her legs go on for miles, long, shapely and toned. But then when you're a professional dancer and men's magazine model, you better look perfect.

And perfect is what Kameryn is. She's a tall (5'8"), blonde, blue-eyed bit of female perfection; the kind men can't get enough of. Girls like Kameryn don't come along every day, and so when we were given the opportunity to sign her to an exclusive contract, we jumped at the chance. She's ours now, and we couldn't be happier.

Kameryn was born in St. Petersburg, Florida, 21 years ago, but was raised in Toronto, a long way from the perpetual sun and balmy breezes of south Florida, where she relocated as soon as she could. She immediately began working as a house dancer at several of Miami's more prestigious clubs. It didn't take long for magazines to catch wind of her and start shooting her for spreads in magazines like High Society, Gallery, Hustler Busty Beauties, Swank, Club and Club International. She's been featured on the cover or in centerfolds of all the above monthlies and was featured in the May '99 Penthouse pictorial, shot by Earl Miller.

Currently, there's no one in Kameryn's romantic life, not that she isn't looking. "I've been in several relationships, but none of them were it. I'm looking for the right guy. He has to be handsome, but it's just as important that he be intelligent and caring." She really likes men who are confident, have a sense of humor, like to travel and don't take themselves or life too seriously. She loves sex, naturally, but is fussy about the kind of guy she'll spend an evening and, maybe, if you're lucky, a night with. First of all, he must be a gentleman. Kameryn is an old fashioned girl. She likes men who open doors and pull out chairs. "I'm independent, but I like to be treated like a lady. The more polite, the better I like it. For the right kind of man, I'm willing to do just about anything."

Anything includes sex, of course. Her favorite position is doggy. "I love to feel a man enter me from behind. It's a mixture of different things that work for me. I can feel his cock deeper from that angle, and it's just really dirty. That's what turns me on." But her favorite act is oral sex. "That really gets me off. I like the way a hard cock looks. It's just so sexy. Then there's the power issue. When I have a man by his balls and his dick is in my mouth, I know I can control him. Completely. I like that."

Her hobbies are cooking and horseback riding, both of which she prefers to do in the nude. "I love animals. All animals. But I'm a girl, and you know how girls feel about horses. There's just nothing like the feeling of a powerful beast between your legs. Riding them is fun, too, especially nude. To feel my lips rubbing against the saddle and feel my pussy get pounded as the horse gallops, and the wind blowing through my pubic hair, that for me is a major turn-on. "

Her favorite color is white. "I feel so pure and pretty in white. Plus, it makes all the sexual stuff I'm into that much dirtier." She likes all kinds of music, from old rock classics to New Age to ambient and techno. Give her a Margarita, and she might just marry you. Pair that Margarita up with a tropical sunset, and who knows what you'll get, but you won't be sorry. She has an optimistic but realistic approach to life and its unpredictable twists and turns. "Life is crazy. It's one long, unending adventure. You have to be ready for what is thrown your way and not let it get you down. Whenever I get thrown a curve, I just whip out my dildo or, better yet, go find a real stud to put me in a good mood. It's never failed yet!"

She looks forward to shooting her first adult feature. "I've done lots of magazine work, but that's different from shooting a video. I have to practice reading lines, and hitting my marks, and taking complicated directions. It looks a lot harder than being a model. But I'll do my best. It's something I really want to do, and working with Michael Raven makes it a lot easier. He's really great--gentle and easy-going, but he knows what he wants."

He wants what every red-blooded man in America (and Canada) wants: more of Kameryn. We at Sin City are there to deliver. We promise you won't be disappointed. For more information about Kameryn and Sin City, check out our website, www.sincityfilms.com or www.sincityvideo.com, and get it all.

Morphmonger writes: Luke, just a quick question, that new Sin City contract girl "Kamryn" bears a striking resemblance to another porn model/actress, Stephanie Dahl. Is she the same person?

StunningCurves.com

Kevin writes: I've opened my site that covers the adult industry. While this site isn't a gossip site - its designed for fans to find out the latest info about whats going on with their favorite stars, directors and producers and much more. Two interviews from CES are up and running currently, one from Felecia and the other of Delaney Daniels and Trey Hunter. I'll be posting your interview and various others very soon. Make sure to listen to the interviews because you are mentioned in many of them. Coming interviews include you, Monique Demoan, JimmyD, Sydnee Steele, Jim Malibu, Gigi and many more. As well as a very recent interview just the other day with Kianna Bradley. We also have a really nice forum system that I invite everyone and anyone to start posting too. We have alot more to add and hopefully everyone enjoys the site. The sites address is: http://www.stunningcurves.com.

Phone Sex Cards

Peter Hayes writes from London: Luke, Anyone that has been to our beautiful capital city of London will know that the phone boxes are the favourite place to find cards for prosititutes and sexual services. There are even people that collect them like phone cards and stamps.

