AL Wants Superhero Porn Cartoons

by Al Blanco of http://alishere.wordpress.com/

With all the porn parodies being made now, I wondered why aren’t there any porn remakes of cartoons?  They remake cartoons into live action movies all the time, how come not in porn?  Well, you saw it here first if they bite these ideas.

First off, none of my cartoon porn parodies have generic names like, "Not_____XXXX" or "Definitely Not_______"   I think that’s the lamest thing.  I thought porn was about snappy titles which are derivative of the real movies or shows?  Next, all my porn parodies are from when I was a little kid in the 80’s, easily the best decade for cartoons.

First up is He-Man, only it would be called He-Cock: The Most Powerful Cock In The Universe.  He-Cock aka Prince Adam, would definitely keep his catch phrase, "By the power of Greyskull, I have the power," however there would be some differences.  He-Cock’s goal is to find the tiny number of bitches in the universe who are not susceptible to his cock charm.  Most of them are actually lesbians.  When he finds them he shows them that hey, he’s He-Cock bitch and there’s nothing you can do to resist the cock charm.  Only thing is, in He-Cock there are no money shots because He-Cock never actually cums.  He’s on that next level tantra shit.  It’s a moral mission to make these bitches know and understand his cock is omnipotent and reigns supreme in the whole fucking universe, not about busting nuts. 

In the course of righteous fucking, He-Cock must defend the secrets to his fucking prowess, which are held in the castle Grayfuck, from the diabolical Skeletewhore.  Skelewhore is a crazy bitch who thinks she can be the only woman in the universe to resist the cock charm. 

If you recall He-man had a twin sister names She-Ra who actually had her own show with a different theme song.  Her goals are different, however just as noble.   Known as She-Whore she will travel the universe looking for virgins who have no chance of getting laid whatsoever, and fuck the shit out of them.

Another one of my favorite cartoons was ThunderCats, however the parody would be known as FuckinCats.  The FuckinCats are from a far away planet known as Thundera, but live on the Third Earth.  Anthropomorphic cat beings, they still chill in that cool mobile layer they have.  This is a straight gangbang flick.  Lion-O, Tygra, Panthro, Wily Kit, Wily Kat and Snarf all go to work on Cheetera, who for a cartoon human cat was pretty sexy.  One thing is crucial though:  Panthro must be played by someone who is black.  It was so obvious his character was black.  He would be like, "Yo Lion-O what it is homey?  We gots to get that nigga Mumm-Ra."  Mumm-Ra is once again the villain in the remake, however they must stop him from constantly trying to somehow join the gangbang.  In the end Cheetara is safe from the evil Mumm-Ra’s advances.

Another cartoon rife for porn remake is the Smurfs.  Actually not really, I don’t have much for this, but I think it would be funny to have everyone in blue body paint with weird hats fuckin.  Guess this would have to be a gangbang too, cause there was only one female Smurf, Smurfette.

Another one that would be great would be remaking Duck Tales,  though this one has more liberty to stray from the original plot.  In Fuck Tales the plot is just about a rich ass anthropomorphic duck pimp, no villains or anything like that.  What blew me away was that Scrooge McDuck had an entire BUILDING filled with gold coins that he would swim in.  I always remember thinking, wouldn’t he die if he jumped into a building full of coins?  Scrooge spends his days fuckin mad hookers, and hooks up his nephews Huey, Luey and Dewie with mad hos also.  Simple enough.

I want my royalties when these actually get made.



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15 comments

  1. “He-Cock”? Please keep your superlame and gay fantasies to yourself. It’s a real wonder that while you say on “Not Luke”‘s site that “Not ____ XXX” titles are lame that you couldn’t give your ideas away even or even pay others to use them.

    How about “Not Al XXX” gets dildoed by an angry Wonder Woman with a strapon… It’s about a lame porn site writer who’s always got diarrhea of the mouth via the keyboard but gets justice in “the end” (pun intended).

  2. AL

    I was interested in interviewing you jeremy… If you wanna do it send me an email here and I’ll respond to you… At least you have a sense of humor which is more than some of your colleagues can say

  3. AL

    whatever you say, it was an idea though, you know where to find me if you change your mind… I’ll even let you splurge on the mcdonald’s dollar menu on me so you can get your weight up

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