I am different then I was two months ago

Everything is different for me now, then it was a couple of months ago. I don’t feel like I am the same person. I don’t feel like what has happened to me is real. I don’t feel like my Mother is gone.

There have been several times when I said to myself out loud, I have to call my Mom.

And then I realize, My mom is no longer here to call.
And my Dad is alone, in that cold house that I visited in Upstate NY.

 

I would never live there again. There was a day when it was one degree with a lower temperature if you figured in the chill factor, about 17 below.

Thank you guys for caring and supporting me. It might be a while until I am back to myself, but I will start posting like normal again.

TTYS Good Night.

xoxo,

Cindi

 

20 thoughts on “I am different then I was two months ago

  1. Cindi, In time, your life will return back to you, then you can return time back to your life. Take good care of yourself.

  2. You will feel unreal for a while Cindy. To see someone you taked for granted most of your life gone.

  3. joe truth says:

    Sorry for your loss.

  4. I never lost someone that close to me, but I have heard it takes a year also. Hope everything gets better soon.

  5. The Colonel says:

    Cindi, be strong and carry on. Time does not heal every wound, but it will get easier.

  6. Real Luke Ford Fan says:

    Take as much time as you need and want, Cindi.

  7. I’ve never experienced this before. Both my parents are still together though I never met my biological father. So I don’t know what to say sometimes. But just know your mother wouldn’t want you to fall apart and she wants you to be strong for your father. Hope you all can find some peace.

  8. “Both my parents are still together though I never met my biological father.”

    I didnt knew that. What happened? He died?

  9. He was a non-violent alcoholic. But my mother felt it was best for me to not be around that. His side of the family also had many criminals and she thought it was best to leave. There was once a rumor he died but no one knows for sure.

  10. I didn’t meet my biological dad until litle over a year ago, at 56. I just wheeled up to his pad in Buena Park and rang the bell. Nice guy, real nice wife..but it was odd. I wish them well.

  11. Lee,
    That sounds like an interesting story. Did you always know where he lived? Did he know about you? Was he expecting your visit? Are you still in contact?

  12. PSB,
    It’s amazing to find out things like this. So you don’t remember your father at all? And if his family was filled with criminals, no wonder you are facinated by them.

  13. BigLeeBail says:

    Bill W..I didn’t know of him until I was 20, so all the years went bye until one day my investigator searched the Ancestor site and found him in 20 mins. He did not know I was coming, and I met his entire family that afternoon. Wonderful people, and they’ve invited me back many times. I told my Mom this past fall..full disclosure, that was heavy.

  14. MissBiatch2U says:

    Good for you Big Lee. One must go through life knowing as much about yourself as possible and this was a good move on your part. I’m glad that it turned out well for you. And I’m sure you feel relief at not hiding it from your mother.
    And I want to know if the BIG is for real!

  15. I was a baby and no I don’t remember him. My stepfather raised me and later adopted me. He’s all I’ve known and I never really had the urge to go out and find my biological father.

    My father’s side of the family had rapists and pedophiles and incest. My mother didn’t know any of this until after she married him. Marrying my mother was his way of trying to get away from his family.

    A non-violent argument happened one day between my mother and father and someone had called the police. The police came and told him to leave the house and to wait outside. While he was outside a male officer asked my mother if she wanted to press charges and she said no because nothing happened except they were arguing. He asked my mother if there was somewhere they could take her to and she said her mother’s home. The male officer looked around her home and said don’t you think it’s about time you stay with your mother for good this time. So that was her moment of realizing that it was time to take me and leave for good.

  16. The Colonel says:

    PSB, that explains your anger, hatred and mistrust toward men, but hating all men and being angry at them does not change or improve anything. You have to leave the past behind and move on with your life.

    All men are not good, all men are not evil, either. Don’t give up too easily.

  17. “My father’s side of the family had rapists and pedophiles and incest.”

    OK, that might explain your interest in Porn from the women side of the business and the fact that you are way to sympathetic to the PWs, to the point some people thought you might be one.

  18. BigLeeBail says:

    We have our own lives PSB, so meeting someone from long ago, was Ok, I suppose. Sorta like meeting someone in a bar..nice guy but chances are you won’t see them again.

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