The people that post them are called "carders" and they play a revolving door game with BT [British Telecom] - who own the boxes. The telecom people take the things down, the carders take them down. Some people take down the cards of rivals and some phone box users rip them down.

Over the the last couple of years Her Majesties Government and police have been clamping down on the problem and now looks likely to introduce new laws expressly aimed at tackling the problem. The Home Office (basically an administrative arm of government) have been producing a consultancy document on the situation and have furnished me with a copy of the initail report. Here is a key extracts:

BACKGROUND AND OVERVIEW

The Government believes sex cards in phone boxes to be a nuisance and that existing legislation - for example, via laws such as littering, criminal damage and indecency - has only had a limited success, with 'carders' adapting their activities to avoid prosecution.

The consultation is divided into two broad sections. The first, and main, section considers three options to tackle the problem: A broad criminal offence prohibiting unauthorised advertising in phone boxes, which local authorities could adopt as needed, accompanied by a mechanism to authorise advertisements (this is the Government's preferred approach).

The paper offers two options for an authorising body: the local authority or the telecommunications company which owns the phone box. A narrow criminal offence prohibiting the advertising of sexual services in phone boxes (the Government suggests that there are problems of enforceability and definition with this approach) A civil remedy through the statutory designation of prostitutes' cards as a nuisance (this could also supplement either of the two approaches above).

SECTION ONE: DISCUSSION DERCEPTION OF THE PROBLEM

Prostitutes' cards in phone boxes are a nuisance and cause a range of problems including offence, litter and the covering of public information such as emergency services. Their removal adds costs to telecommunications companies, and those who place the cards ('carders') often rip down competitors' cards and have been abusive to clean-up teams.

EXISTING LEGISLATION

No legislation currently exists specifically to prohibit the advertising of sexual services in phone boxes. Thus far, other pieces of legislation have been used, namely:

The Criminal Damage Act (1971): This has been used successfully when carders have used stickers which, upon removal, have left behind an adhesive residue which has constituted 'criminal damage'. However, carders avoid this by now using cards and 'blu-tac' type adhesives.

Indecent Displays Act (1981): The law makes it an offence to display public material which may cause offence, is indecent or obscene. Carders are now careful to ensure they do not show indecent or obscene images.

Luke Gets Mail

Floyd writes: I was quite interested to see the note on your site that "Vanessa Chase" is still in the Los Angeles area. As you may know she consistently ranks at or near the top of the list when fans list the porn star most desired to make a comeback. I think there is a great interest in her and if you ever have the chance to do a genuine interview with her, maybe with a few current pictures, it would be of great interest to many of your readers. I assume she has gone on to bigger and better things in life and I certainly wish her well and have no desire to cause unwelcome invasions of her privacy. Personally I always put her at the top of porn performers; loved her natural, girl next door appearance, and appreciated what seemed to be a genuine liking for what she was doing in her films/videos (maybe it was just acting). While I assume she is happy to be out of porn as a performer she certainly would raise a lot of interest on the personal appearance tour. I have always thought it quite an oversight of your site that you omitted her from the "stars" section. Apparently her real name is "Laura" since that slips through on a tape though no last name was given. I hope she would be willing to talk about her life and perhaps even make some appearances signing photos and meeting fans.

Steve Neece writes Luke: You are once again guilty of misleading your readers. Alisha Klass was nowhere near fisting herself in HEVG. The entire top part of her hand was visible & it could very well be her fingers were tucked into a fist and not even in her anus as the algle of the pic makes it impossible to tell. To be truly fisted no part of the hand should be visible. There are gays that don't consider it a true fisting unless it is inserted at least to mid forearm.

Andrew writes: I read that lame-o Alex's letter and then saw the response where Jasmin St. Claire said she's retired. Ha!! That's what I say to that, I know for a FACT that about week ago she was bragging about meeting with Metro to 'do some business'. She was saying that she was going to try and take over the 'Cleo 1000' thing and get her recognition back. She was seen all over Las Vegas at the CES convention trying to keep in the lime light after being knocked out of it!! You can't tell me that the gangbang2000.com isn't TEN TIMES the site that the jasminstclaire.com is. She's done for and is spending way too much time seeking revenge on Sabrina Johnson who way-layed her record and going to steal the circuit soon. Let sleeping bitches lay and know when to give it up!!

Lynne writes: My dearest Little Kugel:

Two older women in the Orowheat Bread Outlet reminded me that today, February 29, aka Leap Year Day, is traditionally the day on which women may ask men to marry them with no social repercussions. I suppose it's an archaic reference, but Lil Abner cartoonist Al Capp's Sadie Hawkins Day was either based on this tradition or started it, I don't know.

I am not going to ask you to marry me this year. I am willing to get down on bended knee and swear undying devotion before any and all deities you think care, but I can't afford a proper Jewish wedding and honeymoon in Israel for you at this point, and you deserve nothing less, my darling rotini. Four years is a long time to wait for another chance, and so much can happen between now and then, but I'll risk it and start saving my pennies.

