Some Advice from Sam Sugar :
1. Be cool
Play hard to get, even if it means tea-bagging your junk in an icy drink (not hers) when she leaves to go to the restroom. She wants to date an equal not a fan. Be as nonchalant as you can without being a dick.
Whatever you do don’t show her off. She know’s she’s a prize. Don’t use her to impress your crew and don’t mention what she does in public unless she does. Introducing her as “Mary, from Massive Objects Mary dotcom,” will end your evening fast.
2. Be a gentleman
She works in places where people glance at her drivers license and then ask her to strip off (like the DMV). She will be particularly vulnerable to old-school charm. Flowers, cards and notes go a long way, as long as they’re meant sincerely. She will want to know that you like her despite of, not because of, what she does.
If she tells you her real name she trusts you. Don’t use it in public unless she does. Performers have to guard their identity’s and switch between persona’s for good reason. She knows the waiter recognized her when she walked in, and will show up at her house if he can use her real name to find out where she lives. Kill him now, she’ll thank you later.
Take your romantic inspiration from Lionel Richie’s ‘Three Times a Lady’, not The Analog Brothers ‘Pimp to Eat’.
3. Make her chase you
There’s nothing a woman finds more attractive than a guy they can’t get. Let her make all the moves. She will, and you’ll look cooler than all the guys chasing her.
Whenever I’ve had performers flirting with me I’ve been in situations where responding in kind would be seen as unprofessional. It could be my aftershave that makes them want me, I wear Sex Panther which is illegal in nine countries, but it was probably because I was hard to get.
4. Don’t become a suitcase pimp
Show no interest in getting into the adult industry yourself or managing her career. A lot of guys see performers as a meal ticket and if you give off that vibe she’ll run away. Even offering to help drive her to a photo-shoot, or spend all her money on your car, can set off alarm bells.
To avoid looking like a suitcase pimp avoid sunglasses unless you’re outside and it’s sunny, wearing untucked, open-necked shirts made of shiny fabric, or being in a band that doesn’t sell enough records to keep you fully occupied.
5. Clean your whip
If you don’t have nice wheels at least keep them clean. There’s a lot of money in porn, you’re going to have to park beside a lot of nice steel. In LA people check out your steed if they can’t be bothered to talk to you but want to work out what kind of person you are. LA’s fucked.
I can’t really explain this, but every woman I’ve ever met in the adult business has liked cars. I used to drive a European classic which attracted women like a free shoes, lose weight, fuck Brad Pitt promotion at the local mall. Respect your ride.
6. Hide your stash
De-porn your apartment. Porn is work for her. If she’s into it she’ll lead the way and provide it for free. Assume she’s not and eliminate the risk of getting it wrong. Once again the less of a fan you appear the better.
She’ll see fantasizing over people she knows as akin to cheating. Pointing out that she’s had sex with the people on the DVD’s she’s bitching about, while I’m totally monogamous won’t win the argument. Nor will pointing out that claiming to be a Catholic is a bit strong Lena, given how you make your fucking money? Christ you’re a hypocrite.
7. Don’t assume
Forget what she does when you’re talking to her – even if it’s playing on a plasma screen just over her right shoulder. If you treat her like a stereotype you’ll mark yourself out as an asshole and provide evidence that you’re not listening to what she’s saying.
Let her talk and then latch onto the things she says. Don’t worry if you get it wrong to start with, listening is hard (tip – watch Oprah, they do it on there.) Practice on less attractive women and build up to one your really want to be, you know, on.
8. Be smart
This is psychology. People assume she’s stupid because she’s sexual. She hates that, and goes out of her way to appear smart. Therefore if you appear smart, you become the kind of man she thinks she should be with, even if you’re not ideal in other regards. Even if she’s not smart, she’ll be flattered that someone who appears to be is interested in what she’s thinking.
Take a breath. You might be feeling dizzy. That’s okay – I am blowing your mind.
9. Be mainstream
Porn stars often take the ‘No one outside the industry understands this’ view and resolve to date only performers after a string of failed relationships. With these people you’ve got no chance. Luckily the majority of people don’t feel this way and want to date people who are as mainstream as possible.
The most attractive partners for women in the industry are men who are more famous than they are, and guys with good, respectable jobs. Cops, doctors, teachers and other totally average occupations have a bizarre reverse glamour for people inside the jizz-bizz.
Whatever you say, don’t say you’re unemployed. It says suitcase pimp faster than a furry hat and a bass guitar riff.
10. Don’t look
One of my best friends tells his partner “I promised to be faithful, not blind” whenever she catches him looking. She laughs. It won’t work with a performer.
Women who are (brutally) judged on their looks, are very wary of men who might only want to be with them because of how they look. If you stare at every teenage Lycra-clad-Happy-Meal that walks by, you’ll give off a vibe that you’re looking for the next hot thing. She wants to know you’re into her and her alone. Especially when she stops starving herself and living in the gym.
Here’s a tip for creating that effect. Stare at her forehead and try to count the follicles on her hairline. The slowly scanning gaze this creates will look almost identical to falling in love from her perspective.
11. Be boring
If you’ve followed all the advice to this point you’ll be going to bed with her soon. Keep it simple.
Once again, she’s going to want to know you’re in bed with her – not the fantasy she projects at work. Be loving, and keep it tame – lots of kissing. Leave the gasmask and ‘Mini Replica Vibrating Pope’ in the closet for now.
The wild stuff might never happen. Some performers like to keep what they do in their private life and at work as different as possible. Be very careful about spicing it up, she’ll lead the way when she’s ready. If she comes home to find that you’ve got a Darth Vader mask on and have lubricated the faucets you will scare her off.
Instead of changing your life for a pornstar/hooker. Rent them for an hour or so, blow your creamy load all over them and then show them the door. You can then return to your peaceful and organized life with an empty set of balls.
The alternative is to have some girl who will be bring “work” home. Using illegal drugs and driving on suspended licenses and getting your car impounded for 30 days and not even bothering to pay for the impound fees. FUCK THAT. Let some loser take care of her deal with the drama. Just find them, fuck them then leave them.
There is simple NOTHING positive about dating pornstars except for postive STD tests.
It’s interesting how many people frequent this site and xxxporntalk.com who appear to have absolutely nothing but contempt for women in general, and for porn stars in particular. And, I would imagine, that those who bleat the loudest have probably not been within 50 miles of a porn star, yet they make these proclamations as if they were gospel truth based upon years of experience. Highly doubtful.
“It‚Äôs interesting how many people frequent this site and xxxporntalk.com who appear to have absolutely nothing but contempt for women in general, and for porn stars in particular.”
Absolutely incorrect! XXXPT is a place where intelligent,smart women with a good sense of humour get lauded and praised on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, most women and men in porn are neither smart nor funny, at least when you look at the “talent”. They make a decent living with their bodies because, let’s face it, they just couldn’t do it with their brains. They should focus on delivering good scenes and being nice to look at in general.
But instead they’re trying to come off as “thinkers” and hence commit outrageous acts of douchebaggery, exacerbated by their mostly non -existing grasp on reality. And earn the adequate and appropriate reactions…
The simple fact that a woman’s looks can give my penis an erection does not make her worthy of my intellectual worship. Giving my mind a “hard-on” does!
To the contrary. Absolutely CORRECT, as your comment establishes.
Quote: “To the contrary. Absolutely CORRECT, as your comment establishes.”
My comment established what? Contempt for women and pornstars in general?
Absolutely wrong! My comment shows general contempt for stupid, delusional people. Some of them happen to work and live at the porn zoo, some of them happen to be women. Some of them even happen to display insights into their inner wonderland, far, far away from big, bad realityland where us lesser beings dwell (and where we earn our daily broyt with non-genital parts of our bodies), on message boards.
Yes, I detest people who make fools of themselves in public. I admit to being an ironic, sarcastic and sardonic paskudnyak. I admit that this is a snobby, snotty and mean highbrow attitude. I can’t help it!
But please don’t try to make me compliment idiots and retards on their “intellectual efforts”. Even I can’t be that cruel and vicious…
And by the way, the sooner and harder reality bites those people in the asses, the sooner they can turn their lives around and eventually face the fact there is a REAL existence they have to master from age 25 to 30 on.
But please fulfil your mission as a good co-addict, by any means, and ass-kiss and compliment them into their future as hookers, slowly sliding down the totem pole of prostitution, from “escort” to “call girl” to “streetwalker”, or as burger flippers, car thieves, drug dealers or backstreet hustlers. Or do you really think they will all become successful “porn directors”? The marketplace is already flooded up to the ears with stuff that no one wants, no one needs and no one buys.
A gute nakht!