You can be a Jew, but you cannot do a good job of representing Jews, especially American Jews, nor should anyone in their right mind expect you to do so. You were brought up in another country by non Jews who had values contradictory to Judaism which they instilled in you at an early age. You still hold many of those values. Most of your Judaism is out of books. You do not have a Jewish family. You do not have a Jewish background. You don't even eat the food!

You can study and adhere to the religious principles faithfully. You can continue to date outside the porno industry because you yearn to be accepted into a functioning Jewish home as a converted son-in-law, you equate "functioning" with "going to services," and you have a smarmy elitist attitude that assumes no Jews in porn could remember their cultural roots. But until you spend some time as part of a functioning Jewish family, you are just a convert with his nose pressed against the window.

Chaim Amalek writes: This Lynne-person (who is she?) seems to feel that the definition of a good American Jew is someone who eats bagels, enjoys Woody Allen movies, kvells over Hillary Clinton and otherwise adheres to "Jewish" values. To her, the practice of the faith is ancillary to it. At root is the confusion between secular judaism and judaism as a religion. She is probably correct that, as a convert living in LA, you cannot be a proper secular jew. But judaism as a religion has nothing to do with the mishegas that american jews have larded on in place of the religious practices that define the faith. This Lynn-person needs to get herself to a mikvah (where she could begin to learn what the RELIGION is about), and fast! PS Do you insist that the jeweses you copulate (are there any?) prove their ritual purity to you?

Luke: No but I never have vaginal intercourse with a menstruating woman, Jew or gentile.

Chaim writes: Dear Readers: OK, one more time. "Who the hell is this Chaim Amalek guy?" I AmLuke. Or, in the hebrew form, Am-a-lek. Chaim Amalek is the alter-ego Luke has constructed so that he feels more fully at home amongst the jewish people. Too many jews think of judaism in racial terms that Luke, as a convert, can never match. Amluke pleads for acceptance by making the jewish argument that judaism is all about practice, not secular culture, so that Luke can be as fully jewish as any Hollywood mogul, trampling down Christian culture from high atop his elephant. And now, on a lighter note (this site is about porn, not religion!), wouldn't most of you rather spend a weekend locked in a hotel room with a nymphomaniacal Lynne Russell than spend that time with any of the porn females I write about? -Luke F-rd

Ofra Haza Dies Of AIDS

Singer Ofra Haza died of complications from AIDS, reports the Israeli paper Ha'aretz. Hospital staff believes medication Haza was receiving for the disease caused the collapse of her internal organs. The hospital says that neither Haza nor her family told the medical staff that she was infected with the HIV virus. The hospital discovered Haza was infected with HIV after routine blood work. Haza died February 23 after 13 days in the hospital. The New York Times reports that the Israeli press knew the cause of Haza's death, but respected the singer's request for privacy by not revealing the details. The report in Monday's Ha'aretz has sparked national debate about whether the paper violated Haza's privacy and in hiding her illness, did Haza sent a bad message to fans about the disease? Ha'aretz reports today that Haza's manager, Bezalel Aloni, claims he's been receiving death threats for speaking out about Haza's cause of death.

Kathy Quits

User writes on RAME: Kathy is calling it quits, and many of the morning talk shows had calls-in and emails-in for viewers to name replacements. Name some SMART girls who wouldn't make fools of themselves in a "mainstream" setting. In a puuuuuurrrrfect world, my choices would be: 1. Asia Carrera (won't do blacks, but at least she's MENSA and takes it up the ass.) 2. Nina Hartley 3. Anna Malle (although that f---ing FRAN DRESCHER voice would kill us) 4. Heather Hunter (good TV presence) 5. Kobe Tai (getting a lot of mainstream contracts lately) 6. Ginger Lynn 7. Tracy Lords 8. RUPAUL (hahahahahahahah)....had to throw that one in there 9. Jeanna Fine 10. and of course, replace Regis with Max HardCore ;-) I just LOVE info-babes. Nothing like getting the news and beating off at the same time. Some of the girls on "mainstream" talk shows dress sluttier than Anna Malle. check out the group < alt.fan.lynne-russell

Porn Stars Stay Away From Austrian Ball

Michael Kathe writes: Todays boulevard papers in German speaking countries are all writing about this years visitors of the famous Vienna Opernball which is not only transmitted by Austrian TV each year, but usually attended by famous celebrities of the national elite and of international politics and culture (from Sarah Ferguesson to Catherine Deneuve). This year Portugese prime minister (special guest, because of this years topic "Portual") has cancelled as well as many of the other international / European diplomats and celebs. Because of the right-wing governement in Austria, of course. Except for the porn stars: They're not really welcome to this upper class event, but somehow they manage to get in. Therefore Angelica Bella, Chantal Chevalier and (maybe) Dolly Buster will be there. If Chi Chi La Rue, John Wayne Bobbit and Julia Ann will attend is not known - according to one source David Greenspan, of jewish inheritance, has "forbidden" them to go